Does she have an IEP?

You tell her that there is nothing wrong with her. Our brains are all wired different and we all have to learn differently. Build on her strengths always, she sounds like a lovely girl. Do lots of research and get support from everyone you can. You will need to learn how to be her advocate and its not always easy. This is a great site and also Wrightslaw has tons of information that is very helpful.

This is the time to empower her. First I highly recommend www.sparktop.org Its a fabulous educational but extremly cool and fun place for kids but its centered for kids/preteens with learning differences. Both my girls loved it. They also have very G rated message boards about movies and hot topics and great learning games.

For math there is a great program called www.jumpmath.org It made such a huge difference with us.

Dhfl's list of successful people is great to memorize. I tell people its a gift as my girls see the world differently than the average person. Thats why great minds (Einstein, Edison) and huge CEO's (Branson - Ceo of Virgin, Charles Schwab of Schwab investing, the founder of Kinkos's etc) are so successful - since they can think outside of the box. Tell people dyslexics get to the same location as you, they just take a different road.

A great book which really helped me realte was The Secret Life of the Dyslexic Child by Rober Frank PhD.
It was about himself overcoming dyslexic and becoming successful. It really illustrates how the child feels and how their world looks to them.

I always use the term "learning difference" with my kids and people instead of "learning difficulty".

If you have any more questions please ask. My mind gets muddled sometimes lol. Keep us updated too please. :D

Perhaps my breakdown came across incorrectly. I just found out that my daughter has dyslexia but since I already knew I had prepared myself and her. My daughter can read at third grade level her comprehension is what we have issues with along with math and her dysgraphia. I had gotten her an account with recording for the blind & dyslexic as well as the nuisance software to help her with her bookreports.

How do you emotionally handle the negative feedback you get from people close to you? As Amon I need to be strong for both of us but I feel so alone. Everyone around me acts like she's a lost cause and that is what I have an issue with. They know that she is extremly smart but all is sudden their attitude towards her has changed.

It sounds like some of the people who are not handling this well just need to be educated some on dyslexia. I would talk with them and explain this disorder. Children with learing differences, just like the other kids, need to be built up and always feel they can succeed. Protecting her self esteem will be improtant.
My son had a disorder called dyspraxia and it affects him in all areas except for the congitive level, he is very smart but he has so many challanges every day. Its easy to feel alone, thats why its good to have forums like this. Try to keep positive and also surround yourself with people you can talk to who are supportive and understanding.

From the mother of an almost-21-year-old daughter with dyslexia: Dyslexia is not a shameful "label", its a description of how your daughter's brain likes to learn. When I learned that my daughter had a learning disability, the first thing I felt was relief--lack of parenting skills weren't causing her struggles in school. Then I went to work. Through the years I researched dyslexia to find out how she could learn and became her advocate to make sure she got the support and resources she needed. I was often a pain-in-the-rear to the school district and when I couldn't get them to implement what I had carefully written into the IEP, I found support for my daughter elsewhere. Several years ago I concluded that I had spent so much time telling schools how to teach a child with a LD that I should put my money where my mouth is and become a special ed teacher. I now teach at a private high school for students with LD (many with dyslexia.)

My daughter is now her own advocate--she knows that if she is working hard in school but does not understand the lesson, that is the teacher's fault, not hers. She has finished two years at a four year university studying to become a special education teacher. Last semester--for the first time in her life--she received straight As. She, like your daughter, works hard at school and is driven to succeed. I have no doubt that she will be an outstanding teacher for students with LD and bring to her classroom a skill-set and attitude to empower her students to keep and achieve their dreams.

It is a long and arduous journey for a child with dyslexia and the parents who support him or her to get through middle school and high school, but it can be done. When I was in your shoes 10 years ago, I'll admit to secret doubts never voiced aloud--especially to the teachers who told me that my daughter was not worth the energy to teach because the best job she could get would be flipping burgers. Keep the faith, teach your family about dyslexia, and tell your daughter to reach for the stars. Dyslexia is not a sentence or a disease, it is simply that one's brain is hard-wired differently than other learner's brains are wired. Good luck!

My own son is dyxlexic - at least your mother and friend had heard of the word - some folks look back at you blankly and some of those folks will be your daughter's teachers....

What to do? The challenge is helping them keep up in school while still catching up in their reading skills. School and homework take up so much time and energy that it's hard to 'keep up while catching up'.

I read outloud to my son - he couldn't read the textbooks and understand them. He would borrow other students' notes and we'd xerox them - he didn't spell well either. I would type his assignments for him.I could write volumes on how I got my dyslexic son through school but the bad news is - it wasn't easy and it was a lot of work. But the good news is - it worked. He got through school, got mostly good grades and exhausted as we were from the struggle, we look back on it with a certain triumph. School brought us to our knees but we came out the winner.

