I agree that you should not make being held back seem as it is a bad thing, but I also agree that a child should only be held back if it will help them all the way around (not just for the learning, but for thier social skills as well) I would not have felt that what the school was doing with my daughter was so wrong if they had been addressing her actual problem, but they were not, and they did not realize it till I brought it to thier attention. In that aspect, I guess you could say that I was "fighting" for it to bee seen that a mistake had been made on thier part. Once it was brought to the schools attention, they re-evaluated and looked at her files from pre-K, made some changes, and corrected the mistake.
After these changes were made, we were then able to set goals for her, and also since then she was diagnosed with ADHD. Now I meet with her teachers, Superintendent, and the child study team to work out the best plan of action, and goals for her to meet each month. She has made some progress since September, and a bit more now that we know what is causing her to seem that she is so much farther behind where she should be. (and it's not just because she is more than 6 months younger than most of her classmates.)
She does at times get teased by some of her Kindergarten classmates, but I always reassure her that there is nothing wrong with her.
There was an incident today, at her class Thanksgiving lunch party, where a boy in her class, who was sitting at the table we sat at, turned to his mother and said "that's XXXXXXX the stupid one" , my daughter didn't hear him, but I looked right at his mother with a very displeased look, she did take her son aside and repremanded him for what he said, he was also just being nasty to her. Later, just as we were signing out to leave, his mother and he appologised for what was said.

This is what concerns me about holding a child back for the wrong reasons.

I guess I understand your displeasure in the use of the word "Fight" for your child. However, it is not always an easy road, and there are times where you feel like you are indeed fighting. I don't mean yelling but you feel like you are pulling teeth asking for testing or technology. Maybe a better word would be Advocate! What ever you want to call it, make sure your child is the one that will gain something from advocating the issue. I do truly believe that parents can make the child miserable and feel like they terrible because they were held back or the parents great attitude about this is what is best for you so that we can all help you to learn better. Promote the incident in the most positive manner possible. They will pick up on your comments and any negativity will make them feel less confident and can continue on throughout their school years. It is our job as parent(s) to help them deal with the situation and not feel miserable or angry. Help them to achieve the best they can do and be in a positive way. And teachers, be understanding that most of us are doing what we think is right, we do know our children better than anyone else. We see the results of kids pickingon them, teachers who are not patient, etc. I have had one child who was held back and loves school, was able to do very well and in high school is in some ap classes. I have one child who was not held back because they were in special ed and holding them back would not have been beneficial or changed the outcome. So, don't make your child feel that being held back is a bad thing.
Just my thoughts and opinions.

I guess I understand your displeasure in the use of the word "Fight" for your child. However, it is not always an easy road, and there are times where you feel like you are indeed fighting. I don't mean yelling but you feel like you are pulling teeth asking for testing or technology. Maybe a better word would be Advocate! What ever you want to call it, make sure your child is the one that will gain something from advocating the issue. I do truly believe that parents can make the child miserable and feel like they terrible because they were held back or the parents great attitude about this is what is best for you so that we can all help you to learn better. Promote the incident in the most positive manner possible. They will pick up on your comments and any negativity will make them feel less confident and can continue on throughout their school years. It is our job as parent(s) to help them deal with the situation and not feel miserable or angry. Help them to achieve the best they can do and be in a positive way. And teachers, be understanding that most of us are doing what we think is right, we do know our children better than anyone else. We see the results of kids pickingon them, teachers who are not patient, etc. I have had one child who was held back and loves school, was able to do very well and in high school is in some ap classes. I have one child who was not held back because they were in special ed and holding them back would not have been beneficial or changed the outcome. So, don't make your child feel that being held back is a bad thing.
Just my thoughts and opinions.

I return to this post from time to time because the issue is one of great importance to me. I am concerned with the responses which encourage the parent to "fight for their child." In the first place, the respondent does not know the child, the teacher, the school system, or the details of the child's learning problems.
Secondly, the advice to "fight" immediately sets up a controversial or adversarial relationship between school and parent, which is nearly 100% of the time, detrimental to the child.
I have personally worked with parents who held great concern for their children and spent hours working with them to help that child. I have also seen many parents who blamed "that school" for "messing up their child". I have never in 22 years of teaching seen an angry or "fighting" parent whose child benefitted from this anger.
I do not advise giving up on your child's cause, but be careful to treat it as a cause that you and the teacher or school system must work together to solve. Anger between parents and schools never benefits anyone, and usually spills over into the child's attitude toward the school and sometimes in the teacher's attitude toward the child.
Only through working together and everyone truly listening with an open mind, will the child make any gains.

Well, how I feel about retention is because I was held back in first grade for the same basic reasons as they are trying to hold my daughter in pre-k for. It was about social behavior and age difference with the classmates. I remember it all too well. Being teased, being called "stupid" and many other names by the kids that did go on to the next grade.


As for my daughter, I had another meeting with the school, they have put her into the kindergarten class, but she will spend an hour in the prek class for free play and centers to work on her social skill. So rather than spending only one hour per day in kindergarten, (where she would have missed a lot of work, and had no chance of making it to first grade) She now wont miss any of the kindergarten classwork, and will be getting the help in the areas that she really needs it.

To gloriajenkins:
If it has already been done - I would find a sympathetic therapist.
They can help your granddaughters and you, and they can communicate to your teacher on your behalf, if necessary. Retention is a traumatic event. At their young age with their limited experience, it is an event they will use to define themselves.
They will need ongoing support (high school and beyond), and will want to talk about it again and again – if you are sympathetic.
The first time I heard the word ‘retained’ was when I was in 6th grade researching an assignment at the library. I over heard the librarian whispering to her collegue ‘she the one that was retained.’ In that moment I knew exactly what the word meant. And I also knew that I would never be friends with any of the children in the grade I left – it was too humiliating.

NO ANSWER JUST QUESTIONS?

Two of my grandchildren did not pass, I agreed for my 6yrold, she wasn't reading and seem to forget everything immediatly, My 5th grader was kept back because of her math score , I followed advice that I feel was giving with good intentions, but now her sibling is in the same grade and I see the cloud of hurt in her eyes when it is mentioned and makes me wonder did I mess up, by not fighting her retention.

NO ANSWER JUST QUESTIONS?

Two of my grandchildren did not pass, I agreed for my 6yrold, she wasn't reading and seem to forget everything immediatly, My 5th grader was kept back because of her math score , I followed advice that I feel was giving with good intentions, but now her sibling is in the same grade and I see the cloud of hurt in her eyes when it is mentioned and makes me wonder did I mess up, by not fighting her retention.

Excerpt from Flunking Grades: Research & Policies on Retention, by Shepard, Smith, Wilson – 1986
“The flunking of students, and its close relative, delayed entry to elementary school, are currently popular ways for crusading reformers (using labels such as ‘promotional gates’) to exert administrative muscle to bring about educational changes. What makes retention so popular? It is cheap.”
Retention “is cheap only because almost no extra effort is made to help the flunked students once they have been retained… It is popular only because the professionals and parents involved do not have a long-term perspective that could reveal its flaws, and their judgments are tainted by the need to justify the negative feelings of self-worth that flunked students experience… the overwhelming majority of flunked children feel badly about have to repeat a grade. This is true among those who will admit that they have flunked; a large percentage feel so negatively that they will not even admit that they have been flunked. Its obvious basis is obvious only when one believe that the ‘production-line’ model is the only one appropriate for schooling.”

No one really truly ever knows if being held back is best. It's all trial and error, if it works than "great", if not than "oh, well". I still don't think I'd hold back my kid ever again. Our age of adulthood has been lowered to the age of 18. Most kids are 18 when they graduate. If they haven't graduated at 18, many may just drop out..because they can. They are given that power at too early of an age. There is a certain area of the brain that is not matured til the age of 21. So, why do we give them the adult status at an earlier age. This just makes it too easy to drop out. And because of this, I think holding a child back puts them at a disadvantage into their teenage years. Now, remember something, this I think should only apply to children who begin school at the correct age, not the young starters. Those who begin school when just reaching the age of 5...well that's just too young. Personally, I'd rather teach my kids all the kindergarten stuff from age 4 to 5, than just skip kindergarten altogether. I say this after raising 6 kids already. The 2 in the pic are the last of 8. They have never been retained. They do well in school. I attribute that to the fact that I'm a seasoned mom with a lot of knowledge under the belt. Trying to do more than 2 kids in school, like I did with my older children, just set us up to fail. There were too many of them, and not enough of us. Just having the 2 gives me more time with each child. Volunteering in school as a parent, especially when they are young, is a sure thing for your children. Bringing in treats is a plus. Going with the kids as a helper is a plus. When they are old enough for become a student council member, encourage them to run. Make up a tee-shirt for them to wear to campaign, even if no one else does it. It works! The parent needs to be seen in a positive light with their child in the first 4 years of school. All of this helps your child to take on all the other years without as much parental help.

No one really truly ever knows if being held back is best. It's all trial and error, if it works than "great", if not than "oh, well". I still don't think I'd hold back my kid ever again. Our age of adulthood has been lowered to the age of 18. Most kids are 18 when they graduate. If they haven't graduated at 18, many may just drop out..because they can. They are given that power at too early of an age. There is a certain area of the brain that is not matured til the age of 21. So, why do we give them the adult status at an earlier age. This just makes it too easy to drop out. And because of this, I think holding a child back puts them at a disadvantage into their teenage years. Now, remember something, this I think should only apply to children who begin school at the correct age, not the young starters. Those who begin school when just reaching the age of 5...well that's just too young. Personally, I'd rather teach my kids all the kindergarten stuff from age 4 to 5, than just skip kindergarten altogether. I say this after raising 6 kids already. The 2 in the pic are the last of 8. They have never been retained. They do well in school. I attribute that to the fact that I'm a seasoned mom with a lot of knowledge under the belt. Trying to do more than 2 kids in school, like I did with my older children, just set us up to fail. There were too many of them, and not enough of us. Just having the 2 gives me more time with each child. Volunteering in school as a parent, especially when they are young, is a sure thing for your children. Bringing in treats is a plus. Going with the kids as a helper is a plus. When they are old enough for become a student council member, encourage them to run. Make up a tee-shirt for them to wear to campaign, even if no one else does it. It works! The parent needs to be seen in a positive light with their child in the first 4 years of school. All of this helps your child to take on all the other years without as much parental help.

". . .some kids rock on after being retained. I just haven’t met any."

That's the thing. I've never seen a student who was held back reach the level of valedictorian, salutatorian, even National Merit scholar. It often does much more harm than good. My two oldest sons were held back because they had been homeschooled and didn't perform well on standardized tests. But I have six kids and only one does well on those tests. I know I never did. There has to be a better approach.

I was held back in 3rd grade, initiated by teacher recommendation. I’m an adult now. I got to re-live the memories when I volunteered at my son’s elementary school. As I processed my past while volunteering in the classroom, I discovered that teachers don’t take courses like child psychology. Nor do administrators.

When my DH and I get schmoozed by school personnel, my husband becomes bad cop. In the female environs of elementary school, they are way more responsive to the male voice.
Kids remember being retained FOREVER. As an adult, I discovered that my IQ was 135 – and this still makes me sad and confused. Believe me, schools had plenty of test data back in the day, and apparently used none of it. According to this thread, some kids rock on after being retained. I just haven’t met any.

Many, not all, educators are technicians. They know what they are taught and no more. Because they do not learn by observation, they cannot build on their college training. This isn’t confined to teaching, of course.
“If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.” – Abraham Maslow
Good luck.

The decision was made as that there were some areas they felt would improve with more prek time. I worked very hard with her through the summer on the areas. she had no scolastic problems at all. She was right at the level to move on to kindergarten. (even advanced in some areas) But what they seem to be more concerned about is her social behavior because there are times that she just prefers to play alone rather than directly with the other children. She will play with them, when she wants to, but doesn't like to be forced to play something she doesnt want to. My other daughter is now 12, in 7th grade, she was no different socialy at that age, but she went to a different school from kindergarten till 3rd grade. She didn't go to prek, she turned out just fine. Now if I had not put my younger daughter in prek, she may not have been fully ready for kindergarten, but they would have put her there because she met the requirements. It just really makes me mad that they don't seem to want to tell me why they are retaining her. When I ask, they skim right around it and change the subject. Then they start telling me all the advantages she will have over her new prek classmates, and she will be the top of the class. But I feel thats only because she already did it. All they will be doing is creating a little know it all, and I don't want her to be that way. My children have been raised to be the best they can be, not better than anyone else. Thats the way I was raised, and I instilled that on them.

Some adults don't think a child can understand and will not remember. I tell you that my son was 6 months old the second time I went to Viet Nam, and he was 14 months old when I was sent back for discharge. At the age of 4, my son asked me "Dad are you going to leave us again." It took me some questions to figure out that this 4 year old was still having memories and anguish over me leaving again. After I assured him that I would never leave him again he was OK. Children do remember and do anguish over our decisions. My daughter was in the 7th. grade when they wanted to hold her back. She had passing grades and i fought against it, but they convinced my wife that it would be better for her. She was never the same after that and is now a 38 year old drug addict. I can't blame it all on the school holding her back, but I contribute it to that. Fight for your child and think before you make a decision to do this.

