12 year old daughter doesn't have many friends

I don't know if I'm upset more than I should be, but my 12 year old daughter doesn't seem to have many friends. She's in 7th grade, is a great student, likes to go to school, does dance, soccer, etc.. She is going to a dance tonight and called a couple of friends to see if they wanted to go with her. They already had plans (with each other). I asked her who else she's like to ask, but she said there isn't anyone else. I think that she tends to keep to herself and is quiet at school. Do you think this could be why she doesn't have many friends? I wonder why her friends didn't include her in their plans. These friends do come to our house whenever we call, but rarely invite her over their houses. She doesn't like to talk about any of this. I ask her if something is wrong at school and she insists that there isn't. Any advice would be appreciated!

Parent Answers to "12 year old daughter doesn't have many friends"

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Middle school is a tough age, especially for girls. I'm not surprised that someone like your daughter (who sounds like she's a very good student, and perhaps more serious, attitude-wise, than her peers) is left out of party planning. To tell you the truth, I was that way at her age, too. I really wasn't infatuated with the "latest fashion and make-up trends and boyfriends" like many of my classmates, so I was frequently excluded from "large group plans" although individually, if I invited people over, they would come.
I'm glad to say that once high school started, I found a nice group of like-minded "more mature" friends in my honors classes, and I met additional girls through volleyball and stuff like that, and some of those people remain my friends to this day.
I know it's hard to feel like your child is excluded from things, but if she's not complaining, and is "comfortable in her own skin" and still goes to school and dance and soccer willingly, then I think she's fine, and will "blossom socially" in her own time.

For additional insights and support, I invite you to join Greatschools Middle School Parents Group at community.greatschools.net/groups/11528

I have a son in the 7th grade. I think a lot of the girls his age tend to be jealous, back stabbing and mean. Most kids at this age only care about themselves and true and dear friendships can be difficult to have. My son said that some of these girls are best friends one day and ignore each other the next. If she is mature for her age, she may not understand this behavior and it may seem like she does not fit in. I agree with healthy11 she will find her place. Junior high is awkward and difficult for many.

Are you a Hopkins mom...? The school tends to be a little klicky but the classes are so small new friends are easy to make, we're from SH and our son is doing a lot better at H. Your daughter will make friends maybe she needs to broaden her search. Good Luck

Hi, we are new to the area and live at the seaside highlands. I too have a 12 year old daughter and would really like her to meet some friends her age. She is a good student straight A's gets perfect attendence and loves to go to school. She loves soccer and cross country, she also takes piano lessons. We are currently enrolled at Fitch Middle school, and my daugher is not happy there. We are looking into other options, and those other options right now are Monterey Bay Charter School, or homeschooling. I would much rather keep her in a school environment, but she just is not happy at Fitch. Trying to find out a bit more about Monterey Bay Charter. Do you have any feedback?

I tend to agree with healthy11's advice, but if you feel there is more going on than minor social awkwardness then you may need to change your "attack" plan. Is there someone your daughter could talk to about this situation besides you? An aunt or an older cousin perhaps? I think sometimes my son doesn't want to tell me about certain situations because he is embarrassed. My suggestion is let your daughter know that your only concern is her happiness and that if she wants to talk your ready to listen.

I agree with carvell04, my daughter has been to two different schools, and she is 11, at that age there's alot going on, lots of fighting, one day their best friends ,and the next they hate each other. I hear it all, my daughter does have friends, but sometimes the things she can come home and tell me about what so-and-so said to her or some other little girl, is unbelievable sometimes. It's a big drama world! I've found too that most of the time her friends stay at my house, but she's not invited to there house, and I wondered about that, and I've found in some cases other parents don't want to deal with an extra child, but they may want you to watch their's. I know we all worry about things of this nature with our kids, all we can do is teach our kids how to be a good person to other's, and hope the kids that go to school with our children are taught the same way.

I think she's not sure of how she looks like she think she's not beautiful or she's uncomfortable with someone or something talk to her about it!

She is fine. If you hear her crying in her room or acting despondent than maybe you should question her further. But if you act too anxious with loads of questions, you may make her insecure when she really has no reason to be. Its okay to be quiet and reserved.

That is a very tough age. I am sure she is just going through what a lot of children her age experience. Keep an eye on her. There may be some small notion that bothers her. Maybe she is not as outgoing as the other girls. You may urge to to invite someone from her dance class or other activity she is in that has not been invited yet. You never know, she may find new friends that she fits in with better.

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12 year old daughter doesn't have many friends

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