Our daughter entering 2nd grade has classmates that say, "I hate you." Does girl bullying occur this early?
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Parent Answers to "Our daughter entering 2nd grade has classmates that say, "I hate you." Does girl bullying occur this early?"
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yes, it does. I hate to tell you but my daughter had more mean girls bugging her in elementary school than she does now in middle school. Keep in mind that children will say I hate you one second and I am your best friend the next. But if there are threats made of physical bullying happens I would march in the office and demand a report to be made and the other child's parent to be notified. I had to do that before and it helped. Girls can be very vicious with words and I guess role playing with your daughter and teaching her how to get out of those situations will help a lot too. Also encourage your daughter to stand up for herself so she won't be an easy target for the mean girls. Not physically, but tell a teacher , counselor, bigger sibling and so on. And explain the difference between telling and tattling. telling means you prevent something bad from happening and tattling means you want something bad to happen to someone. I hope this helps
Yes bully can start as early as 2nd grade. My daughter is now in 4th grade and was bullied all through 2nd grade. My daughter was at a different school when this happened, my child is of mixed race black/white. The other children at this school started telling her she was white and that she wasn't black... appearance wise my child looks black, brown skin and has african american (afro) hair. The kids would constantly tell her she was white (in a mean way), they would not allow her to play during recess or lunch time. Then she had a boy that sat next to her and was telling her she should kill herself (2nd graders)!!!! I was at the school every week discussing these issues with the teacher and vice-principal. The teacher seemed like she had her issues with my child being of mixed race too... not sure if that's where the other kids got that from. The vice-principal was new and was an airhead to say the least... so I had no support from the school. I would complain to the school... if it doesn't get resolved right away by the teacher... then complain to administration. Hopefully they will take it seriously. I am so happy my child is no longer at the school she was at and she loves her new school (2nd year at the new school).
Yes, my son was horse playing and the other kid, and went to far and smashed his face to the floor(busting his nose). I would chat the to the teacher about your childs fear for what they are saying, and recognize it appears to be bullying her. Ask the teacher to speak to the other child.
My daughter has just started her 1st week of 2nd grade and on the first day of school has been confronted by a bully. She said he trapped her on the playground and told her that if she didn't give him her juice that he would hurt her and wouldn't leave her alone. So, of course she said she would give him, her juice when they went in from recess. She didn't' tell the teacher because she didn't want to be a tattle. She waited until I picked her up at school and told me. So, as soon as I got home I emailed the teacher as to the situation and she told me that it would be handled! I wasn't satisfied with that, I wanted the principle to be aware of the situation, too. So, I emailed her too. Tuesday was better, but on Wednesday the boy confronted my daughter again. So the teacher wrote him up....what ever that does. I have a meeting with the principle next Wednesday. My daughter is scared of this boy! She said there are 2 other boys in the class that are bullies too, but they just do what the main boy tells them to do. She didn't go to school Thursday, because she said she had a sore throat and headache. I'm sure it is all because of what is going on at school. She is at school today (Friday). She is meeting with the guidance counselor to see if she can give her any advice on how to handle the situation any better than I can.
Absolutely...I am the mother of two boys but I suspect the bullying problems are universal despite age, gender, race, etc. My oldest (now 10 years old) started to be bullied by other kids as young as in preschool. He is a very caring and sensitive child who never really fit in. He wears glasses, talks A LOT, is very intelligent, and tends to be overly friendly. He has always gotten along better with adults and older kids. These traits all tend to make him a prime target.We have tried to toughen him up as much as his personality will allow (as the ONLY recommendation made by his school's officials), but he still gets emotionally hurt very easily by the verbal abuse...it's just part of who he is.
He is made fun of for the way he dresses, his large vocabulary, his sensitivity and his lack of athletic ability. Unfortunately, at the school he attends if the bullying doesn't involve blood loss then there isn't a problem as far as school officials are concerned. When he does have enough and fights back, he's the one who gets caught and is viewed a trouble maker. His father and I have tried everything, but without outside support our hands are tied. We told our son never to start trouble but he has our permission to end it if it means defending himself.
