boiling about teacher's insensitivity...

I second what Senora said about the "pig". Having been in similar circumstances I can only say that IF you plan to address this issue I suggest a conference between the teacher (next year's), the principal and you. Laying out your concerns in a non-confrontational manner emphasizing that actions can be misinterpreted yet destructive especially in a setting designed to be nurturing and supportive.

While doing this in this manner does not guarantee results, it does put administration and the teacher on notice that improper behavior, no matter what the intention, has occurred and must be addressed...not only for the sake of your son, but for future students to these staff members.

It also lays the ground work for any future actions that you may need to take, showing you are a team player, reasonable but concerned parent and capable advocate of your son.

Brushing issues under the rug can backfire in future circumstances, overreacting can do the same. If more parents and administrators reacted with calm and open minds, our children would fare far better.

To Sonara: In the recent past, I have given a teacher a self-evaluation lesson, in an unexpected setting. The setting was at a swim team meeting, where one parent commented that she wish her son would put in an effort in studying for exams. A common problem found among many of us, especially with teenagers. A teacher pipe into the conversation, how she has discourage her son from studying for the final exams, since he has put in so much time in studying during the school year. I will add, living in a small community has its advantages when it comes to detail personal information on almost everyone. I happen to know, the teacher's son, has a very detail schedule to follow in doing homework and studying throughout the year. Of course, he always has a 90 + average, long with all other teacher's children in my community. The implication in her words were that she was a superior parent in handling issues that are for the most part in the parents sphere. At this time I pipe in, and the conversation lasted for over 5 minutes, without one parent coming to her rescue including the other teachers that were present in the room. I told her she should not be bragging, when it is obvious as a teacher, that you have insider's knowledge of the school system, that is not readily available to the average parent, plus the knowledge that they do have, can be applied at home to their children. I related it is the same kind of advantage when a parent is a medical doctor, and has knowledge that is privy to the health system where they can avail of easier access for their families. Ditto for teachers, who have access to a wider base of knowledge that is related to learning, teaching methods, and host of other information that is generally not readily available to the public and other factors that are related to the social/economic groupings. At the end, her last retort is that she did not see it as an unfair advantage because I am also a parent, who is raising a child using the best knowledge that I have at hand. That said it all, when teachers are the least likely to impart knowledge of the school system, where a parent can use this knowledge to benefit their children. Heaven forbid, if a parent gains insider knowledge that would tipped the scales in academic standings, where the competition would become a serious threat, for teachers' children who always have been in the top of the academic standings. The reason why other parents kept quiet, because they know my LD child has accomplished many firsts and have set records, where the smart kids including the teachers kids, have a much higher fence to climb to beat my LD child. The next time I saw the teacher in question, she was waving at me with the biggest smile on her face. I wave back, and thought to myself she must have been told of the difficulties that I have had with the schools and my child's accomplishments within the context of academic learning, with very little support and understanding from the same educators. I gain something, and that is respect from this teacher but also respect for my parenting abilities concerning children who march to a different drummer.
What is lacking in the school system is genuine respect for parents no matter where they stand on the social/economic ladder. Teachers should be earning respect and not the other way where parents must earn the respect of the teacher.
In our school system, we do have a yearly over-all evaluation of schools. I question the results and conclusions of the reports, since there is manipulation being done by the administrators, to skew the results to lead to the conclusions that all is well within the school walls. In previous years, they selected the top two students in each classroom to do the survey, and make any comments, suggestions and complaints that they might have. This year, the selection process has been change, where two students are picked that represents the average student. The two students from each classroom, are taken out of the classroom prior to the survey, to be coach on how to say it, what to say and what not to say. As for parents, they also change the process where only parents who have children that do not have any type of special need will receive a survey to fill out. Talk about putting a positive spin on schools, where the process is open to a lot of manipulation, and where exposure to the serious problems never see the light of the day.

I think we all need to pick our battles carefully. If your son is going to have to interact with these teachers on a daily basis, I would want it addressed. On the other hand, if he is going into 4th grade level and these teacher only teach 3rd or lower grades -- then might consider it water under the bridge and move on.

You could take advantage of this opportunity to help your child understand that although this was very insensitive and hurtful, it does not define who he is or what he can accomplish. Sometimes people are insensitive and hurtful. It is not right and this example can demonstrate how it feels when others act in such a manner. As a parent, we can explain that it is much better to not be the person who is inflicting pain upon others. If we can instill in our children the ability to rise above these insensitive individuals, they will not be defined by what others may or may not think of them. They will be defined by the quality of their character and their own abilities -- not by someone else's perspective of who or what they are.

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My perspective regarding the difficulty in communicating with and to teachers stems from my perspective as both a teacher (yes, I have worked with school age kids even though I am a college professor) AND that I worked in the private sector. Teachers who have spent their entire professional career in a classroom, (right out of college) lack the experience of dealing with adults in an office, business corporate (you name it environment). The behavior I have experienced and witnessed by "some" teachers would NEVER be tolerated in a professional environment of adults. The attitude that they are never wrong, that they are privy to your personal life, that they don't spend time self-evaluating (and we, as parents certainly are not given the opportunity to evaluate teachers in any real, substantive, or accessible manner) contributes to their reluctance to hear criticism in a professional and adult manner. My experience is they are immediately on the defensive and actually resent the fact that you "don't know what they have to go through". Precisely the fact....they don't have to through anything since the choice of profession is theirs. There seems to be an unwritten rule that because they are "stuck" with your child for 3-4 hours a day (factor in lunch, recess and specials when they are not actually teaching your child), seems to suggest that they should not have to listen to anything but glowing accolades about the job they are doing. I'm sorry, that is not reality either. Parent/teacher conferences have two words....parent....teacher. Both sides need to be considered. Both sides need to mutually respect the role of the other. Teachers also seem to make quick presumptions about the parents and the home after say, 2 weeks of having their child in class. What if I, as a parent, were allowed to make presumptions about their personal lives (half of my son's female teachers from kindergarten to 5th grade have been divorced)....would they "like" or welcome this intrusion? I think not. I think the teachers that burn out and go into the private sector are in for a rude awakening. Co-workers can act like children too (really obnoxious overgrown versions...) difference is....they just might be your manager or supervisor. Civility in public schools is truly lacking. The attempts that parents make to communicate their concerns to the powers that be often escalate, quickly or slowly, into the walls going up. And let's get something straight, the schools are the quickest to flaunt their power over parents with threats, innuendos or by trying to wash their hands of "problems" completely (i.e. "maybe you should consider a different educational environment for your child"...raise your hand it you've heard that one?)