The decision that was made at the end of last year was that she would be split mornings in preK and afterlunch in kindergarten, and she would be classified as a kindergarten student. when she started this year, she has been classified as a prek student which has completely crushed her self esteem, she is now refusing to do, and saying she cant do things she was able to do. When I ask her why she can't she says she is too little, or her hands are too little. Her father an I have a meeting (third one) with the school to try to get this resolved and get her out of this split class program because what I am seeing is that it is not working for her. Right now as I see it, she is being punished , so to speak, because she is smaller than a lot of her classmates. Also her age, she will turn 5 next week, therefore she averages about 4 to 6 monthes younger than her kindergarten classmates. I know I have some say in where she is placed, and I know that she does not need to repeat prek. And what makes this even harder is that all summer we told her she was preparing for kindergarten, and she gets to school and they tell her she is in prek, so it makes me look like I lied to her, and now she wont talk to me about school, and doesn't want to go because she is different.

Held back without your consent?!?!?!? Hmmmm, can you say lawsuit!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!!! As far as I'm concerned the school's job is to educate my child and the rest is up to me. It's a fight all the way but when it comes to children, the fight is worth my children's future. Once they get to HS level it's more difficult. The child has to perform more according to school standards as the GPA is involved as is the extension of college, if that's included.

I have been fighting it since a week before school started, that was when I learned that they classified her as pre k. now we are having other problems at home with her and the school doesnt care because she is not acting out there (which has been tought that you behave a certain way at school) They told me it wasnt about her age or size, but they are always bringing it up. And they cant seem to give me a direct answer of why she was held back without my consent.

Does the school provide channels for you to fight this? It's very unfair that they classify your daughter based on her size. The same thing happened to two of my sons and I wish I had fought it. What does size have to do with scholastic ability? That kind of reasoning is ridiculous, but it does happen.
One of my sons was especially affected by being held back. He's 25 now and still bothered. Please fight for your daughter.

Right now I am dealing with a decision I now feel was a mistake, In June I agreed to put my daughter in a split class program this year to transition her into kindergarten. Now I feel that she does not need it, but the school wont re-evaluate her. She was in pre-k last year, turned 4 1 week before the deadline. The school told me at the end of last year that she would be classified as a kindergarten student, and now that school has started she has been classified as pre-k again. They keep bringing up her age and size and that "THEY FEEL'' that she would be better in a class that has kids more her size (she was the smallest and youngest in her class) but as far as what she did in class last year she should have been put in kindergarten. Pre-k was optional and if I had not enrolled her in it last year, she would have been enrolled into kindergarten, having met all of the requirements (age, and knowing letters, and all the other stuff they are to know upon entering) but, because she is smaller and younger, she has been singled out, now she is angry for the way she is being singled out as being different.

Yes, I can say my youngest daughter who by the way has learning disabilities and an IEP by the end of first grade was yet unable to even read the alphabet was going to be advanced into the second grade. "Statistics say. . ", and they said she would be advanced to second grade anyway. I disagreed and we relocated her to another school and had her repeat first grade. Best decision we made. Statistics are just that statistics. Each child should be looked at individually. In our case they did not have the resources or staff to work with her one to one to bring her up to grade average which is what she required so advancing her would of not made any sense.

I do understand there is protocol and measures that teachers are expected to take, per State guidelines. I'm also not a big fan of State policies....their ideals are usually not best-suited for those in the general public. That view aside, within one month of the 2008-2009 school year I received a note that the school felt it best at that time to fail my other daughter this time. As an FYI she's extremely intelligent - enough for a 6th grader that it can be her enemy. I asked for evidence of this opinion and still have empty hands. Regardless of their response, my statement was this: She has never had an academic issue before this year (1st year in the Middle school arena). There are so many different variables involved with that particular arena that many things go haywire and students often need to be brought back to academic earth. In my daughters case, she went from elementary grades of being babysat with limited responsibilities as an elementary student to nearly full responsibility, no allowance for "excuses" and no more babysitting (making sure homework turned in as well as everything else teachers need to keep track of). My daughter took liberties with that freedom and found herself in trouble. That, in and of itself, is not grounds for grade-level failure. Needless to say the school did not agree with me and my husband were persistent. My daughter found her way and excelled to a happy graduation.

I can't speak for your school in particular, but may schools have in place a process by which the teacher observes the child's learning difficulties for a certain period of time (usually 1-2 months), then begins trying a variety of learning interventions which are documented and also must be tried for a set amount of time before trying another. Records must be examined to rule out vision/hearing problems, lack of preparation in earlier grades, outside issues that could affect learning, and other factors. By the time all of these things are completed, it takes about four to five months (half a school year).
Perhaps your school is just being thorough and trying several strategies to fix the learning problem before considering the possibility of further testing or retention.

I personally was held back in second grade and found myself never forgetting about it. I am now a mother of two my oldest in first grade and is being retained to first next year, has always tested at the lowest testing/placement scores and the school just doesn't seem to jump in until the 3rd quarter to try and catch him up. my youngest child (in Kindergarten)has worked with MRDD since the age of two, has had severe learning disabilities from birth and the school doesn't seem to even take this into consideration they only want to label and medicate him for ADHD which no doctor has diagnosed him having. So the schools plan is to move him to a first grade cross-category class next year (Kindergarten review in AM/first grade in PM) and then he will be retained for a regular first grade class then the next school year. I feel my children will more than likely feel as I did about being held back. I also feel as though the school system is really failing the kids by putting children with learning disabilities and borderline placement scores in classes with one teacher teaching almost 30 kids in a class and then waiting until after half the school year is complete to notice they are not at grade level.

I too am an educator and I agree with you 100%

I believe it depends upon each individual child. I have been arguing with my son's school for the past two years. We wanted to retain him in second grade and the staff and teacher said no - he is not the lowest of the class. You need to look at your own individual son and/or daughter and see if retention will benefit him/her. Finally, after many meetings, we forced the issue of retention in third grade and it has made all the difference in the world. My son now enjoys attending school, has positive self-esteem and is on the grade level he should be on. I am both a parent and educator and it was more of a difficult decision for me, but with the increasing demands placed on children nowadays, why not give them extra time to achieve their goals.

I would like to answer this on the other side too. I have another daughter who I took to child find at the age of 4. They tested her and diagnosed her with a learning disability before she began school. Diagnoses should not stop, because as they begin new tasks other LD's may appear that no one suspected. It was mentioned that she should repeat kindergarten, I said no because it wouldn't help her by repeating school. Her difficulties and differences would not be resolved by repeating Kindergarten. It really has be be based on each individual child. In my opinion , whatever the circumstances parents have to help the child keep a positive attitude, which isn't always easy.

One of my daughters was held back in First Grade. She could have been promoted but her epilepsy medicine kept her in a fog as the doctors played with the medication and doses. There were other children she knew that were held back. She seemed to gain confidence and became less shy after she began first grade again. She has told me several times she is happy that we decided (the school and I) to keep her back. She does great in school!

My daughter was held back in kindergarten. She is now in 7th grade, and still comments that she should have been in 8th grade. In second grade she was diagnosed with a learning disability, after I had her tested at the University of California, Berkeley campus. I was angry because after repeating kindergarten and struggling through first and second grade, no extra help was given to my daughter at the school. Even though she still struggles academically, the blow to her self esteem from being held back I feel is worse than her academic struggles. I don't see how holding her back helped her at all.

My son is currently repeating the 2nd grade. His teacher informed me a year ago, while he was in 2nd grade the first time around that he simply needed more time to understand the instructional material in order to do the work independently. As a parent, I immediately sought tutorial assistance. This helped him tremendously, and he started understanding the concepts. But he simply needed more time to build up his self esteem, and conceptualize the reading, writing, and math work. Today he is able to do his classwork and homework independently and feels confident about his skills. He looks forward to going to school because he know understands the work. I think that if my son would have moved on to the 3rd grade the work load would have increased and overwhelmed him, and he would have continued struggling. Repeating 2nd grade has helped my son.

Thank you for posting this. I hope it makes a difference in the minds of some parents, and some educators also.

Two of my sons were held back, one in first grade and one in third grade, and it didn't help them one bit. I'm about your age and I nearly was held back in fourth grade also because I got sick often that winter. To this day, there are simple math procedures (e.g., knowing the ratio of measurements) that I never learned because they taught it while I was out and never repeated the lesson. But I'm sure my mother pushed to have me promoted (I wish I had done the same for my kids, but the administration was adamant).

Hopefully, by sharing your experience here, you'll help another child somewhere.

I’m now 50 years old and was retained in the 4th grade. My younger sister was retained in 7th grade. My mother pushed to have both of us placed back.
Ask yourself before you do this to your child:
Do I have family, marital or personal problems that may be affecting my child’s performance in school?
Do I have the opinion of more than 2 teachers who have experience with my child?
Does my child’s principal have expertise in this area?
What was my own experience in school, and at my child’s age?
I will venture to say that parents want a positive result in the year immediately following retention. I can personally say improvement should be expected over a matter of years, not semesters.
If you have a pattern in your personal life of making drastic changes to fix personal problems, retention for your child probably has a certain appeal. If more than one person would describe your personality and parenting style as ‘controlling’ – retention will sound like just the thing for your kid.
If you retain a child that should not be retained, you are building a problem that will pay lifetime dividends. Retention should be a last resort – after all other possibilities have been exhausted. Second guess yourself, get an opinion from a psychiatrist, take a hard look at yourself and the family you created.
Be deadly honest with yourself – if you can’t, that’s a BIG warning sign.

As an educator for the past 20 years, that question has been one of the worst struggles with which I have grappled. A good teacher will debate long and hard over this issue and will try everything within her power to prevent the need to make such a decision. Unfortunately, the answer is never clear-cut as we cannot see the future ramifications of this decision. Everyone can point to situations where the child did more poorly after retention, but we cannot say what would have happened had he/she gone on to the next grade unprepared. Likewise, as many parents could verify that social promotion injured thier child, but they cannot know the result of holding them back.
Even your own survey has produced responses that strongly support both sides.

I have seen children I wanted to retain, but did not, go on to struggle even more at the next grade, and children I did retain lose the gains due to a lack of parent support, a later teacher who did not communicate well with them, etc.
It all boils down to this...Each case is different; each child is different. If I have gained anything from reading this discussion, it is that as both educators and parents, we should give considerable thought to this decision and consider as many details as possible, putting aside personal pride and blame, for we hold the future of a child in our hands.

I held my child back in first grade. At the end of the second year of first grade, it was the best thing for my son. He was immature, was found to have ADD, and having difficulty reading. With a few bumps in the road, he finished the year on B honor roll. I found that if I didn't go and stand up for my son no one else would. If you don't get the answers you want from the teacher, go to the principal. Yes, holding my son back worked for him.

I held my son back in preschool for a year. I feel It gave him time to feel more sure of himself .He is now going into the fith grade and doing great. So yes I feel it was very much worth it.

There is a girl in our daughter's class who will turn 10 in November of her 3rd grade year. I got my first period when I was 11, but I was in 7th grade--this poor girl is going to go through it in 3-5th grade. Image hitting puberty when your peers are begging their parents to go to the American Girl store!

She is very much out of place, doesn't fit in with her classmates, and never even gets invited to birthday parties--a major fault of the other girls' parents, if you ask me (we made sure to invite her.)

Holding kids back has major social downsides, which some schools do not take as seriously as they should--especially when holding back kids who are already old for grade.

A girl in my dau's 6th grade class was retained in 3rd grade due to an LD. She has an IEP. Well she's in summer school since she did poorly on her stadarized test so it doesnt look like retention worked for her. When my dau was in 3rd grade there was a boy who was retained 2x's and he was still in the lowest reading group. If they keep retaining kids instead of remediating them it costs the taxpayer much more money and the kids lose self esteem= dropout rate increases. We will have to set aside parking spaces for these teens at the elementary!!

My vote is no to retention

I had my child tested, and it proved that he could learn. The teacher told me that he did better than what she anticipated. I felt like they had already labeled him, and did not want to take the time that might be needed. I knew that if he did the work with me, then he could do it at school with a little help. In fact the reason that the teacher gave me for not retaining him was his age. I moved him to another school that had a smaller class size and where he could get extra help if he needed it. His teacher read all the reports that were sent from the other school and listened to what I told her. She said that the child they described was not the same child she had in her class. In fact he excelled. When I got his Achievement Test scores back, he was a full grade ahead in every subject but math, which I already knew about and was given exercises by his teacher to help him in that area. Sometimes it just takes a change in schools, curriculum, and teaching methods. I am glad that we changed schools.

