I guess I do that all year round. I always donate a lot more than is required for supplies and then replinish throughout the year. In my mind there must be at least one child in the classroom or more that does not have what we have and that is just a given for me... to give a little more. I do what I can. Same with snacks. I always make sure that they have emergency snacks on hand because even if a list goes out, there will always be one or two children that their parents do not supply the snack. That is a good thing you are doing, poetmary!!

I think a better way of "tipping" might be getting the teacher's classroom wishlist. I generally spend $200-$300 per year on things for my classroom. If a group of parents supplied some classroom items, then I'd not have to take it out of my pocket. I'd benefit, and so would the kids...all without creating any ethical crisis.

MsEddyCurrant. I guess it depends upon the teacher and the child. I have become friends with my children's teachers and they appreciate the photos. Most of us are social outside of school because we become friends. Many have asked for photos of my children. Many are on my facebook and continue relationships with my kids even though we are no longer in the same system. I expect it has a lot to do with where you live, what system you are in, and how hard you work as a parent to assist in your child's education.

To Miser- I'm not in Cali- and tipping does occur-kindly grab your juice box-nap time is over.
To Mom-honestly-do you think anyone would prefer another photo of themselves playing with another person's child over cash? Not likely.
It's usually done quietly, gracefully and thank you notes are always written vaguely.
Class rooms are just as political as the nations capitol.

I am just shocked by so much of this! A specific amount requested by each parent for a class gift is wrong. An opportunity to donate to the class gift is fine, if "class gift" is what you want to do, but no specific amount. All children's names on any card, and no pressure to give at all. This would not have even been an issue when I was in school! You get what you get. Period. If an individual family would rather do their own gift, so be it. But EACH child in the CLASSroom has their name on the CLASS GIFT. No child is responsible for their parents income, attitude, ability, etc. I cannot even understand how that is questioned in any way, shape, or form. To do otherwise is unethical.
Parents volunteering to help out is much appreciated. Your time is worth a lot. Be involved in the school!
I have many support persons that I want to thank. That is my business. But I am not rich. When I add up the people that I like to give an end of year gift to, it totals over 20 people for all of my children. My eldest painted pictures for hers. My middle child wrote notes and we added her picture. My youngest gave his picture with a note from me. All of the teachers were very happy with our gifts. At the END of the YEAR so there are no misunderstandings. During the year, I gave my time. I brought a coffee to one teacher when working in her room and I knew that she liked Starbucks. Another, when we were watching kids outside all day at some party, I brought her a diet Dr. Pepper. When the ladies at the front desk had worked so hard to add to the mid-year festivities that the school was putting on, I brought them a large bowl with goodies. The janitor, who watches the children to safety in the parking lot every day, also received a special note from my children that THEY wrote along with their thanks and pictures. There has never been a teacher in my experience that would accept a "bribe" but they DO recognize your child differently when they get to know your family. BE PRESENT!

Wow, what a lot of differing opinions .Gifts come in many forms and money from one parent is a little extreme.This year I spent being room parent for my daughters 4th grade class and I thought it was a good idea to collect 5 dollars from the parents and many gave more which was turned into a Visa giftcard. At our school the teachers make much less than the public schools and I think a gift certificate is fine because yes how many mugs/knicknacks can the they really use?For Christmas chocolates , coffee, personel items are great but the end of the year present should be more practical ,they just spent a school year inputting knowledge and inspiring our children to develop their intellect.That is priceless and they did it 27 times. So yes skip Starbucks and give a nice end of the year gift and be be kind all year round volunteering. If the teacher did not jive with your child and you harbor resentment do not fake it you are entitled to your feelings and gifts should be heartfelt. The parents who buy things for the classsroom are right too their gifts benefit the whole and are always appreciated.

I do not believe this should be allowed. A small token from a student to a teacher is fine. All students deserve the same"attention" equally. What is the matter with people?

My 3 grandchildren, who resided with us for 9 months including the holidays, each gave their elementary and primary school teachers a small gift at Christmas. I cannot imagine that it would not be okay for a child to share the holiday spirit with a teacher who has spent hours helping the children learn. The schools our grandchildren were in did not say we could not bring in a gift at the holidays, and in fact, the children even drew names and swapped small gifts (under $10). As for the "bribery-type" of payments for "extra special attention," I would frown on that, as it definitely smacks of a bribe. Schools should discourage that sort of "gift." If they do not, shame on them! Those who could not afford to participate would be left on the short end of that stick. If "extra special attention" is necessary, then a private school for the ones who can afford it may be the answer, but we don't fall into that category.

That’s because you’re mired in the California mindset. How’s that budget deficit coming? I here your Governor's request for a federal bail out has been turned down. Perhaps you should try vouchers and see how many unless administrators are no longer needed.

As to the unsustainable story is that the “tipping” or the vouchers. If it’s vouchers, Google New Zealand + vouchers. If it’s the tipping... well believe the posts or not, it’s up to you.

I'm a public school teacher in California and I've never (NEVER) heard of such a thing! This is absurd. I doubt this is a habit of the public school system where teachers often contribute from their own pocket to pay for student field trips and lunches. The notion that charter schools or vouchers would solve this unsubstantiated story is laughable.

To: CMcDonnell comment of December 15, 2008

You missed my point. My wife has people who think their kids deserve “special” attention for one reason or another. (You’ll note one mother already mentioned her belief of this very thing in an earlier post.) Many of them are willing to pay a nominal fee (see bribe) for this. My point is... if you have enough money for bribes, then send your kid to a privet school. There are numerous families who can not afford these bribes and if my wife gave special attention to the kid whose parents gave $100 “gifts” every few months the poorer kids would suffer even more. Sadly, she tells me there are teachers in her school who do provide this attention. (Please note the mom who earlier said she offers these “gifts” also stated that her teacher provides extra attention to her child.) Most people who pay to send their kids to private school would never consider such a “gift” because of the high cost they are already paying for their child’s education. (Different mindset - I grew up going to Catholic schools.)

This will never be fixed unless we switch to an all voucher system like New Zealand did. All the good teachers wound up getting pay increases (schools actively recruited the good teachers so more families would bring them their vouchers), administrators were cut to cover the cost of increased teacher pay (no loss there), and the bad teachers weren’t recruited and lost their job when their school was closed (reopened the following year with a completely new staff) due to insufficient student population (all the families had taken their vouchers to better performing schools).

