As much as I hate to say it, it sounds like you may be your own worst enemy. What I mean by this is it seems that you are underestimating the severity of your son's problem and how it will impact him down the line, if you don't get on top of it now.

I have an eight year old son that has ADHD (the inattentive type). He too used to throw tantrums, bite hit, kick and lash out at the teachers and us all the time (but rarely another child). I NEVER considered this behavior normal or simply reflective of a spirited child. I was very, VERY CONCERNED for his well being and future success. I didn't leave any stone unturned.
I had him evaluated by an Early Intervention team and they put him on an IEP plan. I found the best psychologist in my area and worked INTENSELY with her over a four year period and followed EVERY detail of her behavior modification plan. I consulted a well respected psychiatrist in my area and had him evaluate my son. I worked closely with my child's Special Ed. team and treated them like GOLD, because frankly, they had my child's best interest in mind (by the way, they did need to "wrap" my son to calm him down and it DID work. We followed their lead to keep things consistent between home and school.). Oh, and of course, I did an ENORMOUS amount of research.

Where are we now? My son started medication in Kindergarten and IMMEDIATELY everyone saw a HUGE IMPROVEMENT! In fact, my son THANKED me for putting him on "the little pill thingy" because it made him feel "so peaceful and loving inside". His agitation level reduced immediately from 95% of the time, down to 5%. His outbursts/tantrums reduced from approximately 20 per day to 3 per day (at the very most). The intensity of his tantrums also subsided considerably.

You may be doing your child a disservice by completely eliminating certain options and/or not working harmoniously with his IEP team.

One final note, a child with ADHD is at great risk for depression --- why? Often they get ostracized by their peers for their inappropriate behavior. You may have your beliefs about what is best for your child, but don't close the door on TRYING things that have worked for other parents and children, because your child's well being depends on it.

I am concerned that your pediatrician would write a perscription without further data gathering to make the diagnosis. It seems that your child is at a point that he cannot cope with the daily demands of school. I would seek outside help from a professional that is well experienced in the areas of such behavioral issues and the medical reasons that may contribute.


I'd expect that the physician (most likely a psychiatrist) would order a number of tests and observations to help narrow down the diagnosis and to come up with a comprehensive treatment plan. This plan could include school supports, therapy, medication or a combination of all. You would be part of the decision making process - having access to the evaluation results and analysis.

I'd ask for a referral now. Often times there are long waits for the most experience practioners. Clearly your child's behavior is causes distress. Without changes, it is doubtful things will get better. You need an expert on your side to help you deal with the school and to put the supports in place so that your child can function and stay safe.

You may want to join Greatschools Homeschooling Group at community.greatschools.net/groups/11543 to find out more about that option.

I don't discourage medications that are tested and proven effective for people who need them, for identifiable conditions. I don't think diabetes is a great condition to compare with ADHD. Diabetes is life threatening, must be regulated medically and the medical need can be identified with simple tests. It isn't so much stabbing in the dark at a supposed but not medically defined deficiency, using drugs that the doctors guess might help. My son's pediatrician, when I came to him with a description of the condition, immediately told me he could write me a prescription. Just like that. He never so much as suggested a test. He told me when I asked that there were no therapies or programs that would help. Bunk. The medicines will wait. The child deserves a chance to show what he can do, with the right kind of help, before he's drugged and without being grappled into submission.

It seems to be the belief of some that I am declaring war on the school system. I say again, we have been working with them and would be glad to carry on as is if he continues to do well. If again he starts to have trouble, to act up and defiantly tries to hit or kick and is pinned whenever it happens, does it teach him he is doing wrong, or does it just teach him that there's always a bigger bully? You say the school has to keep everyone safe. Of course they must do what they think is right. But if they can't do it without traumatizing, humiliating and perhaps even injuring my child then they will not have him as a student anymore.

So maybe I do know what to do.

In reading all of the previous comments on this thread, I see a wide range of perspectives, but I want to emphasize that ADHD is considered A MEDICAL CONDITION, not a learning disability, although some children can have both.

