I would first explore the reason why he's shutting down. There are MANY possibilities. He may be struggling w/ a learning disability, tired, hungry, having difficulty in the classroom, overwhelmed w/ the amount of homework, have ADD, bored with worksheets or simply be a child who needs more playtime and less homework. Is he having difficulty in school? Follow your gut instinct and don't settle for a "he's fine in class" from the teacher. I have two ADD daughters and homework was ALWAYS an issue. They had spent so much energy staying focused in class that they had none left to devote to homework. The homework 'issue' was a MAJOR problem for both of them and it was the main reason why I decided to agressively pursue the reason behind it. My daughters were good kids and I knew it wasn't a matter of them being oppositional. (I must also mention here that my girls are 'A' students and didn't have behavorial problems). So when you say your son is a good kid, do believe that his homework issues have NOTHING to do with being 'good' or 'bad' but a symptom of something greater. Get to the root of your son's red flag. Be your son's advocate and warrior!

FLMommy, your suggestions are very helpful....In fact, my son had a teacher who decided the best way to handle the matter was to give EVERY child a notepad (so none of the kids "stood out" as being different.) She asked them to use it, and she also wrote individual words of encouragement and/or re-direction on their notepads, which really allowed each student to feel as if they were getting "personalized attention." There were few "embarrasing" times when the teacher would have to correct children out loud...most of the time, it was a very positive classroom experience, for ALL the children.

Get involved. Go with your son to school and volunteer. Show him how much you are interested and proud of the children who succeed. He will want to be like you and make you proud:)

If your son's teacher agrees that he is having trouble staying focused and is willing to try unconventional tactics, I can share something my daughter's teacher used to keep her from talking out of turn. They gave her a little notepad. When she had a thought she wanted to share (dinosaurs are reptiles, they lay eggs, some think they are related to birds) in the middle of story-time etc, she is to write it down on her pad. That way she can share it with me after school while I give her my undivided attention and reinforcement. Your son could be asked to write down all the major topics discussed in class that day. Not dictation of the entire class, just what things did they talk about. There should be no punishment if the list is skimpy, but definitely rewards if the list looks solid. The point is that in order to do a good list, he has to stay focused on what they are discussing. The writing should not have to be neat or in full sentences, just enough so that he stays connected and can tell you what he meant when he wrote it. Also provides a better answer to "What did you guys do in school today?" I usually get, "I don't remember." from mine. Now, at least I get a list of comments that gives me some idea of what they were talking about in class.

"Allow me to express my point of view from a different perspective when it comes to help your child when having difficulties in learning and staying focus" This is my personal input; first , there are many tools in this society where we can direct our child to seek professional help/support that can get to the bottom in identifying the problem that our child is going through. The most important thing is to love our child 'not' spoil them or put in their heads that we are better then anybody in this world! Get to know our own child by spending quality time in all aspects, when it come to any task, behavior, sitting down with them on the table studying, eating together, being their friends, play with them and sharing every though possible. The second thing is that it takes two to dance a tangle and everything that does not work for your child does not mean that it's all his fall. By getting to know your child you can tell when something is wrong even though your child grades prove him to be the one to indicate that he/her is not doing good in school. Remember there are many professional tools out there and again by loving your child do not give up in helping them, because the bad grades are telling you that are crying for help. We are all in the same situation and we are to help each other to succeed by not leaving our love ones in disarray or confused. Above all, God is the answer to all of our problems by praying to him and asking him to help us! The best of wishes and good luck in your endeavor in finding the solution to your child problems. God Bless!
P.S Your child is very intelligent in a area that no body in this world can not match him/her remember that!

anon4242, I'd like to invite you to join Greatschools Gifted Group at community.greatschools.net/groups/11537

I'm trying to head off these same problems. My son is in the gifted program in the 4th grade, but the program is being cut and is barely existent. He is getting so bored. I try to reward good behavior. The TV can't be on until his homework is finished, but when he brings home the A's, I'm happy to get him a Lego set he's been wanting. He loves to read. I try to keep him reading all kinds of books that interest him. Many of the books he reads are not in the AR lists, so he doesn't get points for that, but he's reading and loving it, so who cares. When he does great work at school, a special trip to the bookstore is another way to reward him.

Stressedmom, do your son's school teachers feel he's got a learning disability, or ADHD, or ? Please do talk to your son's pediatrician first, and ask for a referral to a professional family counselor. If your son won't "open up" to tell you what's going on in his mind, and there's nobody else who can mentor him and whom he can confide in, then he needs to be seen by someone outside of your family who can help him get "back on track." It's obvious that you're a good, concerned mom, but sometimes situations need professional help, and this is one of those times.

