well i really had a problem with things growing up my mom first thing wanted to say wow this child does not react to things like i as a 25 yr old woman would do forgetting that i was still really young and was affraid i had somthing wrong most parents want there child to be great and there kids to be at a level you as a mom has worked up in your head and there not ..
i was going to counseling and even got admited to wyandotte hospital for then becoming rebalious to my mom for picking at me with saying i wasnt paying attention and i was hyper i realized that young my mom was digging to deep. wheni went to this hospital i told them how aggrevated i had became at taking meds since i was 3 for ADHD and was now 13 for somthing i now in time grew out of i have a 5 yr old who is very hyper and dont listen but as a mom its up to me to teach my daughter time outs and disapline in great ways for her crazyness like when i tell her somthing and she dont listen i go over to her hold her arm down and look her in the eyes she dont like it but i do then i say it again like go brush your teeth if she dont i then put her in time out with a timer i use for cooking set at 5 min and when she is in time out she is in one place in a chair were its perfect for me to try and talk to her . but plz practice diffrent routines have family meetings each person sit in a group talk about your day and what is bothering you and you will grow even if your a single mom or dad its perfect for freindship find what works for you dont let a 56789 or 10 year old show you as a mom or dad at an older age how things are done your kid only knows what he or she has been taught i look at it as it a child it all in how the parent is to the child and how the parent is not the child telling you how its going to go i also count to 3 and at three he or she gets a penalty and so forth have patience and keep at it you as a parent teaches practice makes perfect so do the same dont give up or in to meds your child dont need to hear he or she has problems its no diffrent letting them listen to badwords in a rap song you dont let them watch r rated movies so filter the nagatives out as well or your kid will or might be rebelious and diss like you in the end
i grown to realize my mother had the problems not me she was going through times were this was deffinatly somthing that added to the bunch get controll now or you wont at all

Haucoin, has your older son ever been evaluated by a professional? It's one thing to be uncertain about a kindergartener or 1st grader's maturity, but an older child who consistently struggles with issues should really be taken seriously. It's well known that attentional issues seem to have familial tendancies, and the fact you've got another child with a diagnosis makes it more likely that professional intervention would be good to seek. You might also want to join us in the Learning and Attention Difficulties Group at http:community.greatschools.net/groups/11554

(P.S. If you can, please try not to use all capital letters when you post...it's seen as "SHOUTING")

I FEEL LIKE YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT MY FAMILY. MY
7 YEAR OLD IS ADHD AND MY 13 YEAR OLD DOES EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT WITH YOUR SON. I BELIEVE IT IS BECAUSE I GET UPSET AND SCREAM AND HOLLER AT HIM. I AM AT A LOSS AS WELL, BECAUSE MY SON WILL BE STARTING HIGH SCHOOL NEXT YEAR AND I'M WORRIED. MY SON IS SMART,BUT I REALIZE WHAT HAPPENS AT HOME HAS A LOT TO DO WITH HOW THEY DEAL WITH THINGS OUTSIDE OF HOME. SO I THINK THE REAL QUESTION IS HOW DO I CHANGE WHAT I'M DOING TO GET HIM TO LISTEN TO ME AND TO SPEAK WHAT HE IS FEELING.

Wow, I'm so interested in checking out their website. I feel like there are possible answers now and of course possible solutions. Thank you so much for sharing your very personal experience.

Hi,

I encountered similar problems with my son. He used to suffer at school, and teachers commented on his inability to pay attention although he did enough to get by. He was not "hyperactive," just seemed disinterested.

At eight he was tested at the Denver Gifted Development Center, and I learned he has auditory processing problems as well as being profoundly gifted. Apparently this is a common combination of traits in gifted children, especially boys.

Essentially, although his hearing is fine, he processes information almost exclusively visually. His first four years of school he acquired only the information written on the board or handed out to read. Since it was difficult to process auditorially, and it took him so much longer to understand verbal directions, he learned to cope by tuning out. He thought he was stupid until he understood that his "antennae" were his eyes, not his ears. At home I learned to touch his shoulder when I directed him, and this helped a lot.

