Should I let my 8yr daughter repeat 2nd grade?

I am recently divorced and have two children from this marriage. My exhusband has primary custody on both and these children go in the school district where he lives, and my daughter is having a hard time dealing with the living arrangements at her father's house (another woman and her four children). Her father does not care about her learning or education. I was notified by her teacher that she needs to repeat 2nd grade, she talks, disturbs others, and distracted. Her grades are really low. At the beginning of 2nd grade, she was enrolled here at the school where I live and was doing just fine, but a month later was transfer over to the school she attends now. When my daughter is with me, she is a bright child, she's doing reading and math, she plays school by herself and very great at it, but when she's at school or at her dad's she is totally different person. What should I do? This is not my daughter's fault. I want her to go to 3rd here in my custody. Help!

Parent Answers to "Should I let my 8yr daughter repeat 2nd grade?"

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I just wanted to point out that this discussion was originally started in April, and it doesn't appear that the original poster has come back...we may be wasting our time trying to answer it now.

Seems as though she doesn't get what she needs around her father. So being the mother you have to carry on the responsibility of making sure she is getting the help she needs either by finding a tutor or an using your own time and effort. It is not a good feeling when you fear your child is not getting the chance to move to the next grade. The key is to take action early do procrastinate for her sake and yours.Its clear that you can provide her with the attention to excel. I'm sure by keeping a stable home and not moving her from one place to another for schooling would help her feel more confident and secure.

Divorce, moving, entering a new school, having a parent remarry, having instant step siblings, etc. has a huge impact on children. It is difficult for many children to concentrate on the lessons at hand when so much is going on in their lives. I wonder why your ex has primary custody. It is unusual for primary custody to go to the father. If it were me, I'd fight to get my children back with me and to the situation that is best for their self esteem and education. If your daughter has been unable to master the second grade skills, then I feel it is cruel to place her in third grade where she will struggle and lose more self confidence. Perhaps tutoring is the answer to help get her back up to speed, but it doesn't sound like your ex puts a value on education, so you'd have to arrange for that. I am sorry your daughter is hurting. The teacher was probably at her wits end dealing with a parent who didn't seem to care about his daughter's progress at school and that is probably why she contacted you. As a teacher, I have done that in extreme cases. Good luck to you and your children. I hope you are able to resolve this in the best interests of your kiddos.

I'm sorry for your situation. Does the school counselor know about the family situation right now?
I wouldn't let them retain your daughter if I was you.
How can the teacher recommend your daughter staying behind if no testing has been done? From the experience of the posters in our Learning and Attention Difficulties group on this site, most agree having a child fail a grade does not help.
Good luck and keep us posted.
(Healthy- great response again)

I'm surprised the teacher notified you about your daughter's problems, in light of your ex being primary custodian. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if your ex has primary custody of your children, in order for your daughter to attend the school you want, he'd have to agree to it. Do you think he would do that? I don't doubt that your children are feeling stresses being in the middle of a custody issue and dealing with the living arrangements you describe. I'd advise you to consult with an attorney to find out what your options are... Some sites that might be of help to you are www.lawguru.com
www.education-amust.com/advocates.htm#NH
and
www.abanet.org/legalservices/probono/

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