My ADHD son (now in college) had similar school behavioral difficulties when he was in Kindergarten/1st grade. I've been learning all I can about the condition for almost 15 years. At a recent International Chadd Conference I attended, they said Medical Studies seem to point to an imbalance of brain neurotransmitters, particularly the D4 and D5 dopamine ones, as being involved in ADHD. People can NOT control the day to day levels of dopamine or seratonin or norepinephrine or any other brain chemical by choice. Unfortunately, there aren't any simple "blood tests" or other ways to verify who has ADHD, or what their neurotransmitter levels are, but for many people, however, medications can make a positive difference. Similar to how SOME diabetics may be able to adjust their lifestyles and control their blood sugar level through diet and exercise, some people with ADHD may be helped by scheduling and structure and exercise regimines, but medication is still often required to help diabetics as well as people with ADHD.

It's one thing to say "We choose not to medicate because he can learn self-control without" but in many ways, it's more difficult for a child to learn anything when their brains aren't allowing them to "stop, think, and then act." Medication doesn't determine the action...that's still a decision the child has to make, but medication does allow people to stop and think before doing things impulsively.

ADHD has nothing to do with intelligence. Irishwhile says her son "is intelligent and got the 1st grade equivalent of straight A's last year in spite of being so squirrelly." That's good to hear. It points to him being considered "2e" or "twice exceptional," meaning at both gifted and with some challenges. I would encourage people to read more about "2e" children at community.greatschools.net/groups/16042

This is a difficult situation for all. As teacherparent says, the school has a responsibility to keep everyone safe - the teachers and the students. If he is swinging his fists, this is a dangerous situation - even if he does not intend to make contact. It seems as if there is a good chance he could hurt himself or somebody else, and the school must minimize this possibility. I think the first step in dealing with this situation is acknowledging that this behavior is dangerous and unacceptable and must be addressed.

I believe that you need a ABA (applied behavior analysis) specialed.about.com/od/specialedacronyms/g/aba.htm so that you can better understand the triggers of the behavior, come up with a plan that you all agree upon to reduce the behavior, and develop strategies to manage the behavior if it occurs. In addition, if the unwanted behavior is frequent and severe, it seems that behavioral goals should be part of the IEP and services should include direct work with your son, teacher training as well as parent training so that you can all be consistent. IDEA provides that these kind of services - both at home and school can be provided if needed. It would also be important to bring in any private therapists so that your approach is integrated and consistent.

Medical intervention is a difficult and complex topic; one that should be made with data and guidance from a medical doctor. In most cases, there is no "magic pill" that can "fix" all problems. But, I urge you as your child grows to keep your mind open to all options: medical, dietary, cognitive, behavioral. It is important that he develop the social and behavioral skills needed to make and sustain friendship and to thrive in school. If there is a medical reason for his difficulty, it would be a shame if it were not addressed.

Good question but there's no comparison between home and school - at school there are other children in the room for whom the school feels responsible and it's from their parents the lawsuits generate. Perhaps your son never swings out with force at home but if he does, it's not in a class with other children - even if it's only 7 of them.

Schools establish policy - not always enlightened policy - and then employees feel obligated to follow through on the policy. Perhaps there are some students whose level of violence is such that they have to be held down or they'll hurt somebody. Getting a school to see that your son doesn't fall into that catagory is the challenge.

He swings out and with force but his intention is not to connect. The school will say - 'but he might connect by accident even without intending to'. And that possibility will Concern them. Swinging out even without intending to hit will make them nervous.

Does he swing out at you at home? If he has,
suggest to the school that you both use the same response to it - whatever that may be but insist that it will not be holding him down. They might buy into that as schools like consistency of response. And point out to them that holding him down makes him worse, not better.

Will he allow himself to be moved off from the others after he's swung out? If he stands among other students and is swinging out with force - regardless of his intentions - they're going to want to jump on him.
And you can have it put in his IEP that he is not to be held once you get them to agree to whatever other response you'd prefer them to use.

If his good days stay and all this goes away, that would be wonderful. Good luck.

