Tenisha, you will have to advocate for not only your child but for a culture change at your school. If your son is experiencing it, so must others. The book, Building Resilient Students by Kate Thomsen, answers many questions about teaching styles, learning differences, engaging students and behavior. It is not a program to be layered on to teachers, it is a tweaking of what they already do to get the biggest bang for the buck and reach as many students as possible. Here's a question: being that he is more than competent at the tasks they give him suggests boredom and possibly is he being a proactive victim of subtle bullying? Check out the book, it is worth advocating for all the students at your school to bring about permanent change of pattern rather than focusing only on the one child and fighting the uphill battle alone or taking it out on your child's behavior when it is not an environment at school that supports positive outcomes.

I would take something away from him like a toy he likes a lot. also with my 9 year old son his father gives him challenges. for example he will tell my son if he passes his spelling test with a c or better he will give my son 20.00. It really works.


Thanks,
Sheila X.O.

Keepinon, while parental example certainly can play a role in a child's development, it's NOT the only influence. Some kids may have actual medical issues (and attention deficits are medical conditions) that no amount of a parent's "setting good examples" can singlehandedly overcome.

Let me guess - it's not just schoolwork he's not interested in working on. Work ethic starts at home with how you as a parent role model it. Don't only tell them how it should be. You have to show them by example. It rubs off. We have created miniature versions of ourselves and then wonder why.

Tenisha, does your son's school have a Gifted Program? (I realize many don't begin until 3rd grade, but you should find out how they identify students for it.) Have you talked to your son's teacher about giving him more appropriate and challenging work? You might want to join Greatschools Gifted Group at community.greatschools.net/groups/11537

My son is 7 years old and on the honor roll but he gets up in the middle of class and is disruptive daily. It is so frustrating and I am losing my mind. I do not know what to do. Homework is too easy. He flies through it within ten minutes and then I give him extra work.

I have one of those too!

Many boys his age are the same when it comes to school. Yes, sometimes discipline helps but parents need to become more accepting when their children are involved. I'm 13 and have been in honors and the G.A.T.E program since i was in the fourth grade. I can understand his problems with focusing and being unorganized. These are all very normal when it comes to children.When a child comes home from school many other things are on their mind not just homework, sometimes it does not seem that important. Remind him that homework is not always going to be easy and it isn't something to be overlooked. It might even be hard for him but that is just a way to help him get better.It's hard to explain but there is just something in a child's mind that overlooks homework. Since you mentioned he has trouble make some time for you two to talk it out and remember that what may seem easy to you may be very difficult for him. These difficulties may lead to questions that he doesn't want to ask. Also, being unorganized is very normal. I myself have trouble being organized and, as crazy as it sounds, sometimes it is easier to find things in a cluttered room than it is in an organized one (for some people).It may even lead to a more artistic and creative child(again it sounds crazy but it's true). I'm not saying it is wrong to discipline him for this but sometimes it adds to a child's stress.Yes, i said stress, to most parents a child's stress may not seem as bad or as important as an adult's but trust me it is just about the same. Just because we don't have to deal with bills and taxes doesn't mean that our stress doesn't effect us. Ask him if there is something going on that is the cause of his frustration other than the homework, if he answers no don't get upset just understand and try not to push him. As i said before watch how much you punish him and why because one punishment can lead to frustration and cause the child to "blow up" and say some things he/she may regret which just leads to more punishments and then the cycle continues. sometimes little problems such as this one has a deeper meaning that is overlooked by the parent

I had the same problem with my son. He was very unorganized and had trouble focasing. the school he was at for the last 7 years really didnt help him at all. when he was failing last year we decided to look into other schools in the area. My son has ADHD, asthma and migraines. What i found was a charter school that was made especially for kids that had trouble focasing and being organized. Instead of just expecting the kids to magically know how to organize and focas they teach it to them!! imangine a school that actually teaches kids how to help themselves. My son is actually on high honers and has only missed one homework in his first semester there. He usually has his homework done before i get hoime from work- instead of like last year it would take hours trying to get him to focas and try hard enough to actually get it done.not to mention the arguements and the loss of video games if he didnt do well. If i was you first i would speak to your childs doctor and make sure there isnt any other reason for it and then i would look in your area and see if there is a school like that in your area. Oh and one of the reasons the school works so well is said right in thier name - Positive Outcomes. It uses alot of positive reinfourcement to ge tthe kids to want to try. I wish you luck and hope you find the right thing that works.

I am a homeschool mom of a 9 year old and I have the same situation. School work is the last thing he wants to do. I feel he thinks school work gets in the way of his fun and getting organized cuts down on the time he needs to enjoy life to the fullest.

Like Bobbie71, I evaluated the situation and realized he wasn't comprehending what he was reading and he was getting frustrated and giving up. So, I had him read the instructions and then I would read the instructions and then we would discuss what he needed to do in order to complete his assignment. Also, I realized that if he hasn't completed an assignment in 15 minutes or so, he doesn't understand what he needs to do. Because, if he understands an assignment he will complete it as quickly as possible so that he can get to the important things, playing and having tons of fun.

Best advice, work with him, but let him know you are not going to give him the answers, you are here to help him figure out the answers. As far as the organizational skills that's still a work in progress.

I had the same problem with my 10 year old grandson. After asking questions about his work I began to understand that he was having difficulty understanding what he was reading as well as the instructions. He was able to read the words but was having difficulty understanding their meaning. I had to sit with him and ask him to explain each sentence and its meaning. No only that, he was having vision problems and when he read he would skip words which would change the meaning of the sentence. I now realize when he takes too long to do an assignment, he is having difficulty understanding exactly what he is to do. Sometimes he feels that he needs additional attention. Try working with him imstead of letting him work along sometimes and see if this works.

You were not specific in your reply. Did or Does your son have a focus problem. Some doctors look at the total cholesterol. If you can would you call the doctor and get the specific numbers respectively. I know of one other child that has symptoms of ADD with a low HDL. I quite curious.

helpneeded, vaxa attend claims to be a homeopathic medication for ADHD.

What is Attend by Vaxa?

RockvilleMDMom, in the study, it also said, "However, Peter Jensen, M.D., Columbia University, and colleagues emphasized that "it would be incorrect to conclude from these results that treatment makes no difference or is not worth pursuing."

