I went through this last year with my daughter and found it had everything to do with the teacher, she and my daughter just did not like eachother but she is going to the 1st grade and it does not seem to affect her now.

Sometimes kids also "outgrow" it. I'm amazed at how much a kindergartner can learn in a few months -- including socail behavior. He may not have these problems next year -- (1) because he will have matured some (2) new teachers -- as a teacher, I can tell you that sometimes it's the chemistry between teacher & student -- some people would call it a personality conflict. However, if you notice similar problems with him as a first grader, continue talking to him and to his teacher. One of my students behaved poorly -- almost daily. I talked with him. His parents talked with him. The parents and I talked to each other. Just know that children behave in certain ways to have NEEDS met -- if you can determine the need & meet it positively, the behavior tends to diminish & often disappears.

It seems as though your son's teacher is looking at behaviorial issues rather than academic in order to retain him. True, boys tend to mature at a slower rate than girls, but as long as your son isn't struggling academically I would move him along to first grade. His 'behaviorial issues" appear not to be that severe where they were impacting his learning. I would ask his teacher if anyone has ever taken the time to chat with your son or model appropriate lunchtime behavior. Is his teacher reminding him or asking him as he is walking into the lunchroom what one thing could he work on to make him a better citizen in the lunchroom? Has his teacher created a daily behavior chart for him that breaks the day down by each activity or block of time(carpet time, reading, math, playtime, lining up, lunch, etc)? I like to use these types of charts to help the child to monitor his behavior throughout the day. Before the day begins, I would briefly chat with your son, and remind him of what he needs to do in order to earn a star or sticker for group time that morning. Once group time is done, I would call your son over and talk about his behavior. What he has done right or what he should have done. A star or sticker would then be placed on the chart by your child if he earned it. If not, I would jot a note to the parents letting them know why he didn't earn one for that block of time. A brief conversation between myself and your son would then take place. It would entail me asking him what he could do to improve his behavior during this next block of time (forgive and forget-we all make mistakes). By putting the responsibility back on your child it makes it that much more powerful and a goal for him to achieve. The chart is sent home at the end of the day to share with parents. In this day and age, with both parents working, children come to school with an abundance of different sets of rules to follow:a set from mom, a set from dad, his bus driver, school teacher, lunchroom aide, fine arts teacher, daycare provider,etc). you need to help your child pair down these rules and work on one until he has mastered it.

This is a tough call. I'm a teacher and parent of a child who just finished kindergarten. She got in trouble often as well and it was usually for procedural things, like lining up and talking out. (Pretty tough to hear as a teacher, that your kid will not follow procedures.) Anyway, we made it through the year, with a lot of prayer, a great teacher and consistency at home and school. If your son is doing okay academically, and behavior is the only issue, I would let him go to first grade. In the early years, children do not have a full understanding of retention. If he does not do well in first grade, you can let him repeat first grade. You may try telling him the things "first graders do". We have been doing that all summer. "First graders stay in line. First graders do their best, always." You know the drill. Try to talk to the teacher he will have in first grade and know what is expected of him, before the first day of school. You can then prepare him. You might also want to have him meet with the teacher and let her/him tell him all of the procedural things "first graders do". I use the word procedures because when my child came home having had "apples pulled" last year and I asked her what she did, it was always, "I didn't follow procedures."

Mom 1969 I'm glad to help. It sounds like she might be ready for kinder, but I want to encourage you not to rule out retention if she should need it.

Brettsmom -- thanks for the vote of confidence:)

Also, keep in mind that your 4 1/2 year daughter will be in class with old fives and some six year olds, many of which will have an advantage due their ages and their extra year in pre-school or Pre-K. My boy will turn six two weeks after kindergarten starts in the fall.

Mom1969,

In my city, the cut-off date for kindergarten is December so my son who also has a late birthday at Sep. 26 could have attended last year while he was a late four. HOWEVER, we got recommendations all around to keep him in another year of Pre-K and it has made a huge difference. What Kennysmom said is true, which is that the thinking these days is that the kids need to five at least when they start.

Although it sounds as though you have made a decision, just be aware that kids take second laps in kindergarten often because they weren't really ready emotionally. If the pre-school teacher thinks your daughter needs another year of seasoning in pre-school, that is worth listening to from what I have seen. One school gave us a book they had published themselves on this subject called "What's the Rush?'" They distributed it to everyone looking at kindergarten with four year olds and the thrust was that since this decision will be one the kids live with for ever, it's best to give them as much time up front as possible.

