What is the best custody arrangement?

I think Joint Legal Custody is best. Both parents have the same legal rights to their child/children and no one parent and say " i have custody, i have control, I have more rights than you" to the parent that the child?children do not live with. Equal rights is what most fathers are being denied and that is not right. What makes the mother so much more important that she is to have more rights than the father? They are both equal in parenting, so they should be treated as such.

1seremen,

Great observations, seremen! It takes a lot of effort, but for the parents who can look past their differences and see the benefit for the children, they will reap larger rewards in the future.

Court arrangement helps, but I think the best custody arrangement is the mature understanding of two parents.

I have seen parents doing things just for the best interest of their children. These proud parents are respected by their children and most of the time these children go on to live a productive life.
Also, i have seen parents used their children as a bargain tool for any simple and serious issue. These children grow up to resent their parents and the bitterness continues in their future relationships.

I believe parents should work very hard to forgive the mistake of each other, and foucs on helping their children live a meaningful life. No relationship is perfect not the "just married" or " the marriage of " fifty years".

sbozarth23,

Great question, and like so many questions, it earns my favorite answer, "it depends."

I think the first thing to consider is geography. My folks settled on separate coasts after their divorce, and it was the late 70s so my mom retained custody and my dad was awarded a month in the summer. Over the years that expanded (without a court order) to the entire summer. Because of a 2500 mile distance, it was the only feasible arrangement. Without needing the courts, any time my dad came to town on business, my mom let him take us to dinner and visit, because she felt that we needed both parents in our live as much as possible. I know I've heard now of parents being refused to leave a state so children can maintain contact with both parents, and I'd think some ability to be back and forth would be a big help (whether that's cross town or a 4 hour drive would depend on the family).

Here in SoCal, I have so many kids I coach that are in forms of shared custody, and they have varying degrees of success, that it's obvious to me that another consideration is the ability of the parents to "share." One of my son's best friends moves seamlessly between two households (and families), and at 18, even does his own driving. It's hard to picture now ever their having gotten together (think Odd Couple, but married), they are more than simply civil--they can have nice conversations in public, but more importantly show their son he's important in both their lives. Other parents bicker over who had the child which weekend and who's responsibility it is to pay the $9 weekly fees while the kids bowl. That type of behavior can't be good. Other parents come to me and lament that the "other" parent scheduled something during a big tournament or that the other parent won't budge an hour to allow the child to compete in a special event, or to simply compete in a league with the "bowling" parent. I can't see how that helps the kids adjust to anything.

So based on geography, cooperation, and communication between the different groups, I really think it depends.