Watch Add to del.icio.us | Print | Email Report it

May 13, 2008

Inappropriate kissing and touching on high school campuses

Posted in

I have a daughter in high school. Earlier this week she came home with a "passion mark" on her neck. She says she got this when she was kissing a boy at school. I had the shock of visiting her school at the beginning of the year around similar type behavior. I met with the school's dean (?) who also APPEARED surprised at the behavior that happened in the bathroom at the school. I even involved the school police. When I visited the school, I had to walk through the courtyard of the school to get to the dean's office. I could not believe what I was seeing. Children were hugged up, kissing, laying against each other on poles, and only God knows what else. Am I still living in the dark ages, or does anyone else feel like this is totally inappropriate sexual behavior. My daughter is a freshman and the main reason that I sent her to this school is because it was small. They also advertised strict supervison of students. I spoke with a friend who also has a daughter at this school (who ran away last week) I might add, after her mom called the school police to come to the school for the child's behavior, who the child told she was not going to ISS nor was she going home. She left the school right then with the school police telling the mom that she had to be gone for 24 hours before she could file a complaint. She left the school with a boyfriend from the school. During a previous conversation with this child, she informed the mother that they have a hall at school that is used for "hugging and kissing". My friend also informed me that this is not isolated to just this school. She had a son who graduated from another PB county high school last year. She says that the behavior she observed just by dropping the child off in the car loop in the morning was unimaginable. Oh, by the way, her daughter says if she chooses to have sex, she was told by "Teen Time" that she owns her body and its her decision what she does with it. PARENTS!!!HAVE YOU ALL KNOWN ABOUT THIS AND NO ONE INFORMED ME!!! All of the structure,supervision and morals that I teach my child at home disappears when she goes to school? Is this a breading ground for sexual promiscuity for our young children? Any thoughts on how to proceed with curving this behavior? Parents, this is happening in high schools throughout this county, this appears to be the norm not the acception. Suggestions, please.

You must be a member of this group to post a reply.

Parent Replies to "Inappropriate kissing and touching on high school campuses"

View 34 replies: Newest-Oldest, Oldest-Newest
Display fewer replies

Some schools are lacking of student supervision, kids are still outside when bell rings, students walking off the school grounds after parents dropped them off to school, unappropiate kissing and touching still in school grounds. Just exactly today when I went to dropped my teen to her school, there was a couple kissing and hugging infront of the school, I don't say it is bad to kiss your boyfriend or girlfriend, but I think that it is not appropiate while in school grounds.

this is the most obvious thing in high school right now. Hugging the everywhere. Kissing is made by the student' decision. The school cannot stop every single students that are kissing orr hugging. Your child has to realize for herself. Its not the school. Its the students in the high schools everywhere in the US

That goes on in my high school right now

cisotto2012 so where do you suggest this hickey not be seen? Sort of just kidding. I am not saying it is right but that is pretty much the way it is depending on the administration of the school.

i can agree to a measure, a kiss here and there a hug thats fine, but against a pole !!!!!!!!! not so much. my school is big, really really big! $a we have 3,800 enrollments per year. and i see it very rarely. just tell your kid that its really not that great to have a hickey! DARE I SAY IT!!!!! on their neck a little one is okay but it shoulnt be showing or be exposed

It is important for us all to bring to the schools attention that too much open affection is uncomfortable for the other students and should be kept to appropriate intimate settings. That being said, I think it is most important for us to teach our children, especially our daughters, from an early age that it is their body to take care of and cherish. What they ultimately do is up to them, but the more they can talk with us as parents and the more we have taught them to be strong independent women and men, the better choices they will make for themselves. Even when you are not around...

My sons high school is the same - dare I say - I even saw this behavior when he was in middle school. I too am appalled altho I am not a prude but come on!!! Whenever I called him off for an early dismissal for a drs appt - I had to go thru hell & back just to get into the school - I was actually waiting to be told I was heading for a strip search. Not really but wow - use some of this monitoring and technology on rhe kids you got inside the schools already.