Definately not. My daughter had a known learning disability so I knew she was way behind the others in her class. I trusted that the teachers and school knew what they were doing when they repeated her in 3rd grade, and only started asking questions when she continued to lag even her new classmates.

I found out they were doing nothing to remediate her reading problem. They were completely ignorant of what programs were proven to work with dyslexic children. All repeating did was delay what she needed (correct teaching methods) and completely destroyed her self esteem. She went from a happy go luck kid to one that thought she was stupid and wanted to hurt herself.

If the child is being repeated due to slow or no progress, i would definately look into what methods are being used and CHANGE THEM, not the grade level. If your child is behind the rest and has NOT been tested for a learning disability, I would definately encourage that PRIOR to repeating.

I'm not totally against repeating, I just think parents should have all the facts prior to making a decision that can have such an impact on your child's life.

Yes, my son repeated the 2nd grade and honestly, it was the BEST thing we could do, no just becasue he was behind in reading (which is what really prompted it) but socially he REALLY needed it.
He'll be entering the 6th grade and he's right inline with everyone!
We made his repeating the 2nd grade not a big deal or tramatic for him, within the first week of starting his 2nd round of the 2nd grade he said Mom, you're right, this is the BEST year ever!

My 6th grader was held back in kindergarten. This was my choice because his birthday was on Sept.1, which was the deadline to begin. He would have been behind,I think, if I would have let him go on to the first grade. I think I made the right choice.

Yes, Yes, Yes. My son started kindergarten, and made it to 1st grade (Halloween). He was moved to another public school and placed in kindergarten again. When his birthday came in January we invited both his old 1st grade and his kindergarten class to his party. He was clearly 1/2 way between the two groups of boys. He became a leader, and today is a successful 29 year old. Best move we ever made. At times we wished we red-shirted our June birthday girl.

I held my daughter back in the first grade. The school felt she was not mature enough to move on. Her grades were just passing. She had also missed a lot of school due to illnesses. Both my daughter & I really liked her first grade teacher. I held her back with the same teacher with great results. She has graduated & she loves school wants to go on to college. The other day she thanked me for holding her back. So yes it was worth it.

Absolutely not. My child was placed in second grade halfway through the third grade year. It was traumatic for both my child, my husband and myself. My son kept asking, mommy, why am I in the second grade? It broke my heart.

My daughter was held back in the 2ed grade,I was very hessetant to hold her back. After lots of talking between my husband and I did we decided to go ahead and hold her bak.boy what a diffrence it made she has been doing so much better. My daughter is know in the 4th gread and get all Bs and only one c . So I know even thouhg it was a hard dission to make it was well worth it.

Social promotion without extra personnel support will haunt a student all the way through high school, if he or she doesn't drop out by then. Some choose to drop out, while others aren't abe to pass the High School Exit Exam.

If you don't believe in the HS Exit Exam, be prepared to defend yourself against critics who say our educational system has no value anymore because a HS diploma does not mean literacy or measureable, employable life skills.

Parents who take responsibility to supplement their child's schooling, find help for him/her, read with, and assist with homework, ultimately, give their child encouragement and hope, as well. In this respect, retaining a child who will receive home and/or school support makes the difference in the success of doing so.

For those who blame a teacher for their child's retention, there is protocol to inquire and request an investigation. My children have had both kinds of teachers: excellent and damaging. But in the case of the latter, one teacher or one year should not be the deciding factor for retention after 6th grade.

After reading opinions, I guess another question to ask is, "Is the writer of the post being reasonable? Are they taking responsibility to remedy the situation?"

BTW, New York City's Mayor, Bloomberg, is calling for a halt in social promotion after 3rd grade.

No, I was told that my child was too inmature to move on to 1st grade. Well he is now 17 and he is still the same level of playful and silly. Being held back only made him older not more mature. I also think that the kindergarden experience he had damaged his desire to learn.

That was part of the problem with our son. His Pre-K teacher had been our daughter's Kindergarten teacher. She would have never admitted it, but I felt like she constantly compared the two. She also made me feel like he was the worst child she had ever had in her class. If there was a problem at school, all I ever heard was what he had done and not what the other child had done that may have caused my child to react the way he did. The following year, when she was going back to teaching Kindergarten, they were going to put him back in her class because "she had already had him once and knew him" I refused to have him put back with her class. There was also some personality conflicts with some other boys in his class. Now that he is in another school, he is doing much better and all the kids get along. We are very glad that we moved him.

In our case it worked. In my opinion a school is only as good as your child's teacher and ours wasn't a good fit. On the first grade our son's self esteem plummeted to the point where he wouldn't get on the stage with his classmates and curled up on the floor. In short it was a nightmare and we sensed a personality clash with the teacher. It was suggested that he repeat the first grade and we readily agreed only at a different school. It has made all the difference and we know many others that have done the same. It seems to be more common for boys than girls and I've heard varying theories about how girls develop faster than boys.

yes its worth it. teacher knew your childs performance if the teacher finds out that your child is a slow learner the child should retined, or else the child will be left out in the next grade

Unless you had absolutely no other option, at that point, I would have taken him elsewhere. I told my children's school that if I had to take him out, then I would have to take her out also and if I did that, I would need ALL the money that I had paid because I would need it for registration at another school. My daughter also told others that she might have to leave in three weeks if they did not keep her brother in Kindergarten. This not only raised questions with the parents, they also knew that I would have to tell the other school why I was enrolling them after the school year had begun. They did not want that kind of negative publicity. They also did not want to lose the $$$ that would come in from us every month. They are a large school, but when that type of news gets around, they can lose students pretty fast. When I enrolled my children at the school that they are in now, I told them what had gone on there. His teacher has plainly told me that the child they described is not the child she has in class. She has said that the only problem she has with him from time to time is that he loses focus, but he gets it back quickly with just a gentle reminder (he is 7). The school has two Parent-Teacher conferences a year and both times, she has had nothing but praise for him, and he loves her too. The teacher that will be his 1st grade teacher next year cannot wait to have him in her class. They all like him out there, and he has really progressed there.

You're lucky the school actually did what you asked. Our school told us point-blank that we were not entitled to an opinion and that it was solely their decision. Effectively, the head of the school told us to hand over the cash and shut up.

I had put my son in Pre-K @ age 5 (His birthday was in June also). When it was time for him to go to Kindergarten, I found out that they did not have him on the class list, but had left a spot open for him (they did not tell me that they were going to do that, but were very quick to take my money when registeration time came around). They wanted to place him back in Pre-K for three weeks to see how he would do. If it wasn't working out, then they wanted me to "quietly" withdraw him from the school. The only reason I agreed to a three week trial was because my daughter went there also, and did not want to have to leave if at all possible.I refused to have him put back in Pre-K and told them to place him in Kindergarten and let him get out of it what he could and if he had to repeat it the following year, that would be alright. I also had him placed with a different teacher. They were going to put him with the same teacher that he'd had the previous year. I refused to let that happen also. I told them that on the occasions that I had talked to her, she made me feel like he was the worst child she had ever had. If she could make me feel like that, I can only imagine what he felt like going to her class every day. They didn't like hearing that, but it was the truth. I also told them that Sometimes it is the teacher that is the problem. If at all possible when the child has to be held back, place him/her in a different school. It will help them because they will not see their classmates going onto another grade, and the kids at the new school will not know that he/she has been held back.

Both of my children were in a private school and I thought that my daughter was doing well (her grades indicated that), but I did what was best for my son and she understood that. They are both happier at the new school. She had mixed emotions about moving to another school, but now she says that she would never want to go back to her old school. She has better friends than she ever had at the other school, and my son is looking forward to going on to 1st grade in the fall.

It's a private school and public isn't really an option. Moving just him into another school might not be a big deal, but he has an 8 year old sister doing very well at the same school--going into 3rd nex year. We don't want to have to move her and we certainly don't want to have to drive them to 2 different schools.

In other words, we have to make this school work. That mostly means homeschooling after school this year and making it perfectly clear to the school that if he doesn't make 2nd next year, all *&^% will break loose.

Sounds like you have been researching and are finding all the negative sides of your sons situation. I am wondering is there not another class he can go in? Some teachers just do not get across to other children. Have you considered home schooling? Just another option. I am praying for your family this is just the beginning of his learning experience and it has not been made fun for him, try to focus on the positive side. That is what helped my son when we held him back in first grade. He is a sophomore now and does really well. God Bless.

Our boy turned 5 in June of last year and was kept out of kindergarten and kept in pre-school (though we were promised he'd get the same education as the K kids, that was a flat out lie). Being held back has been disasterous for him.

Emotionally and socially it was devastating to see all his friends and age-peers move on into the true-kindergarten class, while he was left behind in the same classroom he'd been in for 2 years, with kids 1-2 years younger than him, playing with the same day-care toys he'd already gotten bored with. He has no one in class on his intellectual or developmental level. No other boys with similar interests. He's isolated and frustrated. When his old classmates in kindergarten pass him in the hall, he hides behind a plant because of his embarrassment at being held back.

Kids know. They really do understand, and it hurts!

The lesson he learned was that he was too stupid to go ahead into a real classroom. This despite the fact that he's been tested and is very, very far from stupid. He was told flat out by his teacher that it wasn't important for him to do reading or writing or math at school, and that in her classroom kids play. This despite the fact that he knows perfectly well what other kids his age are doing in the other classrooms.

We have been desperately trying to homeschool him after he has already put in a full day at "school". He's tired and exhausted by the time we get to work with him, but he has made amazing progress. The way the school works, he should be considered a 1st grader next year and move on to 2nd after that. We are trying to do everything we can to give them no excuse for holding him back.

He now sees a shrink regularly to help him deal with the problems being held back has caused.

We've done a ton of research into the subject and have amassed a stack of about 40 journal articles which all say the same thing: holding back a kid, making them repeat kindergarten is detrimental and that the practice should be stopped.

Among the articles are statements from the National Association of School Psychologists, the National Association of Early Childhood Specialsts, and the National Association for the Education of Young Children all strongly opposing holding back kids or "red shirting".

My son's 1st grade teacher told us they wanted to hold him back, we decided to send him on to second grade. After 6 weeks it was very clear that he was not ready for the second grade. We put him back into the First grade, he had a wonderful teacher. He did great that year and the years to follow. His self-esteem has increased greatly. He is now in the 4th grade and is doing great.

The bottom line is, you know your child better than anyone. You know if they are ready to go onto the next grade or not. I think that sometimes the teachers just want to push them on ahead just so that they don't have to deal with them again. My son has trouble focusing from time to time and that was the main problem in the class room. The teacher had 16-17 other students that had to have time and attention also. When my child had one on one attention, he did his work well and in record time. Fortunately he had a teacher who was honest enough to say that he probably should not go on to 1st grade, but they didn't want to hold him back another year. They could not offer me any solutions to the situation. They were leaving the decision of promoting him up to me. There had been some other problems at the school, I knew that I wasn't going to send my children there the following year so I went ahead and had him repeat Kindergarten.
The class is smaller, he gets the one-on-one attention that he needs, and he has made terrific progress. They are doing achievement tests this week at my children's school and his teacher has told me that out of 100 questions that he has had to answer, he has only missed 10-11 of them. That would not have happened at this old school. It is a private school with a totally different curriculum so it is not like he is repeating the same things that he did last year. It has been a good year for all of us. I just wish that I had followed my instincts and sent them there last year. They probably would have both done better and they would have been happier. If they are in an enviroment where they are happy, that makes it easier for them to learn.

I would believe that school, as much as we may think otherwise, is not a race. The important thing is the educational foundation that is beeing built in your childs life. So, if it takes a little longer for the student to learn, so be it. At least, by the end of the following year, they actually learned what they where supposed to. The worst is when you ask a child something they sow in class during the year and their answer is: Ï don't know..." Now that would a waste of time, in my oppinion.

I had this problem with my son. The teachers seemed to have an issue with his age. His birthday is in June so, I didn't't start him in Pre-K until he was 5. I only did that to give him an idea of what a school day would be like. They had a Speech & Language Pathologist come in and test him. They tried to tell me that he had the comprehension of a 3 year old. I knew this wasn't't true, but agreed to further testing. I had to fight to get him into Kindergarten. I finally told the Administrator to let him get what he could out of it, and if he needed to repeat it then that would be fine with me. When the end of the year came, his teacher told me that she did not feel like he should go on to 1st grade but that he could not be retained. I asked why not and she said because of his age. I moved him and my daughter to another private school and put him back in Kindergarten. The change has been wonderful. The classes are smaller so he gets the one on one attention that he needed. Yes, he is a little bigger than the kids in his class, but he gets along well with all the kids and they all like him. He is doing very well and I feel like it is the best decision that I could have made. I do suggest that if at all possible, put your child in another school if you are going to hold them back. This will help a lot.

