Your daughter needs to find a way to express her feelings of frustration and anger that does not emotional or physically hurt others.
Although sibs are wonderful - they represent a change in the family dynamic for everyone.
Older sibs have lost their position in the family - and now must share with the other child.
Your daughter sounds like she might need some time to address her need for autonomy.
Actually, everyone in the family needs that oppportunity. Do the children have the opportunities which do not include the other?
It sounds like there is a struggle. Assure your daughter that feelings of frustration and anger are natural for everyone. Help her identify and practice alternative ways of expressing feelings constructively.
Keep talking to her as an individual as well - and do the same for the younger one. Children are individuals within a family unit. It is crucial not to just lump them together.

What I did for my boys (They are 21 months apart) is after the youngest was born I always involved the older one in the care of his brother. Granted I didn't make him take care of his brother but I would have him get me a diaper or wipes or help me hold him. That is if he wanted to. I never made him feel he had to do these things but if he wanted to I would let him.

As they got older if say the older one hurt the younger one (siblings will always fight/argue ) I would sit the offending party and ask him (who ever was at fault if I knew.) 1) why did you hit your brother? (it would be something like because he made me mad.) 2) Do you think it's a good to hit when you are angry? 3) How would you feel if your brother had hit you if he was angry? (Usually I would get the answer no) 4) How do you think your brother feels when you hit him (Usual answer was not good). 5) What do you think you should do? (usual answer was say I am sorry).

This is just one scenario we would use when they would fight. I always tried to make the one that was at fault (again that was if I knew. If I didn't I would sit them both down and talk to them) realize how he made the other one feel. When they are really young they don't understand how things affect another person but they do understand what affects them so turning it around to show them how it would make them feel helped them realize how they were making the other one feel.

Sure my boys still argue at times (What siblings don't?) but they get along pretty well. Better than my younger brother and I ever did LOL.

One on one time is also a good idea like other's have said. This doesn't even have to be an all day thing. Compliment her when you see her doing good things with her sister (reading with her or helping her with something). Read a book to each one separately during the day. Have her help (if she wants to) you take care of the younger child. Nothing major but if she wants to help her zip her coat or help her read a word etc. let her. This will make her feel important to her sister.

I know I have rambled on :). I hope I have helped in some small way.

Get your 8 yr old involved in something without the 6 yr old such as a sport, dancing class, karate, brownies or jr girls scouts. Look into your local community center where pricing is reasonable. Maybe she needs some conseling (what's her reason for wishing you never had her). Spend one on one time with her. I have a 15 and 11 year old girls and my 11 yr old wants to do what the 15 yr old does so I created her own group activities and also to keep her out of her older sister hair (if u know what i mean). I hope this helps you and the 8 yr old.

I have 2 daughters 2 years apart also. I think the way I would deal and how i do deal with this is to 1. never yell, if you yell and raise your voice, why shouldn't they 2. Say in this family we do not talk this way to each other. 3. If it continues there needs to be a punishment - before this happens again, have a lil chat with both girls and say we have a new rule of not saying "i hate you" blah blah, if we break this rule there will be punishement and i want you both to come up together with what you think that punishment should be. let them work together and be involved with this new rule
This worked great for us with TV. There are no more fights because I would take away the remote when the fight started and say you're not getting it back to you have a plan on how your spending the next hour wathcing tv and just then leave the room. It results in one saying well i really have to watch show A so you can choose the first show then etc.

All of these are good answers. Thanks for the info on Siblings. I do put her in time out when she does this. She's been in time out often due to this. But it continues to happen again & again & again.

ON, a liter note, i bet -THAT no one else can pick "ON HER SISTER"!!!!

Hi Anon,

If you look at the top right hand side of the page you'll see a search option. Type in siblings and you will see all sorts of threads under the "siblings umbrella" that you could find useful.

I do only have one child. But ever one in my house "TALKS" respectfully", i would get down on her LEVEL, and TELL HER , you WILL speak nicely!!! I would NOT let her BAD MOUTH her sister- nor the other sister....PUT THEM IN TIME OUT FOR BEING "DIS- RESPECTFUL "to each-other...

I wish it were that easy. Even though they fight, they are practically inseperable. They both keep going back for more. In fact, I can't keep them away from each other. No matter how angry the older one gets, she's right back near her little sister 2 seconds later. I try to seperate them to no avail. As soon as the seperation time is over, they are right back together. We have 4 televisions, yet they MUST watch in the same room, & then argue over what they'll watch,etc. It's so frustrating!

WELL IT IS GOOD YOU MADE A LITTLE SISTER FOR HER TO PLAY WITH. SO THERES NO PROBLEM AT ALL WITH THAT. YOU SHOULD GIVE YOUR 8 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER A LITTLE SPACE. I MEAN LITTLE SISTERS COULD GET VERY VERY ANOYING WHEN IT COMES TO LITTLE SISTERS. TELL YOUR LITTLE GIRL TO GIVE HER SPACE. YOULL BE THEN JUST FINE.