As a kinder teacher I can tell you that the average kindergartner may cry off and on for about 2 weeks. its hard on everybody ..... the teacher wants valium, the parents feel guilty, and the kid wants to run..... its one of many things that go along with formal education ...... I think the kid that adjust the best are the ones that hae had preschool .... some families don't take this route for various reasons, but then the transition of going to school is a lot harder and everyone has to take deep breaths ..... imagine having 2-3 kids crying at the same time ... as a teacher it makes you wonder if they think you are the devil.....

i see that this is an old thread, but i've got some pointers that i hope will help out...

i should say that my 4yo is my 3rd of 4 kids to go thru this, and they are all very, very attached to me... it's hard for me to run to the grocery store alone!

fist off, most preschools in our area offer classes that are either 2 or 3 days a week, 2 hrs per day. i highly recommed finding one if you can. this will help her get use to "school" being part of her routine.

a couple tips i got from the preschool teachers:
1- kiss, hug, kiss and go. the kids will cry for the first 5 minutes or so, and then they're fine. it's a mom leaving thing. our preschool has always promised that if a child is so distraught after 5 minutes, they will call us on our cells and have us come back.

2- talk to your kids and explain that you will be be to get them in terms that they can understand. for example, obviously my daughter has no concept of what 2 hours is. the teacher's recommendation is to use the length of this they know. for example, i told my daughter that i would be back "in 2 sesame streets". this gave her a better understanding of how long she would be there, and when i would return.

3- this is one that my older daughter's kindergarten teacher told us... give your daughter a kiss on her palm. explain that this "special mommy (or daddy) kiss" will be with her the whole time, and cannot be washed off. when she feels like she misses you, she can put her palm on her face, and feel your kiss. i especailly like this one!

4- cut out a little picture of you and let her keep it in her pocket while at school. if she starts to miss you, she can take it out.

i hope some of these things help. another thing i use to do to help my son with getting mentally prepared for school, was to make a calendar and mark off the days. on the days that he had preschool, i put a little school on the square. this was, each morning he went to the calendar and knew if he had to prepare himself for school, or any other special occasion. i only put events on it that affected him. this also helped him learn about calendars and days/ weeks/ months, etc.

anyway, i hope some of this helps... please keep me posted!

--ana

Also, be careful that you are not sending your child mixed messages by say your going to leave then when she cries you stay a bit longer. Once you address to her that you are going to leave you have to follow thru. I am happy to hear that you have been warning her about stranger danger but this could also come back and bite you depending on how much emphises or your anxiety is on the issue. Kids can pick up on your fears even if you think your playing it cool. They need to know that they are in a safe inviornment and are with people that will protect them and love them when you and your husband are not present. Most schools will have a meet the teacher day or you can visit the classroom at registration-take full advantage of this and stay as long as you like so your daughter knows the lay out of the classroom, where the bathroom is, where the office is, and introduce her to other personnel. Half of the anxiety is the unknown. Preperations for this can be simple and may just take the edge off of what could be a stressful time for her.

My son cried everyday at daycare for 3 months -- wasn't sure I could take it -- I cried everday on my way to work. Eventually, he stopped, but still cries for Dad sometimes -- but Dad lingers & linger & lingers.......

Now, he kisses me, hugs me, hangs up his back pack, hugs me & kisses me again -- I tell him I love him & I'll pick him up this afternoon as soon as I can. I think he established his own "self-comfort" routine & he's fine. If she hasn't developed the ability to comfort herself -- give her a hand -- for us it started out as a kiss & a hug and it evolved from there, with him being "in-charge". Sometimes attachment anxiety is about controlling a parent -- if a child knows you won't leave if they cry then they do -- I'm not implying anything here to any poster posting here about them & there child, but sometimes it is about control.

I know it is hard to leave when your child is crying and carrying on; but I agree with kennysmom, when it comes to school, I stick with the one kiss, one hug method. My daughter couldn't wait to go to school so it wasn't so tramatic with her (harder on me, for sure); but my son - for his entire first week of daycare - cried every single time I left him...it broke my heart, but he finally settled in and was excited to go to daycare and see his 'teachers' and his friends!

Now, he is equally as excited to start pre-school (now that he is 'a big boy and goes pee in the potty' LOL). I would say give her the chance to adjust, it could be that by crying that she is testing her boundaries with you.

Good luck,
Lynne

sorry my computer messed up -- I thought the first message didn't post -- but when I reposted it doubled up. OOPS!

I'm a kindergarten teacher and by and large there will be days she will cry in the beginning. Most kindergarten teachers won't let you "stay" the first few weeks to help the adjustment period. I take the "tough love" approach. I love'em & hug'em, but mom & dad are asked to leave immediately once the kid is safely in the door -- most of the time kids settle down in just a few short moments -- they're mad at you & the teacher for a bit, but once they start having fun & getting involved they feel better. If you don't leave her -- she'll never conquer her fear, I know it's a tough lesson for a little kid. As a parent, even I cry on the way to work when my own kid fusses because I left him, but bottom line if you are waiting for TOTAL comfort it may not come until you force her to stay there alone and she realizes it isn't such a bad place.

You may want to get her into half day preschool ASAP & leave her immediately -- explain that she's having a hard time. If it's stranger danger issues, start talking to her about the fact that she's safe there & mommy trusts the teacher.

Here are some things to consider:
1) If permissable delay kindergarten a year.
2) Enroll her in a preschool program & leave her there alone.
3) See if you can volunteer or "introduce" her to kindergarten before school starts so she's ot so surprised about it.
4) Talk with her about how big she's gotten, and reward her when she goes to school without fussing or throwing a fit.
5) Give her wings & let her fly. I strongly encourage you to take your own experience with separation out of it -- I could see that clouding things a bit. Her experience will be different I guarantee it, but it will be based on her perception of the situation and how much she senses of your anxiety about it.

I'll tell you I had several kids that cried off and on all year, it's developmentally appropriate, but they also have to deal with that fear & if a parent keeps holding on they may NEVER deal with it.

There will not be a day when suddenly your child will feel okay to see you walk away. If you are waiting for that, I don't think it will happen. Part of the development process is helping them learn how to self-soothe and get over the disappointment that comes with you leaving. They will learn that you love them and will always come back.

Have you tried leaving her at one of her other activties (like ballet) where she is comfortable already? I have my girls go to the little kids church while my husband and I are in the main sanctuary. This got them used to us leaving and coming back while they knew we were in the building. I still have to say that tears were shed...not just by them. Over time, however, they became comfortable with it. They would still rather be with Mommy (I'd be sad if they didn't feel that way.), but they are okay with Mommy leaving when I have to.

Good luck.

I think that it will take time. Make sure though, that it isn't you that is doing the holding back. At the center where I work, and where my son also attends, parents, caregivers whomever has to do an orientation for there child or children before they can attend. I don't know how that may work for kindergarten or in your area, but see if they do these like that. You would be surprised at how children are able to adjust and adapt. Like someone already said she could be playing you. Good luck with everything.

1) Make sure she will be mature enough to enter kindegarten. Despite age cutoffs, the child should turn 6 at some point during the kindegarten year. This comes from the mouths of kindegarten teachers. (I had my son repeat kindegarten as he was a summer b-day and was not mature enough to move onto first grade the first time around-- best thing we ever did!)
2) Explore other kindegarten options besides all-day, just in case she's not up to it by the time she's set to start.
3) Make sure you don't compound separation anxiety with coddling. Not that I'm advocating leaving a screaming child at preschool (I couldn't do it either), but you can coddle them in such a way, they know how to play you and get you to stay!
Best of luck......