What's a reasonable bedtime and 'turn off the TV' time for a 13-year old?

You just have to do what you believe is in the best interest of your child. It really doesn't matter if "everyone else's Mom" lets them have TV, stay up later or the myriad of other "why can't I do that" things.

I remember trying the "everybody else" gets to do ____ with my Mom. It didn't work and now that I'm an adult with my own child, I'm glad she didn't cave in.

It's hard being a parent...really hard, especially when you want to give your child everything in the world but you know that to do that is worse than saying no. You know what...it's easier to give in to the constant barrage of the child...except it won't stop with the TV. If you cave, they'll figure if they bug you enough, you'll give in on the next thing.

Am I suggesting you should never change your mind? Absolutely not. I'm trying to teach my daughter that rather than throwing a fit, come up with logical reasons why I should change my mind and present them in a calm manner. Then I will reevaluate. (Of course, regarding the TV, there's so much junk, even without premium chanels, I'd be afraid to have one in my child's room! We limit TV big time already.)

I thought my Mom was the meanest Mom in the world. We didn't get along very well during those teen years because I wanted to do what my "friends" were doing. It was really only after I moved out on my own, paying my own bills, etc, that I started to understand.

The light bulb REALLY clicked on after having my child!

These are tough times, but hold fast to what you know is right for your family. It might take awhile and the road might be rocky, but your children will thank you once they get on their own...especially when they have their own children.

So beautifully stated!

You've gotten great advice so far. I'd definitely warn you not to get caught up in the "what other parents do" war.

I can understand her wanting something more special than her brother, but it doesn't have to be TV--you can compromise on music, reading, getting ready for the next day, or even gloating that she gets an extra hour. :) The point being that since she's 13 she can be part of the solution, but you still get final veto power.

Good luck!

How is your 13 year old doing? Does she get up on time - ready for school - doing well in school? Does she perform chores around the house?
If she is doing well - let her earn the privilege. If you are willing to let her have it. Are you willing to let her have a TV at some point? If so, maybe she could have a TV on Friday and/or Saturday night(s). See how it works. TV's, cell phones, later bedtimes are privileges - not rights!
With privilege comes responsibilities. What do you need to see from your daughter to make you more comfortable with a TV or later bedtime, or some other request? I would be honest with her about your concerns and expectations. Let her address your concerns, and make an acceptable goal and work for it. Let her learn about problem solving, compromising, and negotiation (for the things that are negotiable!) She needs to convince you she is ready for the next step!
This is how it works in real life - and it is a good experience for her.
As far as being "too" strict - well that does not address any issues. This is a great time to engage your daughter in conversations about the "facts if life" in terms of growing up - and earning her way!
It sounds like you are doing a great job! I am glad you haven't folded just because other parents might do it differently!! Too many kids suffer from entitlement issues!