Shy? or being a pain?

Believe me.I understand you.My son(5 years old) do that kind of things.He can not stay to a person and say hello!!.I feel other people thinks he has no manners.But is a matter of time.Sometime we are not feeling with the mood to talk to certain people.I think they fell the same way.But pushing them is not going to be the solution.Talk to her about it,and try to not say in from of her is because she is shy.In 1 year she will use that excuse to support that behavior.Good luck!!!!

My daughter was like this too, and it really was shy. She's still shy to this day. It turns out my daughter has a fear of failure and disappointing people. But I remember the Mommy and Me classes when she was 2... she would not participate. She'd cry and stand there with her arms crossed and say, "Hrmph!"
I enrolled her in a tumbling class, thinking that perhaps the singing was just too boring for her (it was excruciating for me to have to sing the wheels on the bus) but she would not participate in the tumbling class either. I took her to swim lessons because she wanted to learn to swim but wouldn't allow me to teach her (I was a top athlete on swim team)... And although she wanted to go, she wouldn't participate. I got her private lessons thinking that perhaps it was because of the other kids, but she still hardly would participate (although it was a little better)... I finally just stopped trying to do that stuff with her. It was clear that she didn't want to do it and I wasn't about to force her.

Shy is a valid reason. I know it's hard for you to watch it, and in a way, it makes people look at us differently. I was badgered in the mommy and me class about why she wasn't participating. I was even asked if she was "retarded". And it made me really mad to know that other parents were thinking awful things about me and my daughter. But I had to get over my sadness and irritation and anger about the fact that my daughter wasn't fitting into the image I had in my mind. Now, she is who she is and she lives with her choices... Even when they're not not the most fun. For instance, we were just at SeaWorld and she had the opportunity to meet Shamu, pet him feed him and go up in front of everyone. It's an opportunity a kid is fortunate to have. And she turned it down out of her shyness and fear. She regretted it too. But I have taught her that she must live with the choices that she makes and sometimes allowing something wonderful to pass us by is a regrettable thing but it was the choice we made and we must live with it.

So... as your daughter gets a little older, you can start talking to her about choosing to stand away and not include herself and how that can affect her. But now, she's only 4. She may come out of her shell later on or she may not.

Don't work yourself up too much over it. Enjoy this time... it goes by too quickly.

My son is 6 and behaves the same way: slow to participate, "home-body," very good at sports but freezes up in actual games. I've noticed that he is willing to participate when it is presented as "this is what we are doing." If he is given an option, he'll choose to watch/stay home. Maybe a private discussion with the teacher/coach/camp counselor to present things to her in this way?

Your answer would greatly vary depending upon your child's socialization in other circumstances. Shyness is something you should assist her in overcoming. This will enable her to be assertive and be able to properly be an advocate for herself. However, I wouldn't dismiss the possibility of this just being a way to get attention.