I, too, am sorry to hear what's going on with your son. It hurts deep when a parent finds out their child has been picked on and bullied. Middle school is the toughest for kids; their hormones are kicking in and they're trying to jockey for position. Are his grades suffering? If so, I would agree with 2kidss on homeschooling. It sounds like you have your son seeing a doctor (psychiatrist)? If so, maybe he/she can suggest a social skills class for your son. My son has Asperger's (high functioning austism), and he goes to social skills classes once a week. Also, if he's interested in a sport, or music, if possible, have him take music lessons, or if there's a YMCA near you, they usually offer some sports you can enroll him in. One of the keys is to help him feel good about himself and excel in something; that will boost his self-esteem. This will lead to him meeting other kids with similar interests and hopefully making friends.

I am not telling you to homeschool but if you do decide to go that route know that you are not alone. There is a group here for homeschooling community.greatschools.net/groups/11543 . I am a homeschool mom myself. It sounds like you have tried all you can with the school. Like someone else has said would changing schools make a difference or have you already tried that? If you do decide to homeschool I would look at the laws in your state. You can find some good info on that at www.hslda.org/laws/default.asp . This will give you an idea what will be expected of you if you do homeschool. There are many other things I could try and point you to for homeschooling but I won't get into it now since you are not sure about going that route. With whatever you decide know that you are doing what you feel is right for your child. I am so sorry he has gone through all that.

promosearch.schwablearning.org/search/promosearch/?hid_si=0&sp-a=sp1000fad7&sp-f=ISO-8859-1&sp-w=exact&sp-q-9=spkkeyword&sp-i-9=-1&sp-q-required-9=0&sp-x-1=col&sp-q-1=message_boards&sp_q=anxiety
This link is the Schwablearning board that GS recently acquired.
The link has many posts with parents with children who have anxiety.
Hope it helps.

One of my friend's son had a near death experience when he was very young. That developed into pretty much what you have described in your son. My friend's son was also diagnosed with "inattentive" ADHD but with a very high IQ. He was frusrated to the point that he will cry everyday because he knew he could do well but did not know how! My friend home schooled the son in 6th grade for a whole year, and after trying several medications, found out that a low dose Concerta worked the best. He's a happy child now back at school and has made friends. Does he still suffer from anxiety, yes but its very controlled!
Best of luck! I can't imagine how you feel but I hope you find a solution and know that you are not alone.

I am so sorry you and your son are going thru this. I cannot imagine the pain - and rage you must feel - towards nearly everyone in the school at this point!

I used to be one of those people who "poo-pooed" homeschooling - as it seemed only religious zealots and anti-social people home-schooled. But these days there is an entire home school community that thrives. I have considered it myself out of frustration with the standardized testing and teaching methods here in WA. You don't have to do it all alone either - you can home school a few days a week and send your son to fun, elective/credit, classes - taught by a real teacher a few days a week as well.

Here is a link I saw on another post: time4learning.com

Also, contact your school district and ask them about the home schooling programs in your area. They will be reluctant to give you the info - because that is one less child they will get gov't money for - and YOU will get the tuition allowance which would have been allotted for your son.

Lastly, (and these are only suggestions) if you haven't already taken your son to a Psychiatrist, NOT an MD to find out what - if any - medications your son should be on, and if therapy can help him with some of his anxiety. Junior High is difficult, at best, for any kids - but it sounds like it might be hell for your son. I think you're absolutely taking the right steps to safe guard him and help him grow.

KUDOS mom! Keep fighting the system for your son's sake. He's worth it!

~Jody~

P.S. Take a few moments for yourself when you get the chance too. Go get a massage or pedicure! You need some stress relief as well!

Sounds like a situation that my son battles with. Some times have been worse than others. He has "mild autistic" traits and at times he stumbles over words or seems a bit "random" and acts a bit differently than his peers. Luckily, it's not an incredibly severe case. I don't fully subscribe to the labeling system anyway, so I have always treated him as you would any young boy, never underestimating his power and abilities.
This has made him self confident. You have to believe in his strength of mind and body for him to believe in himself. Because I have taken this stance, he is winning the fight against letting a "learning disability" control his inner strength, happiness and potential!
Even when I feared for him, when he was alone at school, I believed he could do it. I just kept asking and giving him advice.
It's a tough topic and you have to walk the fine line with your advice on standing up for himself. But, it sounds to me like your son needs to toughin' up- for his own self-confidence and well-being.
It can be a cruel world and he has to stand up when someone knocks him down or life is going to be just too hard for him.
For extra social experiences and some "side happiness" too, give him as many rec center classes as you can. Break your neck to make this happen.

