I had my first conference tonight for my 5 year old son. The only problem that he is having is with his alphabet. He can sing the song, he can recognize "some" (maybe 5) letters but all of the other ones just will not stick. We have done alot of different things from sand paper shape letters, sand, play dough, magnetic letters and nothing seems to help get the letter to "stick" with him. Every time we mention or try to work on them he just cries because he gets so frustrated that he cannot do it. I hate to see him like this, but I know that he has to learn them. I am just afraid that if we keep pushing so hard it is just going to completely shut him down and not want anything to do with learning anything and start causing problems in other areas of school. This is only kindergarten and I do not want him to think that it is going to be "horrible" (as he tells me) for the rest of his school career and make him hate school like so many other kids do. Any other opinions and suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated...Thanks

Parent Teacher Conferences fall into two catagories - the routine parent teacher often just once a year and near to the beginning of the year conference and - the not routine parent teacher conference that either the parent or the teacher requests when there is a problem...
Some of my tips as a teacher/parent would be these - always bear in mind that you want the teacher on your side - smile and be warm even if you have to grit your teeth to do it. Be sly like a fox when dealing with teachers.
Because teachers are only people too - they cannot do all that we'd like them to do. And though I could write volumes on this, I'd try to briefly say - teachers are being paid to be judgmental. We don't like that - I didn't like that when I was a parent - but so it is. Until we find a better way to do it, the way now is to have teachers judge children.
And sometimes find them wanting - which understandably never comes as happy news to any parent's ear. The teacher's judgments may be unfair, they may be inaccurate - teachers aren't always right - but it's almost impossible to make a teacher change her mind or - change the grade.
My tip is - don't use up your time or energy in arguing with teachers. Even when they ask the impossible of you. "Mrs. Smith, Tommy is always late when he leaves my class and walks to gym. I expect you do to something about that, Mrs. Smith."
How do we as parents make sure our children walk faster from the class to the gym when they're at school and we're at work?? Isn't anything a teacher's responsibility these days?

Or "Mr. Jones, Sheila isn't learning how to spell. I"m quite concerned." Well, isn't that the teacher's job? To teach Sheila how to spell?

Apparently not in these modern times and as confusing as that is, until better times come, accept it, smile and be warm. The last thing a parent should want is have the teacher mad at you as well as mad at your child.
Ask "what do you recommend?" and be patient if the teacher has no recommendations. Always thank the teacher for their time and there's no harm in saying "I know how hard it is to take time from a busy day - it's hard for me to get away from my job so thank you very much Mr. Thompson for taking time to speak with me today." Teachers can sometimes forget that parents work too.

If though it's a routine Parent Teacher Conference, expect very little real information to come of it. It's almost impossible for teachers to summarize a year's curriculum in the space of the 15 minutes they accord to routine conferences. If schools really wanted any real exchange of information at a routine Parent Teacher, wouldn't they give you longer than 15 minutes?
But here's a way to think about school and how a teacher teaches in school that can save you time and focus your questions. Given enough time - a teacher should be able to tell you 1. What they're teaching - what skills they expect the child to acquire that year and what content information they're teaching. 2. How they teach - that gets harder but be on the lookout for it. Does the teacher stress textbooks and memorization? Or projects and performance? Is the teacher 'learner-centered' or teacher-centered? Does the teacher think homework is essential to the learning process?
Teachers have a tough time explaining their teaching - even to themselves or other teachers - but you can have an easier time figuring out how a teacher teaches if you know to be on the lookout for it.
And 3 - WHY they do what they do. With that question, too many teachers fall into complete confusion. What they teach is usually given to them by their district and the state standards - they have little choice there. But how they teach- that is more their choice although they're not always making conscious choices and are often simply carrying on 'teaching traditions' like the weekly spelling test or timed math facts tests.
In the better world, every teacher should have an understanding of why they teach the way they do and they should know good research that supports their teaching practices. Is it because they believe children learn better from textbooks and a stern manner? Or - are they doing it that way because they believe it's always been done that way?
Knowing the questions - even without the answers - that are the What, How and Why of teaching - can help a parent penetrate the fuzzy mystery of what your child is doing each day in school.
I hope those tips were helpful.