I dont knoiw what to do with my child

Hes almost 11 he has no respect for my things or others he literally destroys my house here's some examples of his lack of respect. He took my husbands ring and covered it with play dough getting the diamonds stuck with it. He then takes things that don't belong to him uses them as his own, he also wrote on my couch, fireplace, this is in his older years. He kicks the balls on the roof yesterday he broke a plastic like chair I use at my desk I have asked him not to sit in it constantly he even tells the other children not to sit in it yet he does. He broke it last night leaning in it after his dad told him to stop leaning. Now this morning I cant find my other flip flop yes its a flip flop but its the principal he wore it yesterday kicked them off in the neighbors yard and the other outside the gate and now only the one outside the gate was found. Hes suppose to be having a Sports Party for his Birthday I don't know I am so upset about my things hes destroying I dont know.

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Sorry for the late response. Teacherparent my son takes good care of HIS THINGS, lol. No one better not touch anything of his without asking including me and I bought it. His things are organized in his room he keeps up with them and treasures it. Yet takes others property without asking destroys it loses it ect..

Just yesterday my youngest son purchased a skateboard with his money and asked my older son (the one in question) not to ride on it he implusively rode it anyway. My youngest son was crying asking him not to ride on it and my oldest keep going until he reached the house and then got off.

Pay back has arrived. My older son purchased some scented markers and some magical markers with his money. He was telling me about them as my youngest son runs into his room to find them and gets them. My oldest runs behind tackles him to the floor saying "this is mine and dont go into my room leave my stuff alone". He left the younger one on the floor crying and I felt like the oldest was right because the younger one shouldnt have messed with his things.

Then like a light bulb it hit. No, my oldest is in the wrong and needs to learn to respect others as he wants to be respected so I called him back into the room and demanded that he give them to his brother boy was he pissed he almost pooped bricks LOL. He gave them to him and stared angrily at his younger brother. Yoiunger brother is no longer crying but asking for drawing paper :D. So, my oldest then says "why does he get to see my stuff."

I explained to him what and why I was making him see them I told him when he starts respecting his stuff I will then make his brother respect his. See he had no idea I seen the skate boarding incident. He tried explaining that his brother left the skateboard in the street and I have told him before if he see something like that to correct it snd be helpful and get it.

So, since he took it out of the streets he rode it to the house. I told him once he started to cry asking him to get off he should have and informed him of how he was just trying to help and wont do it again if he cant appreciate it and let me and his dad know of his brothers lack of appreciation and we will not expect him to rescue his things if he forgets to bring them in. I then reminded him of how he took my new hat to wear it he stated how he was just wanting to try it on. I said you didnt ask me though and he looked funny and then stated "fine, I will not touch anything that belongs to him or anyone else without asking. I told him to remind himslef of it not me because as long as he continue we will continue to let his brother see his things. I then sent him to bed without the markers leaving the younger one to use it without his governing them, about 10 minutes later I took his makers from the younger one placed them neatly in the package and laid them at the edge of my oldest sons bed and he was woke and told me Thank you"

Its a learning process he needs to be taught to respect others. Its the whole whats mine is mine and whats your is mine. I go through the same with his father/ my hubby today. Sometimes I get so frustrated I dont know what to do. I dont think drugging him up is an option. I think some parents and teachers are being lazy and it is work to be a parent and a teacher you have to come up with strategies and every student and child is different not the same and instead of changing meds try changing tactics. He tells me he does think things out LOL and comes up with I will get it later (my shoe that is) or return it.

Now as far as how he treats others things when he goes to his friend house I have had a neighbor when he was younger state he kicked their balls on the roof or over the gate while playing, other than that I havent had any complaints other than the balls he takes very good care of their games and so fourth. He seems to respect what they have because he feels they have so much more and cooler things than what we have and purchase for him. His friend has an IPOD he has an MP3 player. Friends has DS, he has Gameboy. Friend has bike that pedals go backwards when he rides, his bike has back motion brakes so it stop when he tries to go backwards.

Its just a lack of appreciation. I have came to realize it HES JUST A KID!!!!!! none of our parents knew what to do with us or at least have said so I'm sure :)

Has he always been as active as he is now? Is this new or was he always a very lively and impulsive boy? And what does he say when asked why he does these things?

I'm not sure that he does it out of disrespect - it sounds as if he's not thinking and has some time on his hands and gets himself into trouble as he wiles away his time. Are there other children in the neighborhood? How does he treat their things?
And how does he treat his toys and his own personal things? Does he cover them with playdough? If he's capable of taking care of his things, that's one thing and then I'd say it's not a disrespect thing - but if his things are covered with playdough and lost too - then it would seem more a boredom and impulsive thoughtlessness than any active disrespect. Some children too are explorers and always trying to explore 'what will happen if' - what will happen if I put playdough on this ring, what will happen if I kick this ball as hard as I can? Young scientists can cause a lot of trouble even though they don't mean to but their natural curiousity has them always asking 'what if'.