Oh, yes I can assure you that bullying is starting among both sexes younger and younger. Unfortunately anti-bullying laws are only as effective as the individual school's enforcement of them and the school's definition of what constitutes bullying.I pray that your child's school will be better regarding this major issue than the school my sons attend.
He is made fun of for the way he dresses, his large vocabulary, his sensitivity and his lack of athletic ability. Unfortunately, at the school he attends if the bullying doesn't involve blood loss then there isn't a problem as far as school officials are concerned. When he does have enough and fights back, he's the one who gets caught and is viewed a trouble maker. His father and I have tried everything, but without outside support our hands are tied. We told our son never to start trouble but he has our permission to end it if it means defending himself.
Oh, yes I can assure you that bullying is starting among both sexes younger and younger. Unfortunately anti-bullying laws are only as effective as the individual school's enforcement of them and the school's definition of what constitutes bullying.I pray that your child's school will be better regarding this major issue than the school my sons attend.
Yes, sorry to say, but don't panic. If you go to your local Police Department they might have the videos called School Bullying. In my town we have a group of Police Officers that are trained to go into the schools and teach about bullying. If you are interested in purchasing books on bullying you could order them from a company by the name of Channing Bette (I hope I spelled name right)....good luck
I WILL LIKE TO SAY SOMTHING HOW CAN I HELP MY DOUGTHER TO GO TO SCHOOL THIS YEAR SINCE WE MOVE TO DUNKIRK MY DOUGTHER IS BEEN BULLY BY GANG MENBERS AND NOTHING HAVE BEEN DONE MY DOUGTHER DONT WAANT TO GO THIS YEAR TO SCHOOL BECAUSE SHE IS NOT GOIN TO GET JUMP BY GANG MENBERS SHE DOS NOT FEEL SAFE IN SCHOOL AND ME AS PARENT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WA CAN I DO PLESE HELP ME
I wanted to add one more thing to my previous advice.
The schools in the nation are considering this "bullying" type of behavior as harassment and "hazing" and the children are being punished and charged with these.(and yes "hazing" can occur outside of colleges)
Example: Remember the 5yr. old little boy who kissed his girlfriend in kindergarten and then he was in a sexual harassment charge!
The country is starting to wake up and see the harm of this sort of behavior! Just hang in there and always report it to either the principal or the superintendent.
Tags for this are: Bullying, Making Fun Of
The schools in the nation are considering this "bullying" type of behavior as harassment and "hazing" and the children are being punished and charged with these.(and yes "hazing" can occur outside of colleges)
Example: Remember the 5yr. old little boy who kissed his girlfriend in kindergarten and then he was in a sexual harassment charge!
The country is starting to wake up and see the harm of this sort of behavior! Just hang in there and always report it to either the principal or the superintendent.
Tags for this are: Bullying, Making Fun Of
Unfortunately it does, it could start as early as kindergarten. Usually when it happens this young, other kids single out a child to "bully". Then the next week it will be someone else.
The problem is, that it occurs as a child goes up the grade ladder, and it gets increasingly worse as the years go by.
And may God forbid, if a child has certain features, like being even a little heavier than other kids, taller than the average child, looking older than they are, wear glasses, or don't have the "in" clothes, etc.
*(I know this because of personal experience).
But I would advise that instilling, that following the crowd isn't always a good choice. Instilling a sense of individuality, and keep encouraging her to enjoy activities, even though the person or group is there, too. And don't worry if she only has one or two good friends, that's the way a "bullied" child starts her a group to do things with. And also whenever possible allow her to do things with these friends that she has chosen to be her "best friends". This will build her confidence to go to the places that the bullies do, and when the bullier sees their "victim" (so to say) with another person and ignoring them, they usually get the idea and leave her alone.
This is the round about way of the saying "Just ignore them", and "Sticks and Stones". I would not say these to her, because that means, in her mind, that she won't get any help from you.
