How can i get my son to understand how important school is I found out he's been skipping classes quite alot.
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Parent Answers to "How can i get my son to understand how important school is I found out he's been skipping classes quite alot. "
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Momzilla, I didn't mean to offend you. Teenagers have always and will forever test boundaries! Its what they do. It's what we did. I think the difference is that when kids that come from places where the parents priorities are really straight the kids try to see what they can ghet away with, but there is this little voice in their heads that says, "This doesn't feel as good as I thought it would. Why'd I bother?" When the community all speaks with the same voice and the rules are clear, and apply to everyone equally, kids test, sure. But they keep coming back over and over with the same unfulfilling result. Consistancy will eventually win over the most stubborn teen.
My gripe is with parents who just throw their kids into school and say "DO something with them" and leave the responsibility to all the rest of us. When a community falls victim to several parents with that mindset, the struggle gets a whole lot tougher for all the rest of us.
When your child skips, who gets blamed? You? The school? Or does the blame go where it really belongs....on the child who skips? Do you have parents in your school who jump in to defend their children when they are about to be held responsible? Or do the parents partner up with each other and the school to work on solving the problem and present a united front? Do the kids KNOW that this behavior is not acceptable and that the consequences are unavoidable?
It is time for parents to help each other and the schools. Ignoring the problem or sugar coating it is a recipe for disaster.
My gripe is with parents who just throw their kids into school and say "DO something with them" and leave the responsibility to all the rest of us. When a community falls victim to several parents with that mindset, the struggle gets a whole lot tougher for all the rest of us.
When your child skips, who gets blamed? You? The school? Or does the blame go where it really belongs....on the child who skips? Do you have parents in your school who jump in to defend their children when they are about to be held responsible? Or do the parents partner up with each other and the school to work on solving the problem and present a united front? Do the kids KNOW that this behavior is not acceptable and that the consequences are unavoidable?
It is time for parents to help each other and the schools. Ignoring the problem or sugar coating it is a recipe for disaster.
My daughter is very strong willed and also cuts classes on occasson. Neither her father nor I had ever done that ourselves and our education level is at MBA. Our work ethic is above reproach and I find it quite offensive that BerkhshireMom would suggest a parent to be the cause of thier teenages cutting a class.
Hi, Cathy,
It sounds like the bullying issue and the setting really set your son up. It's fantastic that you listened and were able to determine what the problem really was! Sometimes great parenting involves great detective work. I hope things are getting better. He probably does realize the importance of school, but fear and frustration can override that very quickly.
Other parents, however, may be facing a similar attitude, but not for the same valid reasons as your son. My big question to THEM is, what example are you setting? Are you taking your responsibilities seriously? Are you calling "sick" into work, and laughing about it? Are you making school the top priority, or are you demonstrating that the soccer team or your family vacation are more important than school? Are you making comments within their earshot that put down the school or the teachers? Are you actively demonstrating to them the benefits of the gift of a great education? Kids pick up a lot of cues from us that we don't intend, the darn little sponges.
My parents were Depression era children. They had been forced to leave school when very young to help support their families. From day one I was told that education was the key to getting a good job and being able to switch gears in times of unemployment. Education was the most amazing gift of opportunity that anyone could have. It was NOT to be wasted. I was NOT to let anything or anybody take it away from me. Not only did they talk a good game, they lived it by getting their GED's while I was in high school, and by taking adult education classes at the local high school and community college. They read the papers and watched the news daily and discussed current events with us. And they read CONSTANTLY...we practically had our own parking space in front of the library!
The other thing that made things CRYSTAL clear to me was the summer before college when I had my first job working in a commercial laundry. It was HOT (110+ degrees at mid-day), physically demanding, smelly, loud, and the boss was always berating someone for something. Slacking off was never tolerated for even a minute. I saw people every day that summer who had no choice but to work there, doing mandatory overtime, because with no education, that was the best they could do. They really suffered. They were really good, honest, hard-working people, most with families to support. They wouldn't be leaving that place, like I was, at the end the summer. They would be there for a very long time, day in and day out, unless the place shut down and they lost those needed jobs. Every time I thought a class was too tough, or didn't want to go to an early class or a "boring" lecture, that summer replayed over and over in my head. It was the single best motivator I had to stay in school and make the most out of the opportunity I had. I would NOT be forced to work in a place like that ever again.
I think today we cringe at the idea of our precious children taking on a "menial" summer job like that, but it could end up being the best thing for them. So instead of getting them that cushy office job with your firm or setting them up in a posh boutique, let them sweat it out a summer or two, literally. And let them volunteer some community service hours at a food pantry or meals for the needy. They may be so far removed from these situations that they are unaware that they really exist...and how close they really are.
Become active in your schools, volunteering, fund-raising, and working with the teachers. Take you child to a couple of college tours early so they see what good things may lie ahead for them if they work hard in high school. (NO! Do NOT parade them around 100 campuses before they are even juniors!!!! That makes it seem like they don't have to work at all and have their pick of dozens of top schools with NO effort required!) Go a step beyond Career Day or Job Shadow Day and arrange for them to talk with someone who has a career that they are thinking they might enjoy. Ask that person to tell them what the educational requirements were to get where they are and how it tied back into what they did in high school.
