boy in 6th grade( middle school. He doesn't feel it's important to do his best. He know no matter what grades he receives, he will pass to the next grade.
|
|
Parent Answers to "How can you motivate a chid that has a minimum attitude?"
View 14 answers: Newest-Oldest,
Oldest-Newest Display fewer answers
I have a 6th grader who is very similar to your son. He does his school work on time and gets good grades, but he could do much better if he put in more efforts. I never see this as a big problem. First of all by nagging and pushing him all the time is not going to help. It is going to aggravate him and upset me when he refuses to listen to me.
I agree with one of the person who answered this question. These kids have to feel motivated from within. They have to feel it. You cannot make them feel what they don't.
My son is too much into skateboarding where he seems to put in most of his energy and time. He does skateboarding very well. Has his own my space and seems to be very happy learning new tricks everyday by watching other kids on the computer and TV.
I am okay with that. School work is not the only thing in life. Especially in this day and age. These extra activities count on the admission forms to colleges more than you think.
I would not worry about him if i were you. I would let him persue other interests that he may have which will motivate him. As long as he is passionate about something in life, he should be fine. Eventually it works out believe it or not.
I was very similar to my son. I went to college and was told by my father to persue a BS in chemistry. I was given no choice in the matter. I was not motivated enough and yet I just finished my degree for the sake of it. Later in life it worked out for me cause then I picked the education of my choice. I finished my MBA and was so much happier getting my education. I went to night school and worked full time and yet got good grades. I was motivated cause it came from me. Not from my father.
I agree with one of the person who answered this question. These kids have to feel motivated from within. They have to feel it. You cannot make them feel what they don't.
My son is too much into skateboarding where he seems to put in most of his energy and time. He does skateboarding very well. Has his own my space and seems to be very happy learning new tricks everyday by watching other kids on the computer and TV.
I am okay with that. School work is not the only thing in life. Especially in this day and age. These extra activities count on the admission forms to colleges more than you think.
I would not worry about him if i were you. I would let him persue other interests that he may have which will motivate him. As long as he is passionate about something in life, he should be fine. Eventually it works out believe it or not.
I was very similar to my son. I went to college and was told by my father to persue a BS in chemistry. I was given no choice in the matter. I was not motivated enough and yet I just finished my degree for the sake of it. Later in life it worked out for me cause then I picked the education of my choice. I finished my MBA and was so much happier getting my education. I went to night school and worked full time and yet got good grades. I was motivated cause it came from me. Not from my father.
I had the same problem when I was in school. I don't know how your child is, but in my case all the way through high school I was intelligent enough that I never had to try in order to pass or even make good grades. (I mostly made and A in everything with a very rare B.) My parents were always on my case, not because the grades were bad, but because they knew I was just not trying. My problem was fixed when my mother went and spoke with the school and had me moved to advanced classes. (called AP in my school district) I really didn't have to try all that hard, but there was just no way to do well - or even pass - without doing the reading and the assigned homework.
Again, it still did not make me try my very best (and nothing they could have done would have) but at least this way I had to develope some sort of study habits, which helped tremindously when I got to college.
Don't know if this would work with your child, but it did help me prepare for the future. I also found that many of the teachers who taught the AP classes, especially in high school, were not so worried about the students memorizing information to pass a test. Mostly they were concerned with us actually learning to think for ourselves. That helped a lot as well, becaues a large problem for me was the stuff they were teaching - you just don't have to be motivated to memorize a study sheet and pass a test.
Again, it still did not make me try my very best (and nothing they could have done would have) but at least this way I had to develope some sort of study habits, which helped tremindously when I got to college.
Don't know if this would work with your child, but it did help me prepare for the future. I also found that many of the teachers who taught the AP classes, especially in high school, were not so worried about the students memorizing information to pass a test. Mostly they were concerned with us actually learning to think for ourselves. That helped a lot as well, becaues a large problem for me was the stuff they were teaching - you just don't have to be motivated to memorize a study sheet and pass a test.