I certainly understand where you are coming from regarding the system failing you and your desire for a better education and learning experience for your child.
Please look at my response to 'credible'.
I wholeheartedly agree with your statements/opinions.
I don't know what state/county you are in, but in Sarasota County, FL evaluating your child's teacher(s) will get you nothing but 'defense' from the school principal.

I only wish that I had been able to read Credible's
response 4 or 5 years ago.
I have a 5th grader who will be 11 on June 2nd.
She has always been the runt of her class, has ADD,
but has been 'classified' as average intellect even though she continues to get 'failing' grades in spite of an IEP and so-called help. The only reliable, per Sarasota county, FL, test that was used was the Woodcock Johnson. Another test was used (can't recall what it was called) was deemed interesting but not reliable.
I have struggled for answers for a very long time, to no avail.
Why should parents have to make a decision to hold their child back? Not all of us are teachers and have the ability to even consider asking that our child is held back.
If 'No Child Left Behind' (which I have never really comprehended) didn't exist, would parents be faced with this decision or would children be held back because they are not ready to go to the next grade?
If a child keeps getting pushed from grade to grade
how will they ever be able to make the grades to be accepted into college, unless they are given the help they need to catch-up, (which isn't really happening)?
I am not a teacher, but I am a 67 year old single parent, who adopted my grandchild because I was afraid that DCF would place her in a foster home if
I die before she is 18. By doing so, I lost everything that she was entitled to as a foster or relative care giver child. No cash subsidy or FL college education. She does get medicaid, only because my income is below poverty level. Medicaid does not cover any psychological or academically needed testing.
Want to talk about stigmas?
I don't think many, who are able to be communicating on this website, have a clue about the stigma of being on Medicaid and receiving free lunches. Perhaps that is why she isn't getting the help she needs.
I haven't always been in the financial position I am in. I have made a considerable amount of money in my life and have paid a lot of taxes.
If I knew where to go for answers I would do so and
find a way to pay for it. But, I am not even offered
information on where to go for help, that the State of Fl won't pay for.
I am not of a minority group (I'm a white American).
I am not on welfare (I am living on home equity and
expect to be facing foreclosure in about one year).
I am willing to add my child's testing to my indebtedness.
Can anyone offer me a suggestion?

I went over a majority of these comments and I respect them all. I have always had regrets about my own educational experiences and that has lead me to take an active role in my childs education early. I believe the system failed me and I refuse to let that happen to my child. Long story short I was in an elementary school in a very good district that was diverse full of top quality educators.. The end of elementary school my family moved to a poorer district full of minorities that suffered academically and had lower standards for both educators and students. Throughout junior high I barely learned any new material was terrirozed by my peers for being academically advanced and smaller than they were. The teachers barely noticed me and I began to make my self fit in by developing behavior problems and stop acheiving academically. By the time I reached high school I applied to a top quality institution of which I was accepted. By than I was suffering from depression and no longer did I have the knowledge to achieve here. needless to say I flunked out of high school on my second year of 10th grade after doing the 9th grade twice because the school I graduated from in the 9th grade did not offer state required classes. I am very bitter of the whole situation, yes my mom is to blame for not noticing.

My child is four years old he is in daycare and expected to attend pre-k in elementary this fall. I noticed my child lacks foucus, has trouble and also refuses to write. I notice his peers draw recognizable objects and write a little more legibally than he does. His teacher says it is okay, but I attribute these things to his behavior and lack of focus. And I refuse to accept that his lack of focus is okay. When he does focus he makes great strides. Even with his play he cannot focus of one activity. So I work on his focusing after school any assignments he is given at school that remain undone, I make sure he hands it in the next day done. My son is a tactile learner and I take that approach. The thing here is you know your child and take an active role in their education. Contact their teachers even when you feel they are doing well. Information is the key, ignorance is not bliss. In most situations you are contacted when there is no longer time to help your child and the decision is already made for them. I live in a low performing district and I have taken every step to ensure that my child has the education he desearves. Being held back for social and emotional problems I do not agree with. And if held back for academic problems we should make sure we exhausted every type of learning opportunity for our child. I believe with the proper tools and education that these children had other options than being held back. It is not the learning materials but the style of teaching and dedication of the educator. Evaluate your childs teacher, because believe me they are evaluating you and your child.

I am new to the site and saw your posting and agree with much of the responses. I decided to request that my daughter be held back in 1st grade. My classroom teacher thought I was "nuts" and asked me to read the literature about how kids get into drugs and display behavior/ esteem problems when held back. I felt my daughter was immature, socially distractable and disorganized in her approach to tasks. ( secretly thought she must have inattentive ADD) I decided to hold her back despite the literature (which seemed to really be saying that purely holding a child back without a proper eval and intervention is not helpful.) By second grade my daughter was far more established in these areas and even began attending the gifted and talented services. More importantly, she was emtionally secure and could better face the huge demands that our "testing happy" "academically oriented" district placed upon her. I needed to look at the total picture including the fact that she has an older brother who is the "star" at everything he does. Having two grades between these siblings has allowed them the opportunity to interact without competition. I recall being very unsettled about this decision initially. I decided to tell my daughter that it was my fault that she was placed into the "wrong" grade when we switched schools and that due to her June birthday she was better placed with kids if placed again in 1st grade. She shared that fact with strangers who asked "what grade are you in?' for about a year. She now says she is so happy that she repeated as she loves her friends and wouldn't have them if she were in the grade ahead. She will be attending Middle School next year with a great group and ready for the challenges.

I understand where you are coming from...My son just missed the cut off for school so he was one of the oldest in his 1st grade class, now he is two years older than his classmates. He is also very tall and weighs 92 lbs. (slim and solid, not fat). My husband worked with my son every night, I read when I can. I should have known that something was wrong as he did his homework without a problem, but the teacher said he could not do it in class (I feel very quilty d/t if I had not been going through chemo, I would have noticed what was going on...he couldn't do it in class because he was terrorised by the teacher). I asked them to givwe him a try in second and if he had problems then I would hold him back that year...they would not work with me or my son.

I totaly agree, I think sometimes we as parents look at what holding our child back will do to us versus the child. If you think of it as negative so will they, and oh my goodness what if someone should ask why my little one is held back. I had a parent at a birthday [arty struggling with this issue. I told her it could be the best thing especially at this young age, some children need that extra year to grow and gain confidence. In my state they start testing in 3rd grade and I wanted my daughter to have a handle on all subjects and confidence to read independently so she could test without help and strugle. Like I said repeating first grade was magic. She is great in math and loves art, and can write and read in cursive and here in NC some kids do not learn this to fourth or fifth grade. So emphasize your childs strong points and downplay the negative.

thanks for that postings. I agree.

I'm answering this as both a 3rd grade teacher with Special Education experience, and as a parent who retained my daughter.

First as a teacher, I look at all the possible reasons for Far Below grade-level performance of the child. (This means that the child is 2 or more years below expected standards.) Factors to weigh are: age, special needs, physical development (esp. height), rate of learning, maturity. In addition, there are factors related to the caregiver(s): educational level, cognitive and socio-economic stability, dedicated guidance/discipline and level of homework support.

To save money, many public school districts are placing special needs children in General Education classes. This is a disservice since it places an undue burden on the child, the other students, and the teacher. The majority of cases I've considered are due to placing a special needs child in a Gen. Ed. class in the first place. Appropriate placement is the key to the teaching and learning process. Simply put, PEOPLE learn best in an environmnet where their unique needs are consistently accessible. A Gen. Ed. class is the best placement for students whose cognitive, emotional or physical learning modality vary, but they are able to compensate accordingly. Retaining a child who has been identified as Special Needs, or one who has yet to "identified" IS NOT A SOLUTION! This is the rationale for not retaining a child more than once. (I question the validity of some earlier postings of children who are 2 or more years older than their peers. It simply doesn't add up.)

The child's special needs would be best remedied in a Special Day class or Special Ed. programs. Supports range from mild, moderate, or severe interventions which address the child's unique learning modality.

The practice of retention has been extreme. It has been used to demoralize People of Color, English Language Learners, and others whose culture differed from the teacher's. On the other hand, if a child is promoted WITHOUT other interventions in place, he or she will fall further behind. We are not doing anyone a favor by promoting unprepared students. They will eventually drop out of school.

My thoughts on being a parent who insisted that my own child be retained- It was the best thing for her! Here's a list of reasons why I considered it: she was a late birthday, she was small for her age, I hadn't read to her as much as was needed, she wasn't fluent in reading, there were extremely distracting/disruptive students in her class that year which reduced teaching time, and this was the last year of 20:1 student-to-teacher ratio. Both her and I knew she would receive less attention in a class of 34:1 in 4th grade and thereafter. It would be worse for her if she were academically struggling. There were other factors out of our control such as a reduction in learning support personnel, and again, distruptive classmates. She was tested, but not found to be eligible for Special Ed. services.
Finally, and honestly, as a single parent, I couldn't imagine the next 9 years of crying over homework. Thus, I had to do my part, also. I committed to reading everyday with her for 30 minutes without interruptions.

Giving her the gift of time to lay the foundation was how I see it. In her case, it was successful: she scored exceptionally high "Gifted and Talented" the next year and thereafter!

My first three children were held back. We had spent two years in my husband's country of Thailand, unable to afford private schools and unwilling to send them to the Thai public schools. I homeschooled them for the two years we were there, but it was difficult. My third son, especially, was completely unreceptive to learning even as much as the alphabet (he was four). Because we lived in a small community of Thai people, they spoke only Thai and often refused to speak English.

When we returned each was tested and found to be a year behind so they were placed in lower grades. I accepted that decision at the time--the oldest was only nine and I thought it be okay. In later years, though, they resented being held back. (My third son did catch up with his age group.) If I had it to do over again, I would not have allowed them to be held back.

I'm sorry to say, but I think the "National Association of School Psychologists" who published "Repeating a Grade: The Pros and Cons" are a bunch of idiots. And now, unfortunately, whoever reads that article is going to be afraid they will hurt their child by holding them back---simply ridiculous!! I CERTAINLY HOPE THAT PARENTS OF STRUGGLING STUDENTS WHO ARE CONSIDERING HOLDING THEIR CHILD BACK COMPLETELY IGNORE THIS ARTICLE. I held my son back in the 2nd grade and it was the best thing I could have done. Not only did his work and grades improve, but he approached his schoolwork with sense of maturity he hadn't shown before. I do not regret it for a minute. Oh, and as for how the children treated him---his teacher told them, "Sometimes people need extra help, and that's OK, but guess what??....little Johnny can already write in cursive and can do his times tables, etc., etc., so he would like to be of help to anyone who needs it this year." That took away all his anxieties and gave him confidence to tackle that year. He's now finishing the 8th grade and doing wonderfully. It was absolutely worth it! Thank goodness that stupid article wasn't published back then!!

My daughter is 15. Last yr she was in the 9th grade. In Febuary, she took a Tylenol to school and not only was she Arrested, sent to Juvie for 5 days, but Expelled from her school. In order for her Not to go to Alternative School, we decided to place her in a Private Christian Academy. Bad move on Our Part.
She was not happy there, because we do not even share the same beliefs in Religion that this school did, and she Felt that she was Not Learning what she needed to be learning in order for her to get into college in a few years. Turns out she was Right. We had to have her tested in order to get back into the public schools. She had the choice to go to the Alternative School for the rest of this year and TRY to catch up, or be Held Back in the 9th this year, go to summer school and go for 10th next year. She Choose to be Held Back. I ask her Every Week, if she Regrets this decision. So far, the answer is No, every week. She still has classes with some of her friends from last year, and so far has not had anyone make fun of her for staying in the 9th to make sure that she learnt what she Felt she needed to learn. For a 15 yr old, I think she made a Very Intelligent Decision.

I know how you feel about having your son held back and I agree with you. In many cases I've noticed that grades do not generally improve. Being made fun of doesn't help the situation. It can be even more embaressing for the child especially in the junior high grades. I remember the comments like do you think you'll pass sixth grade this year from other kids or you'll be the first kid to drive to junior high. One difference that did take the pressure off somewhat was the fact we moved to another district , however even then administrators give you looks when you walk in as a 16 year old eigth grader. that is especially compounded when you grow up poor.

ABSOLUTELY!! He was old enough to start when we lived in a different state so I started him due to daycare costs....when we moved to SC (where he wouldn't have originally made the cutoff) I didn't want him to do K again because I didn't want boredom to become an issue so I put him through to 1st. I stayed in close contact with his teacher the entire year and at the end we both decided it would be best for him to be retained again in 1st for maturity reasons and some difficulty with reading. The following year was amazing. He went from saying he was the 2nd stupidest kid in his class to one of the top three! The confidence he gained was well worth it!! School is hard enough these days to go through to feel bad about yourself all along the way. I'm really glad I did it in 1st, he has little recollection of being retained and is in with his age appropriate classmates. I'm happy I had the courage and the support of his teacher, friends and family to look at it as a positive decision and the right one to make. It is not an easy one to make on your own...I do sympathize with the anguish of the others for whom it did not turn out as well....Ultimately, you are changing the course of your child's life and how s/he is going to take it and you have no idea how it will turn out. However, I asked all kinds of people how they felt when they were held back and got all kinds of different answers...then I made an educated leap of faith...and got lucky.

