I have a stepchild who is very disrespectful to teachers and adults,what do I do if my husband does not see it

my stepchild is 14yrs. I also have two other children elemntary age from a previous marriage. Since day one, my step daughter has been putting a wedge between my husband and I. She succeded because we are currently living apart but we are going to counciling. The school she goes to seems to be that everyone is bi-sexual and their are drug busts going on. I am sure that this has added to her ways, but my husband even now still refuses to see what she continuously does to us. I no longer know what to do. I love my husband, my two children adore him, but his daughter is mean to me and screams in my face and hurts my youngest daughter because she is jealous of her. She has drank alcohol on two occasions now that we have caught her and one she did right in front of me and when I yelled at her she said, I turned around so you would not see. I told my husband and he gave her a punishment of cleaning the bathroom??? And he does not understand why this is not a appropriate punishment

Parent Answers to "I have a stepchild who is very disrespectful to teachers and adults,what do I do if my husband does not see it"

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I wish I had a cure-all for you, but I don't. I think it is great that you are in counseling. If you have a good counselor, they should be able to give you the tools and insight you need to deal with this situation. Have you considered family counseling as well?

His daughter and yours, as well as all of you, could benefit from counseling even if the only cooperative thing your step-daughter does is to get things off her chest with someone she trusts and in private.

IF she has a drinking problem, it could very well stem from low self-esteem and poor coping skills. Counseling can provide the tools she needs to more effectively and positively deal with her situation.

As far as your relationship with her goes, you might do better with her if you built a relationship with her based on positive affirmations and support. Find something in common with her and spend time just the two of you. It will be awkward, difficult and may seem as though it isn't working, but if you are genuine in your commitment to her, she will see it.

She is probably not going to respond to your "parenting" or authority right now. How your husband deals with her and how he RESPECTS YOUR opinion are ultimately going to determine whether your relationship will work or not. If he does not value your opinion, then he has undermined your authority and she has no reason to respect you either.

Have you sat down with them together and set down ground rules for expectations and punishments? Does she know what is expected of her? Have you discussed how punishments should be determined? For example, with her drinking, perhaps the ground rules for punishments could be such that the punishment has to involve the "crime"...so she would have to do something that involved underage drinking or alcohol abuse...teen programs, advocacy, meetings...something that makes her accountable for her actions and keeps her accountable to not do it again.

She is at a difficult age...14 is right when the whole world seems to change under you feet. Try to empathize with her and let her know you are not the enemy...and could be her biggest ally if she would let you.

I agree that her school does not seem to be conducive to helping the situation. How does she feel about school?

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