They described an incident in one of their reports saying that he "swung his fist with force" at one of the adults working with the class (which has 8 students, I forgot to include that information) after they made him sit down. It indicated that he did not connect. He tends to do that when he is simply irritated, swing but not try to connect, because he does recognize that there might be a negative consequence even though he is irritated. If he is held, he is worked up from irritated and defiant to hysterical and panicked. I don't see much opportunity to teach anything except how to give up in that situation. We do not describe him as a hellion to the school, as I did rather think that describing him as that in an IEP setting would make him sound worse than he is... And I really don't know why that one word would be enough for the school to brand us as a problem. We've been fairly polite and cooperative, actually. We'd love him to prosper in a regular classroom. Much of the anger we have felt comes from trying to convince a frightened child to go to a place where the thing he fears seems an inevitability. If a thing is intolerable, it's going to remain intolerable no matter how long you "play the game" with the school. He's done well the last couple of days and I hope he continues to do so... yet I wonder what happens if he does well for a long time, messes up just one day, and gets pinned once more by the adults? Are we back at square one? It's their procedure and I think it will do more harm than good. I don't think there is a step in between thinking this is acceptable and recognizing that it is not, and saying so.

We choose not to medicate because he can learn self-control without. He is not sick. He has been mismanaged by us all. We all need to help him learn to stop himself. That's the goal. He won't learn it if we take away his ability to choose. All the talk about the school's unfortunate and awkward position because they are expected to force peace upon the students instead of teaching them to resolve their own problems whenever possible, all that this tells me is that if the school will not or has been made unable to do the right thing, then my son doesn't belong there.

Just because a thing is the best option offered by society doesn't mean that it is good enough. Sometimes the best that the world has to offer falls short of acceptable. Sometimes you have to create the right product from spare parts.

All that said, if he continues to do well, we won't have reason to further quibble about the matter at all. But if I don't find it necessary to hold down my son, why should professional educators in a very small class find themselves in need of doing so?

I agree wholeheartedly that watching others receive rewards on Fridays is not good for your son or good for any school. I think such an approach to citizenship and school creates unhealthy divisions within the students and creates 'citizenship' at the expense of community. But this poor practice is widely used in many schools and you're not likely to be able to get that to change anytime soon. It may help your son to hear that you're not interested in having him earn rewards for better behavior.

But it may also be helpful for your son to hear that you are very interested in having him learn how to control himself better for his own sake and not for the sake of rewards. Is he now in a class for children with behavioral problems? His class of 31 other children was not an appropriate placement for him - no child gets the attention they need in a class of 31.

It sounds as though he is in his new classroom but it also sounds as if things are not going better for him there. How to make it better is the question but was that your question? Are you happy with his new placement but for the physical restraint they use?

If you are, then you have a very focused goal within the school for your son and that is to have them not use their techniques of physical restraint on him. Such things can be negotiated but in all negotiations there has to be some give as well as some get. What are you giving them for that?

I'd suggest giving them this. Don't describe your son to them as a little hellion - that to them will send a signal that you're trivializing his behavior and these incidents. I'm sure you don't mean to do that but schools are slow to know what parents really mean. If they hear 'little hellion', they'll stop listening to you and dismiss you as a part of the problem and not see you as a part of the solution.

Which is of course what you want to be- a part of the solution for your son's problems in school. He's too young to solve them himself and schools are too overburdened with problems these days to solve any of their problems much less the problems of a single child.

Your son and the school alike will need your help to solve this problem. To be as helpful as you can, it may help to know what the school is thinking and what society also thinks these days - for better or worse. Neither school nor society will see your son as a little hellion. They will see him as a threat to the safety and well-being of others - though he may not be that at all. Schools have had some very scary incidents of late and all schools now are Very nervous and operate on high alert - particularly so in a class of children who have behavioral problems. Schools contend with lawsuits daily from parents whose children have been hit by other children in school.

Schools have no protection from these lawsuits. The justice system expects schools to find solutions on their own. So they have developed these desperate measures of physical restraint - even applied to young children at the least sign of extreme emotion and certainly at the first sign of violence.

You say your son 'took a swing at someone'. This way of putting it is again something that will lead the school to believe you are making little of something our courts have told them they must make much of. Do you want to work with this school and help them to help your son?

