I wished I had known that most teachers, even ones with Special Ed training, aren't able to figure out what will help a child who does not have a typical learning profile learn. It would be lovely if teachers were trained in a clinical approach to learning in that if a child isn't grasping material as presented how to go about determining how to help that child learn and retain.

I wish I had known that most educators, administrators and school districts aren't able to figure out how to integrate assistive technology. It's extra work that they don't have time for, yet if they figured out how use assistive technology effectively once that effort would translate into help the many students in their charge who are struggling with LDs.

I wish I had known not to trust teachers to be honest at IEP meetings. They "circle the wagons" and are not going to take your child's side, even if they believe what you are asking for. So they would tell me one thing, and then at the IEP meeting, completely disagree with me. They are not going to argue with the people who give them their paychecks (the School Districts).

Fending off the so-called "experts" and all their negativity was the hardest thing for me ... trusting my instincts, despite all the experts telling me my kid would never have a conversation with me, etc. Happily they were all so wrong!

I couldn't of said it better myself. If only I had known his delayed speech was a sign of LD's. Doctors should inform all parents that is something to look for with a speech delay.

I wish I had known the following:

1. Not to trust the teacher, staff and school. As nice, as sweet as smiling as they are. It isn't their fault. They want to help. They just can't. They just don't know.

2. Get a psychological assessment ASAP - from an entire staff of professionals - neurologist, educational psychologist and doctor.

3. Bring an Advocate to the very first IEP. Not think as a parent - "oh, I can do it. I can ask for services."

Try the school's intervention for one year - then pull out and go to private school for the rest of my child's life. Not continue year after year of the same thing that isn't working.

I wish I had known that the experts are NOT always right, to listen carefully to my son and trust my instincts!

When my son turned 3 years old, his preschool teachers and principal suspected he had autism. He was subsequently evaluated and put on an IEP for a speech & language delay.

At five and half years old (the middle of kindergarten), he was still having extreme difficulty in the classroom (i.e. many outbursts/tantrums, throughout the day, from frustration). In fact, If it was not for my son saying "Mommy my brain doesn't work right; not like the other kids my age", I may have continued to plug along with the "experts" advice. But instead I decided to try to teach my son how to read (in an effort to build his confidence and AGAINST the kindergarten teacher's recommendation). Within a few weeks I started to realize I had a smart kid on my hands he was both EAGER and able to learn one-on-one. He literally begged me every night to teach him and so I did (about 1/2 hour).

I eventually owned up to my infraction with the school's staff and insisted he be tested both academically and IQ'd (Woodcock Johnson and WISK IV, respectively).

Low and behold, after working with my son for six months he blew away the Woodcock Johnson and performed well above average on the WISK. Hummmm I wondered, why did this happen?

It turns out that my son has ADHD -- the inattentive type (hence his brain does NOT work like other children's). In fact, that is why working with him one-on-one is so successful (I serve has his executive function).

This was news to me....a whole new diagnosis and now I had the test results to confirm it. Eventually we chose to try medication (after three years of behavioral modification therapy, from 3 to 6 years old and lots and LOTS of research) and OMG, what a difference! Let me quote you exactly what my son said after the medication kicked in (mind you, he had no idea what the medication was for and he was only six years old at the time), "Mommy I feel so peaceful and loving inside". "I feel like a super hero". "I want to go to school and show everyone my goodness". "Thank you, thank you, thank you for this little pill thingy!"

WOW, it brought tears to my eyes and a HUGE sense of relief.

Obviously nothing is perfect. The medication has its drawbacks (appetite suppressant, etc.) and my son still occasionally struggles with frustration (tears, not outbursts). And YES, the behavioral modification therapy was invaluable --- now that he is calm, we see it every moment of every day). But the mere fact that we have taken such a HUGE step forward and not backwards or laterally, makes me thankful that I listened to my son and trusted my instincts.

I hope at least one person benefits from my experience and I may save them a lot of heartache.