For people who are unfamiliar with this study, it was started on pre-adolescents, and the growth concerns that you mentioned may disappear by the time a child reaches adulthood....The researchers are planning to follow some of the original study participants into their teen years and adulthood, to get longer-term results.

Wow, I am floored by all the respnses to this! I have been so busy for the last few months I have not had a chance to post anything but thank you all so much for your advice! I am still reading through some of the responses. Here is a brief update on his progress though:

He has had only a handful of late assignments so far and has gotten much better at taking his time with homework and doing it right. He still will get into moods where he rushes through things and doesn't read directions but nowhere near the frequency as before. He has been seeing a therapist to help him deal with some of his personal issues and I believe that this has helped him alot as he loves his therapist and actually looks forward to talking to her! His father and I have also tried to spend more time with him just hanging out as a family and I think that this too has really helped him. It is difficult as we both work and I also go to school full time but we try our best to make time for him. We have also tried to improve our reactions to his homework struggles because if we get angry or frustrated he shuts down and homework just feels like more of an obstacle to him. At his last parent teacher conference his teacher had almost nothing but good things to say about him. I hope that he continues to do well and keep up this momentum because I know he is very smart-just not very motivated.

Again thank you all for your kind words and advice! Hopefully in the New Year I will have more time to post.

Progress with my daughter, with similar problems:

My daughter had the same problems, as well as trouble with reading. Because she was such a happy and cooperative girl and did average work, she was not asked to be tested (although other kids were) and I was told she didn't need to be at the small private elementary school she had attended. After starting a more academically challenging school, we were requested to have her undergo a psychoeducational evaluation by a neuropsychologist. She was found to have dyslexia, as well as inattentive ADHD and we were strongly urged to start her on medication, especially since her school is known to be very challenging. However because she is so strong emotionally, is extremely social and alert, appears very bright when talking to her and has many non-academic talents we decided against it. We also did not hold her back as initially advised, because of her social skills, even though she is the youngest in her grade. Instead, she takes a structured study hall class at school, gets into smaller structured classes when they are available (English, Math, and this year, History) and has learned to advocate for herself. I also started her on the Wilson Language Training program (a reading program for dyslexics)
www.wilsonlanguage.com. She has learned to make use of school peer tutors, the guidance counselor, and set up meetings with her teachers for extra help on her own.

My daughter is now in 8th grade and maintains a "B" average in an academically challenging school. In my heart, I know that overcoming this struggle with school is helping build her character and strengthening the skills she will need in college (skills that children who don't initially struggle with school often don't have). The counselors at school all feels she "has what it takes" to make it to and at college. She wants to be a psychologist, and starting this summer, I intend to encourage her to pursue internship opportunities to allow her to investigate her interest, as well as help bolster her "resume" to get into a college program. She will start by volunteering at a horse farm working with emotionally challenged children as she loves and is very good with both horses and kids.

I am not against medicine if it is truely needed but caution against being talked into it if your child struggles with focus issues in school but is otherwise normal. Maybe there are other talents besides academia which will lead your child to a career that is more successful and fulfilling. How can we know that these talents are not being suppressed while taking medication to increase focus on academics?

Allreading mentioned the Multimodal Treatment Study of Children with ADHD. Although, initially the results showed better results for ADHD with medication and behavioral therapy than just behavioral therapy, after three years, continuing medication treatment was no longer associated with better outcomes by the third year. In addition, ADHD medicine has been shown to stunt growth, at least for a period of 3 years.

www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/77526.php

My daughter has had great success with Attend by Vaxa. She has been on it almost 8 weeks and both my husband and I have seen a significant improvement in many areas, especially reading. I also give her Coromega (Omega 3) daily and on school days she gets a protein shake for breakfast. Good luck to you and pray and have faith!

ibainlar, my son has had his cholesterol tested previously, and while I don't have the numbers off the top of my head, all (HDL, LDL, and total) were where the doctors wanted them to be.

Could their be a link between Cholesterol and Attention Deficit? I would want to know if any of you parents of children who are unable to focus if you had their cholesterol tested. My child's HDL (good cholesterol) is low 36. It should be above 50. Total cholesterol is 134 and LDL (bad) is 80 which is fine.

My son used to have the same problem when he was in elementary school. Now he is in 7th grade, he is very focused. I have been giving him fish oil or code liver oil. It helps the brain focused better. You have to make sure that you buy the one that contains DHA, EPA, and ALA. Carlson (lemon taste) is a very good brand. Omega 3 fatty acids is food for the brain. Good luck and be patient. I used to cry all the time, not anymore. You also need to pray a lot, and have faith.

Actually, the methods that are generally used help, but dyslexia is sometimes curable. My brother suffered from it all through his childhood and most of his adult life until we found a study done in England indicating that sometimes the pathways needed are created in the brain with playing video games. My brother played PS2 video games (a lot of hours worth) and began to be able to read at college level at a normal pace without the headaches and frustration he used to have any time he picked up written material. he had to read.

WOW All of this is very interesting to me. We moved my son to a new school this school year. He grades are grat but the teacher complains he is not focusing and his self esteem and self confidence doesn't seem to be there anymore. He has no interest in school at all. He does not want to complete his assignments, etc .... bribery is not working. I am interested in finding out methods that work for boys outside of drugs and negative lables. Help anyone!

My son was the samw way and some parents may not agree with how I handled it, but it was my last resort. I would bribe him, son as soon as you get this homework,project, etc. done we'll do whatever you want to do. Play outside, play a video game, you know something that they are interested in and like doing! Try it maybe it will work for your son too.

Although I apprepriate the answer/concerns of the last response it was not helpful to me as we do an have continuousy received counseling/theraphy ahd this has not been helpful for any of us. Unlike cancer there has to be some way of at least helping to control these impulses without submitting my child to cometose behavior. (although this has not happened.) Why hasn't the medical world come up with some workable solutions to this problem because it is growing an no one seems capable of offering answers/cures that work. It seems we are required to invest more and more in ideas that are not working. To date more anf more families are not willing to admit that there is a problem and those that do are reluctant to give you the full story and some alternatives that might possibly help. We know that theraphy/counseling and even medications do not solve the problems. We are all seeking solutions that work. If someone out there has knowledge of a success story and wished to share how they came about the process of achieving it please, please, please contact me.

