How can I help my typical child deal appropriately with frustrations/thoughts about having a special sibling?

It is a common concern with parents in that situation. I have three children who are 16, 11, and 7. My oldest was diagnosed with autism when he was almost 3 years old. My other children didn't ask questions until they were about 6 or 7 years old, and I simply did what reynaniteraven did. I explained everything to them about his autism, but in words and terms they could understand. They have never known him to be any different, but noticed that he was different from other kids. And if we are all out in public somewhere, they hold his hand and help him with getting in out of the car, etc. People don't usually say anything. They just smile and nod because they know he is different and they see his siblings helping him. It's quite cute and it can be helpful, too.

I, too, try to spend a least one day of the week with the other children separately because my oldest child does require a lot of my time. I know they need their mommy time and I am lucky to have relatives that are willing and able to chip in and help out.

Usually I have to just remind them of how things are when they get frustrated with him about something. And then they understand and the frustration subsides.

I feel that if you keep talking with your children about how they feel and spending time with all of your children, doing family things that are fun, it will truly help. One of our things that we do all together is clear space in the living room and turn the music on and dance until we can't dance anymore. It is so funny and the kids love it.

Hi, ptlomamom -

What you're experiencing with your typical child is very common. And it looks like you're getting some great answers to your question. You may also want to visit SchwabLearning.org and search for articles about "families" and "siblings", since we have several good articles posted there about helping kids deal with having a special needs sib.

Best of luck as you try to balance your children's needs, and be sure to take care of yourself as well!

thanks so much for the input! i'm interested in the sibling classes you mentioned. i'm going to see if there are any in our area. thanks for sharing your successes!

Hello Ptlomamom,

My son (youngest) is autistic and my oldest daughter is my typical child.

What Ive done to try to help my typical child through the fustrations of having a special needs sibiling is explain to her everything reguarding autisim, so she can have an idea or understanding of why her special needs brother does things that are annoying to her.

Through our school district they hold sibiling classes or get together for sibilings who have a special needs brother or sister in their family. At these meetings they do fun things, get to know other children who also have to live with a sibiling who has special needs, and they have classes about special needs for the typical sibiling to attend which also help them to understand the special needs condition, what they can do to help, how to get along better with their special needs sibiling.

Every month we get the flyer from my son's school and my daughter and I go over the classes and she usually picks a class to attend.

At least once a week I set aside time to spend with my typical daughter where its just her and I and she has my whole undivided attention during that time.

As with having a special needs child, they do take up allot more time than a typical child does and sometimes the typical child will feel left out or that he/she is on the sidelines while the family takes care of the special needs child. So its very important to set aside some time as much as you can for your typical child where he/she can talk to you, do things with you, etc so they wont feel left out of the family. :-)

Look on Amazon.com and see if there are any picture books or youth books that you could buy about your child's special needs that is meant for the typical sibbling to read that my introduce them to the special needs and help them to understand why their sibiling is different, etc.

Good luck and let us know how you come out. :-)