If my child has 'a reputation for lieing' I would take myself to a counselor to find out how this 'reputation' developed...with or without my help. This question shouldn't be about teacher vs. child, or adult vs. child, or lies vs. truth. It should be about communication skills, respect and decency in dealing with young minds...helping them learn to cope as they grow. I think sometimes adults can forget who the 'grownup' is....

Depends on the child. If your child has a reputation for lying then believe the teacher.

Absolutely not. I was expressing that often generalizations are made which come, perhaps, from factual incidents. When that occurs, the words which are often remembered are: "teacher's/principals are mean, lazy, unfair, don't do as they are told, biased, etc. I think what you have presented here is factual and fair.

I am not sure if you are saying that I am bad mouthing anyone. If this is the case, you are certainly mistaken. I just stated the facts. I can tell you that I know that working with children can be not only fun but challenging. None ever incenuated anything different. I used to be a teacher for kindergartners and I know how difficult it can be. Parents having expectations, sometimes unrealistic. Children of various learning levels and personalities. I even feel that like any other important profession, they are underpaid. However, I feel that teachers or any other adults responsible for our children need to be held accountable for their actions. I also know that it is important for educators and families to work together. It can be done. it is being done.

"I witnessed a professional grab a child by the should in the hallway and push him aggressivel!!!Now you tell me. Some people need anger management and some should not be working with children. Maybe you have good intentions.You have a point that children immulate what they see at home. You are so right. How about a child who is being very nice and kind, or a child just being inquisitve and friendly being pushed by that teacher. Was grabbing and being aggressive showing good behavior? I think not. Was it her job to shove? I think not."

I have absolutely no tolerance for abuse...in any form...to children. If there is physical aggression existing toward a child...it should be taken to the School Board. If these offenses are commonplace and the Principal is ignoring them...go to the School Board. My concern is always for children. They ARE defenseless and vulnerable. However, my concern is also for some parents who continually criticize 'teachers and schools'...expecting inhuman perfection from them...and doing nothing except complain in public...causing more friction for everyone. There are procedures to follow...There are laws in place against abuse anywhere. If one has the courage to do something at an appropriate level, rather than just constantly 'bad mouth'...schools, teachers and administrators...you'll do everyone a favor. Unwarranted complaints do nothing except spread bad feelings around. Going the source of problems...presenting them...is a positive way to make change. It is the responsibility of anyone who sees this kind of abuse...to take it where it needs to go.

I am believing your comment. It was a known fact that my kindergarten daughter was on the playground when another child ripped her hat apart. the school is aware of the social issues/boundary setting issues that this child who is in the same grade has. despite their interventions he continues to be aggressive and I continue to bring it to them. Even the principal is taking this lightly. My problem is that the principal is not taking things seriously. The same principal has had multiple complaints about a particular teacher and he continues to sweep it under the rug. I have seen the teacher in action with her impatience. Other parents have as well. She still continues in her ways. You know why? because she knows she can get away with it. He has set that standard. Parents have decided to take turns being seen at the school and notifying one another of any behavior that we feel is inappropriate. It is a shame that kids can't go to school and be treated in a kind manner. Most of all, it is a shame when the school takes the stand to automatically side with a teacher and not look at the facts. when 1 teacher receives atleast 4 complaints in a 2 week period, this speaks something loud to me. We have to continue being our children's guides and promoting an enviornment where they feel that they can come to us not tattling but telling us hen something is not right.

Have you ever known anyone who is a professional who either is burned out? And is overwhelmed and versus re-evaluating their position continue to do whatever it is that they are doing? Well, I know that there are some people who do things intentionally. While others are just simply needing a change. I witnessed a professional grab a child by the should in the hallway and push him aggressivel!!!Now you tell me. Some people need anger management and some should not be working with children. Maybe you have good intentions.You have a point that children immulate what they see at home. You are so right. How about a child who is being very nice and kind, or a child just being inquisitve and friendly being pushed by that teacher. Was grabbing and being aggressive showing good behavior? I think not. Was it her job to shove? I think not. I know there are some really great teachers and principals out there and some really want to help. I am also not oblivious to the fact that there are some that simply do not even understand for whatever reason, that they need a new career.

OMG...This attitude from a parent, toward other adults who work with our children is amazing! Why would professional adults whose job it is to teach, train and set examples for children...deliberately set out to hurt a child. Teachers/Principals are completely aware that a child who "has a reputation for doing wrong many times'...needs help...and unfortunately, may have parents who need help as well...since children model the behavior of their parents...particularly in dealing with right and wrong.
The world isn't 'out to get children' OR parents who have difficulties. We are here to help. That's our job!!