Chrysler, I find hope in thinking about the well-organized efforts of the "Autism Speaks" parents, who are now encouraging many government entities to better fund brain research studies. While that's not your son's diagnosis, many times studies designed for one disease end up helping find solutions for other conditions.
I can't speak for the outcome of residential treatments, because I haven't had personal experience with it. My friend, like you, has only recently had her son placed in it. She definitely encourages the rest of the family to seek professional counseling to deal with the situation, and that's what I would recommend for you and your other children.

Thanks so much for the quick response to this very frustrating dilema that I don't seem to fine any answers for. What are the positive results that I can at least hope for? Has anyone's child gone to residential and returned home the better for it? I have cncerns that being placed in an environment where the behavior of these other children is at best similiar or worse than his that he may develop worse symtoms. What strategies were put in place during residential placement that could be used at home when child returned? Since he has two younger siblings at home who are grieving over his absence (even though we visit on weekends) how can I help them not to stress and worry about him. I do keep them busy and have explained that he will return as soon as he is healthy and well. At seven and ten they don't fully understand why he behaves in such a manner.

Chrysler, I know it's not the answer you hoped for, but in some ways I think that coming up with an answer and a cure for mental health issues IS HARDER than tackling cancer, because it's so difficult to find "control groups" to study. Unlike cancer patients, whose bodies are frequently autopsied and tumor cells studied, it's harder to analyze the brains of mental health patients to see how their neurotransmitters have gone awry; there isn't much neural activity after a person has died.

The other big problem is that there's always been an ongoing debate about how much of our personalities is "nature vs. nurture," and there is a huge "grey area" for when behavior that seems a little "quirky" becomes truly abnormal. Scientists can look at people with cancerous tumors, and evaluate their cells, and recognize what an abnormality is. They CAN'T look at most people (especially not young children, who haven't fully developed) and say with confidence that the tantrums that your toddler is experiencing are more than just "terrible twos." Some children will grow out of it, others don't.

Children can't express themselves in words, to say what the problem is, or what they're feeling, so parents are often left to guess "is this normal?" We consult professionals, but even the doctors spend such little time with any given patient, that they seldom see "the whole picture." Any diagnosis is difficult to make if they only see one or two cases of a particular condition in their practice; and as you already know, it's not common to have young child with your son's combination of strengths and weaknesses.

This past Monday I attended a parent support group meeting for kids with ADHD. I saw a woman whom I knew from years ago, and she mentioned how she seldom shows up at the ADHD group anymore, because her son's issues have turned out to be a lot more complex. He was adopted, and now his diagnoses include OCD and bipolar. He's also a teen with violent tendancies, he has been moved to a residential facility. She echoes the same frustrations you have. She does say that attending a bipolar parent support group has been very helpful, and I don't know if there are similar groups where you live, but it sounds like it would be worth finding one.

The medical/professional personnel has been so uncessful in finding or reaching a happy medium with my son that unfortunately residential faciity was the only option available to us at this time. As stated before after (10) years on on-going theraphy/counseling/medications I don't feel as if anybody really cares about a select few of these children. As long as there is money to be made and believe me I have spent a small fortune in time and money sweat and lots of tears, not to mention sharing all the knowledge that I posess there has never been any positive results. Why is it there cannot be a answer and a cure? We are not talking about cancer. How is it that a young child given all the background and testing in todays world and with all the technology and supposed training that I still find myself in this impossible position without having gained anymore insight that when I began (10) years ago? Where do we go to find answers and solutions? It is not enough to guess and play games I am seeking a positive cure to a young boys life that could impact everyone around him.

Chrysler, my heart goes out to your family and your son. I'm sure that professionals have considered numerous possibilities (so many children who end up being finally diagnosed with conditions like bipolar are first identified as having ADHD, etc) but it doesn't make the situation any easier to handle now. I hope that as medical science and technology improve, they will find ways to enable your son to function more positively and productively with other people in his life.

11 year old African American boy diagnosed with ADHD/OCD whose violent at home behavior caused placement in residential treatment facility. (level 12) Has this helped and approximately how long was the confinement? Academics has never been the issue however he suffers with underdeveloped fine motor skills causing writing to be tedious however typing sills are superior. A great number of medications have been perscribed over the years but behavior has worsened or there has been a signifact weigh gain. Theraphy, counseling both family/indivisual group, has been on-going for ten years. Phychiatrist, therapist, counselors, behaviorlist, clergy and medication have not improved with time. After all of this we have had to placement him in residential for the safety of family an himself. Please note that my child has had anger issues since age (10) months and we have been in counseling of some sort consistantly for (10) years.

Thank you, very much

My son is 9 years old and had the same problems as your son -- unorganized, unfocused, frustrated, easily distracted. It all started in Kindergarten when his teacher thought he was ADHD. My son went through a variety of testings with doctors and the school. He was diagnosed as ADHD, but with further testing and the use of ADHD medication, I was informed 8 months later that he was misdiagnosed and did not have ADHD. With continued support from his teachers, the school's guidance counselor, and my doctors, my son was finally diagnosed correctly with Central Auditory Processing Disorder. It means that my son's brain cannot comprehend everything that he hears. He needs more one on one attention and needs to be given instructions slowly so that he can comprehend what is being told to him. Background noise is also a distraction to him. My son was recommended for special ed services through the school district. This is his second year in an inclusion class (he attends a smaller special ed class in the mornings for math, reading, and spelling) and joins the regular class in the afternoon for social studies and science, with his special ed teacher in the room with the other teacher. He also attends speech therapy 3 times a week to work on his auditory processing skills. With much help at school and at home, my son is doing much better in his school work. I find myself studying with him nightly and am watching over him as he works on his homework. He has gained confidence when doing well on tests and schoolwork and has gained much self esteem. Central auditory processing disorder is usually confused with ADHD, as was the case with my son's early diagnosis. You may want to check with your pediatrician on having your son checked. It may be worthwhile in the long run. Also, feel free to talk to your son's teachers and the school guidance counselor. I received much support and advice from my school administrators for the past 4 years, and I am thankful for their understanding and continued support.

