My sons K class had alot of bullies including girls. The teacher seemed to wear rose colored glasses, as if she didn't see what was going on. I started staying more & more. One particular boy terrorized the whole class. He would throw books, chairs, crayons, markers & etc. He would hit the kids in the face, stomach, back, you name it, & thought it was funny. Of course the teacher gave him time out or no recess. He was use to all his restrictions. I talked to the teacher, she said that everything is being done. I talked to the VP twice, she said that he is being tested & they can't kick him out of the class. The next answer she said is to tell all the kids to beat his *** all together, maybe that's what he needed. His parents were afraid of him, because he beat his siblings at home the same way. I talked to the Principal once, she said he's being tested & she think he was ADHD. Ok, now it was May. My hubby & I told our son if he hit you, hit him back. My hubby taught our son how to bloody a nose. Well, our son did, & he never messed w/our son again. The little boy tried to be my sons BF. My son in turn tried to teach him to be nice to his classmates & teacher. The boy wanted my son to teach him how to bloody a nose. Our son never did. He started to be more nicer @ the end of school year.

We moved to a new school this past year and I have had nothing but problems with this particular subject. My son is in the 7th grade and had never been in a fight before he came here. He was attacked from behind and put in a choke hold by a boy 2 years his elder while waiting for the coaches to get to their class, mind you this was 15 minutes before class started so where were they? Oh ALL teachers were in a meeting so there was NO supervision anywhere in the school that morning. My son fought out of the choke hold and was suspended. This after a much larger boy had started threatening and harrassing him on a daily basis, and after 3 failed attempts with the school to have it resolved we finally got it resolved with the boys parents. Later in the year my son and another young man were then threatened that they would be shot with a 9 mm because they chose to quit talking to this young man when he started doing drugs. When my son and the other boy went to the principle they were all told it was heresay and that if he heard about it again he would suspend them all. 3 days later the boy did in fact attack my son. My son was so fearful and anxiety ridden that he went from a boy who once loved school to one skipping and physically making himself ill to avoid the terror, which in turn resulted in him failing. Of the times he would get up and leave the school I was only contacted ONCE. It took me having to involve the police on the last incident to get anything done about the schools lack of concern for my sons well being.

It is against the law period to be bullied or assaulted in school Every incident is suppose to be immediately reported to the superintendent as well as the police. My recommendation, when YOUR child's school doesn't take the necessary and legal steps they should take in these instances, CALL THE POLICE. File incident reports on the school and the offender, EVERY TIME! That is what the TPD told me to do. When it comes to our children's safety it is vital that we as parents FORCE the schools to be held accountable at any cost.

This past year we had black eyes, punched in the stomach, scratches down the face, neck and back and called a retard on a daily basis.
I went, I heard, then said either this stops or I speak with an attorney, it has stopped! We have an assigned seat, we have a good driver, and no problems!

starcitymama and others,

You're right...much of the behavior you see comes from kids who come into schools not knowing what kind of behavior and character development is right. It's not always the parents' fault, however..there are dozens of factors.

But, regardless of WHY, the reality remains the same: the schools, the students, the teachers are suffering.

And, you are RIGHT that we have to hold the schools accountable. There have to be enough voices that say "this is enough!" before they will listen.

Schools will say they are handling it. After all, they are required by the Federal Government to have a "policy" in place. Swell. It's not working, is it?

I just came back from a conference where we were exhibiting and I was talking to several principals about the "anti-bullying" programs they had at the school. One principal went so far as to say "Anti-bullying? We have given up on our anti-bullying program. They don't work. We need something more that doesn't deal with the issue as an isolated thing." Which is why they were coming to inquire about us.

In other words, the principals recognize that they need to develop a culture that is in place ALL the time where this kind of behavior isn't tolerated, isn't supported, doesn't happen...because kids understand what they should and shouldn't do, and why it's in THEIR best interests to do it that way.

When you get the kids to understand, that's how you know you'll succeed.

How CAN a school say they can't afford to do anything about it? They can afford to pay their administrators and staff...they can't afford to make sure our kids are safe?