*(And I know this advice because one of my daughters has a learning disability and was the target of bullies all her school life, and she's headed to high school.)
GOOD LUCK! And tell her to keep her head up!! And bullies usually pick on kids because they feel threatened by them!!*(As in they have something that they wish they had-usually it's parents who care).
Sincerely,
jlharshbarger :)
The problem is, that it occurs as a child goes up the grade ladder, and it gets increasingly worse as the years go by.
And may God forbid, if a child has certain features, like being even a little heavier than other kids, taller than the average child, looking older than they are, wear glasses, or don't have the "in" clothes, etc.
*(I know this because of personal experience).
But I would advise that instilling, that following the crowd isn't always a good choice. Instilling a sense of individuality, and keep encouraging her to enjoy activities, even though the person or group is there, too. And don't worry if she only has one or two good friends, that's the way a "bullied" child starts her a group to do things with. And also whenever possible allow her to do things with these friends that she has chosen to be her "best friends". This will build her confidence to go to the places that the bullies do, and when the bullier sees their "victim" (so to say) with another person and ignoring them, they usually get the idea and leave her alone.
This is the round about way of the saying "Just ignore them", and "Sticks and Stones". I would not say these to her, because that means, in her mind, that she won't get any help from you.
*(And I know this advice because one of my daughters has a learning disability and was the target of bullies all her school life, and she's headed to high school.)
GOOD LUCK! And tell her to keep her head up!! And bullies usually pick on kids because they feel threatened by them!!*(As in they have something that they wish they had-usually it's parents who care).
Sincerely,
jlharshbarger :)
In first grade, my daughter wanted desperately to be friends with a girl in her class who thought it was fun to do things like throw items at teacher and blame it on my daughter, or trip her and tease her OR my personal fave, threaten all the other girls in class if they spoke to her. She was devasted. We did talk to the teacher and principle which made things better for awhile, but what it boiled down to was that she goes to a high poverty school, but comes from a family with signifcantly better financial condition and even at a young age, kids pick up on those things. So, we grunged down and switched from head to toe perfect outfits, to jeans and tees to help her fit in a little better, which also seemed to help a bit. Also, she finds that she gets along with boys better anyway, so she can be found everday shooting hoops, playing soccer, tether ball, running, kickball, you name it. She is happy and at this age that makes me happy. Lucky for me, this year the re-formed the district, so instead of 3 separate grade schools, we will have two schools with a k-2 and 3-5 to even out the economics a bit. I am kind of excited.
It is normal for bullying to occur of your child. Talk to your daughter's teacher about the problem.Bullying can occur soon .www.lfcc.on.ca/bully.htm -or www.parentinged.com/bullying/T
Visit the what adults can do section of
Stop Bullying Now Website by the US Dept of Health and Human Services at
stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/adult
Their info sheet entitled,"Myths About Bullying" should be a must read by all parents and principals...
(cut and paste from below)
stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/HHS_P
*the site also ha sections for kids,educators etc
- hope this helps,
KIm
Stop Bullying Now Website by the US Dept of Health and Human Services at
stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/adult
Their info sheet entitled,"Myths About Bullying" should be a must read by all parents and principals...
(cut and paste from below)
stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/HHS_P
*the site also ha sections for kids,educators etc
- hope this helps,
KIm
YES, WITHOUT A DOUBT, BULLYING CAN
Unfortunately, and sadly, many people misunderstand what bullying is and how to identify it or feel that it is only bullying when actual physical violence occurs.
As parents, educators, administrators and caring citizens we need to make more people aware that bullying can take many forms such as:
1) Teasing or name calling
2) Intimidation through social exclusion
3) Purposely using hurtful words -verbal assaults or gestures towards another
4)Cyber bullying -generally occurs at later ages
OR
5)Physical bullying like hitting, punching etc
ps- I couldn't help but notice in your post that you used the word "classmates" plural - this indicates multiple occasions and students and should be monitored carefully. Perhaps a different set of classmates might be a fresh and hopeful beginning to a new school year. Keep in mind that bullying of any kind negatively effect the victims self-esteem, can bring on combination of fear, anxiety, or depression, as well as effecting academic and social success.