My son is 8 and in the third grade. I always noticed that his ability to read was far below his ability to comprehend. In second grade he had a kindergarten reading level. We struggled through homework in first grade, always being reassured by the teacher that soon, it would all just click. I also went to the principal of the school to see why reading was so hard for him, and her answer was "you can put shoes on a nine month old..but you can't make him walk". Well that would have been okay had he been nine months old, and not in second grade unable to read. Clearly I wasn't getting the answers I needed from his school, so I went on the internet. A website called bartonreading.com gave me information on DYSLEXIA. I am using her system (the Barton system), and now one year later, he is up to a second grade reading level. He is in third grade, so we are not there yet, but we are closing the gap. As far as your son, his difficulty sounds like he may have trouble reading directions from homework...actually being able to decode them, so he chooses not to read the directions, and just guess. Once you can identify the problem, you can help him understand that he is NOT stupid, and help him to understand he may just learn differently. The Barton system has helped my son improve to the point he is starting to enjoy school, even though it is hard for him. Try to see if you can have him evaluated. I had my son evaluated by the school, but they just didn't know much about dyslexia. I took him to a psychologist to have him tested, to see where he needs the extra help. It is not too late to help him. Try to do this now, before he starts middle school, and will become even more overwhelmed. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Reward charts are very popular, nowadays, and this is the perfect situation to see if it would be beneficial. I have an 11 year old son that I have had the exact same problems with and the reward chart had down wonders! Be creative with it and of course inexpensive. Good Luck! Hope this is helpful!

Hello Sparrow,
I just read your entry of 8-18-08 and I believe that you have my son's twin!!! Just kidding but, I had the same problems with my son, who is now 13 and in 8th grade. I wanted to give you something else to think about.......dyslexia. I had my son tested - out of the school - and he has dyslexia, with numbers and words. The school, and I believe that most schools, don't want to recognize the "D" word because then the teachers would have to learn how to teach in a different manner because dyslexia is not something that can be cured. You need to find out if this is the case. It will take some of the pressure off. You might want to check out a couple of web sites on dyslexia, there are a couple of good ones.

the assistance principal at my school helped me to help my son get on track. my son had the same problems you said your son was going Thur She showed me how to organized his folders by labeling them .telling me to check his book bag to make sure each class material was in its folder. I should check with a doctor to see if he did have ADD. She suggested i visited my son classroom to help him organized his desk.i know how you feel inside. i did all i knew with my son. yet the problem was still there. punishment does not work. I learned from mental help office my son did have ADD. He was given medication to DEAL with ADD.I shower him with love.At the same time Not so much my son's problem he was reacting to what my husband and i doing and saying in front of him. I am learning to not hang my married problems in front of him. May this text help you help your child.Today my Son keeps his desk,book bag,folders,and loves school. There is not quick fix to any problem.I n time and love your son will improve.Never compare your son to other people kids.LOVE him for who or what he is.DON'T blamed yourself. May Lord watch over your family.

Great column everyone! Sparrow, hang in there. My son, almost 8 sounds like your son. I dreaded any homework no matter how trivial. He began taking medication for ADHD in dec. last year. Now, he LOVES math. His scores went up 2 grade levels. He can finally pay attention. He takes a timed release medication and if he has homework or church after school we give him a short "booster" that buys him several more hours of attention.

He is so much happier on his meds as his actions are not disruptive and he enjoys learning.

We also take him to a child psychologist for ideas we can use with him to help with other things. I would not do the meds without the therapist as he needs to learn strategies to use himself and not always rely on a pill.

I used to suffer horribly from depression and until I began the right medication, all the therapy in the world wouldn't help. I needed the chemicals to give my brain the ability, but I still had to work on other things. It is the same way with my son and his meds. Without his meds he wouldn't be able to remember to stop and think before blurting out in class. His meds give him that option to STOP for a second. He still has to think for himself.

Good luck.

Since this is not a new problem & it is getting worse...
As you know, each year becomes "More." More is presented, expected & given for homework. From a parent who has already been through this (wish I had been smarter), understand that after a day of doing what a child doesn't't have any interest in doing, then to go home to do more of the same is like pure torture for everyone in the household. From my experience, if you don't search out additional assistance (guidance counselors, other teachers, tutors, until you get the help you need, etc.) you may very well be looking at a dropout. As a parent, I've "been there, done that."
My child by 25, regretted dropping out & although college has attempted college he has not completed a degree. He knows my opinion about the value of a college (or Trade) education - even before this world became an economically challenged place to live.
NOW, in my gained wisdom & exposure to my own situations & others in like situations I have an opinion. Although not always financially possible, I believe that children like this would do well in a home-school environment - nowadays, they aren't't always isolated, 98% of the time by the end of the school day all the work is done, meaning NO homework! If you would like to discuss this further (not on this site) I'd welcome your emails. I would like to encourage you more & although my son has improved a thousand times over - I WOULDN NOT want to relive this portion of my life over again! For your son, maybe this is a stage, maybe he'll out-grow it, maybe a teacher will come along that will be able to turn this boy around (that would be great!) but I wouldn't wait to see. Search & Search & Search until you get the help you need BEFORE he becomes a teenager! If you're still having problems by then. contact the local authorities & arrange for a tour of the local county jail! (I'm not kidding!). If we don't speak again, I wish you well.

Since I do not know much about your son's home life besides school it might be difficult to hit the nail on the head, but I will give it a try.

Does your son have responsibilities at home that get rewarded? A job here and there like organizing his room, empty the dishwasher, take out the trash and alike. Simple tasks with a lot of praise and maybe a buck here and there for jobs well done. It seems to me like your son needs motivation. To have motivation your son first needs to feel like he belongs. To be in a family and only be on the receiving end does not make them feel like they belong. They need to be a part of the family system that makes everything work.

Discipline is good, but not without lots of praise when doing good and lots of love. A lot of kids are pressured into school achievements with no support from home other than parents wanting honor from their kids doing good in school. Kids need to be loved for who they are more than for what they can achieve.

I hope for the best for your son. Talk lovingly to him about how people get jobs to make a living and what happens to people who do not.

I have same problem with my son.He is smart kid, active. He can read but every time I ask him to read, he would tell me he has a headache.

My son has always been a good student, but has had many nights of frustration, lack of organization, procrastination, etc. Here are a few things that I found worked for him.

