stuck in the middle of new husband and daughter

Hi Jean. Sounds like a situation I had in my marriage with my ex wife. She had a 5 year old when we got together. I was with her for 7 years, so I got to experience the beginning stages of the tween years.

I can say this... My step-daughter pushed me to the limits. Tested me. I was too harsh, and in turn, my wife got angry and upset. We had a talk about it. She asked me why I was so strict. I had to tell her that it was because she was too lenient. She let my step-daughter do pretty much anything she wanted without consequence, so I had to make up the difference... or at least I felt like I had to do it...

In the end, we had 2 kids... and a divorce... now, my sons live with her... my (now ex-) step-daughter is now 19 years old. She dropped out of school when she was about 14 to be "homeschooled"... which my ex says happened, but my boys tell me differently.

We separated because of the discipline issues we had. She still lets the kids do pretty much anything they want... the good thing is, I still monitor what my boys (who are 13 and 7) do. I tell them what they should be doing if they need it. I tell them what they should not be doing when they need it, too. My ex-wife resents me for it. She thinks that I'm telling my boys that she's a bad mother by "undermining her authority" as a mother... but she's wrong. I'm just trying to let my boys know that just because their sister got to do certain things at their age, it's not ok for them to do it.

If that makes me wrong, then I'll be wrong until they are grown and married...

Just my 2 cents worth.

i wanted to homeschool my daughter and my husband said to send her to school and let her try it and if she did like it we would then homeschool her for her middleschool year and then we would put in high school to finish her schooling so i put her in school not wanting to put she got their and she loves it

Thanks. We are working together. We have discussed this and have agreed that some areas are better handled by me and I will come to him when I need assistance or advice or for him to interfere in other areas. Some situations, I would prefer him to handle without me but I was specific. My fault. Thanks for the advice.

Thanks. Thats all good advice. I asked him to tell her "No" more often but there has to be some thought put into each situation first. We can't just say "no" to everything just to say it. I want us to discuss it first and if we dont agree, then he will have to trust me. Its doing it in front of me & catching me off guard that is so hard to deal with. We will discuss these suggestions & try a different plan. Thanks everyone.