Then they didn't generate a letter to protect themselves. Letters constitute proof and the letter would have had to give a reason.
Having taught at a private school for many years, I'm aware of the back-handed way they can work in and I sincerely hope this works out for you.

Oh, I don't think a concern about appearing "oddly cold" had anything to do with not receiving the letter. They were oddly cold throughout the whole process. I thinkthat refusing my son based solely on his disability gets into a hazy area since tuition remission is a lost employee benefit worth $300,000 and is viewed, rightly or wrongly, as an entitlement. My son is the only faculty child not to be accepted according to staff. He has been accepted by another competitive private school, so one offer that we would have appreciated would have been some assistance with tuition, just as if we had refused another employee benefit, health insurance, and been given some reimbursement. I highly doubt that is going to happen, however. And if discrimination is perfectly legal, could a private school discriminate on the basis of race? I think not--at the very least, they would be risking their tax exempt status. My son's academic performance is not affected by his disability, as several tests have indicated. It is prejudice, and the school psychologist has told us as much and advised us not to discuss his disability because the school faculty are too ignorant about it.

Private schools are under no lawful obligation to accept any child and can refuse a child for most any reason. As your husband's on the faculty and closely connected to the school, he can certainly ask his colleague why your son was not accepted. When they called to tell you this, what questions did you ask then?
You likely received no rejection letter because to send a letter to faculty member would be oddly cold- at the least you deserve a phone call but your husband really deserves a personal explanation.

It's your husband's privilege as a faculty member to speak with the admissions people or the headmaster. It may indeed be the case that your son is being denied because of a mild learning disability but there's no reason they shouldn't be able to say that to you directly.

Heloise, my son is also gifted. There is a term for gifted children with learning and/or attention difficulties, and it's "2e" or "twice exceptional." If you would like to learn more, I invite you to look at and join the "2e Group" at community.greatschools.net/groups/16042

The school does receive some federal funding, though not a lot. I would argue that they are violating Title III of ADA. I would think that their status as a tax exempt institution could be at risk, at the very least. The school is a college prep school, but my son tested as gifted. No sense fighting to get my son accepted someplace where he is clearly unwanted, though. They will probably just find a reason to counsel him out.

Private schools are able to establish their own guidelines for admissions, unless they accept federal money for programs, in which case you might be able to claim they're violating ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) by discriminating. What kind of private school is it? A school for gifted kids, where they're worried about maintaining high achievement scores?

I am astounded that my husband's job could be at risk for speaking his mind and describing what appears to be unprofessional behavior on the part of Admissions. So they can break the law, twice, with impunity? My husband is updating his CV, and we are considering a move, given the poor treatment by this school. We're not sure it makes sense to stay in a job with low pay and benefits, when our son is going to be deprived of the primary benefit we had hoped for, worth over $300,000, because he was born with a disability. We're not sure it makes sense to separate our twin children into different schools because of such a narrow-minded attitude. I do appreciate the advice. Thank you.

It seems to me as if the private school hasn't given you anything in writing to say that your son's application has been "denied," then you have a legitimate complaint, since a phone call isn't "very official." (I can't believe they handle "non-employee" applications that way.)

HOWEVER, a written letter, even if it were sent, still isn't likely to address the true underlying reason for the denial. I'd venture to guess that your Head of School was a member of the Applications Approval Committee, so you need to be careful in how things are worded, since you obviously don't want your husband to lose his job. That's one of the downsides of any teacher having children enrolled in the same school, since "politics" does sometimes interfere with a child's academic decisions...

I'm not sure exactly what issues your son has, but you might want to join the Learning and Attention Difficulties Group at community.greatschools.net/groups/11554, especially if you later feel he can benefit from classroom accommodations, etc.

In our case, we were told that we could re-apply when my son was in 4th or 5th grade. The admissions director actively tried to discourage us from applying before my son had been evaluated or observed, because they knew of his disability in advance. She claimed that, "We have to consider a child's long-term potential at the school." (My son is 4.) My son did well at the observation and on the psychoed evaluation. The chosen class is well-balanced between boys/girls. I do think the tuition is an issue, but the disability is a bigger issue. The rule is 2 children per faculty member receive tuition remission. I think we will wait until we decide where my son will be attending Pre-K and then will write the Head of School with our concerns about this process.

My son went through a private school psych eval, and an interview, and an observation day, but I got a call saying that there were some concerns about his interaction within the particular class that he was placed in, so they wanted to have him do a second visit in a different classroom. (I found out later that my son, who has ADHD and LDs but we didn't know it at the time, had gotten into a disagreement with another boy who had known ADHD issues. To the school's credit, they knew that other boy could be difficult to get along with, so they gave my son another chance, and he was fine in the other classroom, so he did get an acceptance packet shortly after the second visit.)

If your private school is anything like the one my son went to, they actually look at a bunch of things, including the gender mix at each grade level, and financial considerations are important. If there are only 10 openings for new students, and a teacher's child isn't paying tuition, then that's less operating budget for the whole school. With twins, it could make a huge difference in their economic planning. Perhaps they have a restriction about number of subsidized children per family per grade?

I'd heard that at one particular grade level (not my son's) there were about 2/3 boys and 1/3 of the students were girls...I don't think it started that way in Kindergarten, but some kids left, and so the school was consciously trying to "rebalance" the class and I was told if you had a girl who wanted to attend the school at that grade, they'd be a "shoe-in" versus a boy with higher academic qualifications.

I have a feeling that even if you got a rejection letter, it wouldn't say exactly why your son was rejected, and that's ultimately what you're trying to find out. I realize your husband doesn't want to jeopardize his employment status, but it would seem like he could go see the "Director of Admissions" and simply say, "We got the packet for daughter, but never got any written notice about son. Is that what typically happens? Is he on consideration for a waitlist?"