How do I know if retaining my 3rd grader another year because of social immaturity is the right thing to do?
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Parent Answers to "How do I know if retaining my 3rd grader another year because of social immaturity is the right thing to do?"
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Just because retention isn't statistically the best answer for most children with LDs, does not mean that it was not the right answer for your child. You know your child best and made the best decision for him / her based upon his / her circumstances. Our responses were meant to inform parents so that they can, like you, choose what would be best for their child. It is always good to present both sides of the story so parents have several perspectives. Thanks for posting the positive impact rentention had for your child.
Thank you mytwoboys I was so greatful to see your comment. I retained my daughter in third grade, she is dyslexic- it was the most difficult decision I ever made. But she had a wonderful year and a much better foundation to build on in fourth grade.
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me. It was all very helpful and supportive!
As a parent of three boys ages ranging from 2 to 12 years I've noticed how difficult it has been for my son to learn. Since kindergarten his teachers and I have been hoping that he would "grow" out of the hyperness and impulsive behavior issues. Last year I consented for the school to test him for learning disabilities, excluding ADHD. They did so and found nothing. I am following up with his pediatrician who referred me to child psychiatry for testing of ADHD as the school does not test for this disability.
At a recent parent-teacher-resource conference we all agreed for my child to receive help in math as he is struggling to learn this subject. Last year he struggled to learn reading and this group and I all agreed to provide him help in reading. His latest tests revealed that he is reading at '6th' grade level. He also attended summer school last year and attends tutoring two times a week. He also plays soccer year round, basketball and actively particpates in various church activities such as the junior ushers and choir.
So the school is not recommending he be retained, I am. His father believes it will crush his desire to learn and does not support it. I also believe this may damage his self esteem initally but also see how the end result could help him. I only want what's best for my child. He enjoys helping people. This sometimes interferes with his ability to make good choices.
As a parent of three boys ages ranging from 2 to 12 years I've noticed how difficult it has been for my son to learn. Since kindergarten his teachers and I have been hoping that he would "grow" out of the hyperness and impulsive behavior issues. Last year I consented for the school to test him for learning disabilities, excluding ADHD. They did so and found nothing. I am following up with his pediatrician who referred me to child psychiatry for testing of ADHD as the school does not test for this disability.
At a recent parent-teacher-resource conference we all agreed for my child to receive help in math as he is struggling to learn this subject. Last year he struggled to learn reading and this group and I all agreed to provide him help in reading. His latest tests revealed that he is reading at '6th' grade level. He also attended summer school last year and attends tutoring two times a week. He also plays soccer year round, basketball and actively particpates in various church activities such as the junior ushers and choir.
So the school is not recommending he be retained, I am. His father believes it will crush his desire to learn and does not support it. I also believe this may damage his self esteem initally but also see how the end result could help him. I only want what's best for my child. He enjoys helping people. This sometimes interferes with his ability to make good choices.
Im against retention. But as you read it is a personal decision. All the research points to not retaining. Why are you thinking retention? Do You or the school wants this??
I was a 3rd grade teacher for 4 years in a state that allowed a test to determine pass or fail. It didn't matter whether the child was socially ready. In my opinion, don't hold back a child because of social immaturity. At that age they change so much. Just being with different classmates or a new best friend can help them change. Instead I'd let your son move on the 4th grade and maybe get him involved in an activity outside of school. That way he has a new group of friends to play with. Retention causes students to have lower self-concepts.
The matter of retention can be controversial and confusing. It might help if you can post more detail. What do you mean by social immaturity. What is the school saying? What problems in school are happening at school? Does your son have friends? Is he being bullied? How is he doing academically?
If you are considering retaining your son, please think about changing schools. If he stays in the same elementary school, your boy might be the subject of teasing from former classmates. If your son has LD and the school is pushing retention due to academic difficulties, I would protest. The issue then would be remediation and help from the school, not retention.
I am concerned that by social immaturity you might be referring to difficulties reading social cues or other spectrum difficuluties. Does your son have a diagnosis? If special needs are involved, again, the matter does not concern maturity; it concerns appropriate help in school.
I have to tell you that the research about retention is not positive about the practice. With all that said, I have to tell you also that I retained my youngest dd in the 7th grade. She was the target of extreme bullying and harassment in her middle school. I removed her from the school at the end of the year and placed her in a private school, one that recommended that she re-do 7th grade in their program. The private school had a cut off for each grade level for September 1st and my dd's BD was on September 12th. She would have been, by far,the youngest child in the 8th grade. My dd was very, very small for her age (she looked 9 not almost 13) and on the young side. I felt she could use the gift of time and that she might do better with kids that were a bit younger. She had been through so much. It turned out to be the best decision I could have made for her. By the way, she was an A student. I looked into the decision very carefully. The class she entered had a lot of kids with Fall birthdays like my dd, so most of the kids were actually her age, even though she re-did 7th grade. Right now, she is friends with kids in HS that are, once again, Fall BD kids.