YOU SHOULD BELIEVE YOUR CHILD BECAUSE TEACHERS AND ASSISTANT PRINCIPALS SOMETIMES DO THINGS THAT THEY KNOW THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY KNOW IT'S THEIR WORD AGAINST A CHILD, AND WHO"S GONNA BELIEVE HIM, ESPECIALLY IF HE HAS A REPUTATION FOR DOING WRONG MANY TIMES.

You hit the nail on the head. I researched and researched where I would send my child. 1 year before she started kindergarten.(Using great schools of course). I even mapped where my family would move around a certain school district. so, I regostered my child, the principal was super friendly. The office staff was nice and smiley. Oh boy! I hit the jackpot. I then attended a Parent/teacher meet and greet and heard all of the great things about the school and how highly regarded the teachers were. And then crash bang boom! Reality hit. My child was not put on the bus as arranged and I had to leave my job early to pick her up from school. Yes in this day and time that Jobs are not easy to come by. Yes!Next, my daughter was ignored by lunch room aides and teachers when she wanted to go to the bathroom. Yes!My potty trained 5 year old daughter was embarrased comming home soaked in urine from waist down. She was like so for atleast 4 hours. She rode the bus like that home. Yes! my daughter started crying that she hated the teacher and school!. Yes, the school is moving very slow on handling a bully who is taunting her (kindergarten I might add). Yes, I did see a teacher grab a child and look at him with hate in her eyes!Yes, when I voluntered, i would go into classes and No smiling faces (teachers) they all seemed so unaffected. Then reality hit. What ever happened to the mothering insticts. these children go outsode witout a caring adult ensuring that their coats and hats are on. This is our public school system and in a very nice suburb I may add. Unless things change, our children are in grave trouble!! Calling out to teachers who really care and who have not lost humility!!!!!

You are very correct!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The school he attends,and the no-control the teachers have I would believe my son.

Thanks! In reference to wanting a phone #, I am hard to reach if not at school. I have an elderly mom to take care of as well as a 10 year old. I do not have the 2 days it takes to get an answer to email OR leaving a message when she has humiliated my child in front of all the other students AND told my child she is staying in from recess until she learns them, even if it is all year because she does not know her multiplication which her TEACHER was immature at 50 something refused to try to teach her because she felt that my daughter did not want to learn them. So EXCUSE ME for wanting better for my daughter. My daughter was not given anything because her 3rd grade tcap scores were used for her 4th grade learning by the principal who is still useless! I am in PTA and volunteer 20-40 hours weekly at my school and I know what is going on there. You can only be so nice to some people but I do treat others as I want to be treated which I have taught my child. Also I am the mom who helped these teachers who are not doing my child right. SO I don't need someone who thinks they are holier than thou and/or everything they say is the only way. Everyone of us has an opinion and a school can completely change in just 1 year with different principals. Which ours did when our principal retired. Our teachers have no respect or moral for the current principal and it shows in their attitudes. Their time is blocked off so tight that they cannot go back to teach someone who is lost and does not understand what they just went over. My daughter has been told many a time that they can no long discuss that, they have to go on to something else. Whose fault is that? Not hers! So I will continually do what I think is best for her and not care what anyone else thinks. I am too old to play around and heehaw over important matters. I might step on a few toes but they will get over it. Kids are not like they were when we were growing up and it is a me generation with alot of their parents, but this old mom will not let my child be humilated or left behind. I have already had so many rotten things happen to my child this year it is not funny. One girl said that she held a gun to her head and 2 weeks later said that my daughter asked to have sex with her. My daughter does not even know what sex is. So who do I believe? My daughter of course. This girl has alot of problems that the school uses to not punish her for what she does but she can humilate and stress my child to no avail. Her dad even believes the sex one! So no one knows what all we have had to endure when we make our comments and suggestion but I do believe that it helps us all. We just don't need to be judgemental. My sister has seizures and I personally know what all it has done to change her life. It is very hard on her and the medication has alot of side affects too.

I am not makeing lite of this discussion but all seem to agree everyone has their own opinion and their own understanding of what is written or not written (the in-between lines) as Adults we (not me I am not an Adult some times when it comes to my children) seem to read to much into things.
I hope the child has been addressed with want the situation was/is and has a better understanding of what happened so in their own mind they know it was nothing to do with them; and they can move on from there with a postive thought of the teacher and themselves.

