i have a eight year old to and she sometimes mouths off,what i do is take things away from her that i know she loves ,like phone ,sterieo computer, and even playing outside it seems to make my daughter think twice about mouthing off and being disrespectful. try this .hope this was helpful

I think that if a child is not discipline since the beginning, it would be hard later on when your child grows up, so its better to start early than pay for the consecuences. Its okey to give a lot of love to your children but discipline as well.

Her behavior is probably not new, but has gotten worse with her boost of confidence. She, I would imagine, has been a high maintenance or headstrong child for a long time. It's time to put your foot down.
The object of discipline is to teach self-discipline, the object of teaching manners is to become aware of how our behavior affects others. You start calling a spade a spade. When you request that she do something aalways say please. When she starts screaming and complaining, you rise from your seat. You do not respond to anything she just said. You focus on what she just did and say "How dare you speak to me so rudely in that tone of voice young lady.
I asked you to . . . and repeat it with a please--Get it done now.
When she returns, ask her if she finished the job, if so say thank you. Do not bring up the incident again.
You are to be treated with respect at all times. A child will do what he/she is allowed to do--this is not allowed. Never enter into an argument with a child, either. You give a command, politely, and expect it to be done--no matter what the reply is, you do not respond to the accusation, you respond to the tone and focus on what the child was asked to do. If the child refuses--don't fight with her--reiterate the refusal. Let me understand. I asked you to pick up your dirty laundry off the floor in your room so I could wash them, fold them and put them away for you and you are refusing a small favor I ask of you? I'd be very careful if I were you. I just may start refusing to do small favors for you, too. If she responds nastily again. Turn slowly toward her and say very low, clear and calmly. Get your clothes in the hamper now. She'll do it. You don't have to take anything away because she is smart enough to figure out how dependent you made her understand that she is on your good will. Do not ever let her push you around again.
After the incident is over, you remain the adult, joke fool around, don't bring it up again. Be open and honest, but remember she is a little child and you are ten times smarter and sharper than her.

My daughter is 7 years too, sometimes she tries to scream at me but inmediately I tell her that if she do that again she will be grounded, try to see if it is not something you need to check up on, check with your child's doctor if is not a problem to be addressed at, then your child might need a little discipline, I don't mean spanking her, just find out what she likes to do the most and take it away from her until she can prove you respect, I tried this with mine and it seems to work, you have to let her know who is the boss and makes the rules or else if she grows up this way, it will be a total nightmare for you and your husband.

I handle disrespect the best way I know how with my six year old son. When you take away something they enjoy, it hurts them, and makes them stop and think. That is what you want. Words only go so far although a sit down discussion is in order so she knows how you feel about this behavior.

Taking away something such as t-v, computer games, whatever it is she loves will have her thinking and making some changes.

hey this is michelle from cali and i went and had my daughter checked for adhd . have you done that gone to your doctors ? and we have the same problem . were in the same place you are and i don't know what else to do with or for her . we both are in the same boat . we can chat and maybe help each other

Missyz's answer I think is good. You also might consider that she is getting a jolt of hormones at this time in her life. And being an only child she is all pepped up from having fun with all her school mates. We put our only child in an afterschool program even though I am home most of the time because she just needs to run it out. Which she does and comes home happy and tired.

Question.......how do you discipline her for being disrespectful?
If she refuses to do anything you ask - there are still ways to discipline.
EVERYTHING in her room is not a right, it's a privledge and you can remove it all and she can earn it back. I am not saying you have to go to that degree, but I am sure there are items that she LOVES you can take away and lock up that she can earn back.
You can tell her that since she's being disrespectful that she obviously needs to be disciplined.
When she CHOOSES to be more respectful, you would be happy to allow her to 'earn' the items back one at a time. I am sure she also has after school/weekend activities which can ALL cease until her behaviour changes.
My advise is to be sure you and your husband are on the same page with discipling her for this behaviour - if your child can divide and conqure you, she will.
Just remember to FOLLOW THOUGH.

I was just wondering if you have tried to ask her what's wrong? It seems to me that she is trying to get your attention anyway she can. I'm not an expert but I do have a 9 year old girl myself. She seems to be angry at something and if she is directing that anger at only you and your husband than maybe there is something there that is making her act out. Punishing her behavior instead of sitting down and asking her if she is sad or upset at something might actually make things worse because it will just increase her anger/frustrations. Belive me, I'm not saying that what she is doing is right and that she should be allowed to act disrespectful, I'm only thinking that you should try to sit her down and ask her if she is bothered by something. Maybe it's her way of crying out to you both to see her, and to notice that she needs your help. Afterall negative attention is still better than no attention at all. Good luck to you both, I hope it all works out for you.

I know that punishments sometimes seem meaningless. So, Here is what I have done.. Level 1 (first offense) is 30 minutes on a wall, usually hall way, since nothing exciting happens there. My kids are not allowed to sleep, whine, talk, or do anything but sit and think about it. If they try to sleep, whine, or talk, I add 5 minutes. For a seven year old, this is the worst torture imaginable. Especially for a smart, active 7 year old. Level 2 (2nd offense)- Is no electronics or any form of entertainment for 2 days. My kids are only allowed to participate in family activities or read/do homework/do chores... and so on and so on. They have never made it past level 3, because it just gets worse and worse and they know it. Just a thought.