I had a problem with my step-daughter being bullied on the school bus in junior high and she lives a whole state away from me. She said she told her mom and her mom said that she couldn't do anything about it. She told her dad and I could have just kicked him because right in front of me he said he couldn't do anything about it because he don't live out there. I told her to give me the principal's name and phone number and I would call him. I called the principal and told him that these boys were hitting her and calling her names on the bus and that despite my step-daughter telling the bus driver, the driver did nothing. I also informed him that once that bus picks her up, they are responsible for her safe transportation and that if something isn't done about this then I will be calling my lawyer and filing charges on the school as well as the bus driver and the students responsible. He had the situation resolved in about 10 minutes. He spoke to the boys and he spoke to my step-daughter. The boys were suspended from the bus for the rest of the year and on in school suspension for 3 days. He called me back to let me know what happened and even let me talk to my step daughter to verify that yes it was handled.

Now...out here in Indiana they don't care so much about bullies. The principal will claim that he handled it, but he does nothing. And when the kids complain to the teachers that someone is bullying them, the teachers tell them to mind their own business. But then the public school they go to also has the worst ISTEP scores (only about 50% pass ISTEP) and this principal thinks it's more important to have movie mania and play with the principal day than to actually educate the kids.

Getting parents to talk to their kids or be responsible is an idealic approach. I delt with bullying with my son already, the school did nothing, and the parents....well, it think that's where the kids getting it, so why would they teach him any different? I teach my son to be respectful, tolereant and/or accepting of others...he's popular becasue he's a nice kid, but he still got bullied. I'm an involved parent, and there are a lot of great involved parents...but those aren't usually the parents with kids who are bullies. And the schools...they're on their own agenda, they don't do anything about it...untill maybe poeple band together (like parents) and become a thorn in their side,so to speak. Or...call them out in the media! Make them publically account for what they are doing (or better yet, not doing) to protect our children while in their care. As far as my own child, we are teaching our son to defend himself, and to know when to defend yourself. If our son gets in trouble for defending himself against continuous physical violence...then we will get our lawyer, and come down on the school like a bombshell. As you can tell, we've "had it" with the school bulling we've had to endure (and yes, the whole family feels the impact of this situations).

Somehow, there needs to be a change...our children should not be in fear, or emotional torment to go to school.

That's disgusting of the parents.

The reason why in my opinion why those kids received no punishment was because the parent(s) are lazy. By punishing those kids, the parent would have to do some work on their part to make sure that those kids did not enjoy being home for those ten days, and that just was not about to happen. Some people just don't deserve to be parents.

I think this is an excellent solution, because as grown ups we should all learn how to work through difficult situations in a positive manner. This would instill the need to get along, encourage maturity, and give the kids the opportunity to see that deep down we all deserve mutual respect even though we are all different. In fact I think that if more grown ups would take on this belief the world would be a happier place. I am a firm believer that the behavior you see in the kids usually stems from the parents. A lot of parents are judgemental about others in front of their kids and this gives kids the impression that this is acceptable behavior. If more grown ups would act mature, their kids might just follow suit. Let's all work at being better humans! :-)

Yeah, I was really angry when I heard that story as well. The mom did everything she could to stop the bullying, but the school always told her that they were handling it. What the mom should have done was reques a meeting with the parents of the bullies and get to the bottom of it, since the school wasn't doing anything useful.
My oldest son who is 13 now experiences bullying every school he goes to, I complain to the schools, numerous times and they do try, but to no avail. What they need to do is get parents to talk to their kids and not tolerate bullying, then maybe the kids will not indulge in bullying.
Eventually, I told my son, you need to handle your business. You have my permission to defend yourself, no matter what. You can suffer the consequences later. I made sure that he understood what I meant by self defense. He was not to instigate bullying. I got tired of him getting picked on. He doesn't get bullied anymore, because those bullies now know that he's not to be messed with.

you know maybe it would work in some cases but I feel for the violent bullies working with thier victims, might not work to well. I mean they might intiminate thier victims, or could get physical.
the victim might really not feel to safe, maybe it depends on the whole situation, and all it caused. Some victims might not feel safe, or parents might not go along with this, if there was physical altercations already involved.

Is your child still attending a springfield school?