We all learn from some unlikely sources

You are absolutely correct. One website is anywho.com.

Just a note to say something about phone numbers and this is just a little scary. You can Google someone'es name and it is a 50/50 chance name address and telephone will come up/ go to property records in their county/ voter registration and put their name in county & state is all you need.
I say this as it use to be Police,US Marshalls,FBI ect.
always were omitted but not now so check your own

Let's see. Mari, is there some reason you feel you need a teacher's phone number? I don't know of any schools now which don't list an e-mail address through which you can contact your teacher at any time. Throughout my history...a school phone number was always available where parents can leave a message to be given a return call.
Yes, children do need to be brought up to do what is right and they learn that from their parents before they arrive in school. As I have said previously, children want to do the right thing, and learn from examples of their parents and other significant people, but external factors sometimes teach them defensive behaviors when they become confused. These are the signals that they need help from their parents and their teachers.
There can be so much of a child's learning which is wasted because someone has 'the proverbial ax to grind'. Education isn't about a power struggle between parents and teachers. It is about children and their growth and their need for training both intellectually and emotionally in large groups. When the balance is tipped because of anger and resentment...which does occur when demands are made and it becomes a power struggle... everyone loses. Adults learn to discuss, problem solve and find solutions to difference. The recent political events showed something different. They showed that some people THINK that demands, commands, gossip, attacks and dirty tricks are a way to accomplish something. I think we all learned that wasn't the case. Oneprayingmom, you have decided that my experience, my training, my interest in my profession and my love for children and education are worthless to you. This is all meaningless to me. I understand disappointment and discouragement and that when this happens...we often lash out at others. These are not unique emotions. They often help people cope with difficulties they are facing...although they are not the most productive way to express ourselves.
I hope you find the help you need. Your child deserves the best of everything you can find for him. I wish you better experiences in the future.

Don't assume that we all have our teachers phone numbers. They do not give them out at school. So you can only get it by asking the teachers personally. Also they are not listed but private in most cases too. I do agree with your parenting. Way to go. I am an older late in life mom of 52 and my child is 10. Kids need to be brought up to do what is right. A letter of apology or in person is the right way to go. Alot more parents need to be like you!

Yes...I have always been an involved parent at my child's school by visiting at LEAST twice weekly, participating in the PTA and fundraisers, participating in the classroom assisting the teachers, making donations for school supplies, etc. And... I still say our children ARE NOT competitive on an international level. Not ALL schools or districts have a substantial budget to invest in the school to attract quality teachers. It is MORE schools that DON'T have sufficient budgets to provide the necessary books/tools for more than an appropriate education. Unless you live in Georgia and know their ranking in the USA - you are clueless. That is why we had our son attending private school initially. Our finances changed that we had to place our son in the public school sytem. So yes I am active in the school and get along quite well w/the teachers and administrators...And....Yes...I am resentful too. There is no way - if your child had been denied a 504/IEP after repeated request for one - that you would walk around w/happy feet. We were met w/scheduled meeting/delays that we had to go to the area superintendent for final resolution. It sounds to me like you perhaps live in a well funded school district - so unless you walk in the shoes - then you really don't know.

We all, parents, teachers...everyone...need to support each other now and find what we can do better. There is always room for improvement in any facet of our lives. It is difficult to carry a Special load...but most people do it in some phase of their lives and when we become negative...it only becomes more difficult. Negativity breeds anger and resentment. Positive action gives us hope, courage and perseverance to make things better. I appreciate your feedback to me, stayathomemom...and your positive input is extremely valuable...both here, and in your school...It makes a big difference when children are surrounded by positive people. K.

Katinka - thank you for responding so eloquently to OnePrayingMom. Your input is appreciated and I love the way you are supporting the educational system and teachers in general. We need more parents like you on our side. Thanks again, I really mean it.

My 'cluelessness' as to what is going on...comes from being an educator for thirty years, a counselor for 20 and having grandchildren presently in excellent schools which are highly motivating, well run and staffed with excellent teachers. As I suggested, your Special Needs Child...cannot be easy to support, but it IS your responsibility to obtain what he needs...from wherever you are able to do so. Because that isn't always available in public school...perhaps you need to supplement his education in some way. The whole Nation is in trouble, financially...and it is now up to us, as Americans, to assist the new Administration to clean up the mess. I am sorry you have many struggles, however, you are one of many...Lots of people have been removed from their homes, their jobs and their stability in any form...It is always important to try to put our own situation...in perspective with what is going on around us.