Yes the private schools did much better the first three years, but as the public system improved they not only reclaimed their original share of students, they had about a 4 % increase; all while increasing teacher’s pay and keeping a straight line budget. (Lots of overpaid underplayed administrators out of work... oh, the travesty.)

In gentle response to MiserDD's statement"...If you want pay for special attention, send your child to a private school..."
At the absurd cost of private education on the East Coast, families are encouraged - NOT to participate in holiday gift giving. There is an optional teachers retirement fund which some families may or may not choose to partake in at the time of enrollment - and I think that covers any gifts in kind. Naive as it may be,I would truly like to believe that blatant bribery is not the norm any school - private OR public.

Thank you note is an excellent gift especially from a student to a teacher or lunch person. My children write thank you note to everyone at the end of every school year.

I rarely tip, but for a great service and as you all know, great service hardly come to many people these days.

Any gift is OK for a good bus driver or lunch person. He or she does not grade your child's paper and money or gift cannot influence him or her. We had an excellent bus driver last year and we gave him a gifts certificate at the end of the school. Everyone in our home agreed for the gift. Most of the time, our decision is made with three to one, but the bus drivers' gift was four to zero.

Happy Holidays!

I'd like to ask peoples opinion on gift giving to the other teachers that come in contact with your child, and the lunchroom workers. What do you do for them? I often feel that librarians, gym teachers, science teachers, and other staff that may only see my daughter for an hour a week feel left out or forgotten. I want them to know that their time is greatly appreciated as well, but cannot afford to give every one gift cards. I was thinking about having my daughter write a note of thanks to each of them in a Holiday card, and that I could also write my sentiments in it as well. My daughter now takes a bus to and from school, so I can't forget the bus driver! Do you have any unique ideas that can "spice" these tokens of appreciation up? Thanks.

AsianMom, as a first time room mother, I wouldn't mind if you chose not to participate in the group gift. If you're doing something on your own, that's fine. Just let the room mom know, so she knows to check you off and doesn't keep asking you for money/wondering if you're participating.

My wife has been a teacher for 17 years. Lots of people giver her candy because she’s thin. Well, she’s thin because she doesn’t eat candy, we give it all away. We get lots of coffee cups; they all go to the Good Will. Lot’s of other knick-knacks, they're sitting next to the coffee cups at the Good Will store. Gifts cards are nice, but she doesn’t expect them. $100???... That’s a bribe; and as one person mentioned, her teacher pays extra attention to her child after that. If you want pay for special attention, send your child to a private school.

My wife’s #1 request at Xmas, have you child be good for the last week of school prior to the Xmas holidays because she’s already overstressed with everything else the holidays entail.

Already responded in far too long in the other thread.

Suffice it to say, when you have a really neat connection to something that people don't get every day, then go for it. I know I have friends who bowl a tournament in Hawaii every year, and they come back laden with boxes of chocolate covered macadamia nuts.

Just make sure you communicate with the room mom early so she's not left hanging and forced to make numerous attempts to chase you down.

Happy holidays!

I have a question for you. Do you think room mothers in general mind very much when parents choose not to participate in the class gift? We give on our own to the teacher, but feel compelled to chip in on the class gift so that none of the other moms may be hurt / angry. It's just that with parents living in Hawaii, we are able to get pretty cool things for the teachers on our own that we think the teachers appreciate a lot. Or, I am able to make mini carnation leis. We do not really want to give to the room mom and feel like we are paying extra for gifts when we are giving our own things anyway. However, we do not want any hurt feelings. Thanks.

As a teacher and a former room mom, I think it's best to let all the children sign the card. It truly is the thought that counts, not the amount, and I would never want a child to feel bad or left out by not being allowed to sign a Christmas card for their teacher.

pamb456:
Good observation!
I think the appropriate behavior for the room parent is to write on the card, from all your students. Call it pretend, that is, OK.

Five dollars is a huge sum of money to some parents and at the same time, many parents can afford to give out fifty dollars or more without thinking about it. The reality is, household income differs and the home parent should always think first about the need of an individual student before him/her self or a teacher.

Many great teachers I know do not need personal gift, rather they show compassion toward the quality of life of their students and always do something about the need of students, parents, and school.

Happy Holidays!

hi pamb456,

At my daughter's school, the room parent sends home a letter asking for donations. The donations are turned in and a gift card purchased. All students who participate are included on the card, with no mention of how much each child contributed, so the family that donates $5 is given the same recognition as the family giving $20. We choose to bake, so we're out of that loop each year, but we've had the same room mom for three years so I know the drill. Families who choose to do their own thing are on their own, but the teacher wouldn't know how much each family gave on the class gift.

Wow eddycurrent, I hope I dn't give you a gift that you're going to throw in the trash on the way to vacation! I know teachers can't keep everything, and I'm sure some gifts may not be as nice as you'd like, but to hear that so boldly makes me reconsider giving. That's usually why I try to give gift cards, so the teacher can choose and not get stuck with soemthing they don't want. As far as names on the gift card, it's a dilemma. If everyone chipped in, the gift would be of a certain size. If people don't, the gift is smaller. I'm sure the teachers can figure that out. So what should the room mom do, pretend everyone gave, even though the gift is smaller than it should be? I'd be curious to know people's opinions on this...

I agree with your post teach1. I worked for a year as a teacher's aide at the preschool level. The presents I cherished the most were handmade by the kids or little dolls and things that were their favorites at the time. I kept a few of them even though I have moved several times since.

I am a first grade teacher and am shocked at some of the gifts you give. I am happy with a kind note or card. I have also received small gift cards and one of my favorites, antibacterial handsoap (probably about $5). The only extravagant gift I received was a clock from a student several years ago. It was the Christmas following 9/11 and the family had had quite a scare regarding the father. Their son (my student) became very nervous and they felt that I had been extra caring (I just thought I was doing my job) and I believe they also felt it more important to show people how they felt, based on their new understanding of how short life can be.

Overall though, a $5 gift card and more importantly a kind note is all that is needed. Even a handmade gift from your child will be appreciated by the teacher. I keep cards I have received from parents and/or students and pull them out to read when I am questioning why I put up with the administration, etc. My favorite is the one in which the aunt (who took custody of the children) expresses that she hopes the rest of the children get the "honor" of being in my class. What more could I ask for!

