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sj4wsj4w June 9, 2008

How do I tell my daughter to stop adding things to her schedule.

sj4wsj4w
She takes dance 2 days a week (4 1/2 hours), flute lessons 1 day a week, soccer two days a week, karate 2 days a week, and now she wants to add volleyball and basketball starting in September. She is a straight A student, but I think this is too much activity to commit to.
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Parent Answers to "How do I tell my daughter to stop adding things to her schedule."

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lafayettemills
lafayettemills June 22, 2008
I would try and find out why she wants to add more activities to her already busy schedule. It could be as simple as a friend taking any of those activities and she wants to be with those friends. In this case, you can suggest other ways of spending time with those friends that she wants to be with.
It could be something else like trying out something new. If that is the case, you can ask her to just add one activity , not both. let her try out one more activity and see how it goes. tell her you will do this on a try out basis and see how it works out for not just her, but for you as well.
This way you have an option of either asking her to drop the activity totally, or ask her to give up some other activity she is already taking to replace this one, or let her continue if it works out okay. Car pool, taking turns dropping and picking up kids is always a good option in cases like these.
I have seen many kids take few sports at once and i see exhausted parents dropping and picking up kids. But, I have also seen parents get involved with these activities themselves like becoming a coach or a parent that helps out on the field etc. I have also seen car pools etc. so, there are options to make it work also. She certainly seems to be capable of handling her own schedule. If she does well, and your schedule works out with other parents etc, then I would let her take another "one" activity.
Anonymous
Anonymous June 11, 2008
I guess I'm a bit more firm (but my daughter is only 6). Even though she makes straight A's, she seems "overbooked". If your thought is that she makes straight A's, then you'll never be able to tell her "no". So if that is the basis for allowing her to participate in more and more activities, you are in going to be in trouble.

It's great to be involved, but too much involvement and activities can't be healthy for the family as a whole. What about the other siblings? Do they get this much attention, or is she the only child?

I hope that the family does not focus on your daughters schedule, and not on the family as a whole.
1seremen
1seremen June 9, 2008
You child must be a very hardworking and responsible girl. You should be proud of her. This multitask skill is essential in today's world and motherhood. Who is driving? If you, and you are the only driver, her schedule should be based on what you can accommodate.

Tell her why/how so many activities affect your individual's life. Do you still have time for yourself and other members of the family? Remember, you need a good state of mind and rest to be able to drive most of the time. Anyway, I admire your daughter. Good luck!
healthy11
healthy11 June 9, 2008
I assume she's a teen? I think you should be honest ~ tell her you love her, but are concerned that she's overextending herself. On the other hand, I would NOT tell her she can't do X,Y,Z because she obviously has proven her ability to handle her committments responsibly up to this point. She'll have to learn for herself if she gets too involved, and make the choice of which activity to eliminate from her schedule.
Luv_BN_Mom
Luv_BN_Mom June 9, 2008
Goodness gracious. When does she relax? Right now she has something to do every day of the week. Even when soccer season is over how would she fit in both volleyball and basketball? Something has got to give. Just tell her..."no, you already have too much you are commited to." Great job to her for keeping her grades up, but she really needs to sit back and smell the flowers alittle.
CoolDad
CoolDad June 9, 2008
You do not tell her. You let her overschedule herself until she starts missing things she wants to do. Do not volunteer to accommodate her too-full schedule. Simpley say "no, I cannot [drive/picu-up/meet or otherwise enable] you. You will have to [call a friend/walk/ride your bike/or not go] to [whatever]." And STAND by it. She will get THAT message loud and clear. By TELLING her she cannot, she will do the human thing - and DO IT to prove you wrong.

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