Should your child be told they have Autism?

I have a 12 year-old son with Asperger's Syndrome. When he was much younger, I decided not to tell him he had Asperger's, simply because he wouldn't have understood what that means. My son's situation is almost opposite of yours, Iamable, since my son has never asked us why he did certain things. He used to flap his hands when he was much younger, but never questioned why he did this, or why other kids didn't do it.

I have told him he has Asperger's, and explained to him what that is and how it affects him, but not in a way to scare him or leave him confused. I do believe that kids, at some point, need to know what differences they have and if there is a name for it, in order to help them find information to help themselves.

In your case, Iamable, it's great that your daughter is able to recognize certain behaviors and self-correct them. If anything, being able to self-regulate is very challenging for most kids with Autism or Asperger's.

I agree with others that your daughter telling her peers that she has Autism would most likely alienate her, and that's not what you want for her. Socialization is important to kids, and it's especially hard for Autistic kids. Just continue to help her recognize and regulate her sometimes quirky tendencies.

Does your daughter have an IEP in place? Will she have an aide with her during school hours? A one-on-one aide can help your daughter socialize during school hours.

Feel free to join the Autism and Asperger's group here for other helpful information: community.greatschools.net/groups/18940. Keep us posted on your daughter's progress.

You're welcome! FYI, Greatschools does have an autism/asperger's parents group that you might want to join, at community.greatschools.net/groups/18940

Thank you...my husband posed the question last night - told I take it to the Moms! Our girl is SO sensitive and really trying to connect and overcome the obstacles that are keeping her from doing so. I need to support her now and not hinder by adding to her confusion ("why do my hands flap when I meet someone new...where do my words go...why is my heart racing...why do I jump up and down?"). Again my heartfelt thank you...

lamable, it sounds like your daughter probably falls in the Asperger's/high-functioning end of the autism spectrum, and the fact she's already learning to self-correct some behaviors is great news.

I've got a bright son with ADHD, dyslexia, and dysgraphia, and my personal feeling is that you don't need to give a kindergartener much explanation at this stage. While you can tell her "everyone learns differently" I would personally stay away from the autism label right now, simply because it is such a wide spectrum. I don't think it would help her to tell other kids, either, because at this stage, most won't know what autism is, or if they do, they're apt to assume everyone with autism is the same. You don't need some kid thinking "oh, my uncle has that and he's weird." At this young age some might even think it's "contagious" and stay away from your daughter, even when they'd otherwise be open to friendships. (I remember one mom in my son's kindergarten class lecturing her son on the steps of the school about "wash your hands before you eat your snack, and if anyone tells you they're sick, go sit next to someone else, because we don't want you catching it and giving it to your baby sister."