In our previous school parents gave a reasonable specified amount that the room mom divied up by holiday and bought a gift or gift card and some other small token to go with like flowers or treats or item made by the class. New state, new school, similar idea. The teachers were polled at the beginning of the year for their "favorite things". The room mom made a tiny tree with ornaments the kids made (on which we either glued their photo or they drew themselves). We sent in gifts/gift cards which were placed on the tree. Almost everyone participated and we spent $10-20 each. My other class did almost the same thing just made snowballs not ornaments. $100 cash and trips to the day spa is neither average nor expected. But if you have it to give and its from the heart, it would be more appropriate to put at least half into something for the classroom or a gift card to the teacher supply store. Usually I spend more on my pre-K teachers because the classroom is smaller and their relationship with my child is more intimate. I always give them some good hand cream or something else based on the person. The kids at the least make a card. From the kids and homemade is the best, but everyone doesn't have the time or the skills so a gift card is perfectly fine.

I am room mom this year, and I'm asking for $15 from each family for the holiday gift. $10 goes to the teacher (on a gift card) and $5 to the teacher's aide (also on a gift card). It would be difficult to find a really nice gift for $15, so I feel that together the class can give a nice gift. I sent out a note at the beginning of the year outlining all 'gifting' opportunities for the year (Xmas, Valentine's Day, Teacher Apperciation Week, End of Year), and dollar amounts I felt were appropriate to ask for/spend. I will not be asking for more than $15 for any one event, and Valentine's Day is up to the parent to give an individual gift (I get a heart shaped box of candy at the dollar store for each teacher, with a drawing from my child). I think $100 from one person is outrageous, but ok if it's from the whole class.

I think giving such big gifts to Teachers sets a poor example for our children. Not that Teachers aren't worthy but it is their job to educate our children. A gift at Christmas or Birthday, or any other holiday you feel inclined to give for, should come from the heart. Also,some of the most appreciated gifts are those the students make themselves or that they picked out at the school gift store. Not everyone can afford gifts and to give a teacher a more expensive gift than a family member is just in poor taste. What we should be teaching out children is that it is not about the "gift" but about the giving. It's not about "things" but about bringing happiness. Yes, you should give to all your childs teachers as well. Whether you like them or not it's not a point you want to make on such an important holiday as Christmas. (Anymore than you would exclude a childs classmate.) Bigger Better More is not what the Holiday is about. Keep it simple and make it special.

This is a great question. It depends on which school your kid goes to. My daughter went the yuppie(house cost with a million and up) neighborhood public middle school. I didn't give any gift to the math teacher which my daughter didn't like at 6th grade. Boy, Was i sorry! Even though, My daughter got a perfect score in CA state CAT Math test. Her math teacher detained my daughter to the same level. My daughter told me, that her classmate who has the same or lower grade were promoted. I found out later that boy's mother gave an 18K gold Jewelry to that math teacher. With great effect, I was able to reversed the decision with the Principal on my daughter's math level. I fell that I was forced to giving to the evil. Later, I gave every teacher a gift card every Xmas even thought I didn't like them. This year, I like all my daughter's teachers. but my husband just lost his job. I still and will give 4 teachers a $25 gift card.

I have found this great pencil sharpener on eba y a great gift for any teacher with tight budgets and old noisy ones this is the perfect gift. a green pencil sharpener by mr. decoff.
that is what I am giving this year and maybe more to come

To MrsNAB: I do think there is a difference between cash and a gift card. Being in education, I do get gifts from some of my students and I would feel very uncomfortable accepting cash. That definitely seems like a "tip" or something that is not quite right to accept. If a family gives a gift card it is intended to be thought of as a "gift". I never expect anything at the holidays and I don't let it affect my attention to any child. I always feel it is the thought that counts and shows the family appreciates what you are doing to help their child but I would never accept cash.

A teacher is a profession like any other. Why wouldn't they like to be recognized by their clients (the parents) for performing a job well done by receiving a nice cash gift once or twice a year instead of lots of little nick-nacks that they will never use. Also, there is no difference between cash and a gift card except that the teacher can use the cash anywhere they want.

cypsmi, thank you for restating my position. I mentioned that "no doubt you have met nurses who would be better doing something else." It is true of all professions.
Nowhere in my posts have I indicated all teachers should find motivation or change professions. In fact, I began by saying that there are exceptional teachers. In my last post I said we have an exceptional teacher now. Nor have I suggested that gifts, notes etc. should not be given. I simply asked a question about why it felt necessary. I have, apparently, provoked both thought and anger. As I said earlier, my question/remarks were not intended to be taken personally. No doubt all who felt the need to "defend" the profession are the excellent teachers we all hope are children will find in their classroom.

in elementary school depending on my financial situation a teachers pin for her blouse if a man a tie clasp depicting Christmas spirit but I try to give some money to those who have not I work with the principal and she leads me towards the right parents. I just say the gifts were won at school and I am just delivering them. The teachers would rather see that then anything for themselves

To those of you who are nurses: I have yet to experience a perfect nurse. Those I have dealt with are rude and discourteous and have no true calling as caretakers. Do I make the general assumption that all nurses should find other employment or get inspirational training? NO. Because I am sure that there are competent, caring and professional nurses out there who care about their patients and go above and beyond their job descriptions. So before making general assessments of and suggestions to all teachers, keep this in mind. Unfortunately some of you have had poor experiences with teachers, this does not mean that all teachers are not deserving of sentiments or gestures of thanks, be it a thank you note or a batch of cookies or a gift certificate.