Our schools for 5th up to 12th grades has an online thing called the "Pinnacle". Every single paper turned in and graded, and tests that were done and graded, and missing grades are put on the Pinnacle according to subject. And the teachers have their email address on it. When this is set up by the school, the parents have to request the ID and password.
With this I have had in the past two years incidents where my child was shown to have a zero. My child said she did it, and I do remember a couple of them. She got out her folder, and "WA LA", there is her paper, graded. Which was promptly copied, and sent by email, as it was a Friday. I kept a copy of it, also, and I sent it to the teacher. This has happened on more than one occassion. Which is frustrating for me and my child. She is an honors student, does ALL her homework, and is very organized...you should see her locker, the kids at school said she has the neatest locker....although her bedroom is a mess all the time. Anyway, the Pinnacle is a wonderful thing. I would also suggest you keep every graded paper in a file, for easy access. Just keep each quarter together. At the end of the year, just throw it out.

It depends on the situation. I think in the early grades such as K or 1st grade it can be helpful because kids are still young and there is not that STIGMA of being held back. I found with my daughter holding her back in 1st grade was very helpful because she was a slow reader and little younger than her classmates since she had a late b-day so at the start of 1st grade the first go round she was 5 while most of her classmates were already six and 7 and this sometimes causes problems, but this year she blossomed and is doing wonderful. Don't always look at the negative thinking you failed your child but look at the positives and think will this benefit them in anyway.

I completely agree. My son is also asuccessful sophomore who we got past the effects it was having on us and did research and found it to be better for him. He also sores with his confidence and does not let what othedrs say bother him. We were very supportive and did seek god everytime he mentioned someone says things about it. We also did not make a big deal about it and told him God puts us through tests and trials daily for a reason. Not always because we need to learn a lesson sometimes to help someon e else with something. Keep the lines of communication open with your child, teacher, spouse or childs other parent.

I totally agree my son hates going to school after we had him repeat the 3rd grade. His grades are not better. His other class mates are now going to jr. high and are still making fun of him.....

It was the worst thing we could have done for him. His repeat was a waste..He teacher expected him to be ahead of the other kids. Now 2 years later other kids are still making fun of him. He hates school because of this....He grades have falling even more. Teachers work more with the kids that already know the work and the ones that are having trouble DO GET LEFT BEHIND.

yes. my step son was held back in kindergarten. and it was definately worth it. he's been in the gifted and talented program for three years now.

I was upset and thought I did something wrong. Well I did. I should have been more in touch with his teacher and talk to her about what he needed from her to help him learn. Before I found this out I sat in on his class. Set this up through the principle if you want but a surprise visit worked for me. I did this twice first through the principle, second on my own by invitation by the teacher to come back any time. so I did. You have to pray about it and follow your heart. I will be praying for you. This is not an easy decision.

Mom-of-8:

You shared some fabulous insight here. Definitely proving that not all kids deal with pressures (social and educational) the same way.

Mom-of-8:

You shared some fabulous insight here. Definitely proving that not all kids deal with pressures (social and educational) the same way.

only you know. there are so many people on here to tell you what to do. you need to think it throught and make your decesion from your heart. you are the only one who knows what to do. it is a very hard decesion to make, trust me a know. i know you are searching for answers just like me and many more on here. It is nothing you did, i think you are probably a great mom or you wouldnt be on us trying to figure this out. Good luck and best wishes.

Sounds as if you never have gotten over what happened in your life. Do you remember what you thought and felt when it happened to you? It all is how you choose to look at what is happening and why. If someone doesn't take the time to find out the reason for the behavior, then you will never know the answer to the problem. I can suggest sit down and talk to your kids like the others, however your children are not going to speal their guts to you if this is new to them. You do have to start arelationship with them. Just like having a relationship with anyone it takes time and you have to be willing to listen without judging. Most of all before you can help someone else you have to be able to get over your passed. May God guide you in your every step.

this is my son. we are holding him back in 2nd this coming up year. im glad it helped thanks

this is my son. we are holding him back in 2nd this coming up year. im glad it helped thanks

My son was the oldest and is now 2 years older than his clasmates, he acts like a 5 year old. he is bored because he knows this stuff...no the teachers do not know what is best. And lets not forget that he now has tics so here is a visit to the neurologist every month.

yes, my son was held back in the 7th grade which was my husband and my decision. He was in a horrible school that did not teach him anything and was barely passing, we decideded to switch him to parochial school which turned out for the better because he graduated 8th grade with honors. Now he's graduating high school and we are very proud he will be starting college in the fall.

yes, my son was held back in the 7th grade which was my husband and my decision. He was in a horrible school that did not teach him anything and was barely passing, we decideded to switch him to parochial school which turned out for the better because he graduated 8th grade with honors. Now he's graduating high school and we are very proud he will be starting college in the fall.

My child was held back in the first grade, so this is his second year of first. Academically he is doing 99% better, but socially, I am not sure. He seems to be more on a defense and always getting rude with my husband and myself and to his siblings and friends. He was never like that last year. I am not sure if him being retained did that or it is just who he is hanging out with. I had call the school on one student at the beginning of the year, for which she was in his class last year, and she was making fun of him because he got retained. It didn't seem to bother him, at least he didn't show it, but it really bothered me. That is the problems that the child has to deal with when they do get retained, which makes it hard for them socially I believe.

Can't say I agree with you.Alot of times behavior is a child way of talking when they can't find the words.Holding a child back can only worsen already behavior problems.Your child is trying to say something that evadently is overwhelming for them.Tune into you child you know it best and see what their behavior tells you about their issues and try to help them to understand the behavior,their problem and away to resolve the problem.And try to help them find a constructive way to cope with their issues untill their resolved.That way you can help your child to know that problems are normall you will help them grow more mature if they need it and that you love them and are there for them.It allows them to have a open and close bond with you.Sometimes to be a good parent you have to show them your a friend.

Well said!You just described part of my school life And my son's, who goes to the same school I did I am currently looking to other schools as well for next year to eleviate some issues.

Well said!You just described part of my school life And my son's, who goes to the same school I did I am currently looking to other schools as well for next year to eleviate some issues.

I agree I was held back in K for refusing to take off my coat and to join in with other kids,even though i was a complete S student.And then again in 7th though I was was a A-B student.I was always kinda backward and shy.But I remember how dumb,angry,and embarassed i felt despite my grades.That eventualy got me in to the bad crowd and skipping school.Untill I ran away from home ended up pregnant and dropping out of school at 16 and in the 7th grade.Now in my late 30's I just got my GED.But only becouse I had to ,to get a decent job.And when I went for GED classes I was more than alittle nervous.I actually as a grown adult felt sick at the old feelings and memories from my school years.I would recommend to all parents think this decisson with a clear whole picture before you decide on retaining a child your good grade child who is a little immature,can be devistated and vunrable to bad influance if you threaten them with socialize or don't pass go.

I agree I was held back in K for refusing to take off my coat and to join in with other kids,even though i was a complete S student.And then again in 7th though I was was a A-B student.I was always kinda backward and shy.But I remember how dumb,angry,and embarassed i felt despite my grades.That eventualy got me in to the bad crowd and skipping school.Untill I ran away from home ended up pregnant and dropping out of school at 16 and in the 7th grade.Now in my late 30's I just got my GED.But only becouse I had to ,to get a decent job.And when I went for GED classes I was more than alittle nervous.I actually as a grown adult felt sick at the old feelings and memories from my school years.I would recommend to all parents think this decisson with a clear whole picture before you decide on retaining a child your good grade child who is a little immature,can be devistated and vunrable to bad influance if you threaten them with socialize or don't pass go.

In your case, I absolutely agree that by allowing your children to be held back probably was not the best option for them. First, they learned that they don't have to see a situation through to the end when dealing with a hardship. Secondly, the other children learned from that and most likely gave in to the "easier" way. I learned from my eldest child that he had what it took to succeed but had a major "I don't wanna do it" attitude. Therefore, we MADE him and pushed him through. The teachers hated us for that and don't like us now. I didn't mention in my first post that my husband is a teacher so we have a little bit of an edge on how to deal with our educational situations. To this day, the school continues to push on us that our youngest daughter needs testing for borderline ADD. That is why I had my Social Worker friend test her. The result there was that though she is borderline (can't be labeled though) with work she will improve. Not to say that she won't be, but PROBBLY won't be, an A, B student BUT she can do average scholastics. We have to struggle with her every single day though, going through work, counseling her regarding bullies, emailing teachers, etc. We really do homeschool her after her regular school day is done.

I was held back twice. Once in the sixth grade and once in the seventh grade. To some degree this was because of social issues that were compounded by poverty. I really don't see the benefit of being held back because it just discourages you from finishing high school. I would have been pr-oby 20 before I could have finished. I have two sons who have been held back a grade each, one who should be a junior and one who should be a freshmen but have been held back also. I can't really see any improvement in their abilities after they have repeated grades.

It depends. My son was held back in 3rd grade, and then they tried to hold him back in 4th grade. Within the first week of 4th grade (second time around), he told me he knew all the work, and it was too easy, and he was bored. I asked to have him accessed. They agreed, and tested him. They let him move up to fifth grade, where he had to prove he could do the work...by just doing it. He did it. His problem stemmed by many factors. First he was just oppositional, he hated to print. Not that he didn't know the work, he just wouldn't print very often. Then when it was time to learn to write in cursive, well, he wanted to print. And wouldn't do cursive. He was a skinny, puny, not athletic boy who could get along well with the females, but the boys loved to pick on him. And, he didn't like to be bothered. Plus, he was from a family of 6 children, him being the first boy, and our third child. He just didn't conform. He would have made a fantastic only child!
Anyway, he wasn't going to graduate until he was 21, and at 19 he just up and quit. He got his GED a couple of years later, and had a really high score. I think holding him back just made it easier for him to quit school. I was devastated, as his 2 older sisters quit school at 18, one was a junior, the other a senior. They all got their GED's. But, it's not the same. The second 3 did graduate, but as soon as they could, in their junior years they went to a trade school for their last two years. I think they all just plain hated the school I had them in. They are now 20 - 30 years of age, and they will tell you, the school has a lot to do with how they feel and do. So..listen to your kids.
I have 2 other children who are 13 and 11, both girls. They started in this same school, and by 4th grade I saw the same favoritism I saw when the older kids were in school. Even though they were doing fantastic, we decided to send them to the bigger school in our area, not the farming community school. They are doing just as wonderful, on honor roll, enjoying activities, and so on. I ask them every now and then if they want to return to their old school, and both of them say "no".
I'd really do some soul searching before I'd hold my child back.

I think you need to evaluate the whole situation. What is happening with him to cause this behavior? He probably needs counseling for his problems. If he is passing I don't necessarily think he should be held back.

I appreciate all the comments and it is interesting looking at all the comments. First of all, we talked to the school councelor and got her thoughts on this. She thought it was a great idea, being we are moving and no one will know. Our son looks a year younger, is almost a year younger, has not started puberty and physically and emtionally will fit right in. We should have hled him back in pre school, but of course got too many teachers saying, he will be fine. he will be fine if we leave him where he is but I think he will blossom if we move and give him one more year at home. We would never do this if we were in the same area. He is fine with it too. We would not consider this if he was not. I think he will finally be with kids his own age, size, and emtioanl level. As far as his grades, he isn't trying as hard as he should right now. i think one more year of maturity can help that too. i don't think there is just one answer.. I do appreicate all your thoghts.. pro and con.

you should check out www.connectionsacademy.com it's a online home school.I'm currently checking out for my child due to a similar instance.

you should check out www.connectionsacademy.com it's a online home school.I'm currently checking out for my child due to a similar instance.

I was held back in Kindergarten and it was a mistake. It was due to social issues that I was held back. Though important, social issues aren't the purpose of attending school. If done for the wrong reasons, it can be a bad idea. My eldest son tested college level with his MEAPS yet was all but failing school. I had him tested by a local social worker friend and it turned out that in 7th grade he was as smart as college freshman. The school would not accommodate his skills so he remained bored and we continued pushing him through the system - it wasn't an academic issue so we didn't support the request. It happened in 7th, 8th, and 9th grades.

My daughter was kept back in the 1st grade - 8 years ago. It was a bad decision on my part. She continually refers to how she "failed" first grade. I feel so bad for her and try to build her self esteem, but it is tough. People told me at the time NOT to do it, but the teacher and her father thought it was best for her. I should have changed her school to a place where they would have helped her instead of holding her back.

Yes. Teens today are more concerned with their own self-importance (MySpace) than their education. NO child should be pushed through the system and excused because of his/her culture or economic status. The kids (K-12) who choose to fail or score poorly should be held back without society trying to excuse their apathy.