He is twelve now, and has learned coping skills and outgrown much of his auditory processing problems. He still struggles with lectures in school, but understands how he learns.

At home I was often irritated because I felt he wasn't listening, and I was very short with him. I am much more patient now since I understand a little more about his wiring. I am still impatient at times, and I do believe he could improve his listening skills, but life is much more harmonious.

I would encourage you to have him tested. Please know that this is an extremely common phenomena and can be helped with new strategies. Also, in the schools my son attended, this learning difference was never recognized until I had him tested in Denver. (Good information on their website!) Up until then he was considered uncooperative, lazy and with a probable low IQ. His gifts and talents were not recognized at all.

Good luck!

I find that kids today are just like how we were (if we wish to be honest). Many of us did them same, this could mean your child is bored with what he's giving or he has a talent that is yet to be discovered. Take it from me, kids today with all they go thru do not need medication.

I think it may be a way for him to cope. I think my husband and I are so trying to control everything all of the time, that we are not always listening to them or giving them the opportunity to offer their opinion. It is so hard to break the cycle, but like you said earlier, they are well worth the effort to change those habits.

Is this a coping skill for him? Does he tune out to avoid the pressures at school like he might at home? Is he thinking of Rocket ships and things he will do when he is big? Ask a lot of questions to see how he feels and thinks. Is he being challenged? Why should he listen in school? Kids have an opinion on everything...find out what his is. Remember being a kid that was not listened too? How did you feel, put yourself in his place...ask him how it can be fixed. Kids love to feel in control of their lives too. Is he being bullied, does the teacher make him feel bullied into doing what they want instead of his wants and needs? Kids are not the same and we can not educate them all the same....Parents need to be involved in their childrens education.

oh nuts! i only saw half of your blog! is your son in any type of extracurricular activity? Also, I went through the same thing growing up and understand a short fuse-however, i have learned that the best gift in life we are given is our children and although it can be challenging, they are worth the effort. I would like to give you my number and believe me, sometimes just having a sounding board is the best help you can imagine!

My son did the same thing! i learned that staring a reward program with him worked well. for every task he would remember or book he read would have a "reward"-things like going to hte park, extra time with mom, or even a special trip to the book store...sometimes it would be just a matter of him needing some extra time to sort out his feelings-

My son of 11 yrs. has also been diagnosed with ADHD. I resisted the medication initially, eventually gave it a try and quit (actually several, from adderall to strattera) due to stomach aches and no weight gain. (and the morning fight of making him take it. He hated it) Finally, going back to my "gut" feeling of no medication. I never liked the idea to begin with. But the "professionals" pushed and pushed. However, the teachers did report improvements.

Here's my bottom line...How about we get back to giving these kids (especially boys) the recess we used to have. Remember? We had 45 minutes to use our energy and were ready to settle down when it was time to go back in. Heeelllllooo! Our kids are lucky if they get 15 minutes of outside time then is expected to sit and pay attention for 8 hours!

I'll say it again. This is not rocket science people! Where are the "educators"? The professors? We spend so much time and money looking for the right "fix/pill" when the clear common-sense answer is in our face! LET THEM PLAY AND BE STERN WITH EXPECTATIONS! Don't just give them a pill to to chill them out to make the tough job of teaching easier.
CHILL THEM OUT THE NATURAL WAY...LET THEM RUN! Believe me, they'll be ready to come in to A/C, relaxed, ready to listen and push a pencil.

Balance...mind, body, soul. It's NOT ROCKET SCIENCE PEOPLE!

Again, I would keep an eye out for how much this is happening, the circumstances and the impact on family, school and social life. If it begins to have an impact, I would try and get more information from a formal evalaution by the school and a consult by a developmental pediatrician.

I have a very smart 11 year old boy, who is very well behaved and a "pleaser". Non the less, he is easily drawn off track and has trouble following multi step instructions. This difficulties made school very difficult.

We ruled out a number of causes. Ultimatly, after spending 2 years trying to support and overcome his difficulties, we settled on an ADHD-inattentive type diagnosis. We tried medication and it has been the single most effective intervention.