****Also, my kid is the same with telling him yes or no. The more I say "NO" the more appeal it has - if I say nothing he thinks he's smart for not getting caught. But I will confess, I was the same way when I was younger. No one likes to hear "NO" but if they hear it enough - I really feel it peaks the curiosity rather than squash it.

Dark ages no not really teens sometimes like to give us shock value. In 66' kids were having sex on campus before school started. I think they caught my brother.
Things are pretty much the same. NOT. if you say something they do it more if you do not say anything they just continue on. There is a balance in there sometimes it is just harder to find and we want
it to be easier to find. Nothing comes easy.

Once the kids are inside campus, they are completely supervised and monitored, they don't allow kids wondering outside the premises.

The schools are surrounded by gates or walls on the outside so the only way to go is passing through the front of the office, unless the school has an emergency, they would open the doors leading the outside.

When my daughter was going to her school in Texas, what I like about the schools there is that they have a lot of supervision, monitors in all the hallways, teachers monitoring the halls and bathrooms, everywhere you go there is somebody monitoring any time, even outside, they are making sure that the kids get to their classrooms instead of them hanging around out of their classrooms, other thing that I liked about the schools over there is that you have to go to the office first or pass the office to see if you can pick up your kid there is no other way to enter the school unless passing by the office with permission of course, there are some doors that leads inside the schools but they remain closed soon after the first morning bell rings.

Definitely, high schools need a lot more supervision of students, when sometimes I dropped my daughter to her school, I see some kids kissing and touching in the school grounds, where is the supervision?

My question is this, where are the hall monitors, or Aides who are supposed to be monitoring this kind of behaviour? Your daughter needs to remember she has her reputation to uphold, you know how it is, gossip! I worked in a school system and we all knew where the "makeout" areas were so those we monitored more closely. Hang tough, to bad I wasn't at your daughters school, she wouldn't be coming home with Passion marks on her neck.

wow. Im a freshman and my school will get a ruler to your hand for hugging etc. What school does this? MY SCHOOL. in texas. :)

Now keep in mind it's not just the boys. there's little hot chicks that want attention from anybody maybe cause they not getting enough at home . I say keep you child busy then the won't have time for such inappropriate behaivor. Tell them you love them everyday,Let them know you have high expectation for they future.

Deal with it is a great book.
This is awful - wow!
Personally, I'd punish my daughter (severely) if she engaged in this type of behaviour.

Teenagers are finishing pubert and just beginning to explore their sexuality, and therefore hugging and kissing. However, anything beyond thatmay be harmful to their emotional or physical state, and it is important that, as a parent, you model your beliefs and enforce them as well. However, it is vital that you discuss sex, its effects and emotional and physical risks, while also remembering to keep an open mind and listen to what your daughter has to say without interruptions. Perhaps once you discover her opinion and voice yours--without being forceful, but merely as part of the discussion--you can both carry a further understanding of the situation. I'd suggest not telling her she can't hug or kiss, because this is merely exploring one's sexuality, but that any further exploration can be detrimental. If you're telling her about moral behavior and sexuality without listening as well and discussing it together, she may easily be considering your opinion irrelevant. Your friend's child, however, seems to have some major issues that go beyond sexuality and should be further addressed.

Thank you 2kidss and Loveyourkids12 for your replies. It makes me feel better that other parents share my feelings about this. I will certainly take your advice and try very hard to keep communication open. And, how dare the school board saying they can't do anything about it. I plan to become very active with the school and school board this year. Maybe if we ask enough questions they'll at least TRY to come up with some solutions. Thanks again guys.