My niece sounds exactly like your daughter. She is extremely intelegent. She is currently 16. She is in all AP classes and her lowest grade in school so far has been a 95. She is a complete angel at school, but at home she has constant rage episodes. She is disrespectful and her parents can not controle her anger. She does not want to be parented or told what to do. She will NOT back down. It seems to get worse as she gets older. Now that she is a teenager, she seems to be getting more violent. My sister is thinking about taking to a counsler, in fear she is bi-polar. She saw a special on TV about a little boy. His moments of rage were identical to hers. I trult wish you the best of luck.

Hi GoBuffs!

Wow! It does sound like our daugter are twin!! Other than taken away a favorite toy or tv priviledges, and possibly removing the door what else is left for punishment than a good old fashion spanking which is frowned upon these days?

Another thing I have not shared with everyone is that ever since she was a baby she would only eat around me, otherwise she would be distracted and not eat, so my husband had to leave the room or house while she ate. Now that she is much older the eating is no problem. She would also act up when she was very little 2-3-4 and fights us going to bed so that my husband had to once again leave the room and go work in his office or leave the house while I got her ready or off to bed. Now she just fights both of us going to bed and whines alot more when he is home. He is off on a trip now for 2 weeks and she is really being good going to bed.

How old is your daughter?

I think our daughters must be twin spirits. My daughter is great and school and behaves extremely well, until the second she is with me or my husband. So we have narrowed our rules down to 5 general rules to keep things uncomplicated, as well as a prearranged punishment schedule for first, second, third and yes fourth offenses, which I have a contract typed, reviewed and signed by both my kids, so there is no confusion and I don't have to argue or listen to them whine. All I say when she talks back is "hmm, that wasn't very respectful" or when she slams a door "honey, which rule did you just break? Usually that serves as a warning and she is a delight the rest of the night, because she hates the punishments and she knows they will be enforced.

If she slams the door, you could always just remove it. I have heard that helps break that habit.

Thanks so much. Glad to be of help. Just from experience with my own girls you know. Girls are way more creative on behaviors than boys....lol

Hi Marimom,

I clicked on the gold stars and gave you 5 stars for your advice.

Hi princessmom...........please rate my article if you liked it. Thanks.

Hi Marimom!

Thanks you so much for replying, after reading your posting I feel so much better! We will start sending her to her room and let you know the outcome.

I so appreciate everyone answering my plea for help! I truly love being on this forum.

Thanks again!

Hi again, I read some of the articles after I submitted my two cents. I want to tell everybody here that time out is a preschool thing for a little child to stay until he/she calms down.

Children in elementary need something beyond this. If they sit in timeout for 7 minutes, they might not change their behaviors. They need to sit away from everybody and not come back out until their attitude has changed. They need to know we do not want to be around them when they act like that. A timeout in the same room does not stop them from our attention. They will only hold out for the little time they have to sit there and be mad at everybody and everything and keep going as before when it is over.

We want our children to learn as early as possible a socially acceptable behavior. If we do not nip it in the bud................we will definitely have a hard time during their teenage years. A wise man once said, if we can not teach it to them before they are 7, we might have lost the battle.

3rd grade is typical for the children to start this kind of behavior. It only takes one student at school to misbehave and the others take up on the competition. It is sad that the negative behavior gets the attention, because they learn to be negative to get attention.

Here is the only thing that would work for us. Send her to her room and tell her to come out when she has changed her attitude and is ready to apologize. Do not say it is okay when she says sorry, but say thank you and reaffirm that her behavior was unacceptable. Tell her if she repeats it, some privileges will be taken away. Punishing the person has less effect, since it will produce hard feelings between parent and child. Remove things from her that she really likes to play with or take her allowance away or other.

Do not be afraid to be the parent here. Children want boundaries, it makes them feel safe and secure. When you send her to her room it is your way of telling her she will not get any attention for her ways because you will not be in the room with her.

Good luck with that and let us know how it goes.

Hi Missyz!

Our daughter seems to act out anytime, period. Everything is a fight to get her to do, cleaning the cat litterboxs, feeding them, doing her homework, anything! She is very much an extrovert, she gets along with anyone. I am very much involved with her at school and I know who she has as friends. She is very social and always hs been that way since she was a very little girl. At first I thought it was just me she disrepected then she started disrespecting my husband too. For the most part she is a really great kid. Maybe it is an influcence from the other kids, I don't know because whenever I am around the other kids they are very kind. I volunteer alot and her school is my second home.

