since when is it bad to be an involved parent?

I saw a group on here titled "over protective parents" parents who are too involved with their kids...The trouble with our society is that it is now "bad" to be informed and involved in raising your own kid. Because too many parents would rather be working so they can buy more stuff, than actually parenting???And they don't want to feel the guilt involved parents make them feel just by reminding them of their own screwed up priorities??? I had children because I like taking care of them and I want to raise them myself. Why do people bring children into this world only to HIRE others to care for them? Daycare, Boarding school, dumping them in crappy public schools and then in afterschool programs until bedtime, then summer camp and delude themselves into believing they are superior to the rest of us because of the "opportunities" they are providing. BS your kids NEED you to be a major part of their lives.

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MagnetMom,

Thank you. I like you could care less what others think. I know that I am raising my kids to have good values and that wont change if I am working or not. I feel that everyone has to follow their own path in life. I have friends that work and friends that stay at home with the kids and both groups of friends are wonderful loving parents who are very involved in their kids life.

I am the first to admit that being a mother is the hardest job I have ever had (regardless of me being at home or working outside the home) and I feel we as mothers need to support each other instead of judging.
I admit that when my husband and I decided that I would stay at home with the kids we had to make a lot of sacrifices. We lost 50% of our income and that is a tough and scary thing to do. Some people just can not make that choice due to loans or bills that were created before the kids came along. We were lucky most of my and his debts were paid off before we meant( plus I am a penny pincher to the fullest)so that helped us out.
I am also the type of person who needs to be out and about and that makes staying at home a little hard for me. So now that our daughter is 3 I have went back to work 2 days a week at our local community building. This gives me a break from only being mommy and helps me keep my own identity and be around other adults. But I still love my kids just as much and still have the same values as before, I just got tired of having Elmo and Cookie Monster as my new best friends. I have always felt that parents need outside interest to be a well rounded person and to help with being able to let go and give our kids wings to fly.
I tell my kids the 2 best gifts I will ever give them is roots(to know where they come from) and wings(to soar and be their own person). All moms should respect each other decisions and stop being so judgmental for we are a sisterhood like no other.

Happy Holidays! And be sure to give thanks this year for the freedom to make the choices you feel fit you and yours and to support those that others make!

Thanks for responding, Crissleigh. You've definitely hit the important note--that we not start another "Mommy Wars." That article was written 10 years ago, and we don't need to go back. Parents who work full-time by choice or by need should not be looked down, nor should they look down on others for their choices.

That's really what I meant by not caring what others think. I know what my values are, and I build my life around making my choices work for me.

Happy holidays!

Let me say I have never looked at any of the post or questions from the overprotective parents group. But to me a overprotective means little johnny(10 yrs) cant ride his bike with out training wheels or he'll get hurt.
There is nothing wrong with being involved in your kids lives. Yes our kids need us and some parents (not all) have lost their moral compass.
I also think it is unfair for parents to judge each other. I have been a single mom who worked ( or we would have been homeless and starving) but still loved and spent time with my son. I have been a SAHM and now I am a mom who works from home and out side of the home 2 days a week (my kids go to this job with me). When I was a single mom on my days off I more than made up for lost time.
I feel if you have kids they need to be the #1 thing but that means taking care of all the needs they have emotional & financial.
My son will be attending camp this summer with 4H and I feel that it's a great opportunity for him. And in no way shape or form is he being dumped off for me to get a free week. I plan on helping out all that I can.

To me it's not how much you spend with your kids but the quality of time you spend. You can spend 24/7 with your kids but if it is not quality time then what did you really accomplish.
For we all need to follow our own path and live life with out judging other.

It's crazy. I've had the opportunity to feel the effects from both sides of the parenting situations.

The struggling single mom {in the US}, the old fashion live in nanny w/ a stay home grandparent {In Central America}, back to struggling mom,went to child care once, ran away from day care I was 4, then grandmother came to be with me {In the US}. It gave me an extremely strong devotion to family. I never felt neglected or unloved.

When I started my family, my husband and I considered all options, we didn't want our child coming home to an empty home or go to strangers. Long story short, my husband was laid off when I was 9mos pregnant...

I'm very thankful, we've kept the promise we made to my little girl the day I found out I was pregnant. She was born in 2000. My mom is my best friend, she was in the delivery room, and we live 5 miles from each other.

I wish more people had your feelings and values. There are very few out there, it shows in the children.

All we can do is hope.

I tend to agree with Ra here. Both my husband and I are self-employed part time, and do quite a bit at the school. I never get a negative feeling from the moms who work full-time, nor from the moms who are home all the time.

Of course, I'm not too worried about what other parents think about me anyway. I know I'm doing right by my younger daughter since the proof is already in the proverbial pudding with her older brother (my kids are 10 1/2 years apart).

When my son went off to college last year, I knew I'd spent every moment I could with him, and never regretted it. And I hope to fill my daughter with the same love, security, and love of campy musicals. :)

I have been an at home mom for 10 years now. My daughter is 12 and my son is 4. I have NEVER felt judged by other parents. I have felt the cold hard spikes of jealousy from other mothers who still are forced to work, but never true judgement.

I homeschooled my daughter for several years, and I was fortunate enough to make friends in one of the larger groups of homeschool mothers in our city.

Both of my kids are in great schools now full time, and that frees up my days. I'm on the threshold of starting my own business for myself that no longer requires selling makeup or anything else. In February, I will be a Certified Dream Coach (a form of Life-Coach), and while I will be working again, I will still be my own boss, and be able to spend as much time as I need to with my kids, which will still be just as important to me then as it is to me at this very moment. And I suspect I will still be baking birthday cakes and making dinner too.

Amen. Spare the rodd spoil the child. Society no longer remind themself of the old proverb- It takes a village to raise a child.

I could not agree more, I would love to stay at home with my children and give them more of my time, but the basic needs do have to come first. On the flip side of the coin, every minute my children are with me is quality time. We are always doing family things and teaching them values and responsibility. This is missing in a lot of children. I have been involved in the community for over 20 years and see a real downfall in how children not only treat their parents but other adults in the community. The answer is more parent involvement not less.

mykidisfirst01,

You said you might be moving soon to a bigger community. You might be on to something.

The whole point of the women's movement 30 years ago was to give women the choice. And in my daughter's school community, there are moms who work, moms who work from home, and moms who are stay at home parents (and that is work too). We also all volunteer at the school to make it better for the kids.

If your community is that out of whack with your values, RUN. There are plenty of communities that "get" that the only way we can have it *all* is to sacrifice something, and for many of us that won't be our children.

You are right about situations which force parents to leave their kids. Generally, those are not the ones shouting "overprotective" I was addressing those who choose to delegate out things they should be providing for their own kids in favor of getting ahead claiming that their way is better because they can give their kids more STUFF. I feel judged more and more negatively by a whole new generation of people who seem too focused on getting ahead and pushing their kids to grow up too fast. I am an older parent BTW raising a 12 yr old now, with three adult children. Back in the day...LOL...it was still okay to be a SAHM and in fact I felt admiration more than disdain for being willing and able to be involved. Thanks for responding.

I think it is a good thing for parents and society to get involve with the future generation. Second, I think all parents think and love their children differently.

One hat can not fit all and I remind myself often that no condition is permanent. For example, a loving and caring mother or father may be forced to take up a job because of a divorce, dead, accident, or pink slip in a family.

What can I say! Comparing parenting or family's situation is unthinkable among parents.

A good question and thanks for sharing.

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