Even he says 'we' and not him for we had to be a partnership for it to work. I admire your daughter's determination and I'm sure with it and you, she's going to be fine. It helps to explain to them what dyslexia is and that it's Not their fault. They will need to advocate for themselves. My son cried when I told him he had dyslexia and went in the next day to school and told a teacher that making spelling count for a dyslexic child wasn't fair. (that teacher said "I'm dyslexic too and you're right, it's not and spelling doesn't count for you." and I bless that teacher every night to this day)

When there's time - and that's usually only in the summer - have your daughter read the books that are easy for her to read - all children including dyslexic children build speed, fluency, comprehension and confidence from easy books where they hit no unknown words. Read to her every day if possible -even if only in the summer and listen to books on tape in the car. Visit historic sites, do science experiments in the kitchen. I made my son such a fountain of knowledge ( and we had fun doing it) that even unable to read well, he seemed strong in the classroom. What he hadn't understood when the teacher said "Everybody read this page silently" - he could fill in around the edges of what the page hadn't mentioned in the following discussion. "But this page didn't mention the destruction of the rainforest, Teacher and it's important to think about that when studying the rainforest, isn't it?"

Even Mean Teachers who still don't believe in dyslexia will allow a dyslexic child to add what they can to class discussions. We used to get the coming year's textbooks and look at the chapter headings and - yes, you can order all school textbooks directly from the publishers, or get used copies on Amazon and have them at home to underline or mark in as you will. You can find out what books she'll have to read next year in school and read them together this summer. For book reports, she can listen to books on tape - there are only 24 hours in every day - and if Teacher doesn't understand why she needs to do some of these things or doesn't approve, don't tell. The rules of school were not made with dyslexic children in mind. My son listened to books rather than read them for his book reports and he dictated his reports to me for typing.

And we did all this not to get ahead - but just to be able to keep up and though we couldn't shine at reading - or spelling -or writing - we could still learn and shine in a way that got positive attention from teachers. Good luck to you and your daughter.

You will also need to acknowledge that the school will probably not teach your daughter to read unless you educate yourself on the law and push them to do it either thru proffesional development or reimbursment for multi-sensory reading tutoring. Or you will need to pay for it yourself. Getting qualified for special education is one battle. Getting quality service that works in the hardest and longest battle.

I know they feel they are being supportive but when someone says sorry Sorry For What. I went throught this I told my grandmother there is nothing to be sorry about it just means we have to work harder. Now next yr I will be asking for assignments early so we can go over them before the rest. I will be highlighting important things in her story asking the teacher to give more time on tests. And also reading stories and recording so she can listen to them to help her along increase her confindence. Also we will have a tutur this summer. I hope all works out you will figure lout what is best for her your her mom. I am sure you will do great and I am sure your daughter will find her nich

I agree that the "Oh I'm so sorry" response is not helpful, particularly if it is shorthand for "I'm so sorry there is something "wrong" with your child." On the other hand, I myself (a mother of an NVLD child) might say the same words but mean something quite different. I would mean "I'm sorry that both you and your child have probably faced frustration and difficulties because of this issue, and I am sorry that you will likely continue to face additional difficulties going forward. I am sorry that your daughter's feeling of self esteem and worth have been affected, and I understand that it is one of the hardest things for a parent to observe." Then I would add much more hopeful and positive thoughts such as "How wonderful that you now have a much better idea how to help or at the very least understand." I wish you all the best ... learning differences are neither positive nor negative ... they are just one more fact about a person.

I agree with NVLD mom. If I said I am sorry, it would be for all the issues you and your child will have to face that most parents will never understand.

Hello and you are right to be concerned about her self esteem.You and your family have all got to reassure her that she is loved and treasured because she is herself. If she starts to despair thats normal especially with a subject like math.However that is when the teachers and or tutors or special education has to do their jobs. Talk to them about next year and what you can drill her on at home.Read up on the internet about dyslexia and never lose hope.She is probably really brilliant but will learn numbers in a different way.Tell your mom not to worry and not walk on eggshells either she is still a treasure.

My sister is a therapist and she makes a point of saying "I'm sorry you have to go through this" as a way of acknowledging my pain. Most people immediately go into trouble shooting and trying to fix it. Maybe this is your mother trying to empathize with you. Often the first step is just being upset that this is happening to your child. I know, I go in and out of sadness and anger when I run into frustrationg situations that other parents don't have to deal with. With that said, you have the summer to educate yourself on what you can do to help your daughter. Go to the library and read up on some books about dyslexia. I just purchasesd a book called "Emotions to Advocacy" to further educate myself on helping me child when dealing with the school. Remember this is a process.