1. Have a nutritious snack ready for him to sit down and eat the minute he gets home. (if you work, and he beats you home, have it prepared in advance)

2. Homework should always come first, but I have found with boys, if you let them do something active for 20 minutes, or take a wind down period, they have an easier time regaining focus. Remember, they have spent the last several hours in a class room and they are a little restless by the time they get home.
3. After that time, I usually have my kids do their homework at the kitchen table, while I prepare dinner. If they are working hard, I will let them listen to the radio in the background, as long as they stay on task.
4. Usually they have their homework done before dinner is ready, but if not, we always take an hour dinner break - to eat, talk, relax, and then clean up.
and then get back to homework.
5. Items of frustration: My son really struggled in 7-8th grade with Algebra - He would half read the instructions, and then try to do the problem, ending up confused and overly frustrated. So, everytime he started a new section, I would have him read the directions to me. Then we would go to the section of book that has a sample, so he could easily find the example if he got stumped. Or in spelling, he would have his words for a week with test on friday. He would have all week to study on his own, but Thursday night, I would give him a test. If he missed more than 5 out of 20, he had to write the whole list 5 times each. If he missed less than 5, then he only had to write the ones he missed. He learned after a couple weeks that he better get organized so that by the time I tested him, he had the words down. Because Thursdays we did not leave the table until he knew all the words, plus at least 2 of the extra credit challenge words. He actually loved being one of the only kids in class with 100% all year in spelling. Especially since is not a serious straight A student, he gets mostly b's and a couple a's.

6. Lastly, thanks to POWER SCHOOL, I get emails daily of my son's work - if he had missing assignments, he would not be able to do anything until he was caught up. Also, I have a rule that a C is only acceptable if it was his best work. Therefore if he gets a C with missing assignments, he loses something that he regards highly. He had to choose a loss of sports or social activity (dances, friends) When he turned in all assignments and had a grade above a C, then he could return to normal activity.

Anyhow, I am kinda over the top sometimes when it comes to my kids. But if you ask my son (now a freshman), when I make him work for things and he does it himself, the rewards of the grade, acomplishment are so much sweeter than if I were to help to much, or if he just did enough to get by.

Challenge him and he will thank you later.

Thanks AllReading. I feel a bit overwhelmed but a lot more hopefull about solving these issues. I really appreciate everyones input and suggestions. Most of my friends do not have kids or have kids who are much younger and cannot relate to my problems with my son. I am so glad that I found this community and these resources.

And thanks Healthy11 for suggesting to the article. I printed it out to keep as a reference.

The following article was written by a mom who has 3 very bright but complex children/teens, and it may also give you some insights: community.greatschools.net/advice/138/Where-to-turn-when-you-have-a-challenging-child

No problem, Sparrow1. It can be confusing to understand the differences between the types of mental health professionals. I don't claim to be an expert, but I'll share what I do know.

Of the various mental health professionals, only psychiatrists, who are medical doctors, can prescribe medication.

A pediatrician, who is not a mental health professional, but who is a medical doctor, can also prescribe medication. Any medical doctor, whether a psychiatrist, or a pediatrician, or a specialist in another field, will have "M.D." after his or her name and can prescribe medication. There are many types of medications for many different purposes. There are many excellent pediatricians who know a great deal about ADHD medications; in general, however, a child psychiatrist can be expected to have more extensive training in, and experience dealing with, ADHD medications, than any other type of medical doctor.

A psychiatrist will also meet with your child and you, but will not do the extensive supportive counseling that others might do.

Psychologists, who have doctorates (Ph.D.s or Ed.D.s) but not medical degrees, can do psychometric TESTING (psychiatrists don't do that) and counseling. A "school psychologist" is a special type of psychologist who limits his or her practice to educational issues. A school psychologist does not have to work for a school system, although many do, but can work in private practice. In some states, a school psychologist can practice with only a master's degree. Even in those states, though, you can find school psychologists with doctorates.

Other counselors or therapists may have a master's degree in counseling or social work or a professional designation such as licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) or licensed clinical social worker (LCSW). They cannot do psychological testing or prescribe medicine, but will offer supportive counseling. Some counselors have only a bachelor's degree.

A bachelor's degree (B.A. or B.S. or similar) is your basic college degree. A master's degree (M.A., M.S., etc.) is the next degree after that. A doctorate (Ph.D.) is more advanced than a master's degree.

A medical degree (M.D.) requires a bachelor's degree followed by medical school.

Ask about the credentials and experience of ANY person who may work with your child. You're entitled to that information.

So, you may see these designations:

Susan Smith, M.D.- psychiatrist
Susan Smith, Ph.D.- psychologist
Susan Smith, M.S.W.- master's in social work
Susan Smith, LCSW- licensed clinical social worker
Susan Smith, LMHC- licensed mental health counselor

AllReading, we are going to have him work with a therapist who deals specifically with children and behavior disorders. Would we need to seek out a psychatrist specifically? Maybe she is one and I just don't know? Sorry for the silly questions.

I am going to browse a few books I saw at Borders and look at some articles online to get some more information this evening.

Sparrow1 wrote:
"I do think that he has other issues as well such as high anxiety and possibly depression and it would be so wonderful if all of those issues could be worked on in tandum."
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Sparrow1: Yes, indeed, those issues can be addressed at the same time as the ADHD. As you can see from the MTA discussion below, it is quite common for a child with ADHD to have co-morbid (co-existing) conditions like anxiety or depression. Although some people go to their pediatrician for medication for any or all of these issues, I suggest that you inquire whether there is a good child psychiatrist in your town, perhaps at a children's hospital or children's clinic.
(Don't let the word "psychiatrist" scare you: needless to say, your child's not "crazy!" MANY of a child psychiatrist's patients are those with ADHD.) He or she would have more expertise with ADHD medications and, if medication is needed for any other condition, in monitoring the combination of medications. Further, if counseling is needed, he or she can refer for that, too. Often, the medication is sufficient without additional counseling - just the monthly or, later, quarterly appointments with the psychiatrist.

Pediatric visits tend to be infrequent (it's the 1-2 visits per year referred to by the MTA Study as "community care"), and medication management/monitoring (usually once per month in the beginning and quarterly after that) is therefore best done by a child psychiatrist, who can readily "tweak" the dosage or type of medicine as needed.