RUSus, I appreciate the sentiment expressed in the post. I, too, am raising three children - in my case grandchildren. It is a joy having these small people in life, isn't it?
I often hear the sentiment expressed that teachers are not paid what they deserve, understandably often by teachers. I seldom hear, however, about falling test scores, college freshman in basic math because they don't have the concepts mastered but have been advanced. I seldom here, as happened in my career, about the young sailor whose hand was mangled because he could not read the "Do Not Enter When Fan is in Operation" sign aboard the ship.
I was not forced into nursing, nor are teachers held hostage until they complete certification. I began nursing when it was far from well paid. I love what I do. It is a shame to hear more about the salary than the joy of the classroom. While my paycheck may be more, as I mentioned earlier, my vacation benefits are not nearly what teachers have. That's a part of the pay package as well.
I do apologize for ruffling feathers. I am not feeling defensive, or even angry. I inteded only to describe my experience. Not everyone is good at what they have chosen as a career, no doubt you have experienced nurses who would be happier doing something else.
In the first post I intended only to ask why we feel a gift is necessary. We have an exceptional teacher at the moment. I do not doubt that she knows what a miracle she is in all our lives. I am eternally grateful to her and to the others for truly making a difference in the quality of the children's lives. We will and have given a book to the library in her name. She has appreciated the idea of "paying forward" her good work.
My apologies for ruffling feathers. I intended to provoke some thought and discussion.

Having been a substitute teacher and a mother of 3, I can say this -- teachers are not paid anywhere near what nurses make nor what they deserve. If a parent feels like buying a small gift to show their appreciation and the teacher does not mind, they should. Likewise, if a parent does not every school my kids have ever been in has always made it optional. So don't give but don't get defensive about it. Just do what you feel is best.

Teachers deserve far more credit, money and recognition than they will ever receive. They are parents, best friends, teachers, leaders and mentors. They shape your kids and spend more time with them than you do. And most do it for $40k a year. I'm sure just a nice note telling them you appreciate their efforts would be equally welcome.

The best manual pencil sharpener in the world by classroom friendly supplies on e-bay. I looked at all the positive comments most all are teachers. Mr Decoff is owner and a teacher

Thank you, mom4school, for sharing your perspective to my remarks.
While we have experienced exceptional teachers it has not been the norm. As an example, in one year my special needs grandson was taught to make his name with play dough. The teachers were so pleased they took a picture. When I asked to have an aide for my granddaughter instead of an excessive amount of pull outs, five, I was told "you have not convinced me she needs one". I withdrew the children; participate in a Parent Partnership home school. My grandson is writing, beginning to use lower case, reading "Step into Reading". My granddaughter is reading at grade level, on target in math an altogether happier not separated into “reading groups”, “math groups” etc.
As to families, they are a part of the job as is children’s behavior. I am an R.N. I deal with families in crisis, not at their best in any sense of the word. It is part of my job, it doesn’t take away time from my job it is Part of my job. I am rewarded each time we can successful diminish the stress everyone feels when hospitalization is required. I am rewarded when we reduce discomfort, and can offer new tools for dealing with disease. All these rewards I receive plus a paycheck. As I advance in my chosen profession I accrue more vacation time. I will never match: all federal and state holidays, a week in the spring, two weeks in the winter and the entire summer. In addition, our district as every other Friday off alternating full and half days, I think that sends a message about the importance of education. This year a strike was narrowly avoided because, despite a bond passed assuring annual raises, turns out it wasn’t enough.
You are correct, mom4school, I have experienced very little to respect. My remarks, however, were not directed to anyone personally.

I wish I had $100 to spend on my daughter's teacher or her classroom this year. We usually bring something very small to the class, but make sure it has some sort of meaning behind it. For example, for the teacher's birthday, I sent my daughter in with a lei that I spent about 45 minutes sewing out of mini carnations. For Christmas, we will chip in for the group gift which is just 40 dollars for the entire year. We will also send a small box of Hawaiian Host chocolates and Kona coffee. We live in Northern Virginia so the teachers usually appreciate this little touch of Hawaii that we give. This year, the teacher even sent home a note saying that the lei was one of the most thoughtful and unique gifts she had ever received for her birthday. Smiles!

Teachers do not expect gifts. When they do get them, they are received as a pleasant gesture. I do not agree that teachers pay more attention to those students who give extravagant or expensive gifts. I also feel like teachers are professionals who should be revered like other professions. I feel like if I entrust my child with someone every day, a gift is a nice gesture of thanks, nothing more, nothing less.
Cash ($100) as a present?! Very inappropriate, IMHO. That sort of gift is awkward to receive and almost insulting. Gift certificates are just as a great as a sincere note of appreciation.

I'm not sure what I would do in a public school setting, but my son goes to a small alternative elementary school which operates on a shoestring budget. So every year we get something for the school that they need. One year we got a new table and chairs for the older students (the ones they had were mismatched in size to each other, chairs too short for the table). A couple of times in the winter season we gave them a basket of hand soaps, hand sanitizer gel, lotion, tissues, etc to help fight off the colds everyone inevitably gets. We gave the school some learning games as well that the kids and teachers love. I know of a preschool class where the parents all chipped in and got the teacher film for her camera (she took a lot of pictures during the year) With most having digital now, a gift card for developing could be nice. As an educator, I am always happy with the thought more than the gift. Teachers do put out a lot of their own money during the course of the year to get the little "extras" so gift cards are helpful, with a note acknowledging their intention and thanking the teacher for doing those little "extras". I think the $100 "tip" is appalling but I guess it depends on the school and regional setting you are in.

Another thing I did for my grandchildrens teachers a few years back, At one time during the year, I was able to take a 'class' picture. I was able to make a small booklet, which each of the students were able to write a note to the teacher and present it as a class gift. I worked closely with their teachers that year, and was able to get the kids individual pictures for 'their' pages. The teachers really loved it.
But a note to the teacher from the student and parent (with a copy to the principal) is another great idea. Fruit baskets are great too.