yep it happens everywhere! Anyway I think the school should enforce some kind of rules.The same rules as no cellphones, no hats in classroom, no tanktops that are not 2-3 fingers wide or whatever else they enforce. I know in our HS the kids dont have much time between classes for anything including a bathroom break? My dau has mentioned the kissing and cursing and I told her I better not get a call from the school about you!!
As far as your dau I see you feel very strongly about this. Since you can not be with her at all times like when she's in school or out with friends you will have to start talking more to her about right and wrong. She will need to be held accountale for her own behaviour. Start taking things away like phone or out with friends. The one good thing is she did tell you about the passion mark. So communication is open! Sounds like she's probably hanging out with the wrong crowd. Can you change her schools?? You need to be really careful about this as well because you dont want her to rebel and go more toward the wrong side! Tread with caution but make sure you become more involved with her firends get to know them, talk with them, have them hang out at your house, drive them to functions. You will get to know about them and see which ones you want to avoid. You also need to be open about things because lets face it girls like boys in HS its perfectly normal but how they behave can be controled. Talk to her about how people and other kids will view her if shes behaving inappropiatly!! Good luck!

Dear Envolved Parent,
My daughter told me the same thing is happening with her school. Is it just us, or do most parents need to tell their children the rights and wrongs list over again? I tried to get envolved with the School Board, but they only pushed the concept away and said they could do nothing about it. Couldn't the school fund for something like security cameras? Or even gaurds for that matter? This is a big concern to me as well.

I haven't decided which I'm shocked by, the fact that it is happening or the fact that some of us as parents have the attitude of "oh well, it has always been this way." Lest we forget, that attitude brought us to a conglamarate of out of control gangs (because it was ok for the government to tell us how to raise our children, and ridiculous drop out rates (because truancy was not truly enforced by the school system). If we don't began to take a stand and not be so accepting of what we "know is immoral and wrong" we will loose a generation of children to poverty and crime. I repeat, this is OUR future.

The school should do a better job of eliminating this type of behavior and if they don't, the community should be vocal about it. Definitely not cool!

As many others have said, children of that age kissing, touching and some even having sex is nothing new. It starts with many kids in middle school. I would be concerned that the school staff is not enforcing the school rules while the children are in their care. I would try to get a group of parents together to try to change that.

However, even if the school does start to enforce the rules, the children are going to find other places and times to kiss and touch. Don't assume that it isn't happening because it isn't happening at school. It's very important that you have open communication with your children and know where they are going and with whom. Even then, you can't be sure of what's going on. Just do your best, let your children know what your expectation are, set rules for your home and enforce the consequences.

I would be shocked too and do not think this is acceptable. I am very glad my children do not attend schools like this one....our schools have very strick policies as well as a parent alliance. Maybe you can advicate to get more and more parents involved in the school. Our highschool has what they call a moral contract that the students sign...so far so good. I feel for you.

THANK YOU ANONYMOUS!!! My sentiments exactly. I do not expect the school system to raise my child, I can handle that alone. However, my point is, child should not be allowed to run wild at school with no supervision, doing whatever they feel. This is not about children having sex, this is about simple supervision of children while they on school campuses. Lets say its not sex, lets just say the murderer comes to the school to kidnapp your child. If there is no supervsion, are they going to be able to tell you who took your child, or if the child voluntarily left on their own? This is the same concept. All I ask for is simple supervsion. With supervision, sex and school will not be synonomous, therefore, eliminating that worry. I dare not ask the school to raise my child, it is enough of a burden to depend on them for education. I fail to see why simple supervision in a school setting becomes such a debate. Any good parent knows that 50% of successfully raising any child, good or bad, is adequate supervision. We as parents will continue to lose the battle for our children if we do not pull together. Anything that society accepts is not always in the best interest of our children. Parents must learn to pull together to save our children. Our children will be with us until the end, again...whether "good or bad".

I think the behaviour you witnessed at your daughter's school is appalling! A hallway used for hugging and kissing. Where are the teachers, the counselors, coaches anyone? I have never heard "it is my body and i get to decide what to do with it". My parents used to say what is this world coming to? I used to chalk it up to their age and how uncool they were but now I find myself saying the same thing. What is this world coming to??????