Thank you AllReading for the info. The more I read about ADHD, the less weary I feel about the notion of him getting treatment. Perhaps there is always the worry of stigma and what if we rushed to a conclusion without all the information, but I don't want my son not to get the help he needs. I do think that he has other issues as well such as high anxiety and possibly depression and it would be so wonderful if all of those issues could be worked on in tandum.

Sparrow1, at some point each of us with a child with ADHD had EXACTLY the same concerns you have. When I expressed these concerns to my child's school psychologist, he said (as I say to you): "You're a smart person. Go do your research and then see what you think."

The federal government's National Institutes of Health funded an important, long-term ADHD research study through multiple hospitals. The full name of the study was the Multimodal Treatment Study of Children with ADHD, or "MTA Study," for short. It's the best, biggest, and most long-term study ever done on ADHD treatments. Because its conclusions are so important, I've reprinted, in its entirety, the questions and answers about the study that appear on the NIH website. You can find these Q-and-As, and more info, at:

www.nimh.nih.gov/health/trials/nimh-research-on-treatment-for-attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd-questions-and-answers-about-the-multimodal-treatmen.shtml
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NIMH Research on Treatment for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): Questions and Answers about the Multimodal Treatment Study
March 2000

Children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), the most common of the psychiatric disorders that appear in childhood, are often the subject of great concern on the part of parents and teachers. Children with ADHD are unable to stay focused on a task, cannot sit still, act without thinking, and rarely finish anything. If untreated, the disorder can have long-term effects on a child’s ability to make friends or do well at school or in other activities. Over time, children with ADHD may develop depression, lack of self-esteem, and other emotional problems.

Experts estimate that ADHD affects 3 to 5 percent of school-age children and two to three times as many boys as girls. Children with untreated ADHD have higher than normal rates of injury. ADHD frequently co-occurs with other problems, such as depression and anxiety disorders, conduct disorder, drug abuse, or antisocial behavior.

Although ADHD is relatively common, our knowledge of the problem is incomplete. Current ADHD treatment includes a mix of approaches, such as drug therapy, counseling, supportive services in schools and communities, and various combinations of the three. The medical literature offers many studies carried out over brief treatment periods (3 months or less), but a pressing question remains: what is the best kind of help we can offer children with ADHD over a longer term?

To answer this question, NIMH is sponsoring an ongoing, multisite, cooperative agreement treatment study of children with ADHD entitled The Multimodal Treatment Study of Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. The first findings from this study, which were published in December 1999, provide important guidance for physicians and parents of children with ADHD and are discussed below. Ongoing follow-up reports will be published, with an additional 10-15 papers expected to be released in calendar year 2000.

Questions and Answers

Q. What is the Multimodal Treatment Study of Children with ADHD?

A. The Multimodal Treatment Study of Children with ADHD–“MTA” for short–brought together 18 nationally recognized authorities in ADHD at 6 different university medical centers and hospitals to evaluate the leading treatments for ADHD, including various forms of behavior therapy and medications. The study has included nearly 600 elementary school children, ages 7-9, randomly assigned to one of four treatment modes: (1) medication alone; (2) psychosocial/behavioral treatment alone; (3) a combination of both; or (4) routine community care.

Q. Why is this study important?

A. ADHD is a major public health problem of great interest to many parents, teachers, and health care providers. Up-to-date information concerning the long-term safety and comparative effectiveness of its treatments is urgently needed. While previous studies have examined the safety and compared the effectiveness of the two major forms of treatment, medication and behavior therapy, these studies generally have been limited to periods up to 4 months. The MTA study demonstrates for the first time the safety and relative effectiveness of these two treatments (including a behavioral therapy-only group), alone and in combination, for a time period up to 14 months, and compares these treatments to routine community care. The children involved in the study will be tracked into adolescence to document and evaluate long-term outcomes.

Q. What are the major findings of this study so far?

A. The MTA results published in December 1999 indicate that long-term combination treatments as well as medication-management alone are both significantly superior to intensive behavioral treatments and routine community treatments in reducing ADHD symptoms. The study also shows that these differential benefits extend as long as 14 months. In other areas of functioning (specifically anxiety symptoms, academic performance, oppositionality, parent-child relations, and social skills), the combined treatment approach was consistently superior to routine community care, whereas the single treatments (medication-only or behavioral treatment only) were not. In addition to the advantages provided by the combined treatment for several outcomes, this form of treatment allowed children to be successfully treated over the course of the study with somewhat lower doses of medication, compared to the medication-only group. These same findings were replicated across all six research sites, despite substantial differences among sites in their samples’ sociodemographic characteristics. Therefore, the study’s overall results appear to be applicable and generalizable to a wide range of children and families in need of treatment services for ADHD.

Q. Given the effectiveness of medication management, what is the role and need for behavioral therapy?

A. As noted in the NIH ADHD Consensus Conference in November 1998, several decades of research have amply demonstrated that behavioral therapies are quite effective. What the MTA study has demonstrated is that on average, carefully monitored medication management with monthly follow-up is more effective than intensive behavioral treatment for ADHD symptoms, for periods lasting as long as 14 months. All children tended to improve over the course of the study, but they differed in the relative amount of improvement, with the carefully done medication management approaches generally showing the greatest improvement. Nonetheless, children’s responses varied enormously, and some children clearly did very well in each of the treatment groups. For some outcomes that are important in the daily functioning of these children (e.g., academic performance, familial relations), the combination of behavioral therapy and medication was necessary to produce improvements better than community care. Of note, families and teachers reported somewhat higher levels of consumer satisfaction for those treatments that included the behavioral therapy components. Therefore, medication alone is not necessarily the best treatment for every child, and families often need to pursue other treatments, either alone or in combination with medication.

Q. Which treatment is right for my child?

A. This is a critical question that must be answered by each family in consultation with their health care professional. For children with ADHD, no single treatment is the answer for every child; a number of factors appear to be involved in determining which treatments are best for which children. For example, even if a particular treatment might be effective in a given instance, the child may have unacceptable side effects or other life circumstances that might prevent that particular treatment from being used. Furthermore, findings indicate that children with other accompanying problems, such as co-occurring anxiety or high levels of family stressors, may do best with approaches that combine both treatment components, (i.e., medication management and intensive behavioral therapy). In developing suitable treatments for ADHD, each child’s needs, personal and medical history, research findings, and other relevant factors need to be carefully considered.