Try talking with the school counselor, AP, and/or Principal and ask about what techniques/programs they can implement for bully prevention to begin an awareness of no tolerance for any behaviors that emotionally or physically harm any student(s) at your child's school. Why wait for other alarming behaviors?
Good luck and give your child a hug for me!
Kim
Unfortunately, and sadly, many people misunderstand what bullying is and how to identify it or feel that it is only bullying when actual physical violence occurs.
As parents, educators, administrators and caring citizens we need to make more people aware that bullying can take many forms such as:
1) Teasing or name calling
2) Intimidation through social exclusion
3) Purposely using hurtful words -verbal assaults or gestures towards another
4)Cyber bullying -generally occurs at later ages
OR
5)Physical bullying like hitting, punching etc
ps- I couldn't help but notice in your post that you used the word "classmates" plural - this indicates multiple occasions and students and should be monitored carefully. Perhaps a different set of classmates might be a fresh and hopeful beginning to a new school year. Keep in mind that bullying of any kind negatively effect the victims self-esteem, can bring on combination of fear, anxiety, or depression, as well as effecting academic and social success.
Try talking with the school counselor, AP, and/or Principal and ask about what techniques/programs they can implement for bully prevention to begin an awareness of no tolerance for any behaviors that emotionally or physically harm any student(s) at your child's school. Why wait for other alarming behaviors?
Good luck and give your child a hug for me!
Kim
I think there's a huge difference between rash, impulsive statements like "I hate you" which can be thrown out at a whim and TRUE bullyiing which really requires some form of pre-mediatation.
Yes, bullying occurs "this early" and earlier. Sadly, incidents of bullying in kindergarten and preschool are on the rise. Statistics today show that our kids stand a 1-in-4 chance of becoming the victim of some form of school bullying or violence, ranging from "simple" harassment all the way to physical violence.
Many kids are just not coming to school and life prepared with an understanding of appropriate interpersonal skills and decent behavior. These girls that spout "I hate you" now, are insensitive to the feelings and emotions of others. If they understand that "sticks and stones may break my bones BUT words can break my heart"...and the idea of the Golden Rule ("treat others the way YOU want them to treat YOU" -- or even better "treat others the way THEY want to be treated") then perhaps they wouldn't treat their classmates this way.
I'm hoping that your school is aware of the behavior and has something in place to deal with it. While it's "just words" now, that can be the beginning of worse -- just take a look at the teenage cheerleader beating in FL not too long ago. Not to say that this will necessarily happen in your case -- that's not my point. But, if you don't CARE about other people's feelings and how your words and actions can affect them, you're on a slippery negative downslope that requires stronger correction the longer it continues.
Yes, bullying occurs "this early" and earlier. Sadly, incidents of bullying in kindergarten and preschool are on the rise. Statistics today show that our kids stand a 1-in-4 chance of becoming the victim of some form of school bullying or violence, ranging from "simple" harassment all the way to physical violence.
Many kids are just not coming to school and life prepared with an understanding of appropriate interpersonal skills and decent behavior. These girls that spout "I hate you" now, are insensitive to the feelings and emotions of others. If they understand that "sticks and stones may break my bones BUT words can break my heart"...and the idea of the Golden Rule ("treat others the way YOU want them to treat YOU" -- or even better "treat others the way THEY want to be treated") then perhaps they wouldn't treat their classmates this way.
I'm hoping that your school is aware of the behavior and has something in place to deal with it. While it's "just words" now, that can be the beginning of worse -- just take a look at the teenage cheerleader beating in FL not too long ago. Not to say that this will necessarily happen in your case -- that's not my point. But, if you don't CARE about other people's feelings and how your words and actions can affect them, you're on a slippery negative downslope that requires stronger correction the longer it continues.