I held my 1st grader back by mistake; he was attending a montessori school; with k-1st; and when I had to arrange to put him in public school; I didn't realize he should have went to the 2nd grade.

But was it worth it; YES, he is at the top of his class; he was designated as GIFED; he has matured alot and the other kids are around the same age.
Lastly, he recently received a full paid scholarship for middle school, yes, it was worth him being held back by mistake.

Yes, he had a July 31rst birthday and although he made it through Kindergarten, he was one of the last students to read in an all day program. In first grade by Christmas time they were talking to me about holding him back. I was an active parent volunteer and saw him in the low reading group, finishing projects last etc. I was devasted that a child of mine wasn't cutting it but once I got past the me feelings and started to think about what was best for him, I realised that it was a win for all of us. We moved that summer and he started his new school as a second time first grader. He was no longer the smallest one in the class, made friends easily, and has been honor roll and even straight A's as a sixth grader. Teachers know what is best for your child. Make a diffence by helping out in the classroom, the library or just taking them to after school events. Read to or with your child everyday, they love it and it teaches them to be good readers. Go through the backpacks everyday so they can show you their work and you can be sure the homework is done. Consistancy is everything.

For the anonomous mother who wrote about her dyslexic child receiving eventually instruction with slingerland method, you were lucky. studies have shown that children who are dyslexic respond best to curiculums that are phonic based and multisensory. slingerland is a proven curiculum that has been sucessful with remediating dyslexics. my daughter is also dyslexic and the problem we encountered was most schools do not test for dyslexia nor are they required to. Usually diagnoses have to occur outside the school setting and at the parent expense. Dyslexia is under specific learning disability and requires an IEP be forumulated to reflect the needs of the student under that disability.
That does not necessarily mean that the staff has to be educated about dyslexia or the most appropriate types of remediation programs to be implemented. That is why it is vital that parents learn about their child's disabilities and how the IEP process works and be a firm advocate in order for your child to receive the most appropriate remediation program to help assist in remediation. If a program being used is not showing to be effective or gains are marginal or less you need to advocate for more appropriate programs to be implemented. I reccomend reading the book "Overcoming Dyslexia, by Dr Sally Shaywitz who is a Yale neurologist and who served on the National Reading Panel. Excellent book and she actually lists programs that have been proven to be successful in remediating dyslexics. Then you have to find if any of those programs are available at your particular school and if not then do your research to find schools that do use more appropriate programs. That is what we did and we actually transferred our daughter to a school that uses SRA Reading Mastery and Direct Instruction. The changes and rate of progress has been unbelievable. Best decision we made.

It was the right thing to do for my son who is know a successfull sophomore in High School. He was at the right age and was retained in 1st grade due to his inmaturity and his struggles with academics. We have worked very closely with his elementary teachers and today his confidence is through the roof. He was never traumatized nor sorry maybe because we didn't make a big issue of it. It is an individual decision which has to be weighed carefully. Some parents are in denial and are ashamed of allowing their children to be retained, but they should remember that this is not about them, but about the future of their children.

Every child's situation is going to be different. My son was the youngest in his class each year due to his birthday. My son's teacher's had been trying to hold him back since 1st grade due to maturity and then eventually based on academics and I fought the school every year til I finally realized they were right. My son begged me not to but we are both happy now that he repeated 4th grade and now is in 5th grade doing an average job on academics and has matured well too. His teachers love the fact that he openly talked about it to other classmates so they realize that retention is a possibility if you dont put forth your best effort.

For our son who's birthday is August 26th it was the right thing to do. He was behind in kindergarten and 1st grade. He started 2nd grade, and after 2 weeks HE decided he was not ready for this and wanted to go back to 1st grade. We talked to his previous teacher who wanted him back, and his current teacher, plus the principal, and we all determined that it was the right thing to do. From that point on he has excelled! He is now finishing up 6th grade. The confidence he has gained from this decision is amazing. We struggled with it ourselves, but he has felt good about it ever since HE made the decision to repeat 1st grade. It really is an individual decision and his feeling the need to do it, made it much easier for us. I don't feel it should be forced on any child, but I think there are times it is very beneficial. Of course I also believe that the requirements that are put on children in school is not realistic. Many children are falling behind or having to repeat, perhaps the "powers that be" should reevaluate there standards.

I am not sure what to say about this... but how did YOU act when your son was held back? Obviously you made a big deal about it... because you tried to send him to another school. Maybe he is getting anxiety tics because of your response to him being held back.

I completley agree with you. We did this with one of our three children when we moved 3 years ago. She repeated 4th grade when we moved...she was a wonderful student so it was not for academic reasons at all. Actually, we thought it would provide her an additional year to make that close group of friends to head into middle school with. (It's not a penalty like kinetikane feels.) In addition, she had a very late fall birthday and was always the youngest in her class (everyone held their kids if they had Sept-Dec. b-days) so some girls were nearly a year older. We also lived in a truly boring town and this new city would have wonderful opportunities for her to get a year back of her life, so to speak. We thought she could focus on getting A's (without any true effort), meet and make new friends and explore new activities...we thought the transition for her would be easier as the oldest of our kids. It gets harder as they get older. She has done beautifully. We are so happy we took the opportunity when we moved. We would not have done it if we didn't move. There really was no reason b/c she was doing great academically and socially. But she didn't like being the youngest in her class. She doesn't always love being the oldest...but with a fall birthday...it is what it is. I think it is a great time to do it. She is doing well...thank God she has tight friendships now and feels at home here heading into middle school. Also, she is a late bloomer and fits right in with this grade.

I chose to have my son repeat second grade, due to English being our second language as well as meturity,(he is a November baby). I can't believe I was so scared to do it, because it turned out to be the best thing ever! He went from struggeling with reading to ammazing everyone! He also had no emotional challenges about being held back.

NO !!! My child had a horrible 1st grade, Mom had cancer, teacher terror tacktics. I begged all the way to the state level and no one could help me. I transfered him to another school and they also would not put him in 2nd grade (he has a twin brother that made it to 2nd grade). He is now 8 1/2 years old in 1st grade. He was so afraid to go into another 1st grade class...he developed anxiety tics. Why is this not considered child abuse???? Because it is the public school system and they can do whatever they want....as parents we have no choice in what happens to our children after "they" get hold of them. I need help and no one can help...even lawyers would not touch this. I had a perfectly healthy happy child until "they got their claws on him. I am looking for home schooling.

I believe every case is different. A parent must pray and feel peace of whatever decision they decide. My son was held back by a teacher recommendation. We were very upset after doing research, sitting in on his class, and learning why he needed to be held back. The second year of first grade his first grade treacher all 1st semester said we should move him to 2nd grade. We told her she will see a dramatic difference next semester. She then noticed come the third week of the second semester he was struggling a little. He still caught on quickly, but before he was first done with everything and helping her with other students who were struggling. This time around he was not first done. She talkied to us about what happened. We told her we should have spoke up last year when we noticed the difference in his attitude and not bringing homework home. We stopped being a teacher as well and left it all up to the teacher. Big mistake and due to us not following through and thinking the teacher was doing her job caust my son. Now I am glad we held him back there are times he has mentioned he feels some of his pears judged him because of this. We prayed with him and found peace that God is in control of everything and he has made great grades since then and he does struggle sometimes but was taught a lesson he has to do more work than just at school. He is ultimately responsible for what he learns. The teacher is not a tutor just someone to help guide him. We also learned that as his parents it is our job and responsibility to continuosly keep the lines of communication open in every area of our chidlrens lives. I believe it helped my son to be held back. He was not taught the 2nd semester of his first time in first grade and the teacher found she needed to change her path in her carrier. She is still teaching but at a higher level and is doing well. My son has lots of friends both in the higher grade and the grade he is in. Friends do not judge. Those who judge have no authority to and have areas they probably need to pray about in their own life.

Yes! In our case it was the right thing to do. My son was having so many problems when he went to the first grade. First of all he was then the youngest of 4 children, the baby you might say. He emotionally could not handle being at school that long; by 11:00 he was crying and could not do his work. I had to come to school everyday to be with him and after lunch he would be better. Also, he was behind academically he truly had no desire to learn.

He had trouble in Kindergarten also; he would not complete his assignments.He had no attention span at all most of his kindergarten pictures are one color scribbled as fast as he can. We thought that by first grade he would have matured; No such luck.

We had to move in the middle of his first grade year to another state; so we opted to send him back to kindergarten when we got to our new place. It was the best thing we could have done; he did great this time with kindergarten then by the next year he was ready for first grade.

He is now in the 6th grade and doing great! He is keeping his grades up and emotionally on the same page as the kids he is going to school with, so we are happy we had him repeat a grade.

A parent knows there child better than anyone; Pray about it and the answer will come if this is a decision you are faced with.

My wife and the school teacher wanted to hold back my daughter in the 7th grade, even though she had passing grades. I was against this but my wife took the school side. It was a terrible setback for my daughter, mentally. This was a very bad Idea, know she is a meth Attic. I should have stood my ground.

Reading some of the other answers, I can't but ask the parents that state there 5 year olds were immature. Hoe mature do you expect a 5 year old to be when most people are immature until they get in there 20's or 20's. That statement does not make any since.

My daughter was really struggling in the first grade even with tutoring assistance. My husband has dyslexia, although my boys never had a problem, I asked the teacher if there was any possibility of my daughter having it and she said well we don't even look at it until 2nd grade, my immediate thought was well how are we going to look at it in 2nd grade, if we can't get out of 1st. About the last 6 weeks of school, the teacher came to me and said she had just completed Slingerlen Training and thought she might have a learning disability. She was tested and dyslexia was positive. She suggested we hold her back. We did, but the good thing was that she would attend a new school with the best teachers. Repeating the first grade has had a very possitive impact on her, as her self-esteem grew and instead of being the bottom of the class, she has been on the top. In middle school, she decided that she wanted to graduate with those children she started school with originally, so she has worked hard to make-up that year of school and has. She will graduate on June 5, 2008 with Honors, Magna Cum Laude and will be attending college to become a Speech Pathologist.

Yes. Caleb is now in his second year of Kindergarten. He still is not at K level. So I have enroled him in tutoring through Sylvan Learning Center. I must say I have noticed many improvements in Caleb's work in just a short 2 1/2 months. They told me he should be at K level by the end of the year.
So in this case, it was a good thing we had him repeat Kindergarten.

My youngest daughter has been in speech since she was two years old. She was held back last year (in 2nd grade). We later found out that she has ADHD without hyperactivity. She now takes one pill a day to control her ADHD and is much more focused. I believe that she benefited a lot from being held back.
I do want to add, however, that it was one of the hardest decisions that I ever had to make. I was upset at the teacher for suggesting it, even though it made sense.

Absolutely. I had my son repeat 1st grade at a private school. It is a wrenching decision but an important one. My considerations:
1. He was melting down, exhausted & frustrated every day. School isn't supposed to be like this for a child.
2. The teacher (w/25 years of experience) noted that the class as a whole was more advanced than a "typical" first grade. For my son, he was trying to keep up w/peers who were already "ahead" of the curve.
2a. My son was the youngest in his class. Over half of his peers where more than 6 months older than him. At the K and 1st grade levels, 6 months can mean a lot.
3. In the private school, retentions are slightly more common, especially at the K & 1st grade levels. Therefore the peers did not have much of a stigma as they knew more than one child who had been retained.
4. Many parents I spoke to said that when they didn't retain, they wished they had.
5. Those parents that did retain were glad they did.

It worked out beautifully. The biggest key was that my son was able to relax and try the material again. Once he relaxed, we did and everything turned out fine. Two years later, he still gets straight As.

My youngest son is a January birthday and I went ahead and sent him on to Kinder when he was 5, but he was really not ready. A little on immature side, stubborn, and while he'd been in preschool, etc. since he was 8 weeks old, he started having serious behavior, social skill issues during that first year of Kinder. My husband and I decided to make him repeat and its the best thing we could have done for him and he doesn't get teased for being older, etc.
Our older son, whose in the 9th grade, is an August birthday, and we didn't start him until he was 6 and I have never regretted the decision. His best friend had to repeat 6th grade, and is already 16 in 9th grade, and it's not an issue. With boys the social skills come so much later in life. In the long run for both of them it has been a good decision to wait to send the older son to school and to repeat kinder for my youngest.

Thank you for this; I'm struggling to decide whether or not to keep my 5th grader back; what happened to your son is exactly what concerns me.

When my son was in 2nd grade he was immature and had ADHD. He rolled around the coat room, was a behavior problem, and threw his homework assignments down the sewer. I made the decision to hold him back against the wishes of the school. They said he was too tall, and scored in the high 90's on state tests. I told them that I didn't care how well he did on tests, if he couldn't put pencil and paper to use for school assignments he was failing.

He repeated the grade. No social trauma. Did much better.

