Reading what is posted here I can totally relate. My son or it seems all of our kids are the same and it seems to occur at the same age range. They eventually come around. You just have to be supportive and explain to them that it's okay to play and make mistakes it's how we all get better at what we do...in work and life. No one has all the answers and no one on this earth does everything right. Those are facts. Time heals and helps all...guaranteed!! Good luck and no worries!! Take it one day at a time...

My son was dx with Asperger's. Latest testing shows Anxiety Disorder and ADHD... He's not sure about the Asperger's aspect. We see it at home... so we believe it is all of the above. Your son sounds JUST LIKE MINE! Mine is gifted (testing proved it). When he is confident in something he does it, but anxiety gets in the way at the start of EVERYTHING. Ex: Tball.. Complains and cries about every practice and game, wants to quit! ... after he is out on the field and catching or hitting.. he's happy and having fun.. then the next event it starts all over again. I need to get a book to help me with his anxiety. Try to ignore the whining part, comfort when you can without making him think there is a reason to be anxious. It's hard, I know, but keep in mind it's harder on him to live in fear all the time instead of happy-go-lucky. Good Luck to both of you!

This question hits close to home. My seven year old daughter is the same. She is very bright, very creative and has many friends at school. She will start an activity that interests her then wants to quit whenever it involves actual competition. She liked basketball and soccer practice but was a wreck when game time came. We tried to stress it was all for fun but no amount of reassurance helps. I do not want to push her to play but I do not want her to think quiting something after she starts is ok. I am glad to hear she is not alone. Hopefully this will pass too.

i think its time to take those training wheels off and let him learn we all fall at less once in are life. i think his afraid of getting hurt sounds to me. have you sat down and talked about what he likes or dislikes? start from there. please what ever you do don't push him into stuff all you doing is scaring him even worse and worse of all he mite not want to do nether. some parents wants to push there kids to the limit but all there doing is pushing there child away. why not ask him if he would like to play the piano or some kind of instrument he would like to try out then go from there and if he does choice and he sees he as messed up a couple of times on a tune then maybe you can coach him into sports just give it time it will work out, but don't work your self up if he doesn't want to do it next year he will come around rest assure!

First thought is how things are presented to him. In a positive manner? And second, HE is not ready. Don't make it a negative thing introduce it to him rather then asking him if he wants to... then encourage him. My oldest was a worry wort and afraid of doing new things because of failure. Now I learned that she is very organized and really wants to be successful at everything she sets her mind to. Might let him know we are not all or any perfect and let him know your expectations of him so you can guide him in the direction of setting his goals and expectations of himself.

My daughter is a lot like your son. She excells at the things she knows she is good at and shies away from things she doesn't do well at. She gets very frustrated when she can't do something right the first time.
We tried baseball, her brother was playing and she also wanted to. She got upset when she couldn't play as well as the others. We found a program through the San Francisco Giants. I don't know what state you live in, but some pro teams have programs like this. It is a non-competitive baseball team that focuses on the fundamentals and the games are very relaxed and fun for all the kids. Older kids help the younger kids and everyone is very positive. My daughter has learned you have to try and you must get back out there to succeed. Junior Giants has helped her. She is playing again this year and is very excited. I don't know if this is helpful, but good luck.

Thanks to everyone who posted an answer or experience - it really helps to give me perspective on this issue. Just an update: I did have my son evaluated 2 weeks ago by a psychologist. We won't have the results for a few more weeks, but she kept stressing to me his "great imagination", "how extremely smart" he was, and that he was "bursting with energy"... so whatever that means. Maybe he will turn out to be gifted, I don't know.

We have encouraged him to do things that are non-competitive like swimming (which he loves!), but he balks at even that. I am kind of "forcing" him to remain in Cub Scouts - explaining to him that we made a commitment and need to honor that responsibility. He seems ok with that for now.

Thanks again for the posts!

My daughter is the same way. We've never reprimanded or punished her for "failing". Our big thing here is as long as you do the very best you can, we're happy. And yet, she's always had (since toddlerhood) this fear of disappointing us and failing and not doing it right... so much so that she just won't even try to begin with.