Bullying can occur in early years such as preschool. Some kids learn very early how to manipulate and bully others into doing what they want.
Some teachers in elementary grades have what they call a "communtiy-based classroom" in which almost every morning, they would all sit in a circle and which-ever student wanted to talk about things that are bothering them, ie, so and so called me a name and hurt my feelings, so and so tripped me on purpose and it made me "mad"....things like this, and it really does wonders in that classroom as other students get to hear and learn that by some "bad" actions someone did, how it made the other person feel.
I hope your daughter has a teacher who does these things as well....it really does help in some situations.
Some teachers in elementary grades have what they call a "communtiy-based classroom" in which almost every morning, they would all sit in a circle and which-ever student wanted to talk about things that are bothering them, ie, so and so called me a name and hurt my feelings, so and so tripped me on purpose and it made me "mad"....things like this, and it really does wonders in that classroom as other students get to hear and learn that by some "bad" actions someone did, how it made the other person feel.
I hope your daughter has a teacher who does these things as well....it really does help in some situations.
I do think that bullying can occur this early, but like drjohnson pointed out, it could be a case of the child not understanding the implications of what she said.
Someone posted an interesting piece of advice about "mean girls" that you may be interested in reading:
community.greatschools.net/adv
We also have articles on the subject in the GreatSchools Library:
www.greatschools.net/search/se
I hope this helps!!
Someone posted an interesting piece of advice about "mean girls" that you may be interested in reading:
community.greatschools.net/adv
We also have articles on the subject in the GreatSchools Library:
www.greatschools.net/search/se
I hope this helps!!
Yes, I agree that kids at this age are saying things for just the idea of seeing if they can shock someone with their response. I've coached her about avoiding playmates who are manipulative and rude. A previous classmate that was taunting was separated from clusters of desks and then she moved. So things work out and kids mature.
I know that when I was in second grade, you hated the kid that wouldnt share their box of crayons, and the next day you were best friends. So I wouldnt worry about it too much, unless your daughter seems really upset about it or it was a constent taunt. Then I would probably try talking to her teacher or the admin.
I have a couple different thoughts about this.
Kids this young tend to be very impulsive. Some kids may say very hurtful things without any understanding about other kids' feelings. If they're angry, "I hate you." may gush out of their mouths and then be forgotten 10 minutes later.
On the other hand, some girls can be quite precocious and manipulative at very early ages. I've seen my daughters be emotionally pummeled in pre-school by friendship triangles.
So I guess I'd be looking at who is saying these things in what situations. If it's good friends having occasional spats and patching it all up again withing a few days, I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe have a little chat about hurtful words with both girls.
If there seems to be a junior mean girl in development, then the situation is a bit stickier. On the home front, your daughter would need some strategies to avoid and deflect. Addressing the child with the issue would depend on your feeling for her parents and how well the school handles these things. Perhaps the school social worker can intervene. Sometimes the parents have no idea their kid is behaving this way and would be mortified. Or furious with the victim. Or think it's a good life skill. Or not care.
Kids this young tend to be very impulsive. Some kids may say very hurtful things without any understanding about other kids' feelings. If they're angry, "I hate you." may gush out of their mouths and then be forgotten 10 minutes later.
On the other hand, some girls can be quite precocious and manipulative at very early ages. I've seen my daughters be emotionally pummeled in pre-school by friendship triangles.
So I guess I'd be looking at who is saying these things in what situations. If it's good friends having occasional spats and patching it all up again withing a few days, I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe have a little chat about hurtful words with both girls.
If there seems to be a junior mean girl in development, then the situation is a bit stickier. On the home front, your daughter would need some strategies to avoid and deflect. Addressing the child with the issue would depend on your feeling for her parents and how well the school handles these things. Perhaps the school social worker can intervene. Sometimes the parents have no idea their kid is behaving this way and would be mortified. Or furious with the victim. Or think it's a good life skill. Or not care.
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