I wish that I had known that even during the time when I didn't know that Most Educators doesn't know/understand anything about Bipolar Disorder.My son was misdiagnosed at an early age for Adhd,however I learned a year later after going from Dr. to Dr. and being referred to a Child,Adolescent and Adult Psychiatrist, he was Misdiagnosed.He is now 12 and he is Adhd/Bipolar.What I have also learned is that anyone that has a Learning Disability, The Process is a Ongoing, and Educators Need To Be Taught.These Childrens Future and Ours depends on Knowledge, as a parent we need to know what/all the information that is available for us in order for us to be up to date with this process and be one of the Best Advocate for our child/childrens.Bipolar ia a Brain disorder,it's no known cure,but it is treatable with meds. and with a lot of Positive Support.This journey is long, and sometimes very Frustrating but we must stay focus and keep going. I know now that it Takes a Village of People To Help Raise A Child/Children.I have Learned to be my son Best Advocate with the support of others. We have to take a Stand for all children, They are the Next Generation, and We will not Leave Them Behind, Because There Is Hope!

In the toddler years i wish i had listened to my inner voice/worries about my son's language delay. I did not realize that the delays in speech and reading would become permanent handicaps because the school staff did not give him proper and frequent intervention.
I also wish I was not so trusting of school staff, pediatricians and other "professionals" who did not have the large stake my child and i had in his future.
I wish i knew that most sped teachers have no clue how to teach reading. It is a TOTALLY unregulated industry in the public schools.

I wish we had known what the very earliest 'symptoms' are, because of the pain we indavertently caused our son, who tested brilliantly, but who was unable to retain information. It's only now, many years later (he's 15, and has been on meds only since the last quarter of 7th grade), that he can forgive us for what he felt and experienced was the 'browbeating' he got both at home and at school. It's only now that I really understand how we played into his pain because we genuinely didn't understand how embarrasing it must have been for him to have to have his vocabulary words, his multiplication tables, etc. drilled constantly, and then for him to forget them. He once said he felt like 'the study monkey.' Everyone 'got it' but him.

The school told us, 'it's OK, lot's of kids get C's and D's. But his testing scores in areas like probability were at 100%! This made no sense. He was obviously very intelligent, yet unable to retain. He cried nearly daily, because he was being bullied - but he never told us, and, we didn't know what the signs were.

I ache for him now, knowing what he went through. I wish I'd known those signs so I could have stepped in earlier and insisted on the testing/support he eventually received. But - it did happen - and we did the best we could (if this has happened to you, too, know that if you stepped up at all - you've already done more than many, many parents and teachers have ever done - because it's difficult to recognize. Don't beat yourself up over this - move forward.)

The good news is now, he's confident - believes he's going to remember what he learns - and is even in a debate class as a sophomore! It's amazing, and I think one of the best things he could be doing for his confidence (not to mention for his ability to stand up to the bullies, who are now in his high school.)

I wish I'd known how to recognize the symptoms when he was in kindergarten, because now, looking back, they are obvious. One of the most difficult issues was that he was never H, in the ADHD - he was very well behaved, polite, followed the rules, etc. Unfortunately, I think this was to the extent that he lost out on connecting emotionally with other kids - something he's having to learn how to do now. (Although, as he was bullied, pulling back was a great defense mechanism, and on the upside, he's read a zillion books, and has a college-level vocabulary. :) )

I also wish I'd known that it's manageable, recoverable, and that it doesn't have to be a 'life-sentence,' it can be an advantage once we learned how to deal with it as a family, and once our son learned how to manage it as an individual.

Today, he can focus on things he wants to - he's prepared in advance of assignment due dates. His 'binder' is meticulusly (sp!) neat - although, his room is still a nightmare. :)

And, as parents, we now know to back off and allow him to come to us. He's on the honor roll, and is now able to trust that we won't be 'helecopter' parents. We're able to let him manage his studies and ask for help when he needs it - it's important for his self-esteem, but also so that he knows how and when he can handle things.