Be there for him and tell him that some people are just super-ignorant and it's not his fault. Cry with him and be intense. Let it out. He needs a confidante and a buddy. Make him strong. Give him a boxing class. Tell him he's awesome. Help him look cool with his clothes and hair. And remind him that he won't be in school forever and he will have an awesome life and probably be rich and happy with a gorgeous wife, if he works hard and takes pride in himself and those guys will be digging ditches. I began insulting those guys in a way so that he wouldn't be so intimidated by them anymore. And it worked!
Of course in the same breath I would say, "Maybe we should feel sorry for that kid because his parents probably don't teach him anything and that is sad huh?"
I'd say, "Tell him if he's mean to you again, "Dude, I don't know what your problem is, but if being a jerk to me makes you feel better about yourself, I'm glad I could help you out!"
That's what you gotta do when it's like that. Love him and be his friend, but don't baby him too much. Pray every night together and have a blast on your days off.

You need to push him to grow into a man and not fear everyone, no matter how bad they make him feel. You need to tell him to stare fear in the face and take a stand for himself.

I understand that some kids can completely intimidate others- I had it happen to me. And yes, sometimes you need to leave the situation, but for him being so young, I think you need to help him with some strategies, before throwing in the towel.

Help him make friends on the outside. Get him a guitar. Tell him he rocks! Let him know there is a great big world outside that school and these kids don't rule the world. Introduce him to a million subjects and activities and help him find his strengths.

As for homeschooling, if you can avoid it, do so. But by all means to keep him safe and happy, do so if necessary.

I had to demand that I be heard by the school staff. They thought I was crazy. I just kept persisting that they listen to Jon and listen to me.
I went to the Superintendant finally, after they were really rude to me and I talked to him calmly, sincerely and intelligentally. I voiced my complaints against the staff. Finally someone heard me. He called a meeting. Since then, it's been better for us.

Mean boys would antagonize my son, he would lash out in self defense and would be the only one punished. He had scrapes on his legs from kicks and the Principal would not summon the student who did it to him. They acted as if he was lying to them about it.
I said, "Well he's not fighting with himself". And "My son does not start these fights. He told me that he tried to hang out with some of the boys at lunch and the one began saying, "Get the **** out of here, you're a piece of ****"."
I had to about drill it into the staff's head's (and still they didn't care) that he was being bullied and instead of taking them all into the office and looking at the other boy's discriminately, they would believe their lies because they were so slick with their explaination!
My son has difficulties explaining himself sometimes, especially when he's nervous.

I began taking him to the Principal and standing before her, I would say to my son Jon,
"Go ahead Jon tell her exactly what happened. Don't get nervous. Slow down. We are listening".
And he began speaking more intelligably than ever. You must guide and support him and advocate in all ways.

I even confronted some mean kids one time. You gotta be tough though and at the same time teach them all and they will respect you, be slightly intimidated and in-turn, begin to respect him more.
I'd say, "Are you the dudes who are being ignorant to Jon? I don't know why you're doing that, Jon's a really cool guy-you don't even know him".

This is a big commitment and it's very draining. But it works.

I always told Jon not to physically fight. But one day he had red marks around his neck- a kid was choking him. I said, "If he ever touches you again, pop him in the nose-Pop! Just like that and tell him "You better back off dude"." And guess what? The next time the kid started pushing him around, he remembered Mom giving him the go ahead. Of course, we got a call and I had to explain that he needs to know how to protect himself and unfortunately sometimes that means fighting back physically.
I then told him- "Now don't do it again and just stay away from that kid". The kid wants to be his friend now and I have instructed him to start anew and to forgive.

You have to get involved. He's still young enough to do that, so you better hurry.

AND LASTLY...Wean him off of the medication and get him actively into sports, arts, sciences or music instead.

~Carla Trenholm

Being an educator, this is what I would do. As a child I was in a situation like this. My mother tried meetings with the school psychologist and the teachers. She called other parents. She did everything I'm sure you're doing, and guess what? Nothing changed. So, she MOVED ME TO ANOTHER SCHOOL. Yep, my mom paid the taxes to the school w/ those awful kids but I was placed in the school in the next area. It was quite interesting b/c the school in the next town over, well I was the only white person in that school ONLY but actually the kids (Black and Samoan, this was in LA in the 1980s) were so kind, tough (ghetto school), but I made friends.
Stop fighting it before suicide comes up as a topic.
Move him to another school. Just remember ALL middle schools are tough, it's a horrible age middle school, but if your boy is this miserable look for another school whether it's charter, public, or school in the next town.
Just remember if you move to a new school he needs to work on his self esteem so I HIGHLY RECOMMEND martial arts (I have a black belt), I have recommended martial arts to many of my students including paying for some of them in poverty. Karate works wonders!

Hi,
I did not read your entire post. I am a new teacher, although I have a lot of experience with children if you read my profile. I have not had an autistic child in my classroom but I do have a cousin (now age 16) who is moderately autistic. She is a genius, literally, her and her 9 yr. old sister (7 children in the family) are brilliant, brilliant children. Being an educator, I am very, very slow into labelling or placing a child into special education. I can't give you expert advice, and you know your child best, but just be aware there could be a lot of untapped intelligence inside your son. My cousin was labelled "special needs" and then we came to discover when she was 13 that her autism helps her to be outstanding in chemistry. She started talking COLLEGE chemistry courses at the age of 14. Perhaps there is something your child is a genius at. : )

Well how about teaching him self defense ,it might boost his self esteem.Annie