Today he has 2 BA's from a well know college, and is going to go to law school in the fall at a college that is rated in the top 35 law schools in the US.

There is always hope for your child. Just use your common sense and all resources available.

My fifth grader is in danger of being held back. He has spent a good part of this year playing a sort of "shell game"; showing me test grades that are good, throwing out grades that aren't. I'm pretty angry at his teachers since they sent home notes and papers that required parent signature and didn't call me when they didn't get sent back. My son did this for most of the first quarter and I reigned him in by checking every assignment. Feeling that he needed to take over the responsibility, I stepped back and he backslid in 3rd quarter. He's more than capable of doing the work (bringing home all As right now). Do I keep him back due to poor overall average or send him along?

NO...I held my son back in 3rd grade and now that he is in 9th grade and 16 he gets teased alot. Socially it has hurt him. Academically it really did not help either. I have two more children that received early intervention and that did much more for them. I think that is better than holding them back. If my son would have gotten early intervention I would not have held him back.

I held my son back in first grade and he is in third now. So far I feel I made the right decsion. He was diagnoised with ADHD at the end of first grade the first time so I really feel that he missed out most of the year. He has been doing excellent since! It is a tough decision to make either way..

You shouldn't compare your child to the developement or social behaviors of other students. The fact that you and your family have decided to move is not the child's fault. If he is making the grades, why retain him and especially at the middle school level? Did you not see any of these actions when your child was in the 2nd or 5th grade level? Your holding him back for no relevant cause, just your own beliefs in what you feel is best for him. Have you asked your child what he wants to do or feels comfortable doing? Have you put yourself in his shoes? Telling him that he will have a better chance at making A's, sounds a bit elementary to me. He can make A's without having to be retained or repeat a grade. Having more time for activities starts at home. You are interrupting his life for him. Don't allow him the opportunity to resent your decision that you made for him in the future.

You shouldn't compare your child to other children. We are individuals and the fact that you are moving, shouldn't be the reason that you have your child repeat a grade. It is not his fault that the family is moving and what if you were your son and at the middle school level? My brother was the same way and we didn't hold him back and he is now a Technology Engineer. Your son can make A's without being held back, your talking to him as if he is in elementary.

We were going to do the same thing last year. My daughter was in 5th grade. Our move to the Southwest fell through and we didn't hold her back here. She now wishes that she had. Middle school is tough.

I held my son back in 2nd grade and it was the best move we ever made. He is doing so much better and has more confidence.

Very good advice Kinetikane!

You are not alone. I'm holding my 2nd grader back this year. It is a hard decision to make. I have been on here for a while and read all these post too. I finally decitied that the decision is yours. You will know what to do. Go with what your gut is telling you. Your child will be fine!

There is little benefit to retaining a child after the second grade. Academic and social development at this young age can vary greatly. Because of this, retention may be helpful. If your son is doing well academically heading into middle school, retention is certainly not necessary. It is not uncommon for boys to be a little behind in the maturity category. I recommend reading books by Michael Gurian. Good stuff!

Houseforsale...
It sounds like you've taken all things into consideration for your son. He has 2 GREAT things going for him:
1. His new school is so far away, nobody will know his previous grade standing. (No need for anyone to know either, except for the teacher.)

2. By repeating the grade, he'll definitely have an advantage over all the other kids. Meaning: YES, he'll have an easier time learning, and a high potential of getting straight "A's". (And thus, freeing up homework hours to do other things)

Sounds like you've made a really great choice for your son. No doubt he'll thrive in his new environment and truly surprise you.

We are considering holding one of our children back due to his age and social development. We are moving, so we think this is the only opportuity we have. if we stayed here, we would not do this. We are moving across the country and he will repeat a grade in middle school. Has anyone done this before? His grades are fine.. not great but we feel he is not as mature as his peers to care about making his grades matter. he is fine with it but a bit concerned about it maybe being too easy. We told him this is a great opportunity to get all A's and to have time for more activites.

Personally my child was asked to be moved up twice into higher grades and I diapproved the teachers and administrations request. Even though he is a gifted child and makes the honor roll, I felt that my child was where he needed to be and I refused to make him have to grow up too fast. However in the past of my experience with working in a school district where I had students who were retained or held back if you will, I noticed that most of their behaviors, especially in the females were rebellious and they seemed to act immaturely when held back, not showing much of an interest in school. However there is a difference, I was involved with students who were of the Junior High level, what Junior High students wants the embarassement of watching his or her fellow peers move forward as they are held back? Younger students tend to deal with the situation a bit better, however, if you feel as the parent that the best interest is for your child to proceed to the next grade and they have successfully passed his or her grades in school, then that should be up to the parents. I have seen alot of cases of students being moved up and didn't pass all requirements to do so. I am tired of seeing 8th graders being promoted to the 9th grade, however,they are still reading on a 3rd grade level. It starts at home and with the teachers doing their job and doing it correctly.

My son repeated 3rd grade. He was a whole lot more successful the second time around. I definitely think it's worth it - but retaining your child may not necessarily be the right option for you. I'd suggest talking with your child's teacher/principal and go from there.

Way to go Moms!

I think it is great the way you boldly speak about your own decision to hold back your child. I really think more parents should take an active roll in their child's educational development.

While I always appreciated the fact that one of my kid's teachers offered advice or suggestions, I had a hard time with teachers who were pushy, insensitive, or thought "they knew best" when it came to my son or daughter.

In the long run, I truly believe that we know our kids better than anybody else. We are the ones who will have to live with the consequences of such a decision. Letting a teacher "make an educated guess" when it comes to holding back a student can be traumatic for both child and parent if it's the wrong one.

Sounds like there are a lot of smart moms out there...keep up the good work! ;)

It was suggested that my son be held back in first grade. I struggled with the decision and agreed. I'm just a lucky parent that has a very laid back child that this did not affect, he is now in 7th grade, is a great well rounded child, is popular, happy and positive and teachers have nominated him for leadership programs. To say it was worth it? Include your child in the decision and talk about all the positives about repeating a grade, I do believe that K and 1st are the best grades to hold back. Kids aren't like they were 20+ years ago with hold backs and IEP's. As always, hind sight is twenty twenty. The next year I found out that several students in first grade were held back. When I asked the school how many from this particular teacher, they claimed they could not answer that question. I would suggest if your faced with this decision, reasearch the teacher in question, is she an older teacher that still has items in the room from when you had her 30 years ago, does her track record include holding several kids back. Also, contact the school about an IEP (individualized education program).

Visit this site scroll down and click on the link to watch the video. It is well worth the 20 minutes of your time to watch about children, education, creativity and our future.

www.raisingsmallsouls.com/education-creativity/

I agree you know your own child and in my state parents at least in elementary school have the final say so. So check out your rights. Of course we all truly have final say on our children and as parents we know what is best. I was told by a public school principal that she believes every child should be held back at least once in elementary. she claims it will just help boost them and get them more ready for the higher grades. That may be true for some children but I don't believe all so know your child. I was also told that the schools make more money the more students they have So, be cautious know your school. Are they losing a teacher next year they are not planning on replacing? Are alot of students in your childs grade level being held back? If so Why? There could be some underlying reasons. Don't allow your child to get caught up in the schools problems. Know what your childs needs are and find a way to make sure they get what they need even if it means you change schools or homeschool. If you feel your child will benefit by being held back by all means do so. But I believe and would encourage any parent to try to do this in the elementary years because of peer pressure and self esteem problems that youwill get into when they get older. These problems alone could cause your child to fall even farther behind than they were previously. bottom line know your school and know your child. Get involved!! Let the school know you are involved!! Show your face!!

I had my son held back in 6th grade and it did not do a bit of good. The teachers and counselor all told me it would help him out. Holding him back did not help with his grades at all. It sure wasn't worth it to my son because all his friends are in high school this year and hes stuck in Jr. high and it was not worth it to me because my son just lost a little more confidence in the school system.

ABSOLUTELY! I held my son back in kindergarten. His birthday was Sep 28th, cut off to be 5 was Oct 15th. He was just way to young (immature) for even a K classroom setting. Plus, his school was far behind...so when we moved to Florida all the K students there were reading and writing which my son had not even started. So, when we moved back to NC (husband was deployed to Iraq) I put him in a private school K class where he is top of the class and is thriving in reading, writing, and cursive writes beautifully!! He needed a year to mature and a school that had a higher level of expectation from not only the students, but parental involvement :) I am not saying you cannot thrive at a public school, but the one we are Zoned for just was not "doing it" for me or my son. He Learns a lot in school which makes homework time a breeze! He is no longer frustrated but is making all A's and one B+ in reading. Last year the Florida school recommended to retain him. I totally understood b/c he was way behind all his classmates. Hope this helps someone :)

Sissygirl99 - Don't worry. It's not the end of the world. There are ways to recover.

Unfortunately, not all teachers are worth listening to. My kids had very few teachers over the years who actually gave a darn about long-term effects of a decision "they" wanted to make for "my" kid.

Is your child in public or private school? Often times, public schools have a wide array of resources to help students that private schools don't.

I hate to ask this, but has your daughter been tested for a possible learning disability? My daughter suffered endlessly in elementary school because she was partially dyslexic, (only nobody knew.) The private school she'd been in since pre-school had no clue. It wasn't until I took her out of it and placed her in a really awesome public school that she was diagnosed with it. It was a great relief to learn "what" it was because no one could pinpoint why she was having such difficulty for so many years.

Jessica had confessed to feeling "stupid" for years because she wasn't able to learn like other kids. She's always had problems taking tests, but throughout her schooling, I'd discuss this with her teachers, and they'd give her excess school work for to overcompensate for any lacking test results. It never mattered how hard she tried. She just could NOT pass any test. Her pediatrician once told me it may actually have something to do with her short-term memory. She can remember things back to when she was 2 and 3 years old...(she's 24 now) but she has a hard time remembering what she ate last night for dinner. Pair that with dyslexia and learning can be quite an obstacle course.

Your daughter is still very young. If I had a choice, I'd prefer to have my child held back in the 1-3 grades over any of the others. Only because of peer pressure. Once they hit pre-teen to teen years, things get pretty brutal peer-wise.

Consider your options now that it's already done. Have you considered changing schools? (Especially since you're not too happy with this one it seems.) Are other parents experiencing the same thing at that school or with that teacher?

Do what's best for your daughter. Don't look to please everyone else or worry that you'll be ridiculed or judged. SO WHAT. Do they know what's best for you and your child? NOPE. Only you do.

I had teachers repeatedly coming to me at the end of every school year when my son was in elementary and middle school INSISTING I hold him back EVERY YEAR. I said no every time. Eventually, he reached high school and blossomed 200%. I know I did the right thing. You will too. Holding your daughter back may not have been the right thing in the long run for her, but don't think that she didn't benefit from any part of it.

Find a way to help your child succeed and feel good about herself. When kids reach pits like this, they need to know you're going to pick them up, dust them off, and point them in the right direction. WE ARE OUR CHILDREN'S CHEERLEADERS.

Have you ever cheered for a team that LOST? YES. Did they go back the following week and try to win again? YES. Why? Because they had people in the stands CHEERING for them.

Your child will only "feel" left behind if you leave her there. (So fight for her mom!)

Good luck to you both. ;)

My grandson was held back last year, 2nd grade. He was having trouble reading in class even though at home he did wonderfully. He would get mad in class if he made mistakes. He just wasn't ready to put himself out there. This year he is thriving and getting excellent in everything with just a little problem in writing. I believe he would have kept introverted and afraid to make mistakes if he was not held back. Now he is not afraid of anything. It is an individual thing and for him it was the best thing. Better now then in middle school or higher when other kids are a little meaner.

Ahh, yes the FCATS. I personally think that they are a joke. Retaining a child based on one test score is just nonscence! Please let me know how it works out for you.

What I have learned especially dealing with children with special needs but any child in general is you are your child's best and strongest advocate. I had to educate myself as to not only on the educational system but as to what is available for our children and to us as parents, and what best fits their needs and then to know how to follow through. Each child is unique as is their circumstances. Schools and parents need to work collectively as to what's in the best interest of the child. Communication is the key and to stand firm with your ideals for your child. Statistics show that holding back students is not the best choice, but our children are not statistics, but individuals. One size does not fit all. You have to stand firm in what you believe and then work with the school system to make the correct choices for your child. Also, there are good support systems that out there for parents too and also advocacy groups to help parents learn about the school systems and structure and how to best advocate for your child's educational needs. Good luck to you.

My son did kindegarten twice and it was absulutely the right thing for him. He was young going in the first time, with a July b-day, and while he liked the social aspect of school, he was not developmentally ready for all the writing or learning to read. He is also a tad on the immature side. So we did it twice. He was bummed for about the first month and thought he should be with his buddies all in first grade, but he got over it, and had a great second year of kindegarten (with a different teacher). Now in first grade, he is holding his own and ready to move on to second.

