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Parent Answers to "What are some ways to teach children gratitude?"
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Wow, I just had a conversation with a mom about this. Our school adheres to the Six Pillars of Character by the Josephson Center (website here: charactercounts.org/sixpillars
and our principal added "manners" as a seventh pillar.
My firm belief is that we need to add grace and gratitude. Gracious behavior as a winner, and a loser, will take you far.
Gratitude is tricky to explain too, but I'm a firm believer in pointing out the nice side of things, rather than the "half-empty" perspective, goes a long way. It sure seems some people are born thinking of the half-empty, but it's important to look at the other side. For me, it starts by example. If someone gives me something, I say thank you. Doesn't matter if it's something I would never wear, eat, or like. I say thanks--in front of my child. And even when money's tight, we thank teachers, professors, music instructors, and sports coaches for their time. I send emails after presentations that I really liked. I try to give back to groups and organizations that help us. We bake at the holidays. We show our appreciation by giving our time to make treats for those who've helped us.
It's so easy to say a smart remark in front of little ears, not thinking they're listening. They are. It's really important to go out of your way to be both gracious and show gratitude for the efforts others make towards us.
and our principal added "manners" as a seventh pillar.
My firm belief is that we need to add grace and gratitude. Gracious behavior as a winner, and a loser, will take you far.
Gratitude is tricky to explain too, but I'm a firm believer in pointing out the nice side of things, rather than the "half-empty" perspective, goes a long way. It sure seems some people are born thinking of the half-empty, but it's important to look at the other side. For me, it starts by example. If someone gives me something, I say thank you. Doesn't matter if it's something I would never wear, eat, or like. I say thanks--in front of my child. And even when money's tight, we thank teachers, professors, music instructors, and sports coaches for their time. I send emails after presentations that I really liked. I try to give back to groups and organizations that help us. We bake at the holidays. We show our appreciation by giving our time to make treats for those who've helped us.
It's so easy to say a smart remark in front of little ears, not thinking they're listening. They are. It's really important to go out of your way to be both gracious and show gratitude for the efforts others make towards us.
I know Thanksgiving is just around the corner, which is probably the reason for your question, but as Magnetmom mentioned, showing kindness and gratitude is not something that should be "reserved" for a special day, or formal occasions.
Teaching gracious behavior is certainly important, but to me, teaching gratitude is more complicated. I don't think children can appreciate what they have, until they have a basis of comparison. Opportunities for younger children to "see the world" through another person's perspective are usually limited, until they reach school age, or at least until they start to visit friend's homes, etc. That's when kids start to realize not everybody lives the same way they do. They may eat different foods, dress differently, etc.
At some point kids also start to realize, either through the news or conversations, that all the world is not like their own neighborhood. That's when I think the real teaching of gratitude can take place.
If you happen to be better off than some others, make it a point to participate in volunteer capacities to help the less fortunate. My son was able to help me shop and assemble "food and gift boxes" for poor families at the holidays. Have kids sort out their unused toys and clothes, and donate them, too. Over time, I think those kinds of actions help the message get through that our kids shouldn't complain about material things, but be grateful for what they do have, because there are many people who have far less.
Teaching gracious behavior is certainly important, but to me, teaching gratitude is more complicated. I don't think children can appreciate what they have, until they have a basis of comparison. Opportunities for younger children to "see the world" through another person's perspective are usually limited, until they reach school age, or at least until they start to visit friend's homes, etc. That's when kids start to realize not everybody lives the same way they do. They may eat different foods, dress differently, etc.
At some point kids also start to realize, either through the news or conversations, that all the world is not like their own neighborhood. That's when I think the real teaching of gratitude can take place.
If you happen to be better off than some others, make it a point to participate in volunteer capacities to help the less fortunate. My son was able to help me shop and assemble "food and gift boxes" for poor families at the holidays. Have kids sort out their unused toys and clothes, and donate them, too. Over time, I think those kinds of actions help the message get through that our kids shouldn't complain about material things, but be grateful for what they do have, because there are many people who have far less.
I think that giving children a larger world view *is* important -- I moved from a very poor city in west Africa when I was 8 to Carmel Calif. a very affluent beach town and I had this overwhelming sense of understanding. I watched my American peers and they didn't know how much they had -- we were among the "poorest" families in this little town -- but I actually felt sorry for my more affluent classmates because they didn't have the perspective.
But what about when a kid's life isn't filled with American middle class luxury, can you teach gratitude then? I think you can -- I think it's something people who grow up in difficult circumstances but still manage to be happy understand. It reminds me of my friend who was going through a horrible time -- her family falling apart in numerous extreme ways and she kept herself sane by waking up every morning and writing in her journal "I am grateful for.... Sometimes the only thing she could say was I'm grateful for the sun coming up this morning. Now she's a mom and she asks her 4-year-old daughter to say thank you to the people she loves every night before going to sleep, hoping that thanksgiving will become a daily habit not just a yearly holiday...
But what about when a kid's life isn't filled with American middle class luxury, can you teach gratitude then? I think you can -- I think it's something people who grow up in difficult circumstances but still manage to be happy understand. It reminds me of my friend who was going through a horrible time -- her family falling apart in numerous extreme ways and she kept herself sane by waking up every morning and writing in her journal "I am grateful for.... Sometimes the only thing she could say was I'm grateful for the sun coming up this morning. Now she's a mom and she asks her 4-year-old daughter to say thank you to the people she loves every night before going to sleep, hoping that thanksgiving will become a daily habit not just a yearly holiday...
It can be difficult to teach young children about gratitude since they do not always realize the world extends beyond them and their wants and needs. Fortunately this changes as they grow.
My husband are very careful to ensure we thank one another and our daughter when someone does something for another member of the family. I also remind her to thank her teachers/coaches before we leave class or practice. After she has said thank you, I always thank them as well- in her presence. If children witness others being gracious, I think they will eventually develop the trait as well.
My husband are very careful to ensure we thank one another and our daughter when someone does something for another member of the family. I also remind her to thank her teachers/coaches before we leave class or practice. After she has said thank you, I always thank them as well- in her presence. If children witness others being gracious, I think they will eventually develop the trait as well.
I agree that with young children, learning by example is very important.
Interestingly, I just found this interview with tips for helping your kids to become more grateful. The woman being interviewed is the head of the Greater Good Science Center-- a place dedicated to the science behind happiness.
One thing suggested in the interview is at night, when your putting your children to bed, have your child tell you three good things that happened to them that day.
This is similar to something I already do with my daughter which is every night when I'm putting her to sleep we list off some things that make her happy. I started doing this as a way to comfort her when she was feeling scared of the dark. I think I'm going to incorporate the three good things and see how it goes.
Here's a link to the interview if anyone is interested:
biturl.cc/Ppe
Interestingly, I just found this interview with tips for helping your kids to become more grateful. The woman being interviewed is the head of the Greater Good Science Center-- a place dedicated to the science behind happiness.
One thing suggested in the interview is at night, when your putting your children to bed, have your child tell you three good things that happened to them that day.
This is similar to something I already do with my daughter which is every night when I'm putting her to sleep we list off some things that make her happy. I started doing this as a way to comfort her when she was feeling scared of the dark. I think I'm going to incorporate the three good things and see how it goes.
Here's a link to the interview if anyone is interested:
biturl.cc/Ppe
The best way to teach your child or anyone, anything is to model the behavior yourself. They really do learn what they live. Respect your child like you do your mate, your parents, your friends...I'm not "religious" but I believe that the story of Jesus' life and behavior is a good guideline of how to live. I just try to treat people. especially my family as I would HIM, and as I would like to be treated by others.
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