Thanks for everyone's input. Yes we have been sitting with and helping with the homework. We also pay for grades, $5 for A, $3 for B, $1 for C. One made the honor roll and we rewarded that with a gift certificate and flowers. The problem is, it is very emotionally draining for us and disrupting to the family to have to fight about homework all the time. By the way, it has gotten better. We are now trying to put more of the responsibility on the one twin as she has expressed desire to get all A's this year and maybe move out of 7th grade into 8th sooner than planned. The other one is still fighting and is having a great deal of difficulty with math, so we are trying to find her a tutor. Pray for us!!

Hey you guys,
If you are foster parents you are good people, i am sure it is hard for you but, if I am right the girls should be in 9th grade, that is a big difference of grades. They must feel bad being in the 6th grade knowing they should be in the 9th. The school should have a plan going for them after school something else.
Best wishes

Kennysmom,

I really liked your post...and it made me think of something else to suggest. A good way to help their foster daughters develop a sense of permanence is to start some additional family traditions and link it to improvement good performance in school. For example, When report cards come out and they get their first A or B, the family could go for ice cream or a special breakfast or a special lunch. And it doesn't have to be expensive or complicated. The girls will experience themselves becoming a part of something enduring, and that will be a comfort to them, and a foundation to build upon in their lives.

Talk to them -- ask them why they don't want to do their homework. Look at the answers & look at their grades. If they need help -- get the needed help, talk to teachers & find out what would help them. Sometimes foster kids have a hard time investing themselves in anything -- especially if they've bounced from place to place. Help them see the value in education, by helping them understand that most people don't live like they have had to & that getting a good education is one way to stop having to live that way in the future. Could you adopt??? It might give them a sense of permanence.

Remember your girls feel unwanted, unloved as a lot of Foster children do. They feel like a burden. Have you tried sitting with them while they do their homework? Explain that it is a good time to start doing FAMILY things and that homework is one of them. Punishing will cause rebellion. Pushing will cause them to resent you. So you have to play this one carefully, as long as they understand you are in it for the long haul, and want to do what ever you can to give them a better life (without saying it, words are useless). Also, reward them for their accomplishments, getting all the answers right, actually finishing their homework for the week. Take them out to dinner, give them 10 dollars, just give them credit for what they achieve to show you approve.

To add my .02 cents......I fully agree with touring colleges and expanding their minds.... obviously as foster children they have had to deal with a lot of issues in their young lives which I feel can really hamper their ability to see past 1 year to the next...that life is really BIGGER than where they are right now.

If you can..........perhaps take them to a college football/basketball/baseball game - they will see college culture in ACTION!

I have asked many times about tutoring, it does not seem to be available without hiring someone.

Have you heard of the "No Child Left Behind" (NCLB) federal legislation? It states that if your child is in a Program Improvement School (that would be low performance on Math and Language Arts testing for the student body) your child is entitled to tutoring under Supplemental Education Services at no cost to you. Another good source of free and very low cost tutoring: local churches, city and county community/recreation centers, many school districts have homework hotlines and websites, and community based organizations such as the YMCA, Rotary Club and the Urban League.

All great ideas, thanks everyone. You are right, they have no concept of how important furthering their education is. We are hopeful they will given time and exposure to school and other kids with desire to do the same. I have asked many times about tutoring, it does not seem to be available without hiring someone. Summer school will allow them to have more one on one time with the teachers, so that will help.

Thanks again...

If I might "piggyback" on your answer....on weekends, I have taken my kids on self-directed walking tours of college campuses. This is a good way to show them more of the world they will access as they move towards high school graduation. I got my children immersed in a "college bound culture" Check with the Community Outreach department at schools and universities. Many of them offer Summer College Experience programs for middle schoolers where they are given the chance to take classes, learn study and orgranizational skills, and other things that will help enhance their performance in school during the school year. Some of them focus on helping students become well rounded, some are more specific, math, science, language arts or young writers or youth leadership. Some are expensive, some charge a nomial fee for classes, but most have need-based or situation-based scholarships to help with the cost.

I was reading the responses and thought of this... Teens love to go on trips. Could you perhaps go on some short day trips to the zoo, museum, art gallery, out to eat, or the beach. Maybe with some extra bonding (learning may happen too) you can reach them. If you show them how other people live, the options available, and teach them if they have goals to attend college or technical school they can have some of the things and lives that other people have. Tell them that their past is their past.. they can be anything they want to be... Maybe that will help them focus on a future for them. Then, you can can show them the small steps that it will take for them to reach the bigger goals.