I remember this dialogue from last year's Holiday Season, shoosh time flies! The teacher (I'm sorry I don't remember your name...IMMR???) had the most practical, sensical, realistic, and honest response yet. This is actually what my daughter and I do (or very similar). My daughter makes a small gift, usually a picture and I help her write a thank you note/letter telling her teacher how she has impacted her life. This year she made a small model out of clay ( a book, with a worm coming out of it wearing glasses on a small apple stating "#1 Teacher". It's adorable and I thought very creative on her part. I understand that teacher's can only handle so many mugs and/or "cutsy" little plaques and or knic-knacs, so this may end up in a box or tossed away. But it is the sincerity with which it was made and will be given to the teacher that will touch the teacher. I also realize that teachers are constantly buying things for their classrooms. My daughter comes home with small gifts earned with "behavior bucks" that she gets to "buy" from the class "treasure chest". So along the year if I come across small items that may be appropriate for the teacher's treasure chest, I'll pick them up and pass them on with a note of appreciation. Our Holiday gift is always a card with a $10.00 to $15.00 gift card to Walmart or Target enclosed so that she can add to her supplies or choose to put it towatds a purchase for herself. I usually write a nice note, going over my daughter's progress and our deep appreciation to her for my daughter's academic progress. I have not copied these to the principle in the past but I will be from now on. What a great idea and acknowledgement of the teacher's good work. This is a fantastic idea. I'm sure that this helps when it comes time for the teacher's annual review, etc. I will definitely be copying my notes to the principle from now on. This year I have a positive problem that I haven't had in the past, and that is that EVERYONE at my daughter's new school has made a positive impact on her (and me too) that I do not want all of their hard work and attention to go unnoticed. As I am not independently wealthy, I have many notes to write and I'll be copying them all to the principle. Who would I copy the principle's letter to? The superintendent perhaps. I'm not sure how to contact them, but I'll start inquiring now. To the people who give $100.00 and spa trips, I think that is over kill and completely innappropriate. The ONLY way I could see this being acceptable is that if it came from the entire class, but I have yet to see that happen. Anyway, I just wanted to thank the teacher for the idea of forwarding our notes of appreciation on to the principle. This is an added gift of sort. Thank you. Happy Holidays to you all. Good luck deciding on what you will do in terms of gift giving. I'd forget about looking at it as a tip, and reframe it as a token of your appreciation. After all, teachers do spend a major part of our children's life and impact them for sometimes a lifetime. This is huge and should be acknowledged as such, but not as "bribery" or as insignicantly as a "tip" that you would give a waiter who you most likely will never see again. There needs to be balance and an ethical chord and I believe that the teacher's input above striked it perfectly. Thank you.
Geniemom

I do not believe cash is ever an appropriate gift for a teacher, like others it looks like a bribe. I found over the years, that a gift certificate or home made cookies or something is more appreciated and acceptable for the teacher. I loved the teachers I had as a child, most that my children had and again most that my grandchildren had. When I would ask what they would feel is appropriate (I was an officer in their PTO), and they said the same as what I mentioned, along with games for thier classrooms. NO coffee mugs, cologne, jewelry, cash, lotion.

Yes, we all know that 'the greatest reward is the love of teaching', but I know that I get a bonus from my job at least once a year, along with my regular paycheck. I love that my daughter's teacher this year is so awesome and has such a great impact on her. I am not going to go above and beyond on the gift because I don't want my child to receive any extra attention, which I do believe happens.

I have a friend who has been teaching for years and she told me that I should give a gift to my daughter's teachers. Teachers enjoy knowing that they are appreciated.

I asked her what she wanted to get her teacher and she said a wrap (Pashmina), so that is what she will get along with a gift card to DD. Nothing big, but an acknowledgement that she is appreciated.

There is a simple rule with regard to the appropriateness of giving money to someone: if that person has power over you or your family, money should not be given. It constitutes an implicit bribe. If money is given, it should be with absolute anonymity, so that no appearance of impropriety is possible.

Our school has a cap limit on $100 per teacher per year.
Therefore, in the younger grades we combine our monies to get one large gift certificate for the teacher each holiday and end of year. Large cash gifts to a teacher does not seem appropriate to me. Evidently our school system feels the same way.

I have always gotten a gift card of some kind. My son is in 2nd grade and I love his teachers. Before I had time to agonize over a gift for each of them (2 teachers jobshare), they sent out a letter to all of their students' parents. I love them even more for it! Basically, the letter asked all parents to please not send gifts to them....that we parents had already given them the most precious gift that they can imagine, the privilege of teaching our children. If the children want to make a card, of course they would love that. If the children want to buy a gift, please tell them that your teacher would prefer that you donate the money that you would spend on a gift to other children that have less than you, so that those children can also have a special Christmas. Isn't that great!

As a former teacher, I have to tell you that receiving cash from a parent would have made me extremely uncomfortable -- particularly since I taught in a school where many families were wealthier than I was at the time. The teacher/parent dynamic should not be one in which "tipping" comes into play; it's inappropriate (your child's teacher is not your hairdresser or cleaning lady), and it could even be seen as insulting. The best presents are something small, personal, and fun -- like something your child has made for the teacher -- or maybe a gift card to a bookstore.

Alright folks, It's Christmas.
What on earth is wrong with giving the person who almost spends as much time with your child as you a little gift! This is where your child learns some of lifes hardest lessons on his own. Shouln't he learn how nice it is to give someone a gift of appreciation. This is a big relationship for them to have away from you. Why not let them decide what or how much to give(with a little guidence for the big spenders) or even make something?
I don't tip, but if I had extra cash to throw around, I would. I also refuse to give candles and or lotion!! Do you know how much of this crap they get?
All you need to do is show your child how to be thankful to others and that giving is a good thing!!

When my son was in elementary school, I always gave his teachers (including art, music etc) and the staff (librarian, secretary, etc) small gifts as a thank you. His transition to middle school was difficult so I gave all of his 6th grade teachers (all 7 of them) gift cards to Barnes and Noble. 7th grade was easier for him and the teachers were not as warm and fuzzy, so I sent in commercially prepared sweet treats. Still have not decided what to do for 8th grade - but I sure cannot afford $100 per teacher (7 in all). I think that is excessive.

We all need to be honest. All people and teachers are no exception do give extra consideration to the students whose parents are the most visable and contribute the most money and send the nicest gifts. I have not ever seen a teacher refuse a gift of any type and all prefer cash however fine imported wines, gift certificates from the high end stores and very expensive gifts of jewelry are the favored choices. These gifts are acknowledged by personal extra attention to the student. There are a few teachers, principals, counselors that wil acknowledge this practice among themselves but I have personally witnessed and overheard conversations in the lunch room, hallways, often at private gatherings that this is a standard practice. Anyone that denies this or prefers to keep their head buried in the sand is not being honest with themselves. I have been watching this going on for over forty years and it will continue to go on and those involved will continue to lie and deny about it. For those of us that will speak out I say enough of the dumb stuff and lets keep it real.

