Thank you so much for such awesome advice. We are not more active in Church service events because many of their service events take place during the day during the week when I am at work and he is at school. However, we do participate in service almost weekly outside of church. I am a member of a service sorority that is very active in our community, and he is a member of service organization for young black men that meets twice a month where he and the other boys have to plan and impelement their own service projects. I'll do more of hitting him with the "be greatful" speech at other times. I never even considered this before. Well, if we are out and he mentions something about poor housing, or people living in deplorable conditions I will, but I never considered initiating conversations. Thank you again, what phenomenal advice!

We've had this discussion often though I'd say it's not just Middle Schoolers who seem obsessed with name brands. My brother in law just bought a used Lexus that he can't afford....

You might point out to your son that 'name brands' are not always as good as their names. You might educate him on the value of being a 'smart shopper' and 'are we paying for the name' or is there quality behind that name that makes it a worthy product?

You could also discuss with him the attributed behavior of lemmings who supposedly march into the sea and drown there if that's what the leaders of the pack are doing - do we want to follow the mindless beat of others or think for ourselves?

And - is that all you think of yourself? Have the truly great people of history been great for what they owned and what they flaunted? Or have they made contributions to humankind that improved the quality of peoples' lives?

Let him watch the old film 'Gandhi' - or the life of St. Francis who gave up all his possessions. Maybe he needs some different friends too. Middle schoolers are very uncertain of themselves and they can fall into defining themselves by their possessions - all he is saying right now by his obsession with name brands is that he'd like to fit in with his friends at school and that he'd like to stand out among them.

We live in a society of millions of people and in a world with billions of people - it's hard to feel special sometime. Maybe the name brands thing helps some people to feel like someone special. My brother in law likes to talk about his things 'making a statement' - he likes his house, his clothes and now his used Lexus car to 'make a statement'. My father used to say he wanted his life to make a statement even if a quiet one. An honest life lived trying to help others and harm no one makes a great statement but that's a hard message for modern teenagers to hear.
Good luck.

I am laughing with this topic! My daughter thinks my car is very old. She keeps on asking why we are still driving the same cars for many years. Also, she wonders why we have only two cars, but her classmates have three or four cars.

My daughter's questions help us have series of discussions on what our values are and what is important to us. I strongly educate my children about money especially in the areas of spending and working for it.

As for brand name clothing, many affluent families in this area do not spend money on brand names clothing , but good homes and reliable cars.

I am an immigrant and I have nothing to prove for my children, but only love and the best available education. I think some middle schoolers need a paying job experience.

Thanks for sharing!

TeacherParent,

I actually think he's obsessed because we are smart shoppers. We find GREAT deals on name brand clothes [like better than wal-mart] so he feels like, why buy "no name brands" when we can get name brands at the same [or less] price. But many of the things you said are good.

1seremen,

I guess it's different here. The people here spend money on both homes/cars/boats etc. AND clothes. so the kids here wear all name brands and go home to beautiful homes. He has not hit me with the car issue [most likely because both our cars are 2 years or less old] but he hasn't hit me with the "more than 2 car" issue.

you bought him every popular material thing unde the sun and u wonder why he's obsessed!!! Get a grip, children live what they learn from their parents. I f u place material things high on your priority list then so will they! why don't u just throw everything materialistic out the window and spend a weekend soaking up some moral values!!

lindarich,

based on your responses, I"m assuming you didn't "get a grip" on this topic, because it does not appear that you actually read what I wrote. I'll start with "moral values" maybe you didn't see the part about Church involvement and weekly community service activities etc. Yes I bought him these things, but why buy cheap no name clothes that will fade and rip in the washer, when I can get the high quality, long lasting, name brand clothes for the same price [or cheaper].

The values he's picking up from me are serving God, being of service to the community and dressing nicely. I guess if I allowed him to watch tv and play video games all day, that would be a big dose of wat he needs. It would be foolish to throw all of his "material things out of the window." He needs a phone to keep in contact with my husband and I, clothes and shoes to wear, a computer to do his homework etc. It just doesn't seem to make sense to throw out all of his name brand clothes, computer, fon etc. to only have to go and buy him a new wardrobe [because as I stated before, name brand or not, he needs clothes to wear], fon etc.

Nice try on ur input, but hopefully your next go at it will actually "get a grip" on utility! Have a GREAT day! :-D

My daughter's 6th grade teacher has decorated her classroom with tons of stuff which is appealing to kids but which they are not allowed to touch because they are her "collections" (puppets, hats and costumes, stuffed animals). Wonder if this is a not so subtle reinforcer of the materialism we are trying to control in our kids? Its a losing battle. And what about the effect of schools constantly coercing kids into participation in fundraiser after fundraiser, bribing them with prizes and pizza parties for the ones who beg and cajole the most cash out of their parents and relatives? And punishing the ones who don't by naming them every morning as the envelopes are turned in...telling them they will be excluded from the party unless mom sends in a donation. My twelve year old wonders if her teacher realizes how much the ink in our computer printer costs everytime she insist on a rewrite of a report? No, because SHE lives in a posh community and doesnt have to worry about such things.

myfirsts,

Wow that is so true. Have you spoken to the principal about this issue?! And, I know this is only one small part of the problem, but does your school have a place to print out materials? My son's school does. And even though he has his own printer [that we just spent EIGHTY DOLLARS FOR PRINT CARTRIDGES] he does not use them all the time. All of his school assignments he prints out at the school libbrary for free. So perhaps you can see if that option is available, that is at least one mode of saving money. And that public humiliation, calling out names in front of class, needs to be addressed. that is very unfair and degrading!

When my oldest one went thru this stage I took her on a little trip to the local homeless center to prepare the evening meal and serve in the food line, serve water amongst the guests, etc. It was a great experience and opened her eyes in ways I never imagine. She is still a princess, and we still visit the shelter, but she is a humbler, gentler, version of her old self!

that's great. I may have to do something more "extreme" because we do meals on wheels every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter, and homeless shelters [or handing out food to the poor] or other community service activities multiple times monthly. I guess it doesn't have the same "shock" value since I started him doing these things when he was like four. Maybe I"ll do "scared straight" and send him to a prison. haha

try visiting a homeless shelter for families; see kids his age who have little more then nothing can really open his eyes. If your child is so able, have him work with the kids maybe helping the younger one with math or leading a sports clinic or use what every talents he has.