Your child as a Special Needs child...is not what you represented in your first 'attack' on the schools and teachers. It is helpful to be truthful.
K

hmmm. to OnePrayingMom and others. Do any of you actually work at a school or your child's particular school? I work where my child attends and I have for over a year now. I have never perceived the education that is taught there as being 'dumbed down', in fact, its quite the opposite. Kindergartners are being given seat work and homework that is actually first grade level and on up the chain. Children are expected to treat the teachers, staff and all of the other students with respect, courtesy and kindness. We hold each child to be accountable for their actions and responsible for their personal behavior. Unless you are actually an involved parent (and by that I mean going to your child's school on a continual, daily basis) all that you say in your messages means nothing.

You are entitled to your opinion as they are based on YOUR experiences. Also, it is no secret the OVERALL educational system in the USA has been "dumb downed". Sad, but, true and this is old news. Many write ups/discussion in reputable magazines, talk shows, etc. People discussing accountability is necessary by all - parents/students/teachers/administrators to get our children on some level of competition internationally because our educational system is mediocre by comparison. As far as being a chrisitian as noted in my user name - yes...I AM a praying mom because I have to deal w/people like you who pass judgment and are absolutely clueless what is really going on. Talk to me about what educators go through when you can explain to me how an educator can tell a child it isn't their fault they have epilepsy when the child is struggling. You explain to me how the school administration can refuse to provide a 504 or IEP until the end of the school term when a child is suffering w/epilepsy ALL year long, gets up in the wee hours of the morning to complete their assignments because the school refused to provide the meeting for 504 or IEP. You explain to me how an educator can threaten point deductions when the child wasn't able to complete their assignment due to side effects of the medication and now has the 504 in place for such an occurence to complete at a later time? So yes...MY experience has been bad for MY CHILD who has epilepsy which affects behaviors and moods - complex partial seizures - and side effects from his medication which can cause depression/suicidal thoughts. He doesn't have convulsions - so school administrators/teachers can't comprehend his type of seizures and don't want to take the time to read information provided to them nor take free seminars provided by the Epilepsy Foundation to explain his type. They can't SEE his seizures so they don't BELIEVE. So am I over protective - you are absolutely correct! Will I continue to be when I encounter closed minded people such as this - you can bet on it. Do I have my child responsible and accountable for his actions - you bet I do - because at the end of the day the teachers don't have the time to deal w/him because he is one of many students. But...I have all the time to prepare him to be strong to deal w/closed minded people and discrimination that people with disabilities usually experience. You bet I am overly protective and will continue to be and will continue to be - One Praying Mom.

It always amazes me to hear someone generalizing their own situation into 'the negative public school system' or 'the negative private school system'. Once again...when these kinds of accusations are made...such as educated teachers are in the minority and the schools have gone to hell...Particularly by those who profess to be 'good Christians'. There is no way...a majority of teachers are uneducated and mediocre...Your perception of 'others' as negative and 'out to get your child and yourself' is amazing to me. If you've had so many difficult situations...I suggest you look into the mirror and see a reflection of an unhappy, ungrateful, adult who must become critical and unkind due to the difficulties in life...from whatever the source. My question is always..."Have you seen all of these undereducated, hostile, greedy teachers"? Or is this your perception..? There isn't a teacher on earth who receives enough of a paycheck to teach for the money. Most teachers are indeed, patience, well educated, kind, caring and highly overworked due to the conditions which are presented to them on a daily basis. One of those conditions is criticism such as yours which is mostly unhelpful to your child...since he learns that everything that happens is someone else's fault...and if one prays about it...it's okay to do it again. I have nothing further to say on this matter...However, I won't remain silent while my young colleagues are accused of being 'dumb-downed'...as you put it. Children learn through example...how to work with others...including the adults in their lives. Most children understand very well...the differences in the adults around them as they observe, through their education...how others behave. The tragedy I see in 'home-schooling' for SOME children...is that they certainly are overly protected from the joyous experience of learning to live in a world filled with all kinds of people...thus learning how to discriminate in their own lives. I believe in teachers and I particularly believe in the ability of children...when given the opportunity...to develop into productive, happy people...because of the guidance they receive...wherever they receive it.