I agree with others who have pointed out that any number of meanings were probably made by your mother. When we have a child who has unique challenges to learning and there is a label for it, we usually are very defensive when someone says something that could be interpreted as though our child is "defective". I'm sure she meant well. Even if she doesn't understand, enlisting your mom in your search for more information would do a lot for all of you.

As for your daughter, I can only imagine the frustration, confusion and self-esteem issues she's probably confronting. Perhaps the single biggest thing you can do for her now is to encourage her that you now have the information you need to get her the tools she needs to make learning easier.

She has a unique way of processing information. She has to be incredibly intelligent to have overcome the challenges of learning in an environment geared to the masses. Remind her that her individual way of processing information gives her the advantage of looking at things from a new perspective...new perspectives bring new ideas and new ideas change the world.

The more you can learn about learning strategies for dyslexic processing issues the more empowered your daughter and you all will feel.

"Oh honey I'm so sorry...." is a natural and normal response from a parent or grandparent. There is no need to get defensive about that. It's not like she said "oh my god what's wrong with your kid?!" If you don't have help already, you need to see if the school/district has access to a reading specialist, and possibly look into outside resources like vision therapy.

I know exactly how you feel! My son is dyslexic and going into 4th grade too and is dealing with some kids calling him stupid. His self esteem is plummeting but thankfully his athletism is helping balance his situation.... I have since gotten some books on dyslexia and we have read about this and how there are MANY BRILLIANT and TALENTED people that have struggled with dyslexia at their age too. I am not sure if you agree with this but it seemed to help him because he just didn't understand why he couldn't read before.

Could you tell me the books you refer to?

I wish I could remember the names but honestly, I went to the library and looked up books on Dyslexia and I chose one that was for "kids". This is the one we read together....very simple... he read it to me:)

I don't think "oh honey I'm sorry" is a normal reaction. She's not dying so in my opinion it's rude and insensitive. Aside from the fact that my daughter is dyslexic I have always taken the stance that just because something is different doesn't make it wrong it just makes it different. My daughter is extremely intelligent and for someone who is so close to her to say something that isn't positive makes it more upsetting.

I understand that everyone has gone through this with their children and the self esteem issues with kids picking on them but I don't believe that close family members or friends should be a part of that.

My husband and have decided to not talk to anyone about her learning style because I don't want to deal with their opinions. Regardless of how much I try to protect her from outside comments I can't but what I can do is give her the resources to help her in school.

I'm pulling out of private school and using the money I was spending monthly for tutoring and software programs for reading to make sure she's on track for 4th grade. My daughter reads at 3 rd grade level I just know that 4 th grade is going to present challenges that may start her going downhill and I want to avoid any of that.

My child also attends a private school, which has been helpful from the standpoint of small class size and more individual assistance and instruction from the teachers. However, the social side of things has been rougher. I know kids in all schools can be mean, but ... Private school kids, as a group, seem to be carefully cherry-picked by the schools, and in our area anyway, come from higher income families that are by definition successful, healthy, go-getters. So there are not many children in the school who have significant learning or social differences ... making my child stand out all the more. I wonder if this invites more negative attention and less chances for making friends who are dealing with similar issues. Public school may offer your child more social support, which is very important going towards those middle school grades. From what I hear, you will have to really fight (excuse me ... "advocate") for the academic services your child will need. Best wishes.

Is pulling her out of private school what she wants? Have you considered the message this will send to her about challenges and being "different" than others around her?

Private school is different; however, it has the same social issues that other schools have. At least she already has friends at her school. If she starts at a public school, she will have the challenge of a new environment, new friends to make and new teachers to get to know her. If she stays where she is now, she has the benefit of others already knowing and accepting her for her NOT looking at her "disability" first.

Our children, no matter who they are, will have challenges to face. How we cope teaches them how to cope with challenges later in life.

I think you'd be surprised at the number of individuals with dyslexia that attend private school and thrive because of it.

Taking my daughter out of private school was a better decision for her. She had been asking to go to public school for years and I thought keeping her in private school would be better. She wants to go to a school where there are different types of people.

>I'm pulling out of private school and using the money I was spending monthly for tutoring and software programs for reading to make sure she's on track for 4th grade. My daughter reads at 3 rd grade level I just know that 4 th grade is going to present challenges that may start her going downhill and I want to avoid any of that<
Very good idea. Make sure she gets the right kind of tutoring for dyslexics, like a multi-sensory Orton Gillingham or Lindamood bell based program. Stay away from chains tutoring centers like Sylvan etc.

Accentuate the positive! Find something that she is good at and enjoys doing and praise her for that. Find a school related activity that she excels in and encourage her to be a mentor for a younger sibling or neighbor. Also, do some research into to the Wilson Reading Program. I have been a special educator for more than 20 years and it is a remarkable program.