While you may allow them a "mental health" day once or twice a year, do not allow them to skip school for no reason or to blow off assignments. (On the other hand, if they struggle and earn an honest "C+" instead of an "A", don't freak out - Praise the effort!) Team up with their friends' parents so that when they say, "But, Mom, No one is doing the homework tonight. EVERYONE is going to the football game!", you can very confidently answer "No, actually. EVERYONE is staying home to work on the bio project due Monday. How's yours coming along?" Pretty soon, they will see where your priorities are, and will know without asking that SCHOOL is your, and THEIR, first priority.
It sounds like the bullying issue and the setting really set your son up. It's fantastic that you listened and were able to determine what the problem really was! Sometimes great parenting involves great detective work. I hope things are getting better. He probably does realize the importance of school, but fear and frustration can override that very quickly.
Other parents, however, may be facing a similar attitude, but not for the same valid reasons as your son. My big question to THEM is, what example are you setting? Are you taking your responsibilities seriously? Are you calling "sick" into work, and laughing about it? Are you making school the top priority, or are you demonstrating that the soccer team or your family vacation are more important than school? Are you making comments within their earshot that put down the school or the teachers? Are you actively demonstrating to them the benefits of the gift of a great education? Kids pick up a lot of cues from us that we don't intend, the darn little sponges.
My parents were Depression era children. They had been forced to leave school when very young to help support their families. From day one I was told that education was the key to getting a good job and being able to switch gears in times of unemployment. Education was the most amazing gift of opportunity that anyone could have. It was NOT to be wasted. I was NOT to let anything or anybody take it away from me. Not only did they talk a good game, they lived it by getting their GED's while I was in high school, and by taking adult education classes at the local high school and community college. They read the papers and watched the news daily and discussed current events with us. And they read CONSTANTLY...we practically had our own parking space in front of the library!
The other thing that made things CRYSTAL clear to me was the summer before college when I had my first job working in a commercial laundry. It was HOT (110+ degrees at mid-day), physically demanding, smelly, loud, and the boss was always berating someone for something. Slacking off was never tolerated for even a minute. I saw people every day that summer who had no choice but to work there, doing mandatory overtime, because with no education, that was the best they could do. They really suffered. They were really good, honest, hard-working people, most with families to support. They wouldn't be leaving that place, like I was, at the end the summer. They would be there for a very long time, day in and day out, unless the place shut down and they lost those needed jobs. Every time I thought a class was too tough, or didn't want to go to an early class or a "boring" lecture, that summer replayed over and over in my head. It was the single best motivator I had to stay in school and make the most out of the opportunity I had. I would NOT be forced to work in a place like that ever again.
I think today we cringe at the idea of our precious children taking on a "menial" summer job like that, but it could end up being the best thing for them. So instead of getting them that cushy office job with your firm or setting them up in a posh boutique, let them sweat it out a summer or two, literally. And let them volunteer some community service hours at a food pantry or meals for the needy. They may be so far removed from these situations that they are unaware that they really exist...and how close they really are.
Become active in your schools, volunteering, fund-raising, and working with the teachers. Take you child to a couple of college tours early so they see what good things may lie ahead for them if they work hard in high school. (NO! Do NOT parade them around 100 campuses before they are even juniors!!!! That makes it seem like they don't have to work at all and have their pick of dozens of top schools with NO effort required!) Go a step beyond Career Day or Job Shadow Day and arrange for them to talk with someone who has a career that they are thinking they might enjoy. Ask that person to tell them what the educational requirements were to get where they are and how it tied back into what they did in high school.
While you may allow them a "mental health" day once or twice a year, do not allow them to skip school for no reason or to blow off assignments. (On the other hand, if they struggle and earn an honest "C+" instead of an "A", don't freak out - Praise the effort!) Team up with their friends' parents so that when they say, "But, Mom, No one is doing the homework tonight. EVERYONE is going to the football game!", you can very confidently answer "No, actually. EVERYONE is staying home to work on the bio project due Monday. How's yours coming along?" Pretty soon, they will see where your priorities are, and will know without asking that SCHOOL is your, and THEIR, first priority.
Skipping classes is very common. My sons at one point has skipped a class or two. I have found that in their immature minds they will not understand the importance of school until there are some consequences. My question is how can he skip with out the school contacting you right away. My oldest son missed 6o days of school and I was never contacted until I got a court notice telling me that I needed to come and explain why he was not in school. My question in return was "should I be going to school with him?" Of course not! Boys are hard to communicate with but maybe you can find a male mentor that he can open up to. He could be being bullied or he just may find school boring. I am working with my last son (15 year old boy) and it can be trying at times. You do not want to hover over them but you still need to let them know that you care about him and will be there for him when he needs someone to talk to. I have also found that patience is a virtual. Contact each teacher and let them know that you want to be contacted immediately if he misses their class and he needs some consequences.
I have to admit that being a freshman is difficult for most kids no matter where they attend high school, especially for those who are going from smaller parochial and private schools into public, but it's troubling to hear that intimidation and bullying are behind your son's difficulties. I can't help but wonder where are the adults and supervision in that school? It seems like more parents should be demanding accountability from the administration and school board. Unfortunately, your son doesn't have time to wait for them to put more security in place...I concur with your decision to move him to a different school, so long as you can afford it.
For general information, you might like to join Greatschools Bully Prevention Group at community.greatschools.net/gro
For general information, you might like to join Greatschools Bully Prevention Group at community.greatschools.net/gro
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