I'm sure you do but how we say that to them is important. And what you say to your son is also important. He must understand that 'taking a swing at someone' is now seen as threateningly violent behavior even when the person is just a child. It is Not in the same catagory as refusing to do work. Whatever else happens or has happened, he cannot respond to any situation by threatening violence to someone else.

If you say that to him and express your own understanding of that to the school, you'd have a chance of them listening to you on anything else you have to say. If you don't say that to them you have much less of a chance that they'll listen to your request that he not be held down when violent.

As your son has ADHD and can be this extreme in his behavior, I'm sure you have strong reasons for not considering medication for his ADHD. I'd say also be sure the school understands how good your reasons are for not having him on one of the medications there are that are sometimes helpful for ADHD.

I'd also say - your relationship with the school and your son's relationship with the school can bog down forever in a single battle over any issue even a very good one such as your dislike of physicial restraint. Is that what you want? It may be that you never come to a meeting of the minds with the school on this and it can color your entire relationship with the school and color your son's entire experience at school. Physical restraint is a huge issue but even huge issues can become the tree that doesn't let us see the forest. I'd say on this issue and any other, your first concern should be your relationship with the school. Like a bad brother-in-law, we sometimes have to accept their flaws. No school is perfect and your son's school sounds far from perfect but you can't work to make the school and the situation better unless you can work with the school and speak to them in ways they understand.

I'd say that's what to do now. Unfocus for a bit if you can on your single issue and refocus on first building a bridge of communication with the school and establishing yourself to them as a parent who understands the pressure under which the school must operate. If you dwell only on the single issue of physicial restraint - though a worthy issue - you risk building walls and not bridges.
One step at a time and I think you may have skipped a step in working with this school.

Hello! I've been dealing with the same kind of stuff,except when I've asked about restraint methods used, that has really left an emotional scar that is taking a long time to heal even a little, I get no response or I'm told that didn't happen. When my 8yr.old girl comes home and that's the first thing she tells me about. That my teacher made my mouth bleed, stuff like that I feel is going too far in restraining. She has been diagnosed Bipolar/ADHD & possibly Aspergers Syndrom, which she will be tested for soon. Here just recently we changed psychologists to get her off of the meds that have caused her to gain way too much weight plus she looked and acted so drugged up, no energy, which the other doctor refused to listen or help with. I had a 7yr. old that was depressed everytime she'd go out to play or come home from school. She'd be crying and tell me that the kids are calling her fat and ugly. This went on for two years and finally got fed up and changed doctors, she went from 106 down to 77 over the summer. She feels pretty and good about herself again. But she has still come home saying that her teacher is mean to her. So, I also have been considering homeschooling her, because the schools just don't seem to want to make the changes that are needed for these special little people that need positive direction taught not negative. I feel the school needs at least two to four teachers per grade that has been and is being constantly better educated in these fields, so that these children have all the same chances as those that have no problems to battle with to get through school and life. NO! Breaking their will is not the way or keeping them drugged up like zombies either.

He's not on meds and we do not intend to start them. He is intelligent and got the 1st grade equivalent of straight A's last year in spite of being so squirrelly. Academically, he has always been able to keep up fine. He reads very well and can add and subtract. I've never known him to show any sign of slowness.

What he has shown is an apparent disinterest in cooperating. He tends to be competitive but a sore loser. He is more likely to react than to reply. If you call to him, you may find that he has in fact been in the process of getting up and coming in to speak with you even as you call him over and over, thinking he didn't hear. He just doesn't reply, sometimes. This is the sort of thing that made the schools think he's autistic, but there's a different feel when a kid just isn't available, rather than one who sees no reason to speak when he's already on his way into the room. I consider him an active kid with a strong personality and some social backwardness that is causing him to clash with the status quo. He can control himself when he tries, sometimes with great difficulty, but he can, just as he did tonight while he was getting a haircut. He just needs guidance and practice, not conditioning and subjugation.

The stuff I described was part of his IEP, in that the class was the IEP solution. We had an emergency IEP which I attended with my 3-year-old, and I was told that the behavior tends to spike before it improves. What creeps me out is the reasons for improvement. Breaking his will is not my idea of teaching him accountability.