The problem is maybe more with yourself than with your kid. You think that your kid need to just listen to his teacher and the 'experts' and if he does what they say everything will turn out okay. Is your concern only whether your kid gets to college and gets a good job? Fine, but the school's main interest is to build mindless drones that can process information. Most of what your kids have to spend time on in school at this point is useless - they will forget much of it by the time they go to college - or sooner. Introduce your kid to stuff that actually matters - the classics: Homer, Plato, Arsistotle, Plutarch, Herodotus, Shakespeare. Teach them about the thousand years or so of European history that the school leaves out. Have them learn about the foundations of our scientific culture by learning about Copernicus, Gallileo, Newton, Descartes. Boys especially need this stuff. In other words - give them a book that is older than 100 years!!! Then worry about their grades and homework. Your kid needs to become a well-rounded individual who can think in critical terms. The schools no longer do this stuff for them. Don't worry about homework so much - you have until high school to 'fix' your child - grades don't matter untill then.
I live in your world, some of it is just a boy thing. My 11 year old son is way smart (far beyond his 2 older sisters) but has been cavalier about turning in homework and then started lying about it when asked. He gets A's on everything in class and is superior with everything except homework, even homework he has done but misplaces and somehow doesn't get it turned in. I know that motivation has to come from his own heart, not mine. I've already been through the 6th grade (actually this is my 4th time!). I wanted him to own the problem cause as long as I do, he doesn't have to, I'm just getting worked and he is doing what he wants. So, I told the teacher (to her surprise) that I want him to crash and burn. So I sentenced him to hard manual labor for lying (yardwork and cleaning the garage) and I told him homework was his problem, that it was he who needed to get into college not me and so forth. Well he brought home a lousy report card and very sheepishly came into my office and handed it to me. We went over it together. He had a D in one subject just because he didn't turn in 3 assignments and other assorted C's. I looked at him in the eye and without lecturing asked him if he was happy with his grade report, "no", did it really reflect the type of student he thought he was? "no" would he like to be on the honor roll? "yes" What and how would he go about making that change and what could I do to support him in that endeavor. I asked him a very serious question, "what do you want?" I could see it click that it was his problem. I think it worked as I've had no midterm reports from the teacher, I've seen him doing his work and the friday updates she sends home show he has all work in. If you've got a smart kid, let them own the problem. Every time we say, "I told ya so" in any form we negate a lesson that they need to learn. They're building a frontal lobe now and how cause and effect is blazed in their brains today will effect how they are when they're adults. I say, empathize with their pain, partner in caring for them but don't fix it, fix them or let them make you own it.
Motivation comes from within. You can't make it happen. I had one not-motivated by age 13 and one who was the opposite. It's very discouraging to see your child make poor choices. Yes, they will be the ones suffering for it but the parent(s) are along for that terrible ride too - like it or not. Maybe they'll snap out of it someday before high school ends but if not there's an even longer road ahead. I just came across a lengthy quote from the book "Marva Collins Way" posted on my friends refrigerator. It speaks strongly about education, and the choices
It has gotten to the point where, I have decided that I cannot control my son's free will. If my son (and I pray not) wants to be a failure he will be a failure. There is no amount of money or gifts i can give that will make him want to be more than he is. I have set a good example of how hard work pays off and I have created a safe stable environment for him to succeed, so therefore with God's help my son will develop a desire to be successful.
I want to say that there have been some excellent comments already made.
Listen to your child. There are more important things at issue than the grade itself. Is he learning? Can he do something that excites him, even online? What about books he reads on his own, or projects at home? How does that go?
The one who is willing to give a days pay for each A letter grade - please adopt me. I will mention that a friend pointed it out to me that children who are given large sums of money like that who are not paying for a specific bill are at higher risk for drug/alcohol purchase and targeted by other people for their excess money. I am sure your heart was in the right place to be willing to part with that kind of money.
Listen to your child. There are more important things at issue than the grade itself. Is he learning? Can he do something that excites him, even online? What about books he reads on his own, or projects at home? How does that go?