I've have my child in a different school system, which required me to fill out a "school choice" application in different town. I have to provide transportaion my self, but it is worth every bit.
I notice that my childis more calmer, less stressed, and is doing well, at first it took him the first two semesters to get his grades up, because the school he is attending is ahead of springfield school, but after a while he caught on.
I feel more relaxed knowing that I won't have to get a phone call that something happen to him. I couldn't relax and worried so much that something would happen, the principle and school,were great about it, but they couldnt' always keep an eye out , I felt I needed to pull him out.
A lot of parents think that school choice is only in springfield schools, but I called each school department in nearby towns and ask if they had school choice and they mailed an application, and he got in that September. Now he will attend high school there too. If you are that worried its worth a try,I believe no one realy knows what a parent goes through in a situation like this, and its fustrating too.
I did what I had to do.
If you can't do this, demand that your child be put in another school, go in person to the school departnemt, cause you won't get through the phones, or no one will call you back, I tried this in spfld school depart. and got no where. look into things and see, or demand that your child be moved to a differnt school, but check them all out first.

I recently learned of two boys who were bullying, fighting, while one was taping all this on his cell phone.The principle of the school, stop all this and called the parent. The boy who taped all this on his cell, had to be out for three days, the one who was fighting, had to be out for ten days. While at home, they were made to stay indoors, if thier mothr had to go somewhere they went with her, graduation parties, picnics visiting family. They still had thier cell phone usuage, still watched TV, stil l played video games, and after the ten days, because they were cooped up, they got to go some where special to get out. I started realizing, maybe some parents don't know how to punish properly, and do not take into consideration why they were out of school. I was shocked when I heard thier punishment. What do you think, or maybe I'm just to hard on my kids.

I hear what you are saying about bullies. Sadly every year up to 9th grade i was in fights for bullies pushing me around. It has gotten so bad, i witness this with my own ears, teachers telling students to actually fight back. This was one of my teachers telling me to fight because kids do not care if they get in trouble. The bullies who don't care that they get in trouble are usually the kids whose parents don't punish them. Bullies aren't born, they're created. If a kid is having problems and don't know what to do their social skill will go down because they don't want to talk to anybody. If that happens it safe to say they won't have much friends and feel lonily. And what I thought about stopping bulling is different then what the schools are doing here. I got this idea from Africa, When there is a fight, instead of keeping the kids way from each other, why not get them to work together. Give them a task they need to complete together, with no outside help. That way they will learn a life lesson and they won't have a problem with each other. Does this idea sound good?

I'm sorry, but I just HAVE to ask this general question and for you parents who ARE trying to do something, please understand it is NOT directed at you.

WHY are we, as a group -- of parents, of taxpayers, of educators, -- not getting OUTRAGED about what's happening in our schools?

There's more public outcry about what's happening in Iran than what's happening in our own schools to our own kids. (Again, I'm not saying Iran isn't a big deal -- just trying to make a point).

We pump MILLIONS of dollars ($700 Million, to credit a recent Ed Week article about the budget for grants to support safety, drug prevention and other similar programs) into our schools each year. One out of FOUR of our kids will likely be the victim of some form of school-based violence before High School. A THIRD of Kids in ages 12-18 report either having been bullied or BEING a bully. In April, two 11year olds hanged themselves within 10 days because they couldn't handle the bullying they've been subjected to.

WHEN are we going to cry STOP? What we have been doing in schools is not working. It's "anti-bullying" not building school cultures where kids understand that we just don't treat other people this way.

Sorry for my rant, folks, but this IS my life's mission -- to build safe, productive school environment where every child has a real chance at optimal learning. I don't understand why more people aren't genuinely upset about it.

School's usual excuses for not doing a better job or bringing in programs that actually work? "We can't afford it."

