When should I be concerned about my son's coordination and self-esteem?

My son is not very coordinated when playing any sport, running, or riding a bike (we finally took the training wheels off but he won't try riding it since he fell four times.) I watch him play tag with others and it seems that he just can't get running, it's more like high-step fast walking. He has fun initially, but usually stops playing physical sports/activities with others if he feels he can't keep up, or is "not as good" as the others. I try to encourage him, but am unsure if I'm helping the situation. I've tried signing him up for karate & swimming, and he has fun, but doesn't quite improve his skills like others his age. He is one of the taller boys in his class, and is the most caring, compassionate little boy I have ever encountered (and I'm not just saying that because he's my son). He's seems indifferent & content when I try to bring up that we just need to practice & keep trying. Am I worrying over nothing??

Parent Answers to "When should I be concerned about my son's coordination and self-esteem? "

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What you're worrying about doesn't seem to be how he's developing, but that he's not developing into the son you want him to be. It might be better to talk to him about what he enjoys doing and give him unconditional support for what HE enjoys doing, not what you enjoy watching him do. If he enjoys swimming and karate, it might be best for him to do just that...enjoy them. Trying to make him keep up with others will only create expectations for him that he ultimately may have difficulty fulfilling, if not creating unnecessary stress. When I was growing up, I never did sports and instead spent a lot of time inside with books and fiddling with my computer. Now I'm 23 and for about a year now I have been working out hard and paying attention to how that fits into who I am. Your son may or may not have a similar experience in the future and pressuring him to be someone you want him to be but he doesn't want to be may just make things worse. You might learn something about your son you didn't know if you simply say, "What do YOU like to do? And don't tell me something because you think I want to hear it." If he ends up saying that he really does enjoy sports, finding a sport he can enjoy without feeling like he's falling behind may help him with self-esteem. And remember, self-esteem can come from a supportive parent who raises a child without expectations and lets the child grow into the person she/he feels most comfortable being.

It sounds like you are doing a great job as a parent. If it were my son, I would continue working with him and keep trying different sports. Maybe there is one out there that he will be able to excel at and stay with because it is one that he loves. Is is possible that these sports that you have tried are just not sports that he really likes? I don't know how old your son is but if you feel he is not where he should be then I would suggest mentioning this to his pediatrician. He should be able to guide you through this. Best of luck to you and keep up the good work.

Cathy

We used to laugh that my son ran like Herman Munster. High steps but his feet came down in almost the same place they left. I would also suggest discussing with your pediatrician. Mom's usually feel when something is a little off. My son was later diagnosed with a mild coordination disorder and ADHD. He did always try sports but he knew he was way off from the other kids. He finally gave up on sports. He's fine, just no an athlete. Great musician though. Large motor skills just never came to him and all the yelling, movement, etc. in most sports was confusing for him.

how old is your son?
i'd have to say the answer to your question is by at least 7. maybe an OT evaluation would help.
a friend of mine has 2 daughter's, the older one 9, is not coordinated but does ballet, swim , gymnastics, ride a bike with training wheels,cant get the hoola hoop or pogo stick, etc.. like the younger one 7.. it was bad last week, when the younger one got promoted to the next class and the older one didn't in swimming and gynmastics.. now she wants to quit.. and was not a happy camper, saying "but i'm trying".

i suggested something that isn't so team related, like horse back riding, or skating, golf?. my daughter had coordination issues also, and i started her with horseback riding at 7. she now knows her left from right, and can get her horse to do what she wants, she has great balance, plus she feels great because none of her friends can ride, most are scared of the horse, and the're now where as knowledgable as she is about anything to do with horses.
a lot of her friends were into soccer, and vollyball, she always shyed away from the team sport, she just wasn't interested.. she never asked to join little league, or soccer, or dance class, she asked to learn to ride the horse.. and learn some kung fu.

Have your brought up your concerns about your son's coordination with his pediatrician? If not, you may want to do so. Maybe his doctor can recommend a physical therapist to help him work on his gross motor skills.

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