My 11 year old is a boy also and my 2 year old use to be a good student who enjoyed school. Until 3 years ago. He failed 4th grade once and now is about to fail 5th.

Your son has been in school all day and many classrooms expect children to sit fairly still through most of the day and to stay on task through changing sit- still tasks all day long. While some children seem to be able to do exactly that, I think it's very hard for most children to do that. Nature did not intend children to be sit for long periods. Our expectations of children in school are at odds with the very nature of children and childhood.
And some children feel that more than others your son among them. Modern education has increased the amount of homework assigned to children so that it seems to some children they spend all day in school and then spend all evening doing school work.
In my ideal school, there would be two 'tracks'. Families would be free to choose the 'homework track' or the 'homework free' track- possibly even three tracks and then a 'homework light' track. Those parents that are arch believers in the value of homework could choose the 'homework heavy' track.

But I wouldn't be one of them. As a teacher, I saw homework hurt more students than it helped. Nature did not intend children to spend their evenings doing sit down, sit still work after having done the same all day. That your son would prefer to do something else is as understandable as it is natural. That he would prefer to finish quickly is also understandable - do we linger over doing the dishes or would we like to get it done and over with as quickly as possible?
Doing homework feels no more rewarding to him than doing the dishes does to us. My advice would be to offer him as much support and company as you can. Homework can be a lonely task. I didn't send my children up to their rooms as it often recommended in these modern times. The old kitchen table allowed us family time doing homework time. Children can often do better with homework when they don't feel so alone with it.
And please know you're not alone with this. If you'd want to read while your son is doing his homework, you could get hold of a newer book called The Homework Myth by Alfie Kohn or an older book called "Whatever Happened to Recess and Why is My Child Struggling in Kindergarten?"

Depending on your son's school area, he may be overwhelmed by the work itself. We live in South MS and the ciricullum is based on the MCT state testing scores. Third grade went from learning times tables to fourth grade learning fractions; no long multiplication or division, skipped entirely. These kids are very frustrated learning on a 6&7th grade level with only 15 minutes of recess time. Math and English are half the day in itself with kids swapping to 4 teachers a day not counting p.e., music and art. These are 9&10 year olds being pushed into junior high. No wonder their frustrated! And the parents don't stand up to the board! Hopefully our new president will get rid of NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND and let the kids have elementary experiences (fun! challenges! friends!)that they can remember with a smile on their face. Don't let anyone tell you your boy is ADHD, all boys would be on medication! I have to monitor mine over homework (always an hour or better) or it just wouldn't get done. Sometimes I wonder: the work hardly ever gets picked up, what kind of message is that? Talk about discouragement! Make sure you check all angles on this.

Hello Stressedmom, I understand how you feel. it's difficult when you see your own child in need of help and you don't know how to help him. I agree with Healthy11 that your 12 year old boy might need some type of therapy. i think that his problem may not just be that he does not like school. how is his social life, his relationship with his sister, cousins, or friends? I am sorry that this might not be what you want to hear, but it's better to consider and rule out any situation that requires professional intervention then to wait till he is old enough and you can't do anything about it. this was the case with my 27 year old brother. who is currently without a college degree and has no solid career. i don't mean to add to your worries, but believe me not one day goes by that my mom and I wonder if we missed the signs to get him professional help. Your son may not be and most likely is not anything like my brother, but as a mom I would want to know that i've explored every possibility. Also, and I don't mean to preach...and i don't know if you belong to any religious group, put if there are not enough male role models in his life...consider joining any church group so he could be around male figures and other kids and parents to provide you and him additional support. How about joining him in sport.

Stressedmom, is your 11-year-old is a girl? Has your 12-year-old always had a poor attitude towards schoolwork, or did something change along the way? It sounds like you're single parenting, and I can't help but wonder if there's any male role model in his life...it really sounds like he needs someone whom he looks up to, to tell him how important a good education is to his future. Nobody's expecting him to get straight A's, but his complete lack of effort is a serious concern. I know it's not easy to admit, but there are some situations that require professional intervention, and I really think your son needs someone to find out what's behind his current attitude, if it's ADHD or ??, and help him establish goals for the future...I would probably start by asking your son's pediatrician if he could recommend a therapist...if possible, I'd seek a male psychologist...Your son is too young to just be waiting around until he can "drop out" at 16, and nobody wants to see his potential go to waste.