Read the book "Overcoming Dyslexia" by Dr. Sally Shaywitz. It explains dyslexia in full detail as well as how the brain of a dyslexic differs. After you read the book sit down with your daughter and explain to her what is happening inside her brain. It isn't a bad thing. Its a different thing. There are parts of her brain that are bigger and smarter than other kids her age and there are parts that are weaker (the reading part). Teach your child that it is a good thing to "think outside the box" and its OK to have weaknesses. We all have them.
Another great book for you to read is called, "Parenting a Struggling Reader" by Dr. Moats. It will also give you a load of support and parenting ideas.

I read the book overcoming dyslexia already and I became a member of the International Dyslexia Association. I knew my daughter was dyslexic well before I had her tested. She is an amazing child and I have never told her that she wasn't great at anything she tries. When I posted my question I wanted to know how you deal with people close to you who say things that aren't't supportive, but for some reason most of the comments are about how I need to be and how Ishould treat my daughter.

While I appreciate everyone's input I am really still in the same position as before. So my husband and I have chosen to stop telling people that she has dyslexia. It's not a bad thing and I feel that if I tell people about her gift they may not understand and make more out of it than needs to be addressed.

People may not understand why I have taken this stance but from the posts I can tell that many of members have had horrible experiences with the school system. My daughter is an active, happy and intelligent child who knows that dyslexia is truly a gift. We have told her that she is xordinary because she can look at a problem and come up with a more creative solution which makes her special. My daughter can read at her 3rd grade level I have tutored her from Kindergarten so that she would be a little ahead each year. She speaks Spanish which is more difficult for her because of her disgraphia but she can speak conversational Spanish. At no time have I ever told my daughter that she is "different" I think that creates a stigma or insecurity. And why should she feel uncomfortable because someone else is doesn't't understand.

My husband and I feel confident that we have raised a well rounded child. She has been on her school honor roll every year since 1st grade. I work with her everyday even in the summer to help her understand her English, Math and Science. I am involved in her school and I talk to the teachers regularly whether they like it or not. Ultimately she is my responsibility and I am suppose to provide her with a supportive and safe home environment.

Good attitude, because you know what? It really isn't anybody's business, ultimately. So if telling people brings unwanted opinions and advice, then just go forth and prosper! It's not that it's a secret, it is just not relevant to that many conversations. Nor is your child's latest blood pressure reading, although hopefully that is also excellent!

Many of us have faced these circumstances. I am sorry if I did not understand the import of you initial post. Persons can be insensitive for many reasons. It can be frustrating to deal with individuals that make inappropriate comments or pry into you family's personal business. I have learned to only share information regarding my child’s dyslexia when necessary and only with person’s who are supportive and helpful. It is not necessary to share with others the fact that your daughter has dyslexia. If that option works for you, I would certainly not hesitate to use it.

In addition, I have found that prior to making that decision, I had shared information with some in my family who were not supportive, understanding, or held different views regarding our choices. When these persons choose to make comments or inquire about my daughter’s dyslexia, or how we have chosen to deal with it -- sometimes I just ignore the comments, do not engage the person further on this topic, and just change the subject. At times, when I felt it necessary I have set the record straight and let them know that they really don’t know the facts about dyslexia and are not speaking from and informed position and that as her parents we are informed and are meeting her at her needs and let them know she is doing great. There have been situations when I have simply stated something positive about my daughter's talents and changed the subject. In some instances, I felt it important to educate some – and shared factual information that changed their perspective.

Use what works for you and your family. It sounds as if you have already come up with some viable options.

Best Wishes.

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Generally the only reason one would share info about a child's learning issues is to keep them from being misunderstood. E,g, kids with adhd need to move or fidget to STAY attentive, it is not an insult to the person they are supposed to be paying attention too, it is their way of paying attention. Or a child playing sports who has APD would have a hard time understanding directions from a coach during a noisy game. etc..

in regards to Caslynh, I think it is really great that you are able to play such an intrical role in your childs education but I work full time and to be able to spend that amount of time tutoring my own child is almost impossible. I think this is where the school system comes in..... they need to be able to provide what is necessary for my child to learn. My son is going into 4th grade with a DRA of 20. This is a very good school system but they need to pay for one on one tutoring in order to get him where he needs to be......

I just realized I got off subject.... this is easy to do when you are feeling so passionate about your children......

CTgirl21 I completely understand how you feel about your child. One of the biggest obstacles with wanting to be a good parent is having to work and still be an intricate part of their learning process you want to be able to protect them and make sure to keep them from any negative influences. I work for myself but I am still very busy and it's hard to balance my business and my family life. You do the best you can and hope that your kids understand that you have the best of intentions and you are only doing it to protect them. I talk to my kids about everything no questions are off limits. I don't know the relationship you have with your child but I'm sure that they know that you love them and that's really all that matters.