My daughter calls them Mean Girls-what can be done about them?

I guess being a guy s'not so hard after all. Why are girls mean and catty to each other and what can be done in schools to stop this? My daughter's mother says most women look at each other as rivals while guys are just team players-facts of life. Opinions anyone?

Parent Answers to "My daughter calls them Mean Girls-what can be done about them?"

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I think your daughter's mother is on to something there - although I'd like to say that women over these past few decades have come to be a better support system for each other than was once the case.
But - it's still not the case among young girls in elementary school and middle school. There are indeed 'mean girls' and almost every middle school I know has them. ( I have seen a few exceptional schools that don't have this but that's another story)
When a school does have them, they usually don't manage it well. 'Mean girls' are mean for a reason but almost never do schools work with mean girls in that way - they either ignore the problem or they try to make it go away by demeaning the mean girls - some teachers remember too well how meanly they were treated by the mean girls when they were in school and those teachers can get pretty mean to the mean girls.
Which accomplishes nothing and only serves to make the mean girls meaner....
Schools are too big - schools can't watch every minute and every minute a mean girl can be saying something mean. Tell your daughter - yes, it hurts and in the better world or the better school, she wouldn't have to suffer the meanness of the mean girls but in her school right now she should know - the mean girls are mean because they're unhappy. Good for you and your daughter's mother that you've raised a happy and secure child who does not need to prey on other children - who does not need to be mean to feel good.
The mean girls need to be mean - the mean girls group always has a Queen Bee - who's the meanest of all and who rules the others with a mean demeanor. Woe unto the other girls if they cross the Queen Bee cause the Queen Bee will cross their names off her list without a backward glance. To establish their boundaries, the mean girls are mean to the girls not in their group - like wolves will 'mark their territory in their own special way.... mean girls mark their territory with meanness.
That's all it means - try to explain that to your daughter. Give them a pleasantly wide berth - don't try to fight back with meanness - the mean girls are Way Meaner because inside themselves the mean girls are hurting. The Mean Queen Bee is usually a very damaged child - emotionally struggling on the inside. Only people who have been treated generously by life can treat others generously. The Queen Bee is often a fairly neglected child no matter how well off the family may seem to be and she attracts other children with 'weak links' in their emotional chains - and they seek to compensate for their emotional weakness and insecurities with early make-up, tremendous attention to clothes and conformity in dress and just as often the mean girls are the first to smoke and drink as they get into the higher grades.
Be glad your daughter's not a mean girl and help her to be glad too - that's she not speaks volumes for what a great girl she is.

I believe your daughters mother is correct. Girls are jealous of each other at such a young age. Women want to be beautiful ,where guys usually care about other things ,sports,food etc. lol. I have learned that some women will not take the time to get to know another woman if she is attractive. Women assume that the woman must be stuck -up or a level above just because she carries herself with elegance or self confidence. I personally don't care what other women think and I have taught my daughter to be the same way.

Girls are mean to other girls when they are jealous of eachother!! Tell your daughter to keep being herself. all the other girls are fighting for attention from boys, from other girls, and from teachers. Girls that are mean have self esteem issues.( so it makes them feel better to be mean to others) makes no sense to me but that is what they do. I have a 10yr old who came home telling me that two of is friends that are girls don't like eachother and they always talk about eachother. I just told him stay out of there business, and don't say what you hear to either of them. He smiled at me and said they are both nice to him!

My daughter, who's a sophomore says the same thing. She says most girls are catty and fake. She has a couple of best friends that are girls, but she primarly hangs out with her boyfriend or other guy friends. I do encourage her to have female friendships with those girls she feels that she can trust however.

My experineces is that girls are mean, it that way when I was in school and I kwow it hasn't changed much since I was there. At least that is what I get from my daughters. I tell them to do what makes you happy and not to worry about what everyone else thinks or say. Because in the end it is about you and your daughters happiness that is important. There will always be that mean girl group no matter where you go. You have to live above that stuff!

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