I am worried with the way you worded your question. It sounds to me as you already have him pegged as a failure. Take him to counseling and tutoring classes. Counselling-- I cant emphesize this enough. my own daughter was started to have depression at age 8 and now, at age 11 she is soooo much better. Maybe you could also sit down with him and find out what his wants/desires are for his life, dont be condescending, just be open and honest, and most importantly listen quietly.
Also its important that he never hears you say that he is a failure. He already thinks that and is only gonna make things worst to hear you say it. I know its hard to encourage/help someone who is kicking at you face but you must not give up. He is young , with Gods help(pray), the right school and professional help there is yet much hope. try to get him invoved with something/one positive. maybe art or music? something that he good at. contact your state for resources for youth at risk. There are many programs that are free for youth at risk.
Read Mel Levine's The Myth of Laziness. There are many messages imprinted that affect self-esteem plus a multitude of learning styles that are not addressed in a classroom. Public education system demands conformity instead of thinking for yourself. It's a shame and it's been decades in the making. We are a product of our environment.
Adolescence is tough on most families, even when there are two involved parents. Unfortunately, I think it's really critical for teen boys to have a positive "role model" in some male, even if it's not their genetic father. Is there an uncle or grandparent or church minister or school counselor or anyone who would be willing to spend time with your son, and get him to "open up" about whatever is affecting him? Is there a "Big Brothers/Big Sisters" mentorship program in your community that he could join?
Even more than before, I sense your family really could benefit from some professional intervention. I'm not from CA, but many communities have free or low-cost counseling. Your husband may still refuse to go, but for your own sanity, I think you should reach out and try to find someone who can advise you. And truthfully, take your son to a doctor to be sure he's not dealing with something more serious than just a "bad attitude." Depression is very real, and could also explain his not trying anymore...
We cannot afford professional help. My husband commutes everyday, but even when he's home, he does not interact with his son. It's pathetic! I AM a single mom!!
He doesn't care about anything or anyone except him self, he's failing every class. He's 15 1/2 yrs. He doesn't even try, and the dumb thing is..... he's smart! I don't get it!
How old is your child? If things are so difficult that you do not feel you can handle them yourself, please seek professional help. Your regular doctor should be able to give you the names of some family counselors.
Please provide more information on why you think your child is a complete failure.
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