Please let us know more of the situation. May be we can be of more help if we know more of what is happening.
If you are considering retaining your son, please think about changing schools. If he stays in the same elementary school, your boy might be the subject of teasing from former classmates. If your son has LD and the school is pushing retention due to academic difficulties, I would protest. The issue then would be remediation and help from the school, not retention.
I am concerned that by social immaturity you might be referring to difficulties reading social cues or other spectrum difficuluties. Does your son have a diagnosis? If special needs are involved, again, the matter does not concern maturity; it concerns appropriate help in school.
I have to tell you that the research about retention is not positive about the practice. With all that said, I have to tell you also that I retained my youngest dd in the 7th grade. She was the target of extreme bullying and harassment in her middle school. I removed her from the school at the end of the year and placed her in a private school, one that recommended that she re-do 7th grade in their program. The private school had a cut off for each grade level for September 1st and my dd's BD was on September 12th. She would have been, by far,the youngest child in the 8th grade. My dd was very, very small for her age (she looked 9 not almost 13) and on the young side. I felt she could use the gift of time and that she might do better with kids that were a bit younger. She had been through so much. It turned out to be the best decision I could have made for her. By the way, she was an A student. I looked into the decision very carefully. The class she entered had a lot of kids with Fall birthdays like my dd, so most of the kids were actually her age, even though she re-did 7th grade. Right now, she is friends with kids in HS that are, once again, Fall BD kids.
Please let us know more of the situation. May be we can be of more help if we know more of what is happening.
I chose to have my son repeat the 1st grade because he had an LD and I am glad I did, because he is on the small side and now when he becomes a freshman in HS next year, he will fit right in. If your child is doing well academicly it might not be a good idea. I was actually retained in the third grade as well and it was the best thing for me because I was behind my peers. Follow your insticts, I know you will make the right decision.
There has been a lot of research on this subject. I am providing you with some articles that might provide you with some reference material to help you in making your decision. The first two are from SchwabLearning and the 3rd one is from Wrightslaw:
www.schwablearning.org/article
www.schwablearning.org/article
www.wrightslaw.com/info/fape_r
If you oufnd this information useful, I'd like to invite you to join the GS "Learning and Attention Difficulties" group, which can be found here:
community.greatschools.net/gro
Best wishes on whatever you decide.
www.schwablearning.org/article
www.schwablearning.org/article
www.wrightslaw.com/info/fape_r
If you oufnd this information useful, I'd like to invite you to join the GS "Learning and Attention Difficulties" group, which can be found here:
community.greatschools.net/gro
Best wishes on whatever you decide.
I wanted to holdback my daughter in the 1st grade, so did her teacher ,because of this. The princapal refused, In my research, I found that if a child is doing well academically, it does more harm than good. She is now in the 4th now ,she is doing well. Your child will catch up, it really depends on your child Does he/she want to be held back?if not I would`nt do it.Do some research for this age, talk to the school counsoleur
Seems to me like you, as the parent would have some indicators if the school is recommending you child be retained. I start by requesting specific examples and frequency of the behavior issues of concern. Is this behavior also having a negative impace on your academically, or do they pretty much hold their own?
I would then explore what solical opportunities may be available to address the issues. My children receive a lot of social opportunities through our local church and community. They participate weekly in Sunday School, Children's Choir, Bible Drill, mid-week "Team-Kids", and one sport each season.
During the summer, they participate in a week long "day-time" Vacation Bible School, 4 weeks of "fun" summer school "enrichment", and various sports and fine arts camps.
In our community, children who are struggling are first recommended for summer school. Perhaps this would be an option. However, the best "summer school" may be involvement in community activities.
If I had any reservations, at all, I would suggest they advance my student, then make my final decision when it was time to return to school. Even if you had to hold them back, you would have the benefit of making the decision after allowing them the additional time to mature. Also, as a parent, you could be more settled in your decision and know you have done what was in the best interest of your child.
Best Regards
I would then explore what solical opportunities may be available to address the issues. My children receive a lot of social opportunities through our local church and community. They participate weekly in Sunday School, Children's Choir, Bible Drill, mid-week "Team-Kids", and one sport each season.
During the summer, they participate in a week long "day-time" Vacation Bible School, 4 weeks of "fun" summer school "enrichment", and various sports and fine arts camps.
In our community, children who are struggling are first recommended for summer school. Perhaps this would be an option. However, the best "summer school" may be involvement in community activities.
If I had any reservations, at all, I would suggest they advance my student, then make my final decision when it was time to return to school. Even if you had to hold them back, you would have the benefit of making the decision after allowing them the additional time to mature. Also, as a parent, you could be more settled in your decision and know you have done what was in the best interest of your child.
Best Regards
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