I want to echo Michellea's recommendation of the book "Queen Bees and Wanna Be's," and also invite you to join Greatschool's Learning and Attention Difficulties Group at community.greatschools.net/groups/11554. In addition, there's another forum which you might find helpful, www.millermom.proboards107.com

Dear qtsuz2:
I can certainly understand the stress, the concern; and the anger that you must be under-going. Not everyone understands a child with "ADHD." I , have an 8 yr.old son with the same medical problem. From experience,i can relate to you.
Contact the Board of Education, hold meetings/conferences with your childs School Faculty, and proceed to contact, The Office of Civil Rights.Last , but not least seek-out Legal Counsel. Don't give-up! Your child deserves better...and , you are your childs best Advocate.
Best of wishes from another concerned parent,(smile).
God Bless,
Jameela10

I was bullied to, and you don't know how good of a parent you are for reacting. My parents did nothing, and now I HAVE to take therapy. Anyhow, how I solved my bullying problem is switching schools. Teacher involvement didn't help, actually, it can make the situation worse, kids end up getting meaner, but that my situation (which was about 4 years ago for me). I don't know how it is for your daughter, but switching schools really helped me.

I would do all of the above. It is the teachers responsibility and since they are NOT keeping your daughter safe, as a parent you must do so. I would go a step further and contact the parents of these bullies, and inform them of the consequences, if they do not talk to their children. I would suggest to them that you will personally hold them accountable for their kids actions through the legal system. I would contact a lawyer for consultation. This is a very painful and serious situation. In the mean time, you may want to remove your child from the situation and put her in a loving and learning environment, maybe with other children who have similar "abilities" but keep up the "fight" because the school has a lot to learn. After you take your daughter out, publicise the school and the teachers. Abuse is done in secrecy. Your supporters may want to write letters and call the administration. Parent pressure works and they need a wake up call. Lisa

I am really pained at what you must be going through. No matter what you do, do not ignore the matter and stand by your daughter come what may. If possible change schools. Try to explain to ur daughter that she is not at fault, the fault lies with those people who derive pleasure from such perverted things. Try to get her to cultivate some hobby.It would definitely give her a lot of self esteem. Sort out this matter even if it means fighting with a lot of people. I too had this kind of an experience and it took me many years before i could get over it. The pain of it still remains though. Cherish your daughter and seek company of those who value you. Believe me, if this is the attitude of her classmates and the school,they are only GARBAGE and not worth a second thought.

It may help to take note that it is exactly in Junior High/Middle School that the sheep-like "herd" mentality is the strongest. It is SO hard to be different in any way during that period. What is absolutely MOST important is for your daughter to have a couple of friends. That is critical. Try to find non-school settings/activities where she can develop a couple of friends. Make sure there are opportunities when she can "hang-out" with them at home. Even if the situation at school does not improve much, your daughter will know that there are other children who like her.
My daughter had a friend who was the most picked upon and totally rejected girl in her class. My daughter was told by the "popular" girls that if she continued to play with her during recess, then my daughter would ALSO become an outcast. We talked over what to do. The compromise we reached was that my daughter would be sure to play with the "outcast" two days a week, and with her other friends the rest of the time. The supposed outcast girl is now well on her way to becoming the CFO of a major company & she is one of just a couple of friends my daughter is still very close to from those years of Junior High. My daughter learned that loyalty pays off in the long run. There was NOTHING wrong with this poor girl, of course. She just did not speak English very well at that time and was quite unfamiliar with American popular culture. The other girls singled her out & targeted her because she was "different".

Tough situation but I don't think that switching schools will help. "Clicks" are nothing new and to subject your daughter to the stress of going to a new school where she will just be the new kid with no one to talk to won't solve the problem. Running away from a problem has never solved a problem. I do suggest, however, that you consider enrolling your child in a self defense course. It will give her confidence and there is absolutely nothing wrong with knowing how to defend yourself properly should the situation arise. This class is the one where your daughter will be able to form new friendships. Personally, I would rather be called into the principals office because my daughter defended herself against a bully then to an emergency room because she didn't. Bullies and violent students still have the upper hand because they take advantage of the "first hit" rule. Continue to keep the lines of communication open with your daughter. Don't embarrass her or make things worse for her in school because you've brought the bully parents into the mix, and the board of education and an attorney. It will honestly make things worse for her and she will be targeted even more and it will get uglier for her. Your daughter needs to get the confidence to stop the nonsense herself. There has to be a few hundred kids in the school, and it doesn't make sense that out of all those children, there isn't 1 that's interested enough in her to be a friend. I myself only bothered being friends with a handful of students at each level of school I attended. Good luck helping your child become a leader and a person confident enough to deal with the situations that will come her way as she begins to enter young adulthood.

Ultimately you know your daughter best. I do know what works for some will not work for others. I also know that when you get all people on board that things can change. Administrators need to take a serious stand and confront issues. It's a sign of weakness when known students are being allowed to continue without intervention As a participant in promoting 0 tolerance for bullying and working in a School Based Youth Service Program, at an inner city & public high school, our practice is to inform the parents of what their children are doing, to hold them responsible in teaching their children acceptable and unacceptable behavior and to hold the child accountable for making poor choices. The lesson here is that there are rewards for good behavior and severe consequences for bad behavior. In order to protect the child who is being bullied of being labled a "snitch," we may say that the bullying was witnessed and then reported by a teacher. However, I believe the parents should be aware of what their children are capable of - this may have eliminated a potential Columbine or other disasters - those kids were being bullied, no one did anything, and they took matters into their own hands and retaliated by taking the ultimate revenge. It really is up to you and your jugdement. But your daughter should NOT have to go through this by herself. Self defense is wonderful, if you are confident, but people who are confident, are usually not bullied, since bullies pick on the vulnerable. I'm sure you reinforce your girls self-esteem with lots of love, hugs and positive affirmation. One thing we know about bullies are that they are not happy with themselves - you may want to talk more so your girl knows it really has nothing to do with who she is. Lisa

Might I suggest that you first tool your child by role play how to de-fuse encounters and lessen the chances of violence. !. Have your child act out the encounters.
2. You Write it down. 3. you both sit down and go through each comment and behavior and insert a possible deterent 4. act it out together....example,
Comment: "your're so ugly !" Reply: "What's wrong?
comment: "you're so ugly!" Reply: "No..what's wrong?..you're attacking me for nothing..even if I were ugly...I didn't go to the store and buy my ugliness..this is not about me..it can't be..you don't even know me... So I'm asking you what's wrong?..you want to talk about it?..maybe I can help..my mom's a good listener. comment: "there's nothing wrong with me..mind your own business..why would I want to talk to your mom. Reply: "If something is hurting you..you can talk to me about it..that's all.
The Idea is to make human the situation and allow the bullie a way out and save face among her peers. You the parent might follow up with volunteering at school from time to time and have your child introduce you to the bullie so you can offer your help. Remember...you can't tell these children what to do...however you can assist them into finding their own answers..your are there to hear them and prepare them to confront the pro's and con's...knowing they have someone who repects them. We can't extinquish the fire with fire. What if the focus of the bullies anger is his parents and he wants to hurt them. This maybe a runaway frieght train with you choosen to barrel down upon them. Take the humanizing approach first..If it's grades..offer to help..if it's a meal..offer a home cooked meal...show kindness to this child, stimulating his curiousity to learn other ways of self expression.
Oh! Lets not leave out humor whenever there's an opportunity to squeeze it in. Keep your head up. Take a few deep breaths and practice to succeed. Good luck and let me know how you make out. Yours, Phillyvee