Q. Why do many social skills improve with medication?

A. This question highlights one of the surprise findings of the study: although it has long been generally assumed that the development of new abilities in children with ADHD (e.g., social skills, enhanced cooperation with parents) often requires the explicit teaching of such skills, the MTA study findings suggest that many children can often acquire these abilities when given the opportunity. Children treated with effective medication management (either alone or in combination with intensive behavioral therapy) manifested substantially greater improvements in social skills and peer relations than children in the community comparison group after 14 months. This important finding indicates that symptoms of ADHD may interfere with their learning of specific social skills. It appears that medication management may benefit many children in areas not previously well known to be salient medication targets, in part by diminishing symptoms that had previously interfered with the child’s social development.

Q. Why were the MTA medication treatments more effective than community treatments that also usually included medication?

A. There were substantial differences between the study-provided medication treatments and those provided in the community, differences mostly related to the quality and intensity of the medication management treatment. During the first month of treatment, special care was taken to find an optimal dose of medication for each child receiving the MTA medication treatment. After this period, these children were seen monthly for one-half hour at each visit. During the treatment visits, the MTA prescribing therapist spoke with the parent, met with the child, and sought to determine any concerns that the family might have regarding the medication or the child’s ADHD-related difficulties. If the child was experiencing any difficulties, the MTA physician was encouraged to consider adjustments in the child’s medication (rather than taking a “wait and see” approach). The goal was always to obtain such substantial benefit that there was “no room for improvement” compared with the functioning of children not suffering from ADHD. Close supervision also fostered early detection and response to any problematic side effects from medication, a process that may have facilitated efforts to help children remain on effective treatment. In addition, the MTA physicians sought input from the teacher on a monthly basis, and used this information to make any necessary adjustments in the child’s treatment. While the physicians in the MTA medication-only group did not provide behavioral therapy, they did advise the parents when necessary concerning any problems the child may have been experiencing, and provided reading materials and additional information as requested. Physicians delivering the MTA medication treatments generally used 3 doses per day and somewhat higher doses of stimulant medications. In comparison, the community-treatment physician generally saw the children face-to-face only 1-2 times per year, and for shorter periods of time each visit. Furthermore, they did not have any interaction with the teachers, and prescribed lower doses and twice-daily stimulant medication.

Q. How were children selected for this study?

A. In all instances, the child’s parents contacted the investigators to learn more about the study, after first hearing about it through local pediatricians, other health care providers, elementary school teachers, or radio/newspaper announcements. Children and parents were then carefully interviewed to learn more about the nature of the child’s symptoms, and rule out the presence of other conditions or factors that may have given rise to the child’s difficulties. In addition, extensive historical information was gathered and diagnostic interviews were conducted to establish whether or not the child exhibited the long-standing pattern of symptoms characteristic of ADHD across home, school, and peer settings. If children met full criteria for ADHD and study entry (and many did not), informed parental consent with child assent and school permission were received; the children and families then were eligible for study entry and randomization. Children who had behavior problems but not ADHD were not eligible for study participation.

Q. Where is this study taking place?

A. Research sites include:

New York State Psychiatric Institute at Columbia University, New York, N.Y.
Mount Sinai Medical Center, New York, N.Y.
Duke University Medical Center, Durham, N.C.
University of Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh, PA.
Long Island Jewish Medical Center, New Hyde Park, N.Y.
Montreal Children’s Hospital, Montreal, Canada
University of California at Berkeley, CA.
University of California at Irvine, CA.
------------------------------

[That ends the questions and answers from the site. The rest is me talking.]

Your pediatrician can explain how your child can, for lack of a better term, "test drive" a medication. In other words, the medication will work within about 15 minutes of your child taking it, and it will be out of his system in 24 hours. It's not like SSRIs which take weeks to build up to full effectiveness, and weeks to fully leave the system. So, your child can try it and you can see how he responds. You should see an IMMEDIATE improvement in his ability to focus, remain attentive, comply with directions, and get the details right!

With my child, the results were so dramatic that his psychometric testing, including IQ, improved significantly. It wasn't that my son suddenly got smarter: like your grandson, he was always smart, but simply couldn't focus on testing or maintain the attention needed to do well. Once he was on the medication, he could. He started on medication at age 6 (having already suffered failures at school). He is now 14 and still takes medication, with no problems. We did switch medications to find one that had no lunchtime appetite-suppressant effect (the only side effect he experienced) but were successful and have since had no problems.

For more info, see:

*** the CHADD website at www.chadd.org

*** the National Resource Center on ADHD at
www.help4adhd.org/

*** the Centers for Disease Control at www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/

*** Mayo Clinic at www.mayoclinic.com/health/adhd/DS00275

*** Nemours Children's [Medical] Clinic at
kidshealth.org/parent/medical/learning/adhd.html

Summer, I am really weary about giving him any medication because I always worry about possible side effects. I know that most parents do not give their kids medication lightly but I do think that some doctors are now a little too quick to diagnose ADHD or other behavior issues and prescribe meds. It is a tough situation. I do know that, like your son, their is real help to be found for kids who do struggle and who do have ADHD. I am deffinatly open to the possibility that my son may have ADHD which is why we are taking him to a therapist. I just hope that his issues can be managed without medication. When do they usually prescribe medication? Is it for all kids who have ADHD or only for certain cases? I apologize for my ignorance but I haven't found a clear answer yet.

Healthy gave you some excellent advise!

My 12 year old son is ADD - Inattentive and he takes Strattera which is a HUGE help in school and him being able to focus and make it through the day.
He doesn't take Strattera over the summer.
We went through a lot to get him really diagonsed properly.
My husband and I were very leary of the diagnosis and we really edcuated ourselves on ADHD.
We were afraid for him to take any sort of medication, but I would rather him take Strattera and do well, than to self medicate later.
My son is entering the 6th grade next week and while he does need special ed for reading, he's doing everything else well and can focus, complete tasks and has self control. Something he could never do before.

sparrow1, you are more than welcome. We'd love to know how it works out for you and your son. You have a good heart and head, and can do this. Let us know if we can help.

