Kimerlylynn,
I am very sorry you have to go through this. My mother passed away four years ago, after an 18yr (off and on) battle with breast cancer. My son and my mother were very very close (he was 10 when she died). The best thing I can recommend is being very open and honest and not sugar coating anything. One thing my husband started for our son was buying him a memory box. He did this before we knew her cancer would be terminal. The box contained letters and special things grandma had given our son. Really, you have to live like today is your last day, after all it could be for any or all of us. Seize the opportunities you have now, make memories that will last and don't dwell on the what if. When my son would ask why it was happening I would tell him that God has a plan for all of us and that Grandma loved Him (God) and worked hard for Him and that when it was time he would call her home to claim her reward. This also made it easier for me to think of it that way. Just make the most of the opportunities you have now and make sure that you find ways to make memories.

You did the right thing. I believe being honest with them and explainuing it so they could understand is all that we can do. I know the doctors sometimes give you a grim report, but remember god is in control. I lost my grandmother before christmas on Dec. 19th 2007. she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1994 she was in remission 3 times. She developed bone cancer 5 years ago when I was pregnant with my oldest. they told us she had 6 months and all they could do was give her meds. She fought the cancer for 5 years. I did not realize how preacious life is until this happened. You go through life going through the motions thinking things won't happen to you. I thought my grandmother would be around forever. She always brought me up saying everything happens for a purpose. I think she is right. Since her death my family ahs become extremely closer. I believe now everyday is precious and you should live it to the fullest. Never go to bed angry, always tell your loved ones how much they mean to you and never ever forget to count your blessings. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

It sounds like you did what you could. I think it sounds like you did the right thing. You didn't lie to them and you did it age appropriate. This is such a hard subject for even adults to handle so it's really hard to explain it to our children. We do the best we can and it sounds like you did great. God Bless.

I appreciate your post, my children are 3, 5 and 7. My 5 and 7 year olds understand she is sick and on very strong meds. We have explained to them that sometimes when we are very sick our bodies have to fight so hard that at times we just get to tired and the germs get stronger and stronger. If this happens the doctors don't have strong enough meds. to make it go away and the germs make us weaker and weaker and our bodies stop fighting. They know that God has choosen a very special time for us to go to heaven and that when that time comes he will carry us there and make all our germs and sadness go away, and that when someone goes there they will be able to help keep us safe and watch over us. I hope I handled this correctly and right now praying that I have a lot of time before we have to really deal with it. thanks so much for sharing your experience.

How old are the kids? This will determine a lot, I think when I dealt with a similar situation I was just mad at my mother for treating me like a child. This is a big deal for the kids, and if you tell your children its not they can sense it, its best to deal with the situation like grown ups.

For me, I have always wanted to say goodbye to my grandparents and the funeral if the age is appropriate I think at times is important. I know for me it would have helped, but I was never given the chance.

My MIL,whom I was very close to passed away from breast cancer that spread when my oldest was almost three and my youngest was just a baby. My oldest was very close to her also. I was as honest as I could be with him. I was truly amazed even at his age that he understood. I even took him to the funeral with us so he could say his goodbyes. I let him ask questions and let him know it was ok to be sad. We never held our emotions from him either so he knew it was ok. I am glad you have a faith based foundation. That really does help especially when talking with the kids about this hard time. Also my oldest knew that his Nana was sick before she passed away so we tried to prepare him for whatever might happen. You would be amazed just how much children do understand when you are as honest with them. How much you tell them though I think really depends on how old they are. Like I wouldn't have told my almost three year old at the time what exactly was cancer and how it came about but he knew she had cancer and that it was a bad disease. I hope that helps somewhat. My prayers are with you and your family.

My mom had breast cancer and died when my daughters were 14 and 11. She was sick on and off for about two and a half years. One mistake I made at the beginning of her diagnosis was trying to keep the bad news from my kids. But kids are extremely sensitive and they knew something was up just by the mood in our house. When we did finally sit down with them and explain that Granny had a very serious illness they were glad to know what was going on and they were upset that we hadn't let them know sooner. So I would offer that all along the way, you clue them in in an age-appropriate way to what is happening and what they can expect. It's OK to let them know that you are sad and that life around your house may not be as normal and predictable as they are used to while you are all going through this period. It's just not a normal time. I think it's really important to be honest with our kids about our emotions around life and death issues. It's pretty normal to be sad in these instances and they need to know that. It was also a time when our whole family pulled together and spent time with Grandma, telling family stories and keeping her spirits up, (and ours too) and it was good for them to be a part of that.

It sounds like you are doing the right things, looking for a cancer support group and finding appropriate children's books. All those things can help tremendously. I am sorry that you have to go through this. One valuable lesson I learned along the way is how important it is to have supportive family and friends, and then in turn how to be genuinely empathetic toward friends and family who are going through similar experiences.

How old are your children? Gender? Within the past few years, my son has lost his grandmother (my mom) his grandfather (my husband's dad) and his great-grandmother. My dad passed away when I was only 11, so I also have that experience.

I realize there are exceptions to every rule, but I think girls are much more empathetic and sensitive to situations where people are "hurting," either physically, emotionally, or both. Girls/women also talk more about their feelings, whereas guys just seem to "stay busy" to take their mind off things. Are you an only child, or the only daughter your mom has? YOU need someone to support you now, too. It seems like the hardest thing is to try and maintain an "upbeat impression" for your children, while you are feeling discouraged about your mom's prognosis. At least it was for me, so be honest. I had to "level" with my son and husband, as my mom made repeated hospital stays, that I just knew I was going to miss her, and so I wanted to spend as much time as I could with her now. If I was shorter on patience with them, not to take it personally. I also needed them to "pick up" the level of housework and stuff if I wasn't home. (My son was 10 when my mom's health really declined; she died when he was 12.)

The fact you have a strong faith is especially helpful at this time, and while I don't mean to interpret it for you, I think Easter is a good time to point out that God didn't promise us a world without any pain or suffering. Even his son died on the cross, but he did promise us that he would be with us always and some day we will all rise again and share in the Kingdom of Heaven....Right now, you could tell your kids that Grandma is "carrying a cross." Whatever your kids can do to help Grandma know that they love her and care about her will help her spirit, even if it doesn't help her body overcome the cancer; that's something the doctors are trying to help with. Nobody knows when our time will come, but we should do the best we can with every day we've got. My mother's favorite saying was the Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change...the Courage to change the things I can...and the Wisdom to know the difference." I'll say a prayer for your mom, too.