Yes, mclayborn, I do think we are in denial as far as admitting that our own children are becoming sexual beings and there is a sense of permissiveness in our society where we are no longer appalled at such behavior, but we shouldn't be surprised. Look at how the generations after us have been bombarded with sexual images and programming in all forms of media.

I also believe that we tend to place too many stigmas on sex, and before anyone gets their underwear in a knot about this statement, allow me to continue...

In the animal kingdom, which we are all a part of, there is no particular age set for one to begin reproduction, your body's mechanism simply indicates that you are able to do so and if you do, the consequences are either you reproduce or you don't. Since we have the benefit of applying higher learning processes to our thinking and to help govern our societies, we have decided that there must be a limit, based on chronological age to determine when one should have sex, however, nature has its own rules, as well.

We seem to be in conflict with the societal ramifications of this phenomenon and this seems to be reflected in our attitudes towards sex. We expect our children to remain virtuous and chaste, but we enter them in beauty contests, making the children appears as if they're mini-women; we have pop stars who flaunt their sexuality in shows, vidoes and music; commericals that use sex to sell just about anything, no wonder the kids are all screwed up!

I by no means, am advocating that anyone who is physically capable of having sex to do so, but we parents are sometimes naive to the thought that our children can, and sometimes will, try to explore that burgeoning side of their development.

I agree that they're not mentally prepared for the complications that sexual relationships can bring, but they are most certainly physically ready for it. Nature tells you that with the onset of puberty.

You can do your best to make sure you teach your child about how you'd like them to handle this sensitive issue, but by only promoting sheer abstinance, may not always be prudent, you have to address the fact that your child may already be active, as painful as the thought may be, and stop thinking that you're child would never do it, or that they would truthfully tell you, in the event they already have.

i used to go to catholic school and everyone made out in the bathroom. it happens, there's no stopping it.

I understand hormones, puberty and all these things. But guess what? None of this is new. The main thing about this is not the fact that it is happening, but the fact that everyone either (a) feels its okay, because kids will be kids, or (b) "it does not happen at my child's school". I decided to talk with at least 5 parents from 5 different schools in my city before even mentioning the subject. Guess what? Each and every parent were well aware of the things that were going on in the schools, and had observed the same type of behavior at their child's school. But, that appears to be the problem, we still have parents who claims "that doesn't go on at my child's school", or "if my child did this or that". When we have a child in school, telling us of the pressure kids are under to have sex constantly, I think that we can take things to heart. I guess that's where my frustration comes in, we are in such denial. Yet our children are in dire need of guidance at home AND at school. Sure, we necked at school, behind the building, away from faculty, but certainly not in the middle of the school yard, and definitely not in front of adults. Reality is, our kids are not mentally nor physically prepared for the complications that come with sexual relationships. This hit extremely close to home when a friend of mine last year lost her 14 year old daughter to suicide. All because she felt she was ready for a sexual relationship with an older boy. Parents, if we do not protect our children, even if this means fighting the school systems, they are doomed for failure. Lets stop opening healthy mother healthy baby centers for our teens and fight for more prevention centers. If not, we will pay for it with our future.

mayne i know i'm 15 one of the most well known ppl in my HS the kids gonna do it because they wanna do it you can only try to talk to them and see if they listen face it teens are horny and gonna do what they want u just dont know in my school its just casual its not sex all the way so its pretty laid back

Ahhh...teens and sex, it's an endless quandary that has perplexed us from the beginning of time and seems to continue to do so...

I'm kind of of the opnion expressed by healthy11, seems like the school administration is not enforcing and I would use the remedies suggested as well.

It's going to take a concerted effort beween the parents, school administrators and the school board to make sure this behavior is kept to a minimum, but the bottom line ids that is all starts at home. Not to say that you haven't done so, but if you equip your child with the morals, values and tools to deal with these type of situations when confronted with them, the chances are high that they will make the right choice.

