Thank u! Your advice was very helpful and tomorrow when I go up 2 her scool I will speak with the counslers on staff. I just spoke with her granny because she just up and left the house(my daughter) and i dont know where she is right now, but granny said the same thing, that she thought she was going 2 have it easier here with me. Alice doest respect me, shes mad at GOD because cancer took her mom and she uses me missing over half her life and her mom passing to justify and manipulate situations. I'm here now! i'm a productive memeber in society now and she sees this but still blames me. I went 2 prison for selling drugs, somthing i did iwhen i was 24yrs old, I'm now 38, haven't I paid my price. All the parenting classes, pre release classes I took in prison never prepared me for what I'm going through today but thank u for listening and ur advise.

You know, another place to check for assistance might even be a local hospital, because sometimes they do have grief support groups for kids who have lost family members....
A lot of people make mistakes when they're young, and I'm happy to hear you've turned your life around for the better....Teens don't understand that you love them and are just trying to prevent them from making the same mistakes...they think they know all the answers. Trust me, there are NO CLASSES that can prepare everyone for having teenagers, even when you've been their full-time parent the whole time!

I think you and your daughter need the help of a psichologist because is a new life for she be with you,all the changes,the new experience sometimes are very traumatics specially for the teens,BUT don't let she manipulate you,treat yourself to talk with she until she understand so all what happened in the past no all is your fault,she need learn from your experiences ,but to be honest with you nobody is prepared to be a parent ,the kids no come to the world with the manual included and you are living the more hard part of the life in the humans,the teenager and need too much pacience,love for your daughter and much communication.Ask for professional help.Good luck

I admire you for stepping up to the plate. I had a foster daughter who's bio dad was in prison. and bio mom had a severe mental health and drug problems so she was unable to take care of her child.

anyway her bio dad promised her he would keep in contact and try to get her back from the foster care system when he got out of prison. well he got out and never contacted her. the case worker tried to find out where he was but was unable to get a number and address for him. she was so hurt. guess who she blamed. it was all my fault in her eyes.

i know the situations are not comparable but teenagers do not think things through in a logical way. they try and do everything to press their advantage.

do not let your daughter know she is getting to you. act like you know what you are doing. even if you don't. stand firm. once you say something stick to it.
children are difficult. teenagers are just evil lol.

i hope your daughter has come back. please keep us updated on how you are doing.

Hey singledad38, welcome to Great Schools
I hope we have been helpful to you.

Remember, the past is the past - no one can undo it. What you can concentrate on is the present and the future. IF you feel your daughter is trying to guilt you with your past - when you confront her on her issues - separate the two. Discuss with her one subject at a time. If you are talking about "her" ,keep the discussion to her. Let her know you will be willing to discuss her questions about you afterwards. Often kids can throw us off track - by bringing up a separate issue. She is responsible for her actions - as you have been for yours! You must discuss one thing at a time!
Best of luck to you. Please keep in touch!
Trooper

After many years of teaching, I know from experience that laying down the law with teenagers who are doing poorly in school doesn't work. What are your daughter's goals? Unless she can have some, it's very hard for modern teenagers to see the value in school. I sold my own two teenagers on doing well in school because I pointed out to them that doing well in school was their ticket out of it. If kids hate school - and many do - there's only more to hate about school when your grades are low and pesky, angry teachers are all over you. When a student does better in school, the teachers smile and let you pretty much on your own.

What did they want was my question to my teenagers? The endless hassle that angry teachers seem happy to hand out - or to be left in peace?

Any kid is smart enough to figure out the answer to that question but it's hard for most adults as well as many kids to figure out the secrets of how to do well in school. Laying down the law increases the demand on your daughter but doesn't increase the support she might well need to do well in school if she would want to.
Doing well in school isn't just a matter of 'trying harder' no matter how many other teachers tell you that it is. There's no short way to tell you how to help your daughter do well in school but the first step would be to mend your fences and let her know you care about her even more than her grades in school. Most parents can't say that but once said - it can build big bridges because -as parents we put So Much emphasis on 'doing well in school' that kids easily lose sight of the fact that it's them we care about most of all - not their grades. And that's true, isn't it? When you really think about it, don't we love our children even when they don't love school and bring home bad grades?
I've only had a very few parents of students look me in the face when I'd ask that question and say "No - if my child can't do well in school, I don't know if I can feel the same way about my child." !
Or some have said "It doesn't matter if my child thinks I don't love them - their school grades matter more than anything else."
If your daughter matters more than anything to you - let her know that - and tell her you'd be happy to try to help her bring her grades up in school. If you get that far with her, post back and I'd be very happy to give you my 'Shortcuts to Success in School' - no charge.

TeacherParent's post is excellent advice and I'd like to know your "Shortcuts to Success in School." Is it on here somewhere? If not, please post. Singledad38, kudos to you for being committed to doing the right thing for your daughter. Hang in there and good luck.

singledad38 how was your daughters grades before she moved in with you. another thing to consider is sometimes children have unseen disabilities. Like Learning Disabilities, Emotional Disabilities, ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder with Hyperactivity).

If her lower grades just started i would be inclined to agree with TeacherParent.

If it is something that she has struggled with for a while I would have her evaluated for disabilities.

If your thinking she may have an unseen disability there are many people on this site who can guide you through the process of working with the school to get her the help she needs to succeed.

You are a very kind and loving person, share that with your daughter. The guilt is your own and you will have to deal with it, but don't let her play that on you. Remember we can't change the past it's over, did you do all that you could today? That is all we can do as we move forward. Be kind to yourself and she will follow.

Welcome LKingsbu, to Great Schools.

Let us know more about your self and we can recommend some groups for you.

LKingsbu, I found some general groups you may be interested in.

Choosing the Right School for Your Child
community.greatschools.net/groups/11558

Getting to Know You
community.greatschools.net/groups/11532

Community Feedback Forum
community.greatschools.net/groups/11530

Maturity levels vary, but a teenager is still a child and still needs guidance and reasonable limits. It may be that you've been giving your teenage daughter too much freedom if her report card indicates a big slip in her grades.

It sounds like you have your daughter's best interests at heart. I'm glad that you felt comfortable asking for help here. But we don't know your or your daughter, so the value of our advice might be quite limited.

It may be tough to do, but you might want to consider humbly approaching her granny, who provided a stable environment in the past, and ask her about the freedoms and responsibilities your daughter had while she was with her, and ask about the reasons behind those decisions. "The one listening to counsel is wise." (Proverbs 12:15)

For those who are interested, Singledad38 posted an update here: community.greatschools.net/q-and-a/398670/worked-out-4-the-best?cpage=1

I've been hurt alot by comments from my teens, and I have come to realise that if they express to you that they hate you, well, then you're probably doing a good job as a parent. They won't show it now, but will thank you later for it. She may also be expressing anger towards you for you not being there at times when you couldn't. Everyone makes mistakes, some just get caught, and I know people incarcerated for crimes they didn't commit. Don't let any guilt you may feel keep you from letting her know that you expect absolute respect from her. It's real hard, and everyone wants there child to like them, but you're not her friend, but her father. I commend you for your concern, time committed in doing all that you can for her and being a father unlike so many children have. Just the fact that you are on this post, tells me that you're going to be an excellent dad, and she'll love you for it. Be prepared for alot of drama, threats, manipulation, and all those wonderful traits that teens posess. My daughter is now 20, and will talk to me now as a person but it's all pretty typical behavior. Grades are very important, for many reasons, the habit of being responsible and accountable for one. My kids have to get decent grades, they lost their father 2 years ago, and without scholarships and grants, college won't be an option. Dads are important, There should be more out there like you.