The school systems both public and private - in my opinion are not serving our children well. I have had my son in both private and public - with negative experiences in both. However, I must say the public school system is worse. In this day and time - don't let teachers or the administration handle you as if you are overly protective of your child and dismiss you. Sadly, it is my opinion that the caliber of teachers is mediocre and the last 8 years our educational system has been "dumb downed". I have always had respect for teachers and commend their efforts/patience. However - unfortunately - the truly "educated" teachers who are caring are in the minority - not the majority. I have had too many bad experiences and wish I were able to stay home and educate my child myself. It is imperative you establish the lines of communication w/your child so they will feel comfortable to tell you about any inappropriate incident that may occur in school. When they feel comfortable talking w/you - they will feel comfortable telling you. Remember your child is thinking - this is a grown up - a teacher. No one will believe me. You have to have the lines of communication/trust established w/your child. At the same time - I always say - I may not be around my child 24/7, but, I know what he will and will not do - meaning - I know his character. Teachers that may not have the highest level of integrity and are just drawing a pay check - they count on the fact that they are a grown up/teacher - and feel they will be believed over the child. The comments I could tell you that have been made to my child are unbelievable and I did address them w/the teacher and the teacher did not deny it. It was not confrontational - my approach was one of that I know my child and I was able to give the time, location and what activities were occurring in the class at the time of the inappropriate comment. It is critical to LISTEN to your child and then address the issue w/the teacher - immediately - then proceed accordingly w/both. Don't dismiss what your child says - because if you don't address the inappropriate comment w/the teacher - and if the teacher's behavior was in fact inappropriate - the teacher will continue. This would be unfair to your child and you don't won't to destroy your child's ability to trust you. Even if you determine your child's behavior was inappropriate - at least the child will know you trusted their word enough to check into the situation -even if it results in them receiving discipline from you.

In any situation it is best to assess all of the facts. I do understand the childrens perception of things can be different. But, I learned the hard way to trust my child. Usually, it will trigger an area that needs exploring. For example, my daughter explained that her teacher was yelling. I did not beleive her. then several other parents admitted to hearing the teacher yell. Parents then discussed the issue with the teacher and principal and now this is not an issue any more. It created dialogue between parents and teachers to demonstrate we understand your frustration. It allowed areas of need to be exposed so that parents would know how to assist in class.
We do want to teach our children how to get along in the world. But, for parents, teachers and anyone who is responsible for the welfare of our children. I must say that we need to treat children as we would want to be treated. We are all human and have times when we are overwhelmed and we do not realize the impact that this behavior has on our children. Part of respecting our children is listening and showing them that we believe that they have a valid concern that needs to be investigated. The issue should not always be that we believe them but rather that we believe in them. And that there concern is important to us. And that we love them enough to get to the bottom of things.

Let's see. This one is interesting to me because as I read some of the responses...It occurs to me that the question has generated reactions which really need to be explored. As a teacher...if I found a child was having difficulty (emotionally, behaviorally, intellectually)...I would schedule a face to face conference with the parent so this could be discussed. Some people are responding as if one should react as if two children are 'telling' on each other. This isn't the goal of an effective teacher. The goal is to help the child perform to the best of his/her ability and to isolate anything which gets in the way of that goal. Education is positive...not negative...it isn't a bad situation...it is a helpful situation. The premise, as stated, implies that a problem is the fault of one or the other...the teacher or the child. Wow...The implication which often permeates the educational system is that teachers are incompetent...parents know best and that teachers 'pick on children'. Thoughout a lifetime of working with families, both as a teacher and as a guidance counselor...it always amazed me how/why young parents sometimes feel threatened and that no one is on their side. How they sometimes felt...the grass is always greener in a 'better' school...and that their 'johnny/suzy' needed to be moved out of room/school/town etc., because they were being 'bullied' by the school AND their friends.

It seems to me the way we teach our children to be happy, to cope, to be positive and productive...is to help them learn to solve problems which confront them in their lives. Isn't this what everyone's life is about? Aren't WE responsible for ourselves...and isn't our parent's JOB to teach us the skills to grow in a positive way...instead of sheltering them from others? There IS a reason teacher's go to college...it is to learn the skills which are involved in this process. There aren't any particular 'parent schools'...but most parents who educate themselves to be helpful parents...will work happily and willingly with those who work very hard to help you as you go about educating your child for life ahead. It isn't 'Go tell the playground (teacher)'...It is "Let's discuss what we can do to assist this situation'. Children need to be SHOWN, not told how to behave/learn/study in cooperative ways with other children and adults. I hope we can remember what the goals will be when we receive something that indicates we need to respond to our child's learning environment in a helpful, cooperative way.