My child was the victim of bullying last year and a teacher has to be added to class to protect my child. My husband and I had to fight tooth and nail to have someone other then the teacher to watch over her. A 2nd teacher was placed in the room in Jan. You would not begin to imagine worrying everyday when I drop my child off at school how it feels if im going to get a call from the nurse telling me she was tripped,pushed,punched etc....What happened on the third day before school was out has me so upset I find it difficult to talk about.

our child was bullied in kindergarten. we were told if he fights back, HE will get a suspension, or if he tells on the kid, HE will get a time out WITH the child who hits him so "they can work out their conflict". we've been up to school many times, and NOTHING was ever done about the situation. we finally told our child to fight back. we figured he fights back and gets a suspension,then our lawyer can hash out with them why they didn't protect him in the first place from getting hurt to the point he has to fight back. I've personally kept a detailed diary of every event and conversation. If this starts at any point in the future, we will be going straght to school admisnistrators and being a complete pain in their side untill our son's right's are understood.

And, being an educator myself, bulling is not a "conflict". I feel like teachers and principals just look the other way with this issue. I'm greatly let down by the public school system's approach to this issue...funny, we moved to this school district b/c it's one of the top schools (academically) in the city, and the district we lived in had gang violence.

Yes, there is not only an idea there is a something that works!

It's time people get upset and insist the schools really DO something about the problems of school bullying and violence. As a nation, we spend billions of dollars on anti-bullying programs and effort, but our kids STILL have a 1-4 chance of being the victim of some form of school-based violence before they hit high school. Kids in the 12-18 age group, nearly 1/3 admit to either being bullied or BEING a bully!

Why? Well, most of the anti-bullying efforts revolve around managing and minimizing the problem once it has occurred, but we don't do anything about building a culture in the schools where it doesn't support this kind of behavior.

Last year, I wrote a couple of articles that were posted on greatschools, getting into the issue a little more deeply. If you're interested, here's one: community.greatschools.net/groups/11560/discussion/185694

Problem: we don't generally provide any pro-social education to our kids, and too many of them come into school without the social skills and character development that KEEPS them from behaving this way.

I do not want to make this an infomercial about our program so if you want more info, pm me. But, if you're interested in what a school COULD look like, be like, check out this link -- it's our actual schools in the footage.http://www.king5.com/education/stories/NW_050608EDB_polite_child_KS.d4c7ea4d.html

Biggest complaint we get from schools when we talk about bringing in our programs: "we can't afford it." Wonder how that makes Sideaner Walker, mom of one of the hanged boys, feel? Because we feel so strongly about how we can help, we'll donate the program to ANY Elementary school that wants it, so if you think your school might benefit...let us know.

I know it might seem impossible and frustrating, but there must be something, anyone have any ideas.
any thing.

Violence has done nothing but escalated over the years. It has actually become dangerously glorified by our youth year after year. Fear seems to silence everyone, and when everyone is afraid...how can we stand up for our children?
The roots of this age old evil are deep. The obvious outcome has been a steady rise in teen and pree-teen suicide and/or homicide.

We have somehow reversed the justice system to fail our children - the bully's ( and their parents) are more protected than the bullied child.
If a minor vandalized personal property or,heaven forbid, seriously injured another person with a vehicle -the law says, until they are 18 years old, it's the parents who are held accountable.
I am not saying the parents are the problem, I am saying...bullying should be taken to that level of legal parental responsibility.

Our schools are just the street corner the accident took place on!

We seem to be more focused on forcing American to their seatbelts and trying to stop gay marriages than we are on the issue of safety in our schools! (talk about adult bullies...don't get me started LOL!)

The laws for our schools governing attendance were originally meant to secure our children's educations. It was NEVER meant to imprison bullied children, but politics muddy it all up with even more adult bullying!

My child was bullied, and teacher intervention did little to stop kids from harassing him any time they were out of earshot of a teacher on duty. His school cared and the teachers were cooperative. But they were still powerless in completely stopping it.
Unfortunately, bulling does not stop after school age - it morphs into the work force as they get older. We can't just hide away our children either! I agree, It is very frustrating!
AS much as I would love to pick up a sign and march to the front doors of that school and demand answers - I know there aren't't any. bullying isn't't a crime...YET!

Early education on the principles of humanity seems to be the only hope we have...And that begins at home. Just like thou shalt not kill, steal, .....bully!

Anyway, it's just my random thoughts. I love my child very much and I need to know that he is protected. So when the LAW tells me I have to send him into the lions den...I need the LAW to protect him too!