It can be very frustrating because we know that if she just would try she'd probably be a success, and it's painful to watch a fearful child.

I still don't know how to empower her. As she's grown I've taught her values and given her great knowledge and wisdom that being a parent who's been there done that can bring. But it's just not sinking in. She's not ready yet I guess. I have the faith that one day, she'll figure it out. My hope is that she's not too old before she does. I really don't want her to miss out on all the wonder that being a kid has to offer.

Wow, this sounds EXACTLY like my son, who is now 8. I agree with the parent who said your child may be a perfectionist - that's my son, too. We just got him off of training wheels, and now he's so happy riding his bike. What we did and have started doing is talk about how long it took us to learn various things, and the mis-steps along the way. Hearing that his mom rode into the bushes and that his dad fell over when he didn't know how to stop helped the way he thought of his own attempts.

When we finally took off the training wheels, we had him sit on the bike and use his feet to scoot around. Only when he felt comfortable gliding like that and was beginning to get his balance did we start him pedaling. The key is to break it down into pieces that he can master easily. Ultimately, I'm hoping to teach my son to be able to do that kind of analysis himself (as an teen & adult), but for now and until he's old enough I will continue to help him that way. BTW - I'll bet that your son is gifted, as mine is also.

RE group experiences - we're still struggling with that one. He had a lot of trouble with going to camp last year (he was fine once he'd settled in), but getting there was the hard part - throwing up in the AM. No troubles with that this year, so growing up may help with that part, but he still refuses to try team sports or scouts. We're working on non-team sports, and he's enjoying that - swimming and golf are his faves.

Good luck!

Your son sounds just like mine at that age. We learned the hard way that throwing him, a kid with that type of temperament into a group felt extreme, he had not yet developed the coping skills. Instead, we compromised and put him into experiences where he felt successful, yet slightly challenged, enough to keep the interest up. The teachers at school were our biggest allies as they drew him out whenever possible. He is 17 1/2 now and still prefers solo activities. Yes, as parents we have mourned a bit for the lack of school sports, music involvement. But we do have a happy kid and to me that's what matters.

My daughter was the same way. I had to give her 2 choices of activities then stay and watch her the entire time. After the first 2 classes, she was fine and having fun. Later, I found out that she is gifted. Fear of Failure is common with gifted kids. Have you had your son tested for the gifted program?

It sounds like anxiety to me too but I'm not a DR. My kids don't like to do any kind of activity that requires a schedule. I guess they like to be free since school is out. My little one would do horse camp though anytime. I guess try and find something he really loves to do and do that. Its not worth it to have him sick IMO. At least he has friends and socializes that's a good thing. I would keep suggesting different things until he finds that special thing. Maybe with maturity it will all come together. Another good site you might want to visit in addition to here is www.millermom.probosces.com Theres some knowledgeable moms over there too that might have a different perspective. also join the learning difficulties or schwabbies group here. These are the places I find the best advice!!

I know it's not a learning disability per-say but maybe if you go to the group here at great schools for Learning and Attention Difficulties they may be able to help you more. community.greatschools.net/groups/11554 is the link to that group.

You're welcome. I am sure other's can give you better advice than I can. I am sure they will be around sometime. :D

The school counselor pulled him out for 1-on-1 time each week with her - doing crafts, puzzles, games - to get him to talk with her. He loved the time, but she never got to the heart of what was going on. She encouraged me to get him evaluated at the end of the school year. He has an appt. this week to have that done. I guess I was just hoping to get some ideas from other parents who might be dealing with this to give me some perspective.

Thanks for the quick reply - I'm new to this site and it's nice to see that parents are really using it to connect.

Have you talked to your son's doctor? Could he have an anxiety disorder? Maybe you can sit him down and talk to him and see if he knows why he feels this way? Has he talked to the school counselor or another counselor?Sorry I know I am just asking more questions and not really helping too much.