The one who is willing to give a days pay for each A letter grade - please adopt me. I will mention that a friend pointed it out to me that children who are given large sums of money like that who are not paying for a specific bill are at higher risk for drug/alcohol purchase and targeted by other people for their excess money. I am sure your heart was in the right place to be willing to part with that kind of money.
I totally agree with the reward system but I would be careful of the amonut of mony this child gets for each grade; we want to send a message that school is for their good and not ours and at times a good verbal preaise and a high five should be enough to reward a child; in reponce to the posishment I also agree with you long term ponishment leads to satiation and can discourage the child more
I will motivate this child by visting the school as needed to show my interest in their education, find out what interest the child rather what he or she like to do; and more importantly open up a dialoge about his or her feelings about school.
Some kids are very smart about figuring out how to get away with doing the least amount of work. My friend's son miscalculated and failed a class. She put him in summer school. That was all it took! She also sent him to a counselor to talk about how he was doing. As it turns out, he was really struggling in his relationship with two step-siblings. It can be wise and helpful to keep the bigger picture in mind, and generally speaking, if your communication strategy is a good one and you set healthy boundaries for your child, they will do OK!
I think a combination of the suggestions recommended can work well. . . using their favorite activities/sports as leverage, as well as offering rewards (although I think we should be more creative in our ideas and not use money or gifts or food in a token way). Ask your kids for low-cost ideas for rewards! Cutting back on tv and video games is very important. This is also a matter of health, as the degree of screen time can lead to poor habits and obesity issues (if not now, then later in life).
Good luck!
Good luck!
At this age, a lot of children lose interest in school as they would rather do social activities with friends.
I would start conversations with your son, as in, what does he see for his future? What carreer is he does he see himself doing? Then start talking about how good grades are important and needed if he wants to go to college or further his education in any way to BE who he sees himself "being" after high school.
I would start conversations with your son, as in, what does he see for his future? What carreer is he does he see himself doing? Then start talking about how good grades are important and needed if he wants to go to college or further his education in any way to BE who he sees himself "being" after high school.
You could start system by where for every percent he gets in a test or on his report card he will get different rewards eg. every B he gets is $50's and an A is $70
or you can promise him certain things like in the summer he can go jet skying if he gets at least 3 A's and the rest B's
That will make him want to do better as he will know that e will get something good for it.
Then if he ever fails a class you could tell him he will be grounded until his grades improve.
There is no point in only punishing him then he will only resent work and will associate work as being a negative thing. When he is older he just wont bother and will find ways around the punishments, all boys are like that.
12-13 year olds generally don't enjoy work so much because they are not getting anything out of it in the present sense. To them the work they do now has nothing to do with the future so they assume why bother? Now he will have something to work towards.
or you can promise him certain things like in the summer he can go jet skying if he gets at least 3 A's and the rest B's
That will make him want to do better as he will know that e will get something good for it.
Then if he ever fails a class you could tell him he will be grounded until his grades improve.
There is no point in only punishing him then he will only resent work and will associate work as being a negative thing. When he is older he just wont bother and will find ways around the punishments, all boys are like that.
12-13 year olds generally don't enjoy work so much because they are not getting anything out of it in the present sense. To them the work they do now has nothing to do with the future so they assume why bother? Now he will have something to work towards.
My brothers son had this attitude for a long time and here is what he did to curb it. He took his son out of the sports he was in, he limited privledges like video games, tv, time with friends etc. When this didn't work he had the school hold his son back he learned the hard way. It has not been an issue since, so I guess he finally got the hint. That might be harsh but sometimes there is no alternative. MY thoughts were have you talked to him about the future reprocussions of poor grades? College for instance? Being unable to play sports or being left out of certain activites? I don't know how you address failing grades in your home...
Any contributed content above is the subjective opinion of that member or external author, and not of
GreatSchools. GreatSchools does not check for accuracy in community posts or verify the contributor’s
identity. If you are searching for health-related advice we strongly suggest you seek professional medical
support. View our Community Guidelines for more details.
Read our community guidelines and FAQ
