Is it working? If your son is in trouble every single day, it sounds as if his behavior is getting worse. Is that the case?

I'm not sure what your husband's goal is. Your son is 5 and 5 years olds are not perfect - they make mistakes, they're still learning what's good and what's bad, what's done and what's not done. 5 year olds are still very impulsive and can act without thinking.

You don't say what your son is doing other than spitting - spitting is something that some children never think to do and others do think of spitting when they're mad. These days we think of spitting as pretty unsanitary and we think that even children should find another way to show they're mad than to spit. Has your son stopped spitting?

If he has, whatever was done worked. Your son got the message. What else is he doing - and on a daily basis - that's serious enough to upset your husband so? It's not really possible to say whether a response is too soft or too hard without knowing what's been done.

In any case, I'd never deprive any child of time with a grandparent- family time to me isn't earned or lost. Grandmother could even help to drive home the message that rules are made for our benefit and to help us live better lives.