private school stress

easterbunny, my son has ADHD (along with dyslexia and dysgraphia) and he's attended public, private, and parochial schools along the way.....What you're describing can happen in any classroom, not just those of private schools. I agree with others who have said that individual teacher vary in what they do and don't know about different "learning issues," so as a parent, I often found myself "educating the educators." (I can't tell you the number of teachers who were shocked to find out kids can be highly gifted and have LD's/ADHD...the term is "2e," aka "twice exceptional," and you can learn more at community.greatschools.net/groups/16042)

Let me put this to you succinctly. The only reason a teacher, knowing of your child's ADHD, would refuse to provide an instruction sheet is because she is lazy. Pure and simple. Never try to dress up a sow's ear.

Hello Teacher Parent, thank you for that heartfelt empathy filled reply. I have been knotted up since the parent conference.It reassured me that when I help her it is the right thing to do.The school she attends does have a rigorous curriculum, and thankfully she is staying with the same teacher this year.That teacher who neglected to pass out instructions is old school but as Bob Dylan says"The times they are a changing"

Two things are true I think - one is that many teachers and many people in general definitely dont 'get it' - teacher training varies tremendously and by no means does it include knowledge of learning differences - though it certainly should. A great many teachers know nothing more about ADHD than what they read in the papers and in the papers, ADHD is a very controversial topic. Many people including teachers still believe that ADHD is just poor behavior or poor parenting and there's even a prevailing myth these days that says parents get their children tested just to have them labeled ADHD so they get extra time on tests.

It's sad. A long time colleague of mine would become particularly incensed whenever ADHD was mentioned and angrily say" They'll have to sit still in life so they have to sit still, sit up, and pay attention in my classroom now. Life begins in my room."

Teachers should all have to pass personality tests before being allowed to teach.... and someone should tell them that it's rude to wag fingers even by implication.

But it's also true that some teachers do not see themselves on the same team as parents nor do the schools they work for - and that's not entirely their fault but rather the fault of the system. Our society looks to schools and its teachers to judge children - if we give every child in the room an A, we're accused of grade inflation. If every child does well, we get in trouble for that. So from the get-go, society wants some children to do less well than others. And it puts teachers on the front line of that - society makes teachers be the judge.

There's no teamwork really allowed in that model. The "Parents as Partners" movement that was heralded a few years back was really nothing more than 'how can we get parents to do what we want?' Private schools for the money they charge may give you the impression that they will work with you and
of course your daughter should have a sheet with instructions on it but private schools changed a great deal in the years of the stock market boom. Enrollments across the country in private schools went up 11% - they had waiting lists 20 kids deep - and many private schools lost any sense of being accountable to their families and gained a new sense of righteousness. Most schools these days - private or public - are mostly concerned with whether they are hard enough. Modern schools want to be 'rigorous' and not giving instructions along with assignments can be defended as 'rigorous' or "Well, I wanted students to figure it out for themselves." Or "I told them plainly in class that they would have to take notes while I was giving the assignment."

My own dyslexic son went into private school in 4th grade - I found a very few teachers who who willing to recognize and make accommodations for his learning differences. I found a greater number who were only concerned about 'being fair to all the children', 'reluctant to show special consideration' and of course 'life begins in my room.'

I never hesitated to step in and help - my son dictated many assignments to me while I typed. We did get the projects done in the time assigned simply because more projects came piling in -extra time only put us further behind and we had to spend most of the weekend at homework. We got them done together on time and did them together. Don't hesitate to be Very generous with your help if you can.Good luck to you and your daughter.