Are you sure that there is not problems with your child at school? My son (now 18) was like that every year, during school. (Beginning of every year) He was also gifted and well-mannered at school, but socially, he was very behind his older classmates.
Are you sure that your daughter is not showing signs of having problems "fitting in at school"? Have you asked her who her friends are? Ask!! Go to the school, observe her while she does not see you, while she is playing outside. Is she alone on the playground or tagging behind a group, as if she is trying hard to make friends, but not quite in "the group"?
I am not an expert by all means, but I have went through this same issue with my oldest son for years. What seems like "mouthy or disrespectful" may be their way of dealing with their fustrations they have felt all day at school. Do we, as adults, come home from a bad day at work, and snap at everything or anyone, when we feel bad or upset at those we love and trust? YES!!! Your daughter is no different!
What I do know, is that disrespect seen RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL, usually was a pretty good indicator that it was time to ask(and sometimes not receive an answer for ), "What went on at school that put you in this mood?" You might be suprised to learn that she may be having problems that even her teacher (as all of my son's teacherover the years), do not see as problems.

Hi Smeshede,

I would like to ask you how long you keep items once you take them away from your kids? Maybe we are iving them back too soon.

Hi Smeshede!

We have taken many of her items away from her like her Barbie dolls, Hannah Montana Cd's and it works for awhile then she starts being mouthy again. We have started the timeouts for 1 minute per her age. We will continue to take items away. I saw on dr. Phil that he had this same problem with his boys and took everything but the mattress and pillow out of their rooms. They turned out to be respectful and polite young men so maybe there is hope! My husband and I are always talking about when we were kids in the 60'2 and 70'2 we would not have been brave enough to act up as our daughter does and say the things she does to us. No our parents did not beat us but we knew we were to respect our parents and all adults, somewhere along the line our daughter forgot this cardinal rule.

Time out and loss of privleges works best in my house. If she looses TV time because she is disrespectful it may have an impact on her. You need to make sure you are taking away something of value. With my boys it's video games. Be consistent and don't give up if it doesn't work right away. She is not too old for time outs either.

Hi Laura!

Thanks for your advice! I did not act this way until I was 13-14. I will try using a chair and having a place for her to sit and think about how she is acting. We thought we were doing pretty good not using timeouts but now I guess is our time to use them. Luckily my husband and I are on the same page.

Thanks again!

I do not have a girl, but i know plenty who do--she is going through, what i call a "BOSSY" phase....which, is how -she finds her true self- BUT AT THE SAME TIME-- finds out...how much you will "put up with, also"...DO NOT, let her win!!!..when she gets in them moods. take her by the arm--just enough to get her attendtion--get down to her level--MAKE her look you in the eyes, and say "we don't do this, in our family, i don't treat you this way- and you will NOT treat me this way..now-go sit in that chair for 10minutes and think about it....after that MAKE her apolgizies.....Do you ever watch "nanny 911"--i love it....

Hi Hockeymum!

Thanks for your reply! I need to let you and everyone know we do not yell or scream at our daughter so that is not the problem here, it is her disrespecting us. Since their are only 3 in our family our daughter has a few chores to do everyday like clean the cats litterbox, feed them and get them water. She can throw her comforter over her bed as her bed does not need to be made perfectly, but this is a fight. She is a developmental thing? She is in only 1 after school activity of her choice so she isn't overbooked on actitivies. I know it would help if she had a sibling to bouce this off instead of just us but adding another child isn't going to happen as we are in our fifties and late forties.

Have you ever thought about doing things the old fashion way, get some nice hot chilie and stuff it in there. I have a 9yr old and a 4yr old they know that when they say a word that is unexcetable chilie will bt put in there mouth. My son just recieved a notice from school for talking while his teacher was giving a lesson I reminded him if he did it again I went and bought a nicht plum jalepeno and showed it to him and guess what I recieved a perfect progress report.

Hi Laura1967!

Thanks for your reply! We have never done the time out thing. I know we should have but it was not necessary until now. Our daughter will be 8 this Decemeber and until she turned 6.5-7 she was the easiest little girlto be around, very sweet and did anything we asked withut any questions for fights. Now everything is a fight, getting in the car, eating with manners, not interrupting anyone, etc... She is our only child and we are at a loss of what to do. Everyone compliments us on how sweet she is but then we get home and she back-talks to me and my husband.

1. Yelling and Screaming don't work. If you want your child to act calm and respectful you need to act calm and respectful even when discipling.
2. Check out Kids are Worth It!: Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline
By Barbara Coloroso
This upbeat parenting guide gives readers solid, practical advice for dealing with children and teaches them how to instill self-discipline in children by providing them with a sense of power in their own lives.
2. Raising a Thinking Child:
I Can Problem Solve (ICPS) Program For Families By enhancing ICPS skills, the ultimate goal is to increase the probability of preventing later, more serious problems by addressing the behavioral predictors early in life. In addition to behavioral outcomes, the parent intervention is designed to help parents use a problem solving style of communication that guides young children to think for themselves.
Read and followed both dearly and can truly endorse both books. Problems with my girls and nil to minimal.

Does she respond to "TIME-OUT"??? put her in a chair, in a corner, and make her stay.... Tell, her it is NOT ALLOWED AT HOME!!! ...