HI KENNYSMOM!!!THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PUTTING IT IN THAT PERSPECTIVE,NOW I CAN SEE THE BIG PICTURE.MORGAN WILL BE 5 IN OCT 29TH,AND THATS ALL SHE'S BEEN TALKING ABOUT IS GOING TO SCHOOL,SO I WILL GO AHEAD WITH HER ATTENDING KINDER.BUT WITH HER BEING A YOUNGER KINDER THAN MOST I WILL KEEP AN EYE ON HER AND MAKE SURE SHE CAN HANDLE IT.THATS WHY I PLACED HER IN PRESCHOOL EARLY SO IT WOULD SOMEWHAT PREPARE HER FOR KINDER.SHE STARTED AT 2 1/2 AND WAS THERE FOR 2 YREARS AND SHE LOVED IT.YES THERE WAS DAYS WERE SHE WOULD CRY WHEN I LEFT BUT 5 MINUTES LATER I WOULD SNEAK IN THE WINDOW AND SHE WAS FINE.I JUST HOPE AND PRAY SHE CAN ADAPT TO HER NEW ENVIROMENT.I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED ON HER PROGRESS OKAY.I REALLY,APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT THANKS ALOT

I don't think parents should put their kids in kinder unless they are 5 when the previous school year ended. Everychild I had in my class that was barely 5 or turned 5 by the cut off date (a month after school started), cried DAILY when mom & dad dropped them off, seemed scared and angry, presented aggressive behavior towards the teacher & peers, and exhibited difficulty in learning the material. I don't have a dungeon for a classroom. We sing, dance, paint, play....... I dress-up & act out books & invite kids to dress-up too. so there was lots of laughter & the only ones apprehensive to embrace the situation were the young 5's & older 4's. In kinder maturity is almost more important then academics and with NCLB a teacher can only give them about a week to warm up to school, after that you're either on the train or getting left behind & will struggle all year. Is it fair to push a kid when they aren't ready????? When parents give me their kids -- they are giving me permission to push them according to NATIONAL expectations -- so ask yourself -- will your child be able to handle reading & everything inbetween by the end of the year????

I understand your position, but 4 1/2 is really little. Four year olds are generally in preK or preschool programs not kinder. A four year old develomentally doesn't have many of the prerequisites for school developed yet so it puts a child at a disadvantage to push them when you don't have to. Developmentally they aren't ready for the demand of kinder because those skills have not developed. Kinder is more like 1st grade. Your child will be in a room with 5 & 6 year olds and will be compared on that spectrum. That is scary & I hate to tell you maturity is a huge factor in academics. If she isn't mature enough to sit still and delay self gradification she PROBABLY won't do well academically in school. That can have lasting consequences. I encourage you not to push her. If I were you .... I'd keep her home another year ....... Look down the road 12 years from now ...... she might not be able to drive when she's in the 10th grade & won't be 18 when she graduates. She will always be "the baby". Besides in many schools -- parents are informed of promotion decisions -- they don't get a vote.

I HAVE A 4 1/2 LITTLE GIRL ATTENDING KINDER THIS YEAR,AND IF MY DAUGHTER IS DOING WELL IN HER ACADEMICS AND MIGHT BE A LITTLE IMATURE FOR HER AGE,AND THE TEACHER WANTS TO HOLD HER BACK I THINK I WOULD LOSE MY MIND AND REALLY PUT HER IN HER PLACE.I FELL CHILDREN WILL MATURE AT THERE OWN PACE AND THAT SHOULD NOT BE A FACTOR TO WANT TO HOLD THEM BACK.

I only have a child who is entering K at 6 years old. We let him go to pre-school to prepare him.

At his old school, there were a number of kids, all boys, who were doing a "second lap" of either Pre-Kindergarten or Kindergarten. Athough the teacher who replied is an expert, all of the boys being held back at my son's school were being held back for maturity/behavioral reasons versus academics. Might not be a bad idea versus having him stumble in first grade where things really count.

I teach kindergarten -- most kids line-up when a teacher asks at any age and at any point in the year & regardless of location in school. So it' not really "typical" behavior if 1 child is the only one doing it. Part of kindergarten entails learning socially appropriate things -- running around when the teacher has asked him to line-up - isn't acceptable.

I agree with you about not retaining him though, retention should be reserved for academic issues. I will say that structure is needed for him -- more then he's getting now. He'll probably need a strict yet loving teacher -- but don't be surprised when he gets in trouble -- he also needs to learn self-control.

I'm a little confused on how you wrote it. Did you decide to keep him in kindergarten or not? My first thought was his age which you answered. For the most part children (I know of)...especially boys, have a hard time dealing with kindergarten when they fall on the line of the start cut off date. I have often thought that you should have a choice in whether or not to let them stay home a year longer. Many schools systems have head start programs. It helps children who have not mastered the skills needed for a structured environment(i.e children who had not attended preschool). They attend head start the year before kindergarten so they are not thrown in to having to sit still and pay attention. I think many people assume children have attended preschool, when more often many people don't have the monatary luxury of such ammenities. Ok...off track a little. If this is the case with your son, holding him back at this point I feel might not be a bad idea. Maybe he just wasn't quite ready. It happens. If it is true he may have a hard time in 1st grade which the cirriculum requires much more of an attention span. It's kindergarten. It would be harder for him to be held back in later years. And think this will keep him with you for another year before off to college(hmmm...looking ahead, let's hope that's a good thing...Best of Luck..Jo