I have to respond to pax2u2. While I don't have strong feelings one way or the other about gifts for teachers, I am struck by how little respect you seem to have for teachers or the teaching profession. I worked many years in upper management for a large corporation before deciding to become a teacher. It is a challenging career, and I have worked with many dedicated and caring people. Unfortunately, teachers have to do much more than just teach lessons. Dealing with all the issues and behavior problems that come into the classroom is a big part of the job and eats into instruction time. Parents and teachers have to work together to ensure that students come to school ready to learn, behave apporpriately, and recognize that we are a triad which requires mutual support in order to have an optimal outcome of successful and well educated students.

Teachers spend most of the day with your children! I think it's important to show them how much you appreciate them. When my daughter was in elementary school, I always made sure to get her teacher, the principal and the school secretary a gift - Usually movie tickets and a gift certificate for somewhere in town both at the holidays and the end of the year. This year in middle school she has a few more teachers so we'll probably give just the movie tickets to each of them.

I'm more than willing to give up small items for myself during the year to give a gift of appreciation to my daughter's teachers. If you can't afford gifts, volunteering to help the school or the staff is a great way to show you appreciate all they do.

Forget the baked goods - I know you think it's a nice treat but I agree that the teacher doesn't know what your kitchen is like. Our school requires store bought food if you bring it to the school unless you have a food handler's license.

you are so right , I am a nurse ,and have been offered money , for the care I gave my pt's ,never have I excepted , this is my job ,money is not the root of all evil , it's what money can buy, and I am appaled at the idea of giving $,

We had a similar discussion at the end of the school year. What is it about teaching that makes us think a gift is necessary? I am a professional, my reward comes from doing a good job and I get a paycheck. With students graduating without basic skills; our ever declining ability to compete with other nations who are better educated perhaps a gift certificate to a motivational seminar or a book on changing careers would be appropriate.

Money/gift or power influences human being. Teachers are human, so I do not give a personal gift to my children's teacher.

There is an element of truth, some teachers and administrators pay special attention to children of the top donors toward school project. The same way, the same people pay extra attention to students with brain who push the school's test score in state and national examination.

My son's class will present gifts to the teacher's charity, Girls' home, so parents are requested to send gifts to the Girls' home not the teacher. My daughter's teacher needs many things for her classroom, not personal gifts. This method works well with many parents and reduces competition, and complaining among parents and students or waste of money/time of students and parents.

Also, my daughter's school has a holiday store, which students are encourage to buy holiday gifts to their family members, pet, and friends. Everything is under $2.00 and my daughter is spending $14.00 for seven people on her list. She made a decision to buy something for her teacher and friends. Great!

Happy Holidays to everyone!

we like to make things with our kids from our kitchen like, brownies, ginger cookies, sugared nuts. The effort is much appreciated by the teacher and the kids feel very involved

www.cookingexplorers.com

Usually around this time of year I come across an article about what teachers would like (gift cards, usually) and what they can do without (candles, coffee mugs, etc.). I try to find out their interests at the start of the year and go from there. Last year I put together a small basket with single packs of various flavored popcorn; hot choc. mixes and a gift card to Blockbuster. This year's teacher is doing some renovating to her home, so I'm thinking along the lines of a Home Depot gift card. Personally, I've never heard of tipping a teacher with cash to ensure that your child gets extra attention. There is something unethical about that, both on the parent's part and the teacher's. Some may disagree with me, but that's just my 2 cents.

Not a teacher here. Well I was 1 long ago for a yr at at preK. I'm chiming in as a parent. I wondered if gift giving was different depending on socio-economics of the zone, & whether public or private school. My dd was in private school until this yr. Her public this yr is the best school ever - for her. I let her teachers know by email & hubby w. the flex job in person. As for gifts, when she was in most of her private schools there were tons of opportunities for gifts to the primary teacher. I mean, everytime I turned around they were collecting $ for a primary teacher gift. Finally at Christmas time I was able to get her my own gift, in add'tn to whatever the class was getting. Mine was a humble $10-$15 but I did see the very expensive gift cards & cash bandied about. This yr in dd's public school - the best school IMHO - I got under $5 gifts for each of her teachers & her homerm teacher which comes to 10! Some are female, some male & 2 teachers are expecting a baby so I got an ornament w. the baby's name which I'm giving to the Dad-to-be since the Mom-to-be may or may not be out then. I tell you I feel SO good about these gifts like I never did before. I can't thank dd's awesome teachers enough, not in a million yrs, hope they know how much hubby & I appreciate them!!
Rachlove

it is unethical for teachers to take money. And if they take more than 50 dollars even in a gift card they are suppose to fill out an ethics clause. We also have to put it on our taxes. We are civil servants. We are paid with tax money, no one goes into education for the money. A nice note would be more than enough. YOU are right teachers don't usually have a don't feed me sign. But in today's world, save your money make a nice card and right what your child has learned, liked etc in the class and that will go far.

Wow metdad, I will be pulling my son out of any school where a teacher only gives extra attention to the children who's parents 'grease their palms'.

I pay taxes and that goes to pay the teacher salaries and they should teach all the children the same, within reason, not have ANY favorites.

Maybe I'm just naive about the public school system though, who knows...

As far as complaining about baked goods, well it IS the thought that counts, right?

Wow, metdad, I'm sorry you had a teacher that was that weirded out by homemade goods.

At our school, the teachers eat the bake sale stuff, the stuff made for teacher appreciation week brunches, and my son makes a legendary lemon cake that has three grade levels salivating at the holidays and school end.

I don't tip, but I spend at least 4 hours a week in the classroom. I see my child gets noticed, but I'd like to think that's because the teacher notices all 20, not because she's gifted or because she's giving gifts.

Since I barely have enough money to spend on my own four children, I volunteer some of my time helping out in the classroom. This is probably the gift most teachers appreciate the most.

Christine-I agree and while it's nice of you to spend the extra time and effort in bakind a little something (by the way...I'm partial to PB cookies-I mean just in case I made the list) but how many teachers do you really think eat the stuff people send from home? I spoke to one teacher who said she appreciated that I sent in store bought cup cakes because if she didn't know what your kitchen was like-she wasn't about to risk it. Another once told me a story about a homemade pie that was covered with dog hairs from a PTA member she "would have never expected that from!" I tip not for excellent service I've recieved-but to make sure my kids get noticed and more attention. The other parents I know who also tip-do it for the same reason. Think about what you do-wouldn't you spend a little extra time or be a little more understanding to a client who gives you a little extra than one who doesn't? Teachers are no different.