I am having the same problem! I have a 12 year old and an 11 year old. they are both in 5th grade because my older son failed fourth grade and now is on his way to failing 5th grade as well. he is very smart and does well on tests, but he refuses to do his homework and when I do get him to do it he doesnt turn it in. His teacher held off on finalizing her grades for this last arking perios waiting for a book report that he had done. But he never turned it in. He has all F's and he is fine with that. He says he doesnt care if he fails and he is going to quit when he turns 16 anyway. I dont know what to do. I try doing it with him, I have taken away the tv, the PS2, the radio, everything. He has nothing to do except homework, and he still won't do it. HELP! I do't know what to do! I am a stressed mom, with no where to turn. My 11 year old is doing great! Help me help my son. I want to see his true potential shine through. He doesn't need to try hard he just needs to try. He could have straight A's!, if he put as much effort into his work as he puts into getting out of it.

thank you for the advise. I was thinking that by now he should be doing work on his own. but maybe he still needs the monitoring. I thank you all, it's really nice to be able to chat like and see that many families are asking and going through the same issues.

Your son is still very young - our attention spans and our ability to focus improve with age. Your son sounds like a healthy, active boy and it's understandable that a healthy, active, and very bright boy finds sitting still and doing homework frustrating - especially after he's sat still and done work all day in school.
More and more teachers are questioning the value of homework but until your son's teacher does the same, yes of course he will have to do his homework. My own son had great problems with focusing on his homework too. What worked for him was having me sit at the same table that he was working on. I could be reading a book or paying bills but it seemed that my presence - just being there - helped him to focus. When you think about it, homework is a lonely job. What helped even more was that he could look up from his work and talk to me and we could chat for a minute, even brainstorm about his work, and then I could encourage him to get back to his work.
A parent's presence can also help a great deal with the organization. There's no quick cure for disorganization and these days many teachers give out a great number of papers, handouts, assignment sheets, and work sheets - it's not easy for a child to stay organized in school. If you're there with him while he does his homework, you can help with the organization - make sure he puts his papers back into his binder and the binder back into his backpack. Don't hesitate to lend a helping hand with homework or be a helping presence.

A gifted program sounds like it's worth trying, especially since it sounds like the current class environment isn't ideal. He might just "rise to the occasion" and become inspired by being surrounded with peers who are higher achievers.

thank yo, I did speak to his teachers his problem at school is lack of organization and neatness. she did also say, that on couple of occasions, she had to make him redo his work because she knows that he can do better. and when she asked him if this was his best work he said NO. I just don't understand his lack of motivation to do better. he attends private schools, we are considering public for next school. his teacher did recommend him for gifted/magnate program, i just don't know what to do.

I do not know a lot about your son but chances are because he is so bright, he may be extremely bored. You have not mentioned whether or not you have spoken to his teacher(s) to see if he has the same issues at school or whether or not he has ever had any kind of evaluations. They could be good starting points for you.

thank you Healthy11 and Beachcomber. Actually, my son is very good at doing his homework as soon as he comes home and he does understand that there is not TV or playing unless it's done. He also has a journals at school. the problem is that his homework takes too long because he is thinking of other things and getting distracted. he uses any opportunity to get to stop doing his work. when doing his HW he could get occupied with anything else in the book and not the question. he is very bright, all of the assignments that i correct for him, when i give him the opportunity to redo it he already knows why it's wrong. so why did you not do it correct from the first time....i don't know. He know what mom and dad want and what his teacher expects of him, and gets very hurt when he does not meet those expectation. He knows he can do better, but just does not focus. He is an A, B student. but it's the struggles to get there. he also has his days when everything is just going so good.

Hello, and welcome to Greatschools. Has your son always had problems focusing on schoolwork, and with organization? Did teachers, when he was younger, also express concerns, or have his difficulties developed more recently? It sounds to me as if your son could have Executive Functional difficulties and/or attentional issues. You can read more about them at www.schoolbehavior.com/conditions_edfoverview.htm and sites like www.help4adhd.org
As has been mentioned, structure and routine and setting clear expectations is important, if those functions don't come naturally to a person. You might try setting up a reward system or chart where your son "earns" minutes of tv or video play for accomplishing his homework thoroughly, remembering to turn it in when due, and his teacher reports that he's attending well in classes.

I have a twelve year old who is the same way. We created a notebook with folders (one for each subject) with a pocket in the front (finished - homework to hand in) so that he does not lose it or have to worry about searching for it. We have an understanding, absolutely no friends, tv, video games, or anything else until home work is done. My son has gotten into a very good habit of coming home from school, getting a snack, sitting at the kitchen table (they need a good work space) and doing his homework. No exceptions. During football or baseball season...homework must be done or he does not go. His school has issued a planner that he writes his daily homework in for each subject. This works great. If your school does not provide one, you can purchase them from many stores.
Sometimes children just need a routine. I also always check my son's papers when he is finished. His school also provides a homework website so I know for sure whether or not he has homework. Good luck