Your son's difficulties could be maturity or any of the things I listed. It could be ADHD. The key is to keep and eye and an open mind. Nobody wants to medicate their children needlessly. It was the hardest decision I have had to make regarding my child. But, I am thankful that medication offers him relief to his medical problem

He isn't rude what-so-ever when he doesn't respond. He either is onto doing something else other than what he is told, or being silly and not interested.

You are wise to begin questioning whether or not there is some issue that is blocking your child's ability to understand directions.

First and foremost, most kids (if not all) want to be successful. Often times, silliness or unwanted behavior can be a result of "face saving" behavior. Most kids do not intentionally ignore teacher's instructions.

If you prescribe to this premise, the next question would be, does my child have more difficulty than his or her peers in following directions, routines, getting the work done? It sounds like both you and his teacher thinks that he does. So, the next question - what is the cause?

Many things can interfere with your child's ability to follow directions - and there could be more than one thing:
1. Stress
2. Hearing problems
3. Language processing problems
4. Memory difficulties
5. Attention difficulties
6. Academic difficulties that make executing on instructions difficulty
7. Comprehension problems
8. Sleep issues
9. Health issues such as Lyme disease, anxiety, lead poisoning, thyroid.
10. Slow processing speed.

Some of these issues can be helped by a very structured, simple and direct approach to assigning tasks and giving instructions. Sometimes medical intervention is needed. I would recommend that you keep an eye on things. Attention and processing difficulties can cause havoc and academic failure for even the brightest of kids.

If his problems persist through 1st grade - even with a highly structured approach by you and the teacher. Even with preferential seating in the classroom, even with short, single step instructions, you may want to pursue educational testing and medical consultation.

I wouldn't be so quick to begin thinking about medical problems. ADHD is overdiagnosed. If your son has it, you'll know. You won't need a doctor to tell you. I used to work with disabled children, one of whom clearly had ADHD. He couldn't even eat a meal without being told to take each bite. He had no sense of focus or concentration. These are kids. Cut them a little slack. Medication should be a last resort.

I've come to find out that stress in a child's life does really affect their behavior. The best remedy for this is a loving environment and positive reinforcement. The damage can be undone!

My son is seven and going into second grade this year, and I had the same problems with him last year and the year before. He's also very intelligent but has trouble staying on task. He has a bit of selective hearing, and he likes to be silly also.

I got several notes and calls from the school regarding this matter, and I blamed myself for a long time. Each time there would be an issue at school I would talk to my son to see what had taken place. It really helped to pinpoint the problems. It took awhile to get it all figured out, though.

We narrowed it down to a few things. His teachers were very young and not as stern as I am with him when he misbehaves. Kids know when they can get away with something, and they take advantage. He was bored at school because I teach him a lot at home. My son is an only child, so I think he really gets wound up at school when there are other kids around. I also learned from talking to older mothers / grandmothers that he's just a little boy with a lot of energy, and not all kids are the same. It's unrealistic for teachers to expect perfect behavior out of every child.

I worked with the teacher to try different methods of positive reinforcement. By the end of first grade, he had done a complete 180. I think what worked the best was grading each lesson with up to four smileys. Even if he was misbehaving in art, he could still get four smileys in all his other lessons and have that feeling of accomplishment. Then we would talk about art class and see what we could change the next day.

The most important thing is to be understanding and try to help him do better rather than blame him for his mistakes. Having a sense of trust and security between you does wonders.

It's very difficult to know what to advise, given your brief description. When you say "tuning out" do you mean just quietly ignoring what people tell him to do (what does he do instead?) or more openly defying what they say (ie, telling you or the teacher, "I don't want to do that.")
My son is very intelligent, and teachers complained about his focus and attention, and eventually he was diagnosed with ADHD. It is NOT something I would jump to conclusions about in your son's case, although the fact that you witness his having the same behaviors in more than one setting (both at home and school) is more indicative of a possible issue. You might look at sites like www.help4adhd.org and see if his behaviors match.

If I were you, I'd wait and see how your son does with a new teacher this coming year. If that person also expresses concerns, you should probably talk to a doctor about the possibilities of what could be the cause... FYI, if he's "zoning out" quietly, it might be a form of epileptic seizure...