Whew!

lrningdiff

Thank you tjlove for this discussion topic. The responses hold such valuable information. I wish I had known "I" was ADD. I think more support would have helped stave off a persistent feeling of inferiority. That said I am so fortunate God allowed us to adopt our precious Rachel (7 yo) so that I can give her more support as well as learn more to help myself.

I wish I had known that an IEP does not ensure services. Teachers and schools cannot be forced to implement an IEP with fidelity. I also wish I had known that in many states most doctors know little about behavioral medicine and the label EBD and ED labels that only have meaning in a school setting.

I wish I had known that even Resource staff is not trained to work with Dyslexia! I was like many on this list thinking that the school would always have my child's best interest at heart. I think they do to an extent but the system and just general ignorance about research on the matter don't allow correct action...even though my own efforts with hiring an O/G tutor have really made a difference her time in resource is a waste and they just don't get it...

To Rogomom2, Don't regret what you did not know. The knowledge of how important the milestones were not generally known until the year 2000 or so. The help books regarding infant to age 6, may tell you a lot but what is not told is why. Ditto for literacy. I just came back from an IEP meeting, where everyone at that meeting was talking about the delays of the milestones. Imagine that, after all these years there may be hope for a public education system, no matter where it is, that behaviour and other symptoms that manifest in the early grades are not used as the excuses for denying reading help for the child. It is a bit too late for my child, who is in grade 9, but the good news is she will be receiving targeted help for her core weaknesses. She is the first in the school to receive the specialized help, instead of what I call remedial help that has been dumb-down. Next week she will be receiving the O/G help, that was taken away from her in the early grades as soon as improvement was seen in her grades. This time around, the O/G program will be finish, with assessments being done on a regular basis to see if the program is helping her. Her grades will no longer be the sole deciding factor.
Which brings me to the second factor that I wish I knew. I wish I knew, how schools have a tendency to assess a child through grades only. There is an assumption that if a child is passing, the child is not having any learning problems. This is more so, when the grades are much higher than the 50 % pass. When a child is receiving targeted help for their learning problems, and than it is pulled for the reason of higher grades, when the program has not been completed; there is a very good chance of regression. This is what happen to my child, who only knows 5 phonemic sounds as of today. Hopefully, by the end of the year, she will know all the sounds.

I wish I had known that my daughter wasn't just being stubborn when she wasn't following my directions as a preschooler, but that she didn't understand what I was saying. I wish more mainstream parenting books and articles, more pediatricians, and preschool teachers would take the time to explain learning disabilities to parents and give more detailed information about cognitive milestones. That way I would have known that a child can be walking and talking at one year of age and using sentences at age two but still have problems. How many times was I asked, how many words does she know? What about understanding those words, being able to respond to questions, being able to remember things etc. With more information, it would not have taken me six years to really know what a learning disability is and how many kinds there are. I wish elementary schools would recognize that there is more to early childhood education than reading. Yes, I understand the significance of reading, but what about telling time, money and other math. Children with math disabilities need help from get-go and more schools need math specialists to provide this help. How many schools only have reading specialists and speech and language pathologists? I wish some teachers would not look down their noses at you as a parent because your child is struggling. I wish teachers were continually educated so that they are up to date on their knowledge. Like other parents, I just wish I had known more earlier. I read everything I could get my hands on about parenting before having my first child, and it was so sad that despite that I didn't help her in the right way for so many years.

I too had suspected dyslexia in 1st grade for my child. On every IEP from 1st grade through 5th grade when I took him out of Public School it says that. I remember his reading specialist agreeing with me in one IEP meeting and the principal nearly blasting her out of the room saying she was not qualified to make such a comment. I wish, now that I too have grown and been educated that I had not thought always that the teachers and schools would always have my sons best interest at heart. Now he is 14 in his first year a an appropriate school for dyslexic children. He has already shown HUGE leaps just in the first 2 months! His self esteem has gone from nearly nothing to that of an almost normal person. I wish I would have listened to my instincts, rather than thinking.. "Im not an educator, if they do not see it.. maybe I am just paranoid and he is lazy". Really it was the school that was lazy..

Totally agree with you hockeymum!

