The question of academics and grades do not have to involve his natural need for friendship and validation from his peers. His popularity does NOT have to preclude him from academic success. I would ignore the popularity factor and simply state the expectations regarding academics and grades. He is expected by you to maintain certain grade levels (or whatever measurement you use to determine his success) and you can discuss with him strategies for maintaining that level if he feels he needs help figuring it out. But, let HIM run the discussion (with your leading questions, etc). Let HIM find the ways to get it done. His needs truly do include socialization and relationships. He needs it emotionally and developmentally. Don't make the mistake of forgetting to parent the whole child. He may not want to discuss strategies with you until he has fallen down and faces a consequence. Then you get your teaching moment to respectfully suggest he could try focusing differently for part of his school day. The point is to not only teach him how to succeed academically but also how to solve problems and succeed in life. To that end, this must be HIS experience and his success. The long term ramifications of shoving a kid into our own solutions include disempowerment and a lack of responsibility for outcomes. These qualities can be extremely limiting as he attempts to succeed later in life. Nurture him, don't punish him. Make sure there are clear and logical consequences and rewards. Maybe in an appropriate moment --even a manufactured "accidental" one--show him statistics and news about kids who suck at school vs kids who don't and how their lives turn out in the short term and the long term. Check out a series of books by Jane Nelsen called Positive Discipline (www.amazon.com/gp/product/076152181X?ie=UTF8&tag=inditouc-20&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=076152181X)
There is a specific book for teens. I found these books invaluable for parenting appropriately in this day and age. My gorgeous talented and funny rock musician 16 yo stepson has an ego that could go on for DAYS but he has seen what not succeeding in school does to your life. Many members of his family teach GED and literacy at the local community college. It can be an eye opener. Good luck. Remember to love him, too, and not just teach or parent him. Be proud! Your kid has succeeded in a way some adults still haven't: he is good at making friends and feeling good about his appearance. Those are valid business and success life skills. Imagine if your kid were like many, hating themselves and feeling like a reject. Celebrate his successes! :-) OK. I am off my soapbox, now.

You should sit your son down and say "Sweet heart, I know that you are becoming a teenager, but now is not the time to focus on girls. You really need to focus on your school work. You know why? Well it's because you need to learn to survive in this world really, and I bet you don't want to be stuck in Summer School for most of your summer do you? Then you can't sit at home and be lazy, go over to friends. And you should also know that your looks and popularity aren't everything! It's who you really are on the inside, that's what matters the most. I love you." Then gently kiss him on the forehead. I hope this helps!

i am having the same problem with my 13-year old soon to be 8th grader who has been in a public middle/high school setting since 6th grade. during 7th grade his grades dropped,although, having a cell phone didnt help. now this summer his father and i have been struggling with changing schools since his previous school also had discipline issues and im not sure if his teachers cared enough to notice he went from an a/b student to d's and e's. please help me also!

If your charter schools are smaller than your public school that can sometimes help the struggling student. In any smaller school, a student can get more attention from their teachers and sometimes a student will feel more connected to the school when it's a smaller one.

He could always switch back but it might be good to take a tour of the charter schools before you switch him. It might also be good to speak with some of his current teachers to try to find out what the problem is - is it just a lack of focus?
Often it's more than that. How are your son's reading skills? Students with weaker reading skills can sometimes just make it through elementary school but can't make it through Middle School where there are more textbooks, more reading and less help from teachers. Weak reading skills can make any school - public, private or charter - hard.
It's wonderful that your son has such a way with people and that the girls find him charming - that can go a long way toward keeping up his self-esteem. I'm sure he'll be as popular in any school you send him to - good luck with your decision.

Let's take it from a 13-year old girl's point of view. I have friends who focus more on the opposite ex more than school. Me, it's just half and half for both.Your son has reached a hard time in his life-puberty. Everybody goes through it. But your son needs to know that there's more to school than just girls. He needs a positive influence. Since I have a boyfriend, he's had the same problem but I showed him that doing ALL of his homework will help him get into his dream college and finishing school. If I can do it, you can definitely do it.

Why was elementary school hard? Has your son ever been tested? How are his reading skills?
It's true that Middle School is very different from elementary school but the fact that your son found elementary school hard suggests that it's not just the transition to Middle School that's the problem. It sounds more like he was just hanging on in elementary school.
I'd suggest asking the school to test his reading skills - how well is he reading? Students with weaker reading skills find school very hard and they deserve special attention and special instruction to help them improve their reading skills.
That your son is happy and popular despite his grades is wonderful.

I also have a 12 year-old son who just completed 7th grade in a public school. He does talk about girls, and would very much like to have a "girlfriend" soon.

As healthy mentioned, at this age, and for some years beyond, it is essential that boys have a positive male role model in their lives. My husband will take my son out to play basketball, throw a football, and do other things together.

Is your son interested in sports? In some ways, having your son relieve some energy playing sports can help. It's also a way for your son to have a "male-to-male" conversation with his role model.

Hi. Charter schools are a type of public school, too. www.greatschools.net/find-a-school/defining-your-ideal/charter-schools.gs?content=70
They may place more emphasis on certain types of subjects or topics, instead of following the standard curriculum...They may have smaller class sizes, they may not. They definitely won't solve a problem of a child who isn't focused on academics, and apparently hasn't been for years.

When you say your son found elementary school to be hard, can you elaborate? Were certain subjects harder than others? (ie, he had trouble with reading and writing, but did fine in math?) Has he ever been formally evaluated for learning or attention difficulties? My son has ADHD and LDs, so we found out there were real reasons for his struggles. Kids with ADHD are often "spontaneous" and "class clowns" and other kids may pay attention to them, but it's not the kind of behavior that impresses teachers in a good way.

Your son may also be hitting puberty earlier than some other boys, and that could account for some of his "popularity." Unfortunately, it can make it even harder for you, as his mom, to "get through" to him. Boys, especially as they reach puberty, need to have positive male role models and influences in their lives. They need to understand that girls aren't the only thing, and that school and work are important. If your son's dad isn't involved, are there any uncles or grandfathers who can spend some time with him, and help?