I have my kids go to the dollar store and pick out an ornament for thier teachers. There are always nice ones to buy even if it is a dollar store, I buy for 8 teachers so this way the teachers get something and it does not cost me alot

I just go to my bank & buy $50.00 visa gift cards. I buy small gold baskets from Pier 1 & I put paper in there w/ candy & the gift card. This way they can buy what ever they want.

i like to give my kids teachers a little something on xmas, a mug or chocolate, i do think they deserve something at the end of the year for all thier hard work, i usually give out a gift certificate to the movies.

IMHO I think today's culture has went tip crazy.

Back when I was little, it was handmade gifts from us children that were given to our teachers at special times of the year and I still remember the genuine look and words of thanks I got from many teachers. That is what this season is all about.

My son is only in preschool and I've already felt competition among the other parents to give the very best and most elaborate gifts. This year, I'm saying, enough is enough and my son and are are going to bake goody baskets for the teachers. It's the thought and love that goes into it, not the one upmanship.

Seriously though, the holiday tip season is crazy. Why are we tipping everyone for doing their jobs that we pay them for every day anyhow. I'm speaking of the mailman, newspaper delivery boy, gardener, hair stylist, landlord, you name it. It's really gotten out of hand.

Tips used to mean that you received extraordinary service, and now they are expected. :(

I normally give my son's teacher a Christmas gift. However, it is always something casual, a planner, coffee mug, or tote bag. Nothing over the top, that would be considered "tipping." My older children, get to pick one teacher (since they each have 8 teachers) to give a gift to.

Tipping a teacher is strongly frowned upon by most administrations and could place the teacher in a bad position in her job. The objective is to acknowledge the service, care and commitment. I remember giving a teacher a mere puzzle as a child and have also seen gifts that are extravagant. The below $25 range is a good measure. I normally give gifts that are $10-20 depending on the situation. If demands have been placed on the teacher, as was when my son with ADHD was in grade school, I try to go toward $25. If things are going typically and no one has been in a position where they have to rise to any occassion, I go lower. Remember, there are other kids in the class and this is not a chance to keep up with the Joneses by outdoing a classmate. In school, equal is good.

If you choose to acknowledge a teacher at Christmas, it should be an appropriate gift. This gifts should not exceed $25.00. Most teachers receive gifts that cost less than this. Usually for a large gift gift - spas - money etc. - the class takes up a collection and gives it as a group gift. Teacher's love gift cards for book stores, coffee shops, office and home supply stores. They also love books, mugs, travel mugs etc. Although well-intentioned, expensive gifts from one child or family, can make the teacher feel awkward. Teachers' treasure things actually made by the student... brownies, cookies, cakes, a poem, a picture. It means so much to the children to have an opportunity to give something from themselves. I recommend, keep it simple. After all, it is the thought that counts.
Happy Holidays!!

As a teacher and a mom, I have been on both sides of this issue. When my kids were in elementary school, I gave gifts to teachers at Christmas and at the end of the year. I typically gave a gift certificate to Border's, as I figured the teacher could use for the class or for personal use, depending on how they saw fit. Now that they are older, I donate money to the school for use in the classroom. I know how much of their own money most teachers spend on classroom supplies, even in affluent areas, and I want to help where I can.

I don't feel anyone should feel obligated, and would never treat a child or parent differently because of a gift. A personal note, especially from the child, is always welcome. A note to their principal is also nice. While I appreciate any gifts, for the classroom or personal items, I do believe it is the thought that counts. As the years go by, it's the special notes of thanks that tell me I am valued that I keep and treasure.

With the current economy, everybody is feeling the crunch. I will be sending out a note this year to the families in my class that will read:
Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah! I wish you and your family a holiday season filled with peace and gentle memories. At this holiday time I would like to you to know that I value the gift of your good wishes and respectfully ask for no other. In the present economy, there are so many people who need a hand. Take some time to reach out and spread some cheer!

While thoughtfulness is always appreciated, I don't know of any teacher who expects expensive gifts. Most of us would feel happy if parents would just take the time to say "thank you". Like anyone else, we do a better job when we feel we're appreciated.

Some of our teachers spend over $500.00 annually for classroom supplies. Yes! their money for a common good in "affluent district."

I agree parents should do what they are comfortable with and look for the need of the teacher too. For me, I prefer a sincere thank you not a gift because I do not have a need for any gift. I coached soccer and taught Sunday schools.

magnetmom:

The teachers I work with love office-supply and teacher-supply gift cards, because we spend a lot of our own money at those stores. Every twenty bucks I don't have to spend on copier paper is twenty bucks I can use to buy groceries or pay the electric bill!

Last year, I gave the teachers a very special basket that had things I like. That included my "patented" home made salsa (OK Rachel Ray's recepie!!:), my home baked (nut-free) cookies, Lavazza coffee beans, home made granola bars and some other goodies...I think she loved it. I loved it too! :) Can you tell it's a beautiful day here in Michigan..can you?

1seremen,

You bring up a good point, and I'd love to hear from the other teachers as well. While I realize no one is speaking for teachers nationwide, I hear differing opinions.

Are holiday and year end gifts of school supplies or gift cards to stores like Lakeshore Learning or Staples desirable, or are they offensive?

When suggested in the past, I've been rebuffed because this is supposed to be a teacher gift.

I stay out of it completely, because I'm the baking mom. My kids' teachers get cookies, as do the folks in the office.

But because I coach, I can safely say I like being appreciated and if it's a lanyard made by a child, I love it. If it's a Starbucks card, I love it. If they donated used equipment for other kids, I'd love it just the same. And a card at the holidays (when our season ends) saying "thanks," is the best gift of all.

immrsp:
Thanks a lot for your suggestions. I hope more teachers join the discussion.

Holidays on the way and a lot of pressure from every where. It is crazy! Last year, I saw a young mother struggled wih eight gift bags and a baby and behind my back, another woman with a truck load of flower pots for teachers. I am still laughing because I was confused with the parade of gifts and a drama of gift giving.