We are working with an excellent psychologist who has a lot of expertise in dealing with schools. Unfortunately, he no longer advocates because he got sick of the unwillingness of schools to implement the methods that work with these kids. He's helping us to learn to advocate for him ourselves, but it's slow going.

I'm no expert in learning disabilities, but I don't see him having one. His sister and I suffer with executive dysfunction issues, but the only problem I can see him having with that is that I haven't shown him a great example of how to keep organized.

I agree this is a tough situation your child is in. Hang in there. My son went through some of what your son is going through with the school due to his health, learning disabilities, and remenants there after. He is now in the 8th grade and continues to ask that we allow him to go to school when he has an exacerbation (not with parents sending their kids with the flu to school which would possibly kill him if it were in fact the swine flu) in order for him to get "Perfect Attendance"-a whole other story on rewards. I explain the consequences of this in a matter of fact manner although he feels that he will not get "Honor Roll" he would like to be rewarded for something. I understand the rewards technique and have mixed feelings due to how they feel when they are physically/emotionally unprepared to achieve it. I have simply explained to my son whole heartedly that this is something he can achieve once decides to achieve it and explain why it is important to do so or not. I have to hold back how it tears me apart and I remind myself that if we do not get a handle on this now it will only multiply. We have seen many doctors, optometrist, and have tried foods to clear his system of all the junk meds deposit in the body. Its been a long journey, my rule of thumb has been if it took X amount of time to figure out what the problem is I have to be patient and consistent 2 times that amount of time for him to "get it". I reminded myself and my son that the teacher is one person with 25 other students and he had his responsibilites in the classroom and asked what his classroom would be like if all 25 students did the same thing he was doing. He eventually got the picture, I was however ever so matter of fact when I posed that question to him and held him responsible for his actions. DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BECOME DISCOURAGED, it will not benefit your child. If you are able to home school him the way you want the teacher to teach him do so. If not, work with your child and talk to you teacher, principle, asst. principle, counselor, whoever can get your child what he needs. Meantime, find a GOOD Physciatrist (there is probably nothing really wrong with him but my son felt "electric shock" in his brain and there is a diagnosis and solution for that) to intergrate his work, I would find myself the physciatrist, schools usually have lower standards/criterias and they will have to work with plan issued privately. BEST OF PATIENCE, TOLERANCE, AND WISOM.

Hi irsishwhistle,
You certainly have a difficult situation. I have a few questions before I can offer any resources or advice.

Is your child on an IEP? If not, has he ever been referred for one?

Are you working with a psychiatrist and or therapist for the ADHD issues? Are you using medication? What kind of treatment are you using to help the ADHD?

Have other conditions been ruled out? learning disabilities, sensory integration issues? other mental health issues?

What is the disciplin and restraint policy at your school? Do you have a copy of the written policy?

You have a tough situation here - once we know where you are in the special ed system, we'll be able to plot out next steps.

Has your Pschologist suggessted medicine. That is what I had to do with my 8 yr. old. He has been on medicines since kindergarten and it has helped with school and home situations. He still can be handful, but we have been through alot in the last year. My divorce was final in May of this year, but he left last June. If he is on a schedule he does much better he has been on one since birth and when he gets off it he is wild and sometimes uncontrollable. I have to lock up food so he won't get into without permission and keep dangerous objects out of his reach or just don't have them. He has a problem with listening and discipline. He won't do his homework. It takes like 2or 3 hours to get three simple things done. Sometimes I'm so impatient with him I wish I could just do it for him. There is different ones. My son is on Focalinxr 20mg., Strattera 50mg, Zyrtec 10mg. in the morning and at night clonidine .2mg to get him to bed at night without he won't go to sleep and stays up all night and still wakes up early some days. He has allergies and if he misses a dose of his Zyrtec you can tell it messes with him his whole day too.

I wanted to add that they are beginning a functional assessment analysis to figure out what his particular needs are (and which I wish I'd requested day one) but since they have 60 days to do it, I don't honestly see that it will ever get done, because I can't see letting them do this to him even one more day, much less 60.