However, because we are sexual beings and they are at the age of puberty and sexual awareness, they're going to try and push the envelope. If you think back to when you were a teen, a majority of us did similar things, kids are going to kiss, hug, pet and in some instances, have sex. We can't ignore this, but we definitely need to address it. Telling kids not to have sex has never worked, they're going to do it, despite what people think.

Call it "Attack of the Killer Hormones"...it hits some harder than most, some not at all, if you're lucky, but this behavior shouldn't be tolarated in any school.

Now I'm not trying to scare you, but in many other places, including my school, girls and boys are going as far to having sex, some of which are freshmen, some getting pregnant. Strict parents are oblivious, and are completely dumbfounded when they find a pregnant daughter.

There's pressure everywhere from all sides to have sex. BOYS PRESSURE OTHER BOYS, then the BOYS PRESSURE THEIR GIRLFRIENDS. My friends have pressured me to go the next step with my girlfriend, but I can't even think of her in that way, her innocence. I make a joke and switch the conversation...

The best advice I can say to you is sit down with her boyfriend and just talk. I'm not saying that girls give in at different times, but combined with the media and other people, the biggest influence to her is the Boy she sees everyday. If you can change his view on things, he will be able to talk sense into her.

WOW.....I know 'some' of that goes on at the school - but it's not all out making out, they will get suspended if they do that - my daughter is also a freshman in high school and her school is VERY strict on that and dress code.

I'll tell you what....if my daughter came home with a 'passion mark'....she'd now be AMISH...no tv, no cell phone, no ipod, no laptop, no myspace. Just like that and she KNOWS that. And she'd have none of that until she learned a little self-respect. But that's me :-)

I would seriously sit down with the school and ask what the REAL policy on PDA is and if it didn't mean my standards, and was still having the issues, I would look to transfer schools. I don't always advocate 'transfering' schools - but this is one of those things that I don't tolerate.

NO, you are not living in the dark ages, these kids do need to be monitored, they ARE children.

I don't know where you live, but I'm happy to report that my son's high school is not like yours. I'm in a suburb of Chicago. It advertises close supervision, and they provide it.
I'm involved with PTA, and have been an unannounced visitor at many times during the day/evening, and not witnessed the kind of things you described. In addition to supervised study periods, etc., my son's school even has video cameras in the halls, and it really seems to reduce the amount of "inappropriate" behaviors that occur. We have a local police officer attend all PTA meetings, and he has commented many times about how few problems we have, and how he hopes his kids can someday attend our school. The school principal also attends the monthly Parent's meetings, and lets us know what's happening to keep kids safe...For example, they use a breathalyzer for random testing at all school dances, and carrying water bottles from class to class has been banned, because they realized some kids were not just drinking water....

It seems to me that if your daughter's school advertised strict supervison of students, but isn't doing it, it's due to an administration that isn't following through, and/or the guidelines for appropriate behavior and consequences needs to be clarified. If needbe, I'd write a letter to the School Board in your district, explaining what happened, and expressing your concerns. If that doesn't result in policy changes, a letter to the editor of your local newspaper would be my next step. If you can rally suppport from other parents in your community, who feel as you do, then you're more likely to make a difference.

Return to group discussion board >

Any contributed content above is the subjective opinion of that member or external author, and not of GreatSchools. GreatSchools does not check for accuracy in community posts or verify the contributor’s identity. If you are searching for health-related advice we strongly suggest you seek professional medical support. View our Community Guidelines for more details.

Phoenix
Local Q&A Change City

I am planning to move to Phoenix, and need suggetions about the schools

How did you choose a preschool in Phoenix?

How do public and private schools compare in Phoenix?

Ask a question about Phoenix >

Local Q&A is brand new! What do you think? Give us your feedback in our feedback forum.

Inappropriate kissing and touching on high school campuses

Parent Replies to "Inappropriate kissing and touching on high school campuses"

Change City

PhoenixLocal Q&A Change City

Phoenix
Local Q&A Change City