Thanks Healthy11! I would love to join the group. Everyone has been so helpful. Thanks so much!

sparrow1, here's another article that might help you (the mom who wrote it has three very complex children) community.greatschools.net/advice/138/Where-to-turn-when-you-have-a-challenging-child

I would also like to invite you to join the Learning and Attention Difficulties Group here at community.greatschools.net/groups/11554 where even more parents can "relate" to what you're going through.

AllReading I appreciate the time you have taken to provide me with this information as well as the encouragement. The last two years have really been a struggle and I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I really want to be able to help him and every year that this behavior continues I fear for his future. The jump from 10 to teenager is a small one and I dread him being a teenager and trying to deal with these issues without any outside help.
You have given me a lot to think about and research. Thanks again!

sparrow1:

You are correct that it is possible for there to be more than one condition involved here. When that happens, the conditions are called "comorbid," when just means they exist at the same time.

Since you've raised other issues (possible depression), I would suggest that you take your son either to a private-practice "school psychologist" ( a special type of psychologist who specializes in education issues) or a neuropsychologist. Ask for a "psychoeducational evaluation." This will give you a very thorough picture of any educational and emotional conditions which may exist, including, but not limited to, ADHD, depression, anxiety, etc. It will cover both your concern about your son's possible depression over his abandonment by his birth mother, and possible ADHD (or other) issue.

Since, unlike other psychologists, who MUST have a Ph.D. (doctorate), school psychologists (at least in my state) may have a master's degree OR a doctorate, go for the doctorate. There are many excellent master's-level school psychologists but, when in doubt, go for the advanced degree.

You can also ask your pediatrician or a speech/language pathologist for names of good local school psychologists or neuropsychologists.

Or call any support group such as CHADD (Children and Adult with ADHD) or an autism support group. They likely will know the names of the good evaluators in your area.

By the way, any ADHD can be contributing to any depression or anxiety. Kids with ADHD know something isn't working, but they don't know what it is and can't seem to fix it. Kids with ADHD tend to have social difficulties, which can worsen any depression or anxiety.

If you go to a counselor, for example, someone with a LCSW or LMHC designation, you may get excellent counseling assistance; however, the counselor won't be able to evaluate possible ADHD, and will (should!) refer you to a school psychologist or neuropsychologist. So, go straight to the school psychologist or neuropsychologist.

In summary, here's why you want to see a school psychologist or neuropsychologist: If your child had a broken bone and you took him to the pediatrician, the pediatrician would refer him to the orthopedic surgeon. Two doctor visits, two sets of expenses, and painful delay. Why not go straight to the orthopedic surgeon? If you take your child to a therapist, it may be many months before the therapist decides that an ADHD evaluation is in order and makes a referral. Two professionals, two sets of expenses, and painful delay. Why not go straight to the neuropsychologist or school psychologist?

If money is an issue, your pediatrician can do an ADHD evaluation. There are AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) guidelines, see www.aap.org, for how to evaluate ADHD. A pediatrician evaluation is not as comprehensive as a psychoeducational evaluation and won't detect other learning disabilities which might be involved, but has the advantage of being fast and inexpensive. If your pediatrician isn't familiar with, or doesn't follow, those guidelines, though, don't stop there.

Also, if money is an issue, the public schools can evaluate your son. As I indicated earlier, they usually do a decent job of evaluating ADHD.

Whatever route you choose, do your research first! Go in as an informed parent. Read, read, read, about ADHD and any other conditions you think may exist. Your son will be grateful that you are being his advocate. He needs you and can't do this himself. I am not exaggerating when I say that how you do this now could affect his entire future: whether he succeeds in school, whether he STAYS in school, whether he goes to college, whether he can maintain a good job, whether he is at risk for law violations (kids with unidentified / unremediated ADHD are at higher risk), whether he is at higher risk for drug use (same thing), etc. You can do this!

Thank you so much for the responses. I will check out those sites that were suggested for more information. We have discussed taking him to a counseler for other issues but perhaps many of his issues are tied together such as his low self esteem and a generally negative outlook. Some of this I believe has to do with abondonment issues he feels with his birth mother but it is hard to figure out where one issue begins and another ends.

My son has ADHD, and as AllReading already mentioned, what you're describing sounds like your son may have attentional issues as well. In addition to the resources listed below, I like www.help4adhd.org

While no one can "diagnose" on a chat room board, what you are describing are the CLASSIC symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, of the primarily inattentive variety. There are 3 types of ADHD (the term "ADD" is not used in the medical literature any more). With the inattentive variety, your son may not appear hyperactive, but he will be unfocused and disorganized. He will have difficulty maintaining attention (except for high interest tasks) and will be easily bored and frustrated. He will forget to turn in assignments, and forget to bring home the books and materials he needs to do his homework. He will be impulsive when he should take his time and think things through. Any of this sound familiar???

Here are some parent-friendly explanations of ADHD and listing of symptoms:

American Academy of Pediatrics
www.aap.org/publiced/BR_ADHD.htm

Mayo Clinic
www.mayoclinic.com/health/adhd/DS00275

CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD)
www.chadd.org/Content/CHADD/Understanding/Symptoms/default.htm

National Institutes of Health (fed. govt.)
www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/adhd/complete-publication.shtml

Cut and paste any URL into your address bar and hit "return."

The American Academy of Pediatrics has new practice guidelines for pediatricians in addressing ADHD, but some physicians are better acquainted with them than others. The best way to determine whether your child has ADHD is to have him evaluated by a school psychologist, either through the school system or privately. Although public schools don't do a good job of evaluating dyslexia, they do a decent job of evaluating ADHD, and their testing is free. Unfortunately, it can also take a long time. Some pediatricians who are fairly confident that a child has ADHD will say, "Rather than let his schoolwork suffer during the lengthy time needed for a formal evaluation, let's try medication. If it works, it's ADHD. If it doesn't, it isn't. The medication works within minutes, and is out of his system the next day." One could debate whether that's a good or bad way to go about it, but it is generally pretty effective and undeniably fast!

The "MTA Study" by Massachusetts General Hospital (the hospital affiliated with Harvard) is the longest-term study of ADHD. It has shown that medication or medication/behavior management are the treatments of choice for ADHD. Behavior management alone is largely ineffective. For more information on this, see this cite to the National Institutes of Health:

www.nimh.nih.gov/health/trials/nimh-research-on-treatment-for-attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd-questions-and-answers-about-the-multimodal-treatmen.shtml