I held my daughter back, and it was the best decision I could have made for her. She needed an extra year to grow and learn. I'm glad that I held her back. I am faced with the same thing again with my son. I'm all for it!

Anonymous:

YES, it WOULD be a travesty to see such a bright young smart mind like your child be held back needlessly.

I have a post on the FCAT on this site here:

community.greatschools.net/advice/129/The-Dreaded-FCAT---it-s-secretly-causing-the-demise-of-our-children-?cpage=6&cpn=Com_ImmediateNote#comment_170510

Please post your personal story there because I will be sending ALL copies of FCAT-related stories from parents of children attending school in Florida to Tallahassee as well as to state officials.

Good luck to you both.

i held my daughter back in 2nd grade and I would never advise it...we have had the worst results in the world...we were told that she would benefit and she did not..she is still in the bottom half of her class...Stockton Skills failed her as did ber Teacher Mrs. Kaneko as she just did not care...she is truly a child left behind because she was held back by her teacher...

Holding children back is necessary sometimes. Our daughter who has specific learning disabilities was at the end of first grade and was still at pre-k level academically. She was struggling, frustrated and had low self-esteem. She was afraid to speak up at school because she was embarrassed for not being as bright as some of her peers. The school wanted to move her to 2nd grade in the fall. We chose to transfer her to another school that could address her special needs better and had her repeat first grade in the fall and she is thriving and has confidence that she previously did not have. She is now close to the end of the year already academically is at 2nd grade level. My concern has always been that if a child is advanced to the next grade when they are academically struggling what extra supports, if any, are put in place for that child in the fall to enable them to succeed in the classroom setting? Advancing our child we feel would of been the worst decision. She was already frustrated and overwhelmed and advancing her to a grade that academically was several grade levels above where she was would not of been in her best interest. It really depends on the circumstances and the needs of the child as to whether holding that child back is worth it. For us it most definitely was.

Yeah for you Debiduzit!! Sounds like you made the right decision for your son.

My mother started me late also. My birthday is in September, and I turned 7 the year I started first grade. My freshman year in highschool, I was turning 15, and ahead of all my friends age-wise, I got to enroll in Driver's Ed. They were all so jealous!

I turned 18 at the start of my senior year, but I didn't care, nor did my friends. "I" was the one with the car, and got to haul them all around all the time, so it worked out to my advantage. I'm sure the same will work out for your boy.

My son is in 3rd grade and has been on the honor roll every trimester. He is one of three kids in his class to have passed his multiplication and division tables up to 9 and based on his reading scores he is reading and answering questions at over 80% correct on 4th grade level books. We recently received a letter stating that the school board may require him to be held back due to a test he took in an FCAT boot camp he was attending to help him prepare for the FCATs. I guess the rule in FL is if a 3rd grader fails reading comprehesion on the FCAT, even though he has a B or greater average during the school year, they are required to hold them back. I think it would be a travesty, especially emotionally, to hold a child back at that age due to a test score as opposed to looking at all of the work that was done through out the school year. The final decision will not be made until the actual scores from the FCAT are received in May. I do not have a problem with standardized tests, I do, however, have a problem with evaluating kids in a vacuum. Retaining a child should be a joint decision between parents and a school taking everything into consideration including the overall well being of the child not some board appointed stuff shirt that is 'following the rules'.

I think every family has their own unique answer to this one.

Much to my dismay, we were "forced" to have our son repeat kindergarten by the principal of the private school we had him in at the time. I was very much against this decision for two reasons:

1. We chose to start him a year late to give him another year to mature emotionally since I was a stay-at-home-mom with a home daycare business.

2. He was not being held back for the right reason(s).

Here it is, 10 years later, and my son is a senior in high school, and will turn 19 next Monday.

Instead of having him repeat Kindergarten again, I pulled him out and home-schooled him. He found this to be less traumatic, and he loved the structured, (yet, less stressful) schooling environment by doing workbooks at home.

I have a hard time with any teacher who automatically assumes a child won't make it in life unless they're held back. I "used" to take that remark very personally, to the point of me feeling like they were calling my child a "failure" but not anymore. Now I look back and think of how all those teachers failed my son.

Every single year, my son's elementary school teachers INSISTED he be held back because he just wasn't "getting" some things 100%. I know my son, I had home-schooled him myself, and I saw first hand how he processed math problems, reading, spelling, writing, etc. He did FINE. Yet, for about 3 years in a row, (at one point) he was forced to take summer school in order to move into the next grade. They kept telling me they couldn't hold him back unless I agreed. I never did.

I look back on these years now, and am still glad I never let anyone talk me into holding him back. My son has come a long way. He is an Award winning Editor-in-Chief of his highschool newspaper; he's logged over 600 community service hours, (only 40 are needed to graduate), he's the President of the Animal Rights Club; He's made B-Honor roll twice, A Honor Roll just 2 months ago; he has a GPA of 3.5, plus he was acting Business Manager for the entire school his 11th year. His centerpage spread article titled: "D-Stigma" (on the FCAT-based scoring of each school) got the attention of Obama, who personally wrote back to my son praising his efforts.

For me and my children, retaining them was not an option. I chose other pathways around it, and am glad I did.

Nobody else can answer this question for you. Nobody else knows your child better than you do. Weigh all the odds, count the costs, and balance out the positive in the long run. Talk it over with your child if they're older and can contribute to the decision if needed. In some cases, a kid might be relieved to be held back just so they "get" it and then they can move on in a more confident manner.

Just make sure to consider the end results: Not many teachers (or parents for that matter) are thinking down the road 10 years from now. If holding your child back a year puts them at a graduation age of 20 or 21, you may opt to do a couple summerschool classes, and/or online tutoring, or homeschool related workbooks.

There are more resources available today than ever before, so no matter what you decide on, you always have options.

Good luck to you. ;)

The private school that my son attended in K suggested that he repeat. At first I was mortified. My son was the best reader in the class and aced every activity. Their reasoning for holding him back was his maturity level. Yes, he could do the work, but emotionally, he wasn't ready to sit in class and do the work all day, as required in first grade. He was the youngest in the class, and had only turned 5 the week before school started. After a lot of soul searching and talking to quite a few other parents, we decided to hold him back. In my opinion, it was the best thing we ever could have done. Of course, he doesn't think so and reminds everyone that he should be in x grade! I think more and more people are holding their kids back, especially their boys. Many just don't have the maturity needed to sit in class all day. I have reminded him that he will be one of the first to drive next year! Believe it or not, he's not even the oldest in his class. You just have to know your child and do what feels right. Don't worry about what others will think, do what is best for your child. You will find that you're not alone!

The school was very much against my child being held back. I forced them to test him and he was testing well below his current grade level. At that point, I held my own child back and it was the best thing I could have ever done for him. He gained self confidence, his grades increased, he caught up and did not struggle near as much. I really believe that it can be a good thing. The problem is that most kids are made to think if they are not ready to move on there is something wrong with them. That is not always the case and parents need to step in and help the child to feel confident that its a positive thing to stay in the same grade twice for their benefit and to make it easier on them in the future. I held my son back in 5th Grade and he is doing very well now. He even came home in his 6th grade year and told me he was glad he was held back because he was not the stupid kid in class anymore! I think it can be a very positive experience if it is handled right by the parents. I really believe that this action has given my child a better chance to graduate than he would have had if he had not been held back until he was ready to move on. He never failed the classes but his grades were just so low that I could not see forcing him on to inevitable failure the following year. Sometimes the parents have to gage what is best for their child and it may not always be what we want it to be.

I agree with you. I do not think the teachers are taking the time the children need. My daughter reads better than my son and he is in 2nd grade and she is in 1st. Her teacher keeps telling me she is not reading to the standards she would like my daughter to. My daughter is extremely shy and will not talk loud in class. The teacher says she has to stand right next to her to be able to hear her. I do not think that it is her reading that is lacking. She reads well when it is just me and her at home. She also does better on studying when we are at home than she does at school. Teachers are to worried about meeting state standards and they are not taking the time needed with the children. I can not afford a tutor at the moment, but I am going to have to try to find someone that will tutor her at a low cost. My youngest son also needs a tutor. It looks like schools in my area would have after school programs with children struggling or it least a summer school program

The teacher wanted to hold my daughter back in K because she wasn't reading like she thought she should. I wouldn't allow it and had her tested at Sylvan. They felt she could go to 1st grade so we invested in Sylvan and sent her to 1st grade. It did a world of wonders for her. The first grade teacher again wanted her held back and Sylvan backed me on moving her to 2nd grade. She doesn't feel confident enough to read outloud in class. The problem I think after this my 5th child in the KY school system is they just aren't teaching our children how to read properly. I have pulled her out and put her in a small christian school that only has 25 students from k-12 grade. She is the only one in her grade and there is no teacher at the front of the class teaching. This is where my daughter got left behind. She now reads her workbooks herself and when she needs help one of the teachers helps her one on one. Within 3 months her reading is much better as well as her self esteem. Best move I've ever made. I pulled my 4th child out and am working on my grandchildren now. This school teaches children how to study, be self directed and set their own goals. The public and private schools are lacking teaching our children these skills. My father is now teaching a class to adults because they didn't learn these skills in their childhood schools. My children only have homework if they don't meet their daily goals. I have more quality time with my children now. I am still very involved in what they are learning because I have them bring their booklets home daily so I can see what they have accomplished. Rolling Hills Christian Academy in Shephersville KY teaches ACE Accelerated Christian Education. There are many more like it I'm sure.

I have 3 children one has been held back and my youngest is being held back this year. Both were in Kindergarten when they were held back. The school my children go to does not have an all day kindergarten. I think that has a lot to do with my children being held back. As much as kindergarten children have to learn now they should all be going all day. I have talked to other parents in my area about this and they all felt the same way. All the surrounding counties have an all day kindergarten program. The child that has already been held back is doing better since being held back, but is still struggling. My youngest child feels embarrassed because of me holding him back, but he is just to far behind in reading to go to the next grade. I feel there is nothing else I can do at times. I can not afford a tutor and there is no after school study groups at my children's school.I am struggling on whether or not holding a child back is worth it for children emotionally. My youngest child just feels so embarrassed by being held back. Plus this is my second child having to be held back. I have also been working with them at home.

My son repeated kindergarten and it was the best thing for him. He started K at 5 and was in need of speech. He qualified for other services since he had Autistic Like Behaviors. His first year of K he was not connecting with his group and had troubles staying on track especially when his group would rotate to a new station. We held him back with the same teacher which gave him consistancy. He quickly gained the confidence to raise his hand in class and become connected with his classmates. I always told him that repeating the grade would give him twice as many friends and in the long run - it has. He's currently in 3rd grade and is reading 6th grade level. He is still in speech class and has graduated from Resource because he's woriking beyond his grade level. Socially, he's made many good friends and fits in well with his classmates. If I had it to do all over again, I would do the same thing.

I think it was a good thing for my daughter to repeat the first grade. Since my daughter's birthday was in September, she was not quite ready for first grade. She did not go through a formal kindergarten curriculum, so when she got to first grade, she seemed lost. Actually she probably should have went to kindergarten. When she repeated the 1st grade, she was doing a lot better and was mature enough for the material. So in this case it was the best thing for her. She is currently in 2nd grade and in the process of going to the third grade in the fall.

I think it totally depends on the child and what the school can do for him/her during that repeated year. My brother was held back and it didn't help him one single bit. My advocate, who attends Boston College and is majoring in Special Ed, has informed me that recent studies have shown that in most cases it did the child more harm than good when it came to self-esteem issues. However, he did have one client in recent years who stayed back and she never regretted the decision. She is truly happy that she did stay back. My son is currently asking me if he can repeat 8th grade. While I would never consider it an option before, I think it might help him knowing what I know now. He is actually suffering from self-esteem issues due to being "pushed through" the system over the years. So again, it depends on the child and what it could mean for them.

This is a very difficult decision!! My daughter was one of those kids to "hit the wall" in third grade. She was reading at a 1st grade level and the school had tried all the ideas they had. I had her evaluated and she was found to have many of the tell-tale signs of dyslexia.
A teacher brought up the subject of retention and I was devistated. I read everything and talked to everyone-needless to say, it is not a popular idea. However, in our case it has gone well, she repeated 3rd grade (meanwhile we started OG tutoring). She had a much better foundation to start 4th grade-yes, she repeated things but with much more confidence (and repeating some math facts etc... didnt hurt). So I feel we are one of the success stories when it comes to retention.

If you're trying to make a decision about your own child, I'd like to suggest that you'll get more response if you join and post this question in the "Learning and Attention Difficulties Group" where many more people will see it, who can relate to what you're asking.
community.greatschools.net/groups/11554
I am also including a link to the National Association of School Psychologist's position paper on retention:www.nasponline.org/about_nasp/pospaper_graderetent.aspx
If you can share a little more about your child's situation/circumstances, perhaps we can give you more advice, since every case is different.