Gift is good, but ask a teacher what he or she needs. My daughter's teacher needs school supplies for her classroom and the counselor needs money and clothing to give to the children/families in need.

Thanks again!

Well Michele4031,

I do give it to many people at the school especially the lunch room people and the people at the office. Also, the crossing guard and the librarian...humm I missed the gym teacher last year as wel as the school psycologist but my children thanksfully never had to see one!
OK, as crazy as it may sound, they still like to receive something small. My son has severe food allergies and I know that the ladies at the lunch room keep an eye on my son and who else is sitting with him. I appreciate that a lot. I really do and hence presents for everybody! Ho ho ho...I'm already in the spirit! Cheers

I think this is crazy......Why not the gym techer ,the librarian, the secretary, the janitor, the school pscycologist, the nurse, the principal, the administrators, and everyone else who is an integral part of your child's learning????

Yikes! $100 several times a year? That's very generous, but it would make me very uncomfortable. It would make me wonder if you expected special treatment for your child because you had "paid extra" for it.

It looks as if no other teachers have weighed in on the gifts question, so with the holidays coming up, I'll give you my two cents' worth:

As I said earlier, I am very uncomfortable with large gifts of cash or large-denomination gift cards. More than $25 starts to look like a bribe, no matter how lovely and generous the intention.

If you want to give a gift to your child's teacher this holiday, he/she will appreciate a gift card for necessities (Target, a grocery store, office supply stores, school supply stores, Starbucks for those of us who need to be caffeinated) or little luxuries (candy shops, bakeries, garden centers, movie theaters). Most female teachers already have a lifetime supply of scented candles and bath products. Ditto for teacher-themed plaques, figurines, stuffed animals, keychains, coffee mugs, and books of cute classroom-related stories. It's not that we don't appreciate the thought, but we really don't have that much shelf space, and these things tend to get put away in boxes and forgotten, so I hate to see people spend their money on them.

Really, the nicest gift is a letter from you, with a copy sent to the principal, telling us that you appreciate what we do. We mostly hear from parents when they're unhappy. I have a file where I keep thank-you letters from parents and kids, and I pull it out and read them on bad days. And for me, such a letter attached to a little box of chocolates is a darn near perfect gift!

good point MSMomm
didn't thing about that!

IMO, I don't think tipping teachers is appropriate. Maybe a small gift during the holidays, such as baked goods or a $20 or less gift certificate showing your appreciation is good.

Just wait until your child gets to middle school and high school, and you have six or seven teachers on your gift list! $100 times 7 equals ... :)

Maggie93215: I think your idea for a gift certificate to the movies is really cute!

I can't imagine spending $100 on my daughter's teacher when I don't spend that much on gifts for my own family! I do give her childcare provider a holiday bonus but that's a little different in my opinion.

There was another discussion on this topic a few months back. Check it out! community.greatschools.net/q-and-a/174760/Is-it-ok-for-a-parent-to-give-moneycheck-to-a-teacher-as-a-gift?

It's really what area you are in. I've never given over $100. but I have given one teacher $100. You'd be amazed at how my daughter's report we up. That's the reason I do it too. Before my daughter wasn't participating in class-now the teacher makes the extra effort to keep her involved.

My kid is a 4th grader and this is the first year the teacher is male, so I was thinking a $20.oo gift card to the movies, he is a rather young teacher. I thought my idea was pretty good. In the past with his other teachers I would by them a small box of See's candy it was like $6.00.

Wow, that is a great gift, but I believed is too much, what I do is, I take a picture of my daughter and her teacher and put a bear or another stuff animal to hug it, it looks very cute and I believe is a great gift, or I buy a box of chocolates and put a real rose and give it to the teacher, I usually use my imagination to create something, it is more expensive if I buy it made.

It is not required to give teachers any type of gift but I do think if the teacher is a "good one" a small token of appreciation is acceptable. I usually buy a nice box of chocolates or something like this but wow, a spa trip or $100, I guess I am in the wrong business...LOL.

Certainly, teachers need to make a living also but no one should feel pressured to give more than they can afford. Most people are strapped for cash and do not need the extra stress of how MUCH to give a teacher.

Personally I have felt pressured to give and have done so because I know others are overly generous and giving what I consider reasonable may be misunderstood as a lack of appreciation on my part. I respect those who chose to give bick $ I no longer do it. My kids have attended school in other countries and they still do things like we used to in the good old days, a flower from your garden, a drawing from your child and a nice note written in his best handwriting. I like that philosophy better... I am making a conscious effort to have my children write a special note to their teachers when something comes up. You'd be surprised by how much your child knows about his or her teacher such as favorite color or pet and how good they are at giving a simple personalized hand-made gift. Sure, it's hard to get them to stop whatever they are doing It is more beneficial to their education and adds to their life skills in general.

Well, I'm a pretty generous person myself but I never thought of "tipping" a teacher! :) Wow, a $100 spa...makes me think why am I not teaching your child! OK, let me serious, my son's kindergarten teacher felt the need to tell everybody her birthday and the dedicated moms bought presents and the homeroom moms threw her a party ( I was forced to buy something for her). Then she had a baby, homeroom moms threw her sort of a shower...I felt compelled to by her baby something! Seriously, I
never reallly liked the teacher but that was kindergarten...

Why should I tip a teacher? I appreciate what a teacher does. I show my appreciation by volunteering, helping whenever she needs me, and yes, tipping her during X-mas, and teacher's appreciation's week! :)

Geez, Anon, I'm sorry you've felt required to "tip" the teachers. I volunteer in the classroom, and at holiday time, the teacher gets a bucket of homemade cookies, brownies, or cake. Then again at years' end, the teacher gets the same or similar treats.

The PTA does give each teacher a gift card, and a class gift is collected for those who wish to participate, but no one feels pressured to tip money, and especially not several times a year.

First of all-this is "HER JOB", now, i am all for giving a "gift at Christmas" or something....my son will be giving his teachers a LITTLE HOUSE, for Christmas. But this is her job, and i expect her to treat, my child no differently then any other child, in her class.

Anonymous:
It depends on an individual and what you feel comfortable doing. I do not tip or give my children's teacher any personal gift. I do buy things for the classroom any time there is a need and my children write a thank you note at the end of the year.

Are you a teacher, join the discussion and let us know what you think is the right approach.