For A long time I used to belive that my son was the problem until I decided to check up on my son, I would show up during classes, lunch, nutrition, etc.. then I got involved more in the school coucil meetings and I found out alot of things that I had no idea took place at school (public school). whenever you get letters from school does not always means what it says. so I needed to do whatever to help my son he was already heading to the wrong direction and what I can say now is that my son was not so much the problem and that the school has alot to do with our kids behaivour, my son is now in a so much better school and he is doing very well, so my advise to anyone that has problems with their kids in school get involved in their school find out if what they're being tested on is actually what they been studing and see what is the score that the school has, check their home work and back packs, go to the school meetings and find out where the money is going.

You probably already know the answer to this question. My 11 year old son is very truthful while it takes a little bit to get the whole story out of my 5 year old. I believe what my children say but always question more into what happened. Some times they may leave out important details and not intentionally. Remember thought teachers do the same so investigate.

This can be a very touchy subject for both the child and the teacher. I tend to take at face value what my child tells me, however, I would also go directly to the teacher and get his/her side of the story before I go off the deep end with either one of them. I have to have both sides of the story before I can make my decision. Its best to be informed of the whole truth than allowing a half or less than whole truth ruin a relationship with my child or my child's teacher. I work hard at gaining their trust and respect and expect the same in return.

The truth is usually somewhere in the middle. What my child reports is often based on their limited perception, what the teacher believed is based on what they saw, or heard or were able to see and the judgement made at the time. Usually when I ask my child more questions and reconstruct the framework in which any given incident took place I get a better picture of what probably happened and why. At that point I talk to my child about the way in which they can handle the situation now and in the future and help them prepare to discuss the situation with the teacher if appropriate.

i believe my kids first and for most. last year my 8 year told me her teacher was yelling at her when she ask her for help with somthing and she said she tore her paper up and threw it in the trash. i found out from other parents that their kids said the same thing. to make a long story short the teacher was doing these things so she got fired. so believe your kids.

jdani17 - The answer from this respondent is sooooo incredibly naive and I just think of all the children that were molested by all those Priests-had the parents believed their children maybe others may have been spared. I'm not stating that all teachers are bad or have bad intentions, but reality is that they too will lie and there are an overabundance of cases of teachers who have sexually and physically abused their students.

I believe that if we all practiced kindness and tried to help and understand each other, we would be much better off. Lastly, I completely agree with all the parents who invest the time to figure-out their children, investigate and proceed cautiously.

I will listen to my child but must admit Im usually a firm believer in innocent until proven guilty until it comes to my children. I take the teachers side if it has to do with respecting authority figures!! Child is wrong if he spoke when needed to listen and if in classroom he/she must wait until they are asked to give their account of what happen! Every situation is different unless its respecting your elders.

tend to get the big picture first.

I always believe my kids because they know that even a white lie will get them in trouble and they'll have to face the consequences but, I will question first about what had happened. Then go from there.

I question my daughter first about what had upset her and why. Then I figure it out from that point. Usually it is something that should not have been done or said by the teacher and another approach should have been taken.

I have been on both sides of this fence. No one know their child better than you. However, you must be willing to "look" at your child for who he/she is and not just as your baby. Has something been going on at school that he/she has been upset about? If everything was fine and he/she comes home with an accusation - schedule a conference with the teacher, counselor and administration. In doing so you are allowing everyone to know what is going on and together figure out the best route to take to either address the issue and correct whatever is concerning your son/daughter. Good luck.

You don't really know deeply who is really that person who is teaching your child, it is always good to check anything that your child says, but as well with the teacher, I always tell my kids that nobody has the right to hit or touch anything from them no matter who is it, simply, it not okey, period.

Neither hear out your child and do the comforting thing
and let the child know you will check it out visit the teacher do not give much information out but ask what happened if she/he gives a quick no-response/non shallot answer. You will have to make a decision from there. or the teacher may go into great detail and it was upsetting for her/him. You will have to make a decision. But most likely when you tell your child that you will talk to the teacher they will ask you not to which brings up the question does the child think the teacher will get her/him back.

oh! for all this the child is just going to stick me in a home anyhow.

You should always believe your child. If you don't listen to your kids, how do you expect them to listen to you? I am in the process of sueing my school district for an incident dated back in 1977, when a kindergarten teacher held me over a sink and stuck a bar of soap in my mouth and held me over the wash sink for at least 20 minutes, when the class when outside for recess.