Yes, the going can be tough, mining resources, My suggestion is to make an appointment to come in and speak with your children's guidance counselor at school, and just describe in detail what you would like to help your children accomplish. Then ask him or her for whatever resources the school has. Also ask the counselor what the school has in place for children who have need of social services. If they do have a Social Services or Child Welfare Department, they offer what is known as "transition services" This would include tutoring, peer assistance, information about health screenings and the like. Kudos to you, for being involved parents.

THanks for the input. We have had a hard time trying to avail of these resources that are supposed to be out there for us. Peer assistance would be great, but can't find it. Thanks again.

My suggestion is to not give up. Communicate through your actions that you believe homework is important. You're probably already doing this but provide a comfortable, efficient well-lit area at home for them to work in. Set up a homework schedule, perhaps decide on no tv during the week. Stay on top of home to school communications with your children's teachers about homework. If you both work, use email, colored envelopes, get teachers cell phone numbers if they will provide them, and check in weekly. My child's school had a homework log that had to be signed by the teacher and parent, and parents were instructed to ask for it and view it every day. I have a child who resists homework too. As foster parents, you have a number of support resources available to you through the agency, such as tutors, peer assistance, and other programs. Good luck and enjoy the parenting adventure!

WitsEnd2x, love your name by the way!

It sounds like you have two very hard eggs to crack but clearly from your attempts to find new methods of reaching them you care about them deeply!

I'd imagine that along with the enormous of amount of patience you must have, that setting boundaries and expectations that they have never had might be of use. Kids crave boundaries and these poor girls have been without set expectations or any sort of expectation for most of their life. No wonder they feel so unmotivated. Their life has been full of uncertainty & disappointment and so it's easy to understand why they have no aspirations as of yet - they don't want to set themselves up for more disappointment or failure.

Despite clearly not having a great deal of time, being they are already 14, you are at an advantage that grade level wise you have more time to reach them before high school graduation. A strange blessing & challenge of sorts in disguise! Time is what you need for them to build up confidence and trust in both you and your husband and in themselves. They need to learn to believe in themselves and that they are capable of achievement and entitled to it just as their peers.

Dig deeply into their hearts and yours, hug frequently, build trust, set boundaries, raise expectations, tell them you know they can do better and find the buried and hidden secret longings to do well and to have pride in themselves. Find something, ANYTHING that they are good at and that they can somehow weave into a goal. Start small, dream big. Look into special scholarship programs for at risk children that are awarded as early as middle school. Make them believe that they are entitled to carving their own future and that it is bright.

I know that all of this is easy for me to say and harder to actually accomplish and only wish there was more help out there for special families like yours.

ps - here is a general website on scholarship programs for at risk youth such as foster children...
www.collegescholarships.org/scholarships/foster.htm

Thanks for all the input, and yes, they do have Learning Disabilities. They are ESE students with ADHD. Because of their biological parents, they have been in 10 different schools since they started kindergarten. I think the biggest problem is that they don't fully understand how important school success is to their future. We asked one of them once what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said that she didn't need a job because "I will be poor...". I guess our problem is not homework, but how to totally reprogram them to care about education period. They were removed from their biological parents three years ago, and I don't think from what we've been told, that the parents ever emphasized school or homework. School was just a place that would care for them during the day while they got "high". WE have tried rewards, but it seems that they covet very little. The foster system has given them alot of "things" to make up for not having parents or a consistent caring adult in their lives. We have our work cut out for us. Thanks again for the input, at least I know we are heading in the right direction.

To address this kind of problem would depend on the kid.
Im a firm believer in awarding kids first instead of just disciplining them. I find out that the reward system is so much more effective then just punishing them. First of all you need to find out what the problem is. Your child could have some kind of learning dissability that they are embarassed of or it could be a desparate cry for help. Try to get them comfortable with you so that they can talk to you about anything and not feel stupid. I know this feeling because my dad called me stupid all through growing up. Find out if they are struggling in any of their subjects in school and they are to ashamed to let anyone know. Have them see a behavorial specialist to make sure that its not a problem that is set deep in their actions emotionally and physically. Then if they are just being aunrey after you try everything to help them out and they are not willing to try at all then you have to do the disciplinary actions which are; Like for instance if your kid is like mine and loves their sports and the out doors then you ground them to the house but make them watch what is going on outside. Let them see what they are missing out and take away their thing they love to do the most. On the other hand if they are hermits and love the indoors then you make them do yardwork I hope this gives you some kind of ideas, please let me know thanks

Another thought - What type of school are they attending? Maybe that's part of the problem.

