I have been in that situation, first as a bullied child myself, and years later, as the parent of a child who felt bullied.

Bullying is a difficult subject. Because you indicate that telling the principal would "lose your daughter's trust," I assume she has said that she doesn't want you to tell the principal. There are several potential reasons for that: (1) She may be embarassed if a parent has to intervene, making her feel like a "baby;" (2) She may fear an increase in bullying if the bullies find out that parent intervened; or (3) She may not be telling you the whole story. It could even be a combination of reasons and not just one.

As hard as it is to see your child struggle or feel pain, except in extreme cases (physical abuse by the bullies or clinical depression of your child, such that she becomes incapable of coping and functioning), I favor letting the child make the decision on how to deal with it. You can talk to her, reassure her, suggest options, etc. However, these are the types of situations she ultimately must learn to handle for herself. That is part of growing up. If she does not want you to talk to the principal, respect her wishes unless there is physical harm or her ability to make decisions is severely (more than normal for the age!) impaired by the situation.

Always stick up for you children and report it! Get her in a self defense class not because she needs to learn how to fight, but to empower her and give her self confidence. Ignoring almost never works and is not a solution to any problem. Your school is required to handle these situations and can give you advice on how to solve this problem.

You need to find a way to help your daughter feel empowered. She needs to seek out her own friends and maybe tell her teachers and the lunchroom monitors about what is going on. She also needs to be protected. Perhaps you can have her take a class in self defense? & As far as her trust in you is concerned, if you don't tell the principal, isn't that breaking the bond? I would think that maybe she went to you to solve the problem, no? Sit down and discuss this issue. How many girls are there? Are they threatening her? Do they follow her around? Are they in any classes with her? What things are they saying about her? & How did this all begin? How would she feel if you spoke to the principal and others? What could be the consequences if nothing is reported?
I went through this in junior high school, and I was bullied because I was afraid to fight back and I never told anybody. I didn't have anyone to turn to. So I really feel for your daughter and you.
Please let us know how this all turns out. I wish you the best.

If she is physically getting pushed around then I recommend you get involved by contacting the school. However, if its just words I suggest the following; have her speak up and informed them she does not appreciate them making fun of them. You can practice and home by role playing. I did it with different situstions w/ my kids and it builds their confidence to address the problem. However, if unable to do that, she needs to ignore it and do her best to stay away from them and stay close to her friends. Most bullies love to see reaction, so if she ignores them, it will go away. Good luck

Middle school is hard. I'm not sure I'd jump to talking to the principal - how large is the school? In a larger school, principals often have a lot on their plate. Does your daughter have an advisor? Is there a guidance counselor? Who supervises the lunch room?

And - does your daughter have a circle of friends of her own or is she new to the school?

I'm wondering if you were to call your daughter's counselor and ask to have her lunch period switched, would that help? I know middle school is often the worst time for girls, and I highly recommend getting the book "Queen Bees and Wanna Be's." You should also join Greatschools Bully Prevention Group at community.greatschools.net/groups/11560