how do l stop my son from hitting,kicking.pushing other children?

hi, my 4 year old keeps hitting, kicking,pushing and annoying other children. he does it at school and at home. when he does it we punish him but he just laughs in our face hes got a terrible attitude. me and my husband dont knoe what to do anymore.we dont go anywhere anymore cos hes naughty weve tried everything. even when we go to parties we get black looks from other parents for his behaviour. please help im at that stage where i just want to pack my bags and go out of his life. its so upsetting.

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What a horrible parent to have called you a "scum bag" like that! I'm so sorry that you have to live in such a difficult environment! It must be terribly stressful for you.

I suggest that you use constant praise for good behavior. Try using at least 10 positive comments for every negative comment or criticism. That way, he will get attention for the GOOD things he is doing.

Make sure that the praise it very specific. Don't just say "you were very good today", but try saying, "I noticed that you shared your favorite toy with Johnny, that was very nice of you" or "I saw that the other boy grabbed a toy from your hand, but I also noticed that you did not get angry about it, but told an adult instead... that was GREAT... I'm very proud of you for asking an adult for help!" Be VERY specific about what your son did well.

When your son has a problem with another child, he needs to know some solutions he can try to solve the problem. He should be reminded to try the different solutions... for example, when a child does something that he doesn't like he should say "Don't do that. I don't like it when you ... grab things from me" If that doesn't work, he should try walking away, or asking an adult for help, or asking a friend for help. Remind him that if one solution doesn't work, that he needs to try another one.

Try going through some solutions with him for the types of problems he has with his peers. Even try acting them out with him. Have him be the "mean kid" and you be the nice one. Then, have YOU be the mean kid (having me be the mean kid never worked with my son because I'm MOM, and MOM is NEVER supposed to be mean... even when pretending... I don't know if it will work for you or not, but you can give it a try.)

Make a list of the solutions, and then regularly REMIND him of the solutions that he can try. When you see him USE one of the solutions PRAISE HIM, even if the solution doesn't work.

Since you live somewhere where adults call other adults names (like scumbag), your son's solution of telling someone to stop doing something might not work. If you witness your son telling another child to stop, and if the other child continues to harass your son, you may need to talk to the parent of the other child. Point out that your son politely requested that their child stop bullying him, but that their child didn't stop. Kindly ask them to help THEIR child understand that when someone asks them to stop, then they should do so.

Why is everyone so quick to lay the blame on ADD/ADHD.
Give me a break. This kid is 4. My 5 y/o son does the same things. Is he an only child? Mine is. Our kids have sharing and caring issues, NOT ADD. Medicating a young child is ludicrous. What I have done is make sure that I spend extra time with him, and when he does these things at school we restrict him from the activities he enjoys. When he plays sports, it also makes a big difference. I hope I helped, even a little. If anyone has any suggestions that dont involve some disability or drugs, I would like to hear them.

Titanix:

May I suggest a couple of groups here Greatschools. The first is the Learning and Attention Difficulties group: community.greatschools.net/groups/11554. Many parents belong to that group, and can give guidance on ADD/ADHD, such as getting the testing process started through your local public school, what questions to ask of medical professionals, things of that nature.

Another group is the Education Laws & Regs. Group: community.greatschools.net/groups/77570. Here, you can find a wealth of information regarding IEP’s (Individualized Education Plans), 504 Plans, etc.

Please feel free to take a look and post any questions you may have there so other parents can see and respond to your questions in a more timely manner.

Difficult as it is may be to accept, yeah, I'm suspecting that he has. I brought up the subject with his pediatrician and she suggested a few avenues where I may be able to start. Let's hope and see what happens.

titanix:

Have you brought your son's behavior to the attention of his pediatrician? If not, you may want to start there. If so, what did the pediatrician say? Do you feel your son has ADHD/ADD?

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how do l stop my son from hitting,kicking.pushing other children?

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