I've seen that magnet type program generally work better for children who are motivated in different ways as well as multi-sensory learners. Do they like art, music, etc? Are there any magnet schools in your area with these type of programs?

These magnet programs often attract teachers who are better at tapping into more hesitant or underachieving students.

Imagine that instead of having a language arts teacher give you an essay assignment, she encourages you to write a play, a rap song, or a picture to express your knowledge on a given topic? Imagine that right before math, you get to take a dance class that gets you better into a rhythm for using numbers? This is where I see a possible good fit for your girls. Most teens love music, art, etc and would benefit from this being used throughout their school day.
Or there are science type magnets, or language magnets if that's more their speed.
Hope this somehow gives you some new possibilities because clearly if by 6th grade at 14 years old, the mainstream curriculum is not reaching them.

It sounds as if you have a very complicated situation on your hands - homework +puberty+ foster parenting challenges!

I suspect you need to take this challenge in stepping stone increments to best begin the difficult task of de-programing their undesirable/poor study habits.

1st step - Have a meeting and tell them what your goals are. Also allow them to express their personal goals. Talk about what's neccessary to reach them and what school subjects are important tools for that type of job etc

2. Assess what positive attributes or abilities(obvious, hidden or untapped) do they have? How can you best use them to work towards this goal?
(ie maybe they are great at using computer/technology and have high interest in it. Have you considered letting them type up their work so they don't have to write it? or do they have high verbal aptitude but problems getting their ideas down on paper? - try getting word recognition program that types sentences for them.)

3rd step - What motivates them, what special privileges do they enjoy or want to have? cellphones, computers, gameboys, nail polish, jeans, pizza every friday, movies sunday afternoon, whatever.
Find something to use as positive reinforcement to work towards.

4th step -Together create a spreadsheet or checklist with daily work assignments and due dates.
Help them learn to break big tasks into little and achievable steps.
Teach self assessment skills -am i working on my project? HOw long do I expect it to take? What do I need to do this task? What is the best time of day for me to do homework - right after school? After a snack? After a relaxing swim,bike ride, music jam or...
teach organization skills - maybe this is why they have little motivation. Meet with their teachers and see what the upcoming chapters involve -teach them to look ahead and integrate school learning with daily living. Do any of the teachers have website with the homework and test info? Have a set area to do homework with all neccessary supplies. A clock to track on-task time and anticipated completion and an individual check list etc..

5- It's gotta be hard but be patient and show that you believe in them. Catch them being good, catch them showing interest and self motivation skills and reward the behavior with verbal praise/hug. Maybe have them help research and plan a family summer vacation -this will teach organization, research, budget, and follow-thru skills

Also consider having them meet with and talk to someone who does a job/profession that interest them. Or meet up with or read together about someone successful that is their same race and succeeded despite a more challenging youth etc

My boys are younger (10 and 5). We always keep a calendar on the refrigerator. They earn stickers by doing things that are on a small, age appropriate list. Some days no stickers are rewarded, some days they are. Also, allowance day is Saturday. They both get $3. If they keep their room clean, $4. Every other Friday they can go shopping with their allowance if they have earned 10 stickers.

We have time limits on video games. So if all the homework is done, they can play. If they dawdle, no games. We give them free time after school to get snacks, etc. -They can even go outside and play. But until the homework is done, no games.

Consistency is the key. Some days are better than others. With older children, I would assume the currency would be the phone or the computer. You may have to change a few things, but if children know what you expect, they will be willing to perform.

You may have already found these, but just in case, the GreatSchools Library is filled with articles about homework help. Here is a link to some that came up when I did a search for "homework help."
www.greatschools.net/search/search.page?search_type=0&q=homework+help&state=FL&c=topic

Thanks for the input Momvic. Can you give me more details on how your chart works??

We are a two working parent family and my hours are crazy. I don't have a problem with my daughters doing homework, but they are slobs when it comes to housework. Fridays are family day. If they do their chores and pick up after themselves they pick what we do on Friday. If not, it turns in to family cleaning night. Try a variation of that. Reward them when they complete their homework and let them know the consequence will be family homework night if they don't do it the rest of thee week. Stick to it. Sit at the table all night if that's what it takes. I am sure it has been an adjustment for them, and it will take time, but knowing the reward of family night may help encourage closeness as well as homework completion.

What is their currency? Our kid's currency are video games, computer time, going to the mall.....

Keep a chart for earning currency and stick to it. If they want to earn incentives, they must do their homework. They are old enough to understand the importance. I do not know their past situation, but you have to have rules in your house and let them know why rules are important.