Thank You and I really do appreciate all the advice its just so hard when you want the solution to be as easy as saying "Stop doing that" and its over LOL.

Thank you again

Hello, MaMaas, I am sorry for the frustration this is causing you, and my heart goes out to you. Before my daughter was diagnosed with Lupus and sometimes now. She acted out like that. There is always an underlying issue. We (I) as parents feel hopeless, especially mothers, because we can't or stop our child from hurting. She is a straigh-A student, but the Lupus st the time (undiagnosed) yet was making miss so much time from school. The doctors said the pain was only in her head and she was making it up. My daughter loves school, when she couldn't go, she would shut-down. Little to us she was being harassed at school, because Lupus causes rashes on your body. The kids would tease her and say she has AIDS or a contagious disease. I had to put my daughter in a behavior hospital. When she was diagnosed 2 years later with Lupus, and lesions in her brain (caused sporadic and irrational behavior). Also, I found out that The juvenile courts have a voluntary program for children, ages 4 and up. (FYI in case her behavior goes that route again, now that she is a teenager). Something is going on internally that you can't see. step back and start thinking about when, how and how often, where, to whom or with whom; your child started exhibiting this type of behavior. My daughter mostly took it out on me, because she knew I loved her and wouldn't reject her. Its' very important to never let your child hear you label this behavior. This gives them validation that this behavior is acceptable, and its not. He needs a place where he can de-stress and still feel accepted, safe, and secure. For awhile I allowed my daughter to tear up her room, just to get the anger and hurt out. Just move all breakables and valuables from the room. Even if you don't know what the hurt is about. Acknowledge to your son that you know he is hurting, and you are sorry that he is hurting. My heart goes out to your sweetie. I just feel overwhelmed just writing about it and that 6 years ago. You are welcome to email me anytime. You lots of support, from friends, love ones, and doctors. If you are in or near Georgia, Peachford Behavioral Hospital, Dunwoody, GA 30338, 7701-455-3200. A good place for children. Sometimes family and friends make you feel like you are a failure as parent (because that's how I felt), they don't mean to, they just want to help and don't know how. You are a good mother, and all that you can, believe that. love

MaMaas,
I can't tell how badly I feel. I should have been clearer. I was not implying that you are doing anything wrong, or have been remiss in your responsibilities.
I was sharing some of my experiences in dealing with behaviors my child exhibited. I understand what it feels like to have a household turned upside down by unpredictable behaviors. From the time my child was 18months, he started displaying destructive tendencies. Nothing he did was mean spirited, but his inability to be patient, his frustration level, clumsiness, lack of coordination, curiosity, and inability to get a restful sleep - all resulted in things getting broken, or displaced, and feelings getting hurt. His room, and eventually the whole house had taken on the appearance of a DMZ. My child had difficulty socially, because his impulsive behaviors, made it difficult for him to be around others. In school, he was never paying attention to the teacher. Instead my child was focusing on other things in the classroom. It took me a long time to identify the problem, and to come up with a strategy. Yes, my child was ADD. This condition was secondary to heightened feelings of anxiety. The curious part of the scenario was that he was really smart. Often, others could not understand how my child could do such stupid things - while being intellectually advanced.
It took years, many doctors, therapists,and medications to find the balance. I am happy to report that today he is doing great! Behaviors can be explained - but not excused. I always held my child accountable for his actions.
I really did find, that really minimizing his environment, I mean a bed, a book case, and a fish tank- helped tremendously in reducing distractable behavior. I had to really keep a routine. Actually, both of us benefited from that one.
It is important to remember that many diagnosis - are subjective. There are no definitive medical tests for behavioral issues. Perhaps, doctors use the diagnosis of ADD when medically they cannot identify another cause for behaviors. Whatever the situation, you are living the life of a parent whose child has impulsive, unpredictable behaviors. You must feel the same type of frustration, fatigue, and fear. I know I aways slept with one eye opened. Please know that words don't adequately describe how much I respect you and your situation. I can tell you that time and love are the most powerful components of the formula. As much as you love your child, you need to make sure to take care of yourself. The cumulative effects of feeling fatigue can take a toll. None of our children came with owner's manuals. There are no magic pills! We all are just trying things to find out what works, and what doesn't. Believe me, I could write a book on what didn't work for me.
Anyway, thanks for writing back. It means a great deal to me that you accepted my apology, and of course, I accept yours. I wish to thank you for helping me see, how my words could have been taken as offensive. I appreciate your honesty.
Keep in touch!!

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