I wish I had known that "most" teachers have no clue or education on how to teach children with LD, ( I was shocked when I mentioned different learning/reading methods ie: Orton Gillingham, tactile learning and they had never heard of them). Don't expect your teacher to be an expert on Dyslexia or other learing issues.
I really believe all teachers in college should have to ready Sally Shaywitz and the Secret life of the dyslexic child so they better understand the nature of LDs.

I wish I had known the link between slow oral language skills and reading problems - just as others have said. We saw the word finding problems, mispronunciation, confusion with irregular verbs and the experts just poo poo'd it.

I wish I had known that schools do not always use reading programs with fidelity. So - even if you are getting early intervention using a specialized approach, it may not be given in an effective manner.

I wish I had listened to the teachers very astute observations about inattention - and I had addressed the issues earlier.

For my oldest who we just discovered at 15 has some subtle LD, I wish I had stayed on top of her reading fluency, questioned her constant spelling mistakes and listened to her earlier when she told me she couldn't stay focused and remember everything the teacher said.

I have to add - what am I thankful for? Finding organizations and forums with knowledgeable people that supported me along the way. Inspired me to keep advocating, kept me from feeling isolated, armed me with the knowledge needed to effectively advocate.

I can't imagine going through this alone.

yes, yes, therose!

I can't tell you how many times I've thought: "I need to trust my instincts"...I called my son's dyslexia in 1st grade, there's even a note from the team saying "parent suspects dyslexia (and of course they went on to recommend that we wait a year before testing)...

Now that's the main thing I tell parents -- trust your instincts. Now, if I can just remember that myself!

I ditto for all comments that have been mentioned. dfhl said it best, but I will add one more.I wish I had listen to my instinct, the small part of me - the insistent voice that kept repeating the school is wrong. I opted to trust the school system over my own knowledge.

First and foremost, I wish I could have shortened my learning curve. I wish I knew from the outset where to turn to for the most reliable credible information. I wish I had known of the NEED to be an informed consumer.


I wish I had understood that it is not reasonable to expect that every teacher or doctor has received specific instruction in the diagnosis or interventions required by students with learning disabilities.


I wish I had known to require that measures and evaluations be objective rather than subjective and that advice needs to be substantiated based upon scientifically validated research and facts -- not based upon the promises of well written marketing materials.

I wish I had known at the outset that a child can be diagnosed with a learning disability and still not qualify for help through the school system -- as it stood at that time. I wish I had known up front that many twice exceptional students simply fall through the cracks on getting the help they need because giftedness can mask a disability and a disability can mask giftedness.


I wish I understood that definitions may be defined differently -- depending upon whether you are talking with a researcher, a doctor, or the school. I wish I had learned earlier on this journey the correct vocabulary to speak the same language when referring to each specific audience to accomplish the most good.


I wish I had understood a parent's right to request an evaluation for a learning disability at anytime and the importance of making that request in writing via certified return return receipt and the need to document, document, document.


Finally, I wish I had better understood the playing field from the outset . Although this article is written with a slant to developing IEPs, I wish I had known earlier these strategies in developing a collaborative team to help my child:

www.harborhouselaw.com/articles/hearts.bollero.htm


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I wish I knew that the late speaking was sign of a problem.
That the confusing and the bad pronunciation of words was not normal.
I wish I knew that the miss spelling and bad pronunciations were signs of phonological problems and that was not just not putting attention.
For my first son with Dyslexia I wish I knew that difficulties that he had in the first school years were signs for a LD and not just ¨not working hard enough or not working at his potential¨ as usually teacher and school level the problem.
And yes as VDwight said, the Sally Shaywitz´s book was a big, big help.

Oh, there's so much I wish I had known!

I guess the first thing is that I wish I knew that my son's mangling of words was a sign of a problem. I just thought they were cute!

I wish I had read Sally Shaywitz's book the minute I learned my son's diagnosis. It took me a few years to find it, but when I did it helped me understand dyslexia (which i found confusing). Once I understood I became a much better advocate for him.