I pay a lot of attention to it, I tried to find out with my daughter first is it really happened, I tell her that if she is really lying, she will get in trouble, but I always investigate and try to arrange a meeting with the teacher to find out what really happened, because in some cases, your child might be right, it happened to me when my daughter was in kindergarten and end up that her teacher really pulled my daugter's arm very hard just because my daugther got up of her seat without the teachers permission to get her sweater, my daughter didn't listen to my teacher whe she called her to have a sit, her teacher got up and grabbed her by her arm really hard that my daughter had a red spot on her upper arm, I told the teacher that if this ever happens again, I will go straight to the district.

My son has a good imagination and that combined with the fact that all kids exagerate, I will ask my son what happened. I discuss this with him several different times and if I get the same answer and I feel it necessary to communicate with the teacher I will do so. More often than not my son comes clean with the truth. He is still young enough to have a concious.

jdani17 your reply has a ring of truth to it. I believe in two sides to every story. Yes, children are spoiled and behave in a manner that is distrubtive to the teacher and classmates...momofbrandon to by a Spy pin to see what happens in the classroom without the teachers and students permission isn't legal. Be an adult and go talk to the teacher and if need be call a conference with all of you including the child. The example you are setting for your child will rain havac later on. Never trust a teacher again? Every teacher is different just like every parent. So I guess the teacher has to say, "I'll never trust a parent again" This is sad. I have seen both sides and until you actually spend time at the school then you shouldn't think the majority of the staff there are all the same. That is my opinion.

I definitely get both sides of the story first. I have one daughter who is notoriously bad about not giving an accurate representation of what happened. It's not necessarily intentional, but she tends to leave out background information and other pertinent facts. I think that's pretty typical for an 8-year old.

You are all the reason that kids are the way they are today, entitled, spoiled and badly behaved. Why would a teacher lie to a parent? Why would they be two-faced? Why in the world would you believe a kid over a professional? Do you have ANY idea what a teacher goes through in a day with 30 kids in the room? Give them a break and realize they are human. Get off your high horse. Kids lie and make mistakes. Your kids aren't angels!!!

What I did was easy. First off my children were told to tell me the truth about a situation in school with their teacher when they walked in the door. I said to them I want to know everything. Remember there are two sides to every story so the side your telling me better match the 2nd side...lol..when the call came to our home I answered first with Hello, Ms so & so..My son just told me what happened...that my son knocked down the dominos in class correct? She was shocked! My son was already upstairs in his room writing an apology letter to the gentleman who took all his time setting up the dominos and apologized to the class and his teacher. Don't ever assume. Get both sides of the story, you have your childs teachers phone number. Give him/her a call and find out what happened that day.

I would find out what it was she said and go talk to the teacher.I ALWAYS BELIEVE MY CHILD UNTIL I FIND OUT DIFFERENT.

I will Never take a teachers word for anything... in my experiences they are so two faced! I will always believe my son until he gives me a reason not to, and you as a parent must protect your children..your the only person that will and they need to know your going to do just that. If you really want to know what's going on then go buy a little camera that's in a decorative pin and pin it on your child without the child knowing what it is and then you can see for your self, I did just that and it really is a wake up call ..I will never trust a teacher again!

I agree... This is a tough question. But I will tell you that there is always two sides to every story. Parents should know their children but not necessarily say they "know" their children. Speak to the teacher about the situation and explain the child's prospective. Hopefully it will be some form of a misunderstanding and no damage has been done.

I will say that I am totally against not giving either party the benefit of the doubt. As parents it is our responsibility to listen to our Children - even if they have been know to tell untruths.

thats a tough question beause kids usually tell the truth when it comes to things like that but sometimes because they are young thay might not undertand and may get the story mixed up so it is good to listen to the childs story and then ask the teacher about it.
there are actually teachers that will lie just so they wont get in trouble becuase they know you wont believe a small child but really why would a small child lie about something like that? i would say pay real good attention to everything the child says and then the teacher and see if somethign doesnt make sense or doesnt sound right and usually thats the person lying.

In these types of situations, I used to think that my daughter was exagerating but I was wrong. I don't assume anything anymore but I give my daughter's point of view much greater weight these days.

Sadly, teachers don't always tell the truth either. That was a very hard lesson for me to learn. They're just as likely to exagerate and put a positive spin on their actions as children. And, when given a chance, they blame kids for problems.

I don't mean to insult all of the teachers in this community but after 8 years of public and private schools (K-7th grades -- I've seen a great deal of unprofessional behavior).

With my son, who has rarely lied and often proven over school to be telling the truth, I usually tell him "I believe you, but I will need to talk to the school to get to the bottom of it." My daughter, who thinks life is a fairy tale, I will usually grill her until I get the whole truth and then go down to the school and talk to them. However, I have rarely found that either of my kids volunteers info about an event that they were at fault for, unless they know I will be called. If something upsets them, the school has yet to say a word, and they volunteer the info to me, I usually tend to believe them completely. Know your kids, back them 100% and the first time they cause you humiliation, make a LIFE LESSON out of it. I always tell my kids, NO ONE will ever fight for you the way I will, so be sure not to mess it up.

Neither. There's always three sides to a story; the first party, the second party and the truth!

I try to get the facts from all involved and then try to make a decision then. I've found with my expereince with children, they are subject to 'selective amnesia'.

I used to take my daughter at her word.

Now I've found that she greatly exaggerates the story and blurs the lines of truth. Also, she forgets crucial information.

So while I used to automatically take my daughter at her word, I now have to do some serious investigation.

I must say I NEVER take the teacher's word for anything either. I've had such bad experiences with the teachers we've dealt with throughout my daughter's education that I now have a bad taste for them and their idea of truth as well.

So when I say serious investigation, I mean I talk to friends, friends parents, teachers, my daughter, and from all that, I start to get a picture of what the truth in reality probably is.

I only take the time to do this for serious issues. Otherwise, I automatically default to the good old standards of what's right and what's wrong... Moral fiber type of stuff. And that generally fills in very well.

I guess the deeper question to be asking along side your question is "Has your child shown you that they're consistently untrustworthy, even in the slightest degree?" (Like major exaggerations, blurring of truth, forgetting crucial information, etc)

It depends on what it is and what the teachers side of the story is?I mean every parent wants to believe their kid but I amone if it sounds like something my kid would do then I am more apt to take the teachers side but of it goes outside that I may side with my child depends on the situation.Julie

That depends greatly on the specific child. Children who tend to exaggerate, or even make things up, need to have their tendencies taken into account. For example, my youngest will not hesitate to make up some elaborate story of how his brother shoved him down, despite knowing that his brother wasn't even home at the time he fell; my oldest, on the other hand, isn't one to add much, if any, exaggeration to things he recalls to me, and in fact, may leave details out.

Of course, it's always best to get both sides of the situation. If you believe that the actions your child is claiming pose a potential danger to him/her, then you shouldn't hesitate to discuss it with the principal or superintendent.

First and foremost you support your childs claim. Unless there is compelling evidence that your child is exaggerating or lying to you, support them. Secondarily, you listen to the teachers version then and only then will you decide if someone was wrong or if there was a misunderstanding.

I would not say anything to the teacher, just yet.... but if he continually, reports about her.. then i would be concerned, and also, it depends on what he said ,she did...could he have misunderstood??? or was she in the wrong????

It really depends on how old our children are and what they said the teacher did. In our case I know my son tends to where his feelings on his shoulders and can exaggerate a situation.

I would let him tell me happened and we would talk about it to alleviate his upset feelings. Then if the story has real merit (usually it does not after we talk it out and I help him see better why he did not get a sticker etc) I might talk to the teacher to find out more.

Since I know this about my son I am less inclined to believe that his teachers intentionally were after him. I would give his accusations more merit in hs because at that age you can usually judge as well as an adult weather or not someone is mistreating you.

Hi. What was the situation if you don't mind me asking? I have had so many run ins at Kohrville Elementary it's ridiculous! I can't stand that school. In 90 % of the situations, my son has been correct but only after I investigated it first, I never believe him right off the bat. The situatinon may vary a little, but overall I've had to become the pitbull.

I think we must investigate the situation first. I think sometimes children have a misconception in the intended action of the teacher. Children are smart but not cognitively ready to take in everything that goes along with adulthood, therefore this is how conflicts between students and teachers occur. I think as parents we must bring them together and help them understand each other personly. I believe the only difference between children and adults is children are smaller people and have a difficult time in expressing themselves in word.

There are always two sides to a coin. It usually helps to get both perspectives. An item may appear one way from one perspective; and yet, when viewed from another vantage point can give a totally different picture. Sometime, neither is incorrect -- each is just looking at the situation from a different